suicide
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Cinnamon Sally,
With the heart of a cinnabun
And the aura of cinnamon
Prances around the fields
But the spice fills her nostrils
To where she can't breathe
Cinnamon Sally,
People constantly desire
The never ending
Need for sleep
But as soon as they
Shut their eyes
And drift into the slumber
The dreams begin to
Haunt them terribly
'Twas the summer of 1958
I traveled the country of Italy
And the breeze was great
In my floral hat and flowing dress
I danced all over the city
In Portofino, and I never would've guessed
I waltz around the corner,
Hoping, but dreading, for something,
someone, to lift me from this ground
as I reach the depths of the sun.
Everything seems so close yet so far,
Blood is life
But what life does it serve
If all we ever do
Is drunken ourselves with it
We desire to make love
But what love do we make
When we desire to take love
I found you this Winter
touched by frost
I couldn't move you
Frozen to the ground
You'd walked out
in the Winter night
You're life was a
discarded coat
a song unfinished
I found you this winter
touched by frost
I couldn't move you
frozen to the ground
You'd walked out
in the Winter night
You life was a discarded coat
a song unfinished
I wish that his shoes
Were still in the walkway
They used to trip me
And I’d get frustrated
I wish the laundry
I let them just walk right over me.
You ignored me for several weeks. Look at the results.
Why are you surprised?
Broken again
Why bother to get up?
There’s nothing here for me
No sounds, no feeling of glee
My voice has left me, gone to someplace else
i am a book
and my skin Is The pages
i'll write until tHe end
scalpel in hand
Until the pain is tRuanT
until all iS red
Everyone talks about depression as if they know it.
But what they don’t know is that depression is a hooded figure standing just outside of a wooden doorway,
I went another day over again,
I walk to the little box, and then,
open my little corner of feeling.
Looking down over the edge, trying to make a not make a tough decision,
Trying to remind myself there there is more too life than this vision.
The thoughts in my head are not true,
i thought it was all going to be ok
but then it happened
now it's diffrent
they can't smile
i care about them
but i never met the victim
i hope their happy in the afterlife
Sitting in front of the door with the tears streaming down my face,
Knowing that there is no way that I can get out of this dark place.
Just as I thought things were turning around, life decides to take a turn,
Single, stained, steel wall,
It holds me here,
Alone.
Only time seems to crawl,
As the air itself has died.
There is a knock at the door,
I will not answer.
Alone,
i may die from the rumbles in my stomach when i starve myself.
i may die from the blade i dig deep into my skin.
i may die from the alcohol i drink to drown the pain.
Stupid knife just do your job.
I know use has dulled your blade,
But your needed to silence the sounding crusade.
Stupid knife why did you change.
Mind of who's was once sharp,
i feel like im about to lose my sh*t tbh. Everything to my parents is my fault. cant get over my stupid ex. I keep thinking ima find someone that will make my life worth living. i seriously cant deal with this sh*t.
Your face
in my mind
hurts like splinters,
and my heart is infected
on the inside.
Your voice cracking
into me
like a whip,
a cat o’ nine tails,
I spent last night googling birds that sing in the morning,
to give myself something to wake up for.
Tricking myself into believing I’d even be awake by then.
Because the truth is I am not ok
I have butterflies on my wrist,
the butterflies stay to keep me company
Although, when I have a bad day
they fly away
And they leave me unmasked
I have butterflies on my wrist,
the butterflies stay to keep me company
Although, when I have a bad day
they fly away
And they leave me unmasked
i crave for blood to fill my arms,
my thighs.
like red ink on a peice of paper.
i enjoy it, though, it's a problem
i can never shake.
Blade rusted with blood.
An opening to let this out.
The pain is numbed
But only for now.
The few seconds of relief.
Proof of my pain
Reflecting the inside- out.
I look out my window on the top floor of the building,
I watch the rain as it drips down the window,
It looks like the roof would be slippery tonight,
A voice rings inside my head,
Y'ALL! I presented this poem in 2017 at a talent show and got a standing ovation.
If that isn't skills, I don't know what is. Anyways - thought I lost it, then I found it!
Please enjoy.
Life is strange when you think you’d be dead
“What do you wanna be when you grow up”
”what's your dream job”
”what career do you wanna pursue”
“Another one”
“Not deep enough”
“Worthless”
“Pathetic”
The things I tell myself as I carve into my skin like its nothing
Everyone agrees that war is cruel
Everyone agrees that war is suicidal
Everyone agrees that war brings mortar, anger
Once I was
A poem;
Lines carved
Into arms
And rewritten,
Revised,
Rehearsed
Until I was
Red ink
On the floor
And never wrote
Another line more.
When I was small, I was told to smile
Or else I could never be loved,
So I smiled.
When my uncle died,
They said I was too young to grieve,
So I smiled.
Why do I feel like I'm being held at gunpoint
Every second of my life?
My parents are threatening to pull the trigger if
I don't perform to their expectations in school.
Stumbling through the rape
Over and again
I'm stunned by your lack of humanity
Your lack of feeling
My lack of numbness
Your embracing it
I don't understand how you could do that
"You seem like you're doing better,"
They say, with hesitation
-
On halfway-bad days I still feel it,
A screaming coal burning itself
Through the tissues of my lungs
-
"I'm definitely doing better,"
The effort was just
Result assured
They were there for me, didn't know I was a nut
all would have understood
250 I took, it went on so long
I'll teach them all
Frozen Wind was a warm road selected for the journey
Oftentimes written as though the author knew the act
I will challenge them many, walking the steps, the undulated concrete
Abbe lived just down a ways,
Seven sisters, each cuter than freckles on a frog.
But Abbe made you look twice,
the urges come and go,
i miss you through
some days i let you flow,
even though i know,
i'm not allowed to do so.
I wish that I could tell you that he's still alive but sadly, I can't.He was a talented British actor and his name was Bob Grant.I hate to say that on November the 8th of 2003, this gifted man died.
The things I lost
Are vast.
Difficult to name,
Harder to think about
Without anger bubbling up the well in my chest
-
Whole years are smoke.
Memories, good and bad,
Swirling into empty space,
All it takes is one moment,
On second,
One thought
You don't have to want to. . .
Because all it takes
Is to feel like you have to
All it takes is one hand,
One voice,
Rough waters engulf me,
Swallow me whole
I can't breathe,
If I even want that goal
I'm forever trapped in this pitiful prison,
With cold, dark water filling my mouth,
My throat,
I didnt run
My screamed was lost in my throat somehow
Backing up my spine to the front door of my mind
Wailing to the window of my soul as it views first hand what it means break. someone.
Let me tell you about the most tragic love story that has ever been known.It's about a man who had a lover and her name was Pauline Jones.It happened thirty-five years in the past.But sadly, it was destined not to last.
You step onto your pedestal
The time has come
You’ve had enough
You don the rope
The pedestal disappears
The strength is lost
The love is gone
The feelings have disappeared
The happiness is forever forgotten
The will has left
The life is next to go
Blood, Sweat, Tears
What's it worth if there’s nothing to come home to
What's it worth if there’s nothing to look forward to
The bells toll
I hear her coming
Out in public again, surrounded by couples, refuge from the sight is sought
A constant reminder of love ever lost, alone in this world Ill rot
Little things. Little talks, endless conversations. Little laughs, great accomplishments. Progress, just two more steps. Balance, struggles. Shared interests, deep topics. Depression, stress, troubles..
Sometimes I can't help but fantasize
About finding myself in the dark with you again
But not the way it was
-
In my mind, I'm anything but afraid
-
Like practice, I strategize
At 16 I diagnosed myself with mental pain
since then nothing was the same
I prayed to god everynight just to keep me sane.
At the age of 17 my pillow was my bestfriend
In the event of my death,I hope they know I tried.Day inDay outWaking up and trying againTo live a lifeThat was going to end...in tragedy.
It's funny how blood makes me nauseous
when I beg it to drip down my arms,
beckoning it with razors and lighters
like the red would scream enough
They promised it'd get better.I told them I believed them.It's been 3 or 4 years.And I still don't see a thing.For who am I doing this?This hasn't been worth it.I'm waiting and waiting.I'm not allowed to say I'm not strong enough, I've come all th
In a split second you want your life to be over.
Please hold on and remember life is about do-overs.
I don't even wanna live anymore
Please God
Make somebody blast my fuckin brains out
I wanna jump
Jump and fly down 40 feet
And splat right down on the concrete
I'm a fuckin failure
We knew you had a gentle soul,
We've heard them say a hundred times,
You wouldn't even raise your voice,
When wronged, abused or lied to,
Your love was real, that's for sure,
I’m happy
I’m proud of who I am
I believe in myself
I’m a successful person
Liar
I’m excited for the world!
I’m an exceptional musician
I play with a fruitful passion
Disappointment
Shh
Listen to the sound of a quiet drown
You can feel the panic under the water
Don't save her, you can see that she wants it
Quiet
I slash, I grab, and I wrinkle
I wither, I toss and I turn
I grab, I drag and I bend it
I slice it, I torture it, kill me
I vomit, I cry and I yearn
I scream and I yell but I sense it
Have you ever thought?
The girl you called fat today in the hallway
She is starving herself
Even though her ribs show and she can see the bones in her arms
She starves herself
I am the human contradiction.
I have no self confidence.
Yet I have a massive ego.
I want to turn my life around.
Yet I want to die.
Invisible tears,
Blood stained wrists,
The world is painted gray,
Slowly fading day by day.
Withering emotions,
Broken hearts,
Murder and suicide
Neglect and abuse
Abandoned and rape
Worthless and confused
Striving to live
Dying inside
To feel alive
A girl cuts into her skin
While another girl cries when she's told
She was never loved by her boyfriend
A boy is left with broken bones
Others say:
“Worthless”
“Bitch”
“Ugly”
“Dumb”
“Slut”
“Go kill yourself”
Pain,
as bright as my neon highlighters
Statements,
bolder than the sound of my voice
Colored every which way
I trace
Over every word
So none feels left out
Because I know
Today, a day like any other, the summer winds blow gently through an open door, I am happy, content, filled with hope for the future.
“I’m coming for you!”
A little girls says,
As laughter and joy
Fills the room.
A child
And a mother
Playing hide and seek
If only you could see the pain inside
My thoughts, they'd make you think of suicide
My mind is trapped inside of a cage
Begging to be let out, but I'm scared to turn the page
I already sat down. I had inhaled. I had exhaled.
The gun I couldn’t find. Had no time to find a lake so yes I will wait.
My thoughts don’t wait though, but wonder.
Streaking flames, burning embers-
Why can’t anything be forever?
When the reaper demands his due,
And time bids adieu.
I stand upon the abyss
There is just so much
That one person can take.
I am so sorry.
Why did I know I was being used?
Why do I now feel so broken, hurt, and confused?
I gave him everything he ever asked me for.
Now I see all these pieces of my heart, and it is strewn here in front out me out on the floor.
Everybody is going through some shit right now.
Trying to figure out how they're going to dig them selves out,
and the shovel that they need nobody can afford.
And, It really makes you wonder what this life's for?
I feel so fake,
My heart has been replaced,
With a void Full of pain and hate,
Ill be okay...im not okay,
When I'm with you
i feel im out of place,
But girl you have to see
It's been a while now
I used to cut and cry and repeat
But now I finally know
How that battle can be beat
There's this place deep in the recesses of my mind.
A place where the scared little child ran away to hide.
At such a young age he had given up hope,
Went into this attic and tied up the rope.
If I told you about my darknesswouldyou understand?
Or, would your inability to understand give you cause to reprimand?
Would you treat me differently if I told you how I really feel?
It’s True Like Ra’ Said...
You NEED To... " KNOW THE LEDGE "... !!!
Because A Lot of Heads...
Push To The EDGE To Be The BEST... !!!
i met my depression for coffee
i wanted to know what I had done to earn her apathy
"why?" i asked
but she sat in silence, watching the rain drops slide down the roof
tears pricked my eyes
Lying on the floor
My hands wrapped around my throat
Face rapidly red
Tears flowing a watery blue
Heart is nonstop pacing
Sickened of you
I don't know what it is I'm trying to do
So I woke up one day to something that made a wreck
Finding out he's gone has been a great shock
Idk what to do Idk what to say
Should I go after him or just get used to stay
The perfect family lives down the street from me. The mom is so sweet. She doesn’t judge me when I yell at my kids. They live in the green house with a long driveway. They have a boy and a girl and two dogs.
Trigger Warning: Self-Harm
You see the funny thing about depression is it doesn’t choose who you are you can be rich in a perfect family or can be pour in a terrible one
Beauty resides everywhere on our Mother Earth
Beauty comes in all different shapes and forms
Beauty is pain, beauty is success, beauty is even in the struggle
DarknessSinking, deeper, drowning in the darkest colours imaginableGoing lower and lower until you reach the bottomLonely, cold, distantBut one wants to be that way after a whileOne gets used to the fact they will always be aloneThe hurt and torme
TRIGGER WARNING :: mentions of suicide ::
I think to myself ‘This feels like drowning,’
As my tears fill my bathtub.
This feels like dying,
as my tears tie themselves around my neck.
It's Funny...
If you show you don't care
people start to beleive it.
they start to hurt you
then they leave you
Then your laying there cold
tears fall down your cheecks
Invisible tears,
Blood stained wrists,
The world is painted gray,
Slowly fading day by day.
Withering emotions,
Broken hearts,
Eyes so sunken,
Lifeless from pain.
I wrote the words in white paint, proudly as I could have written them. I wrote those words for him, when he was gone before. Now he is gone again. They shout at me.
“DON’T BELIEVE IN BROKEN MIRRORS.”
It has been two years today
Since I have had a fight with my then girlfriend
And, crying bitterly, I entered the living room
Replied to my father’s concerns
And let him know his daughter was dating a girl.
Couldn’t take it anymore
Don’t want you to hurt
Even the sky is crying
I’m sorry I can’t do this anymore
I take a look at my life
And realize
The times I spent
Dreaming
I should have been
Believing in my self
Not drowning
Over whelmed asking for help
So, he said
S-
Suicide. I’m sitting in the bathtub.
The cuts on my arms have already started to clot,
but not before staining the blinding white.
She wears her long sleeves, even in the summer, To cover her secret, to cover her shame.
It’s the only thing shes ever found, that quiets down her pain.
The dark eyed mom is here again.
I hope she’s not here to stay.
There will be no meals or good-time feels
And no, This mom don’t play.
hey you,yes you, the person reading this?I've been there too you know.swept under by the waves of depressioncrippled by dark thoughts curled up on the floor as sobs raked through my body
Don't Do It Bro, Don't Do it ... !!!
... " NOooooooo' " ... !!!!!!!!!
A Sentiment Sent Because I've Lost A Friend ...
In The WORST Kind of Way Leaving MANY Dismayed ... !!!!!
I cried for you to hold me
But you took your arms away
I said I wanted to be alone
While praying that you would stay
Stepped upon the highest ledge
Hoping it would give way
I’ve decided that I want to die
There’s nothing left for me here
No tears, no laughter
I can’t even cry
I’ve felt dead inside for so long
So many reasons
To believe in life itself
Learned the word humble long after the meaning was lost.
Just another product of tax payer exhaustion.
It hurts when referred to as perfect by the person that hurt you the most.
But ima keep it humble
Learned the word humble long after the meaning was lost.
Just another product of tax payer exhaustion.
It hurts when referred to as perfect by the person that hurt you the most.
But ima keep it humble
Tired eyes wander over foggy plains, unfocused but searching.
The overcast sky casts a dreamy gloom over a face with sunken sockets and dry lips.
Shiver down your spine,
Voices on a cold breeze that blows over the hills.
You said you'd stay for them, for me
Please make me a promise, make us a promise.
They talk about the view from halfway down
She cried herself to bed,
Hoping, the tears would soften their hearts,
It didn't stop the words to be said,
Aimed towards her like a dart.
In the corner was where she sat,
You realize what you’ve done
The minute the words trailed
off your breath and gently
breathed life into the reality
of what has really been going on
for months.
You see it in her face.
Some people need to know that they are loved
They need to know so they can carry on
This reassurance that they behold
Is their insurance for a safe home
Seems like just yesterday you lit up the world with your smile.
You never really liked your smile but I did.
Maybe it wasn't perfect but it was yours and I liked everything that was yours.
Hey mom, its just me, its Mr.B, the runt of the litter of 3, yeah its your family!
It was a long time ago
That you tried to kiss me
In the creaking book store
Next to the little red diner
It was a long time ago that i thought
Sometimes i like to get high on beaches at night time
I like to inhale the chemicals
And exhale my fears
I like the feeling of the sand
Cool and soft and silky
A loss of life so young,
The words caught on my tounge.
A loss of a best friend,
Made me feel like it was the end.
She was only sixteen,
It still feels like a dream.
Memories of more than six years,
this body
a gift from god
i cut it open
through the ribbons
through the paper
through the tape
one for the boy
can you feel it
in my kiss?
sharper than the glass
embedded in my feet
if you hear it in my voice
the water
flowing upstream
you dragged a knife across my heart
the way i used to drag a blade across my skin
there was so much blood
there is so much blood
and i cannot stop the bleeding
i fell into you-
i wasn’t quite ready
but we were smoking cigarettes
Under the stars
behind my car
and your smile said,
you decided i needed open heart surgery
so you found the dullest blade you could
and began to rub it against my chest
until the skin finally began to tear
you left before i got better
you left before i could make things right
you left before things could get really good
and i cant blame you
for getting tired of waiting
depression,
this intangible idea
that we desperately wish
was something we could grasp
this ailment isn’t tangible
i drink to forget
so many things
i drink to forget
what you look like
what he looks like
what the inside of his car looked like
i press the blade to my skin
i breathe
into my lungs
out of my lungs
when does the pain
of your world falling apart
begin to end?
i am sorry i let you
stain your hands
in my dark places
i am sorry i watched you
ignore the orange signs
“danger ahead”
you buried our relationship
six feet underground
you didn’t leave a single flower,
you didn’t even bother
with a fucking tombstone
all i was to you,
And here i am once again
Wondering if i'm even worth it
If this is a battle I can't win
Maybe i should just give up
I've been here before
i see you in fucking santa clarita.
fucking that bitch
that will never fucking love you
that will never treat you like me-
that will never protect you,
full disclosure
i think about you more often
then i would like to
i think about you when i see little things
certain flowers remind me of your smile
you have a million suitors
anyone who meets you
becomes entranced by your beauty
the better men try to look a little deeper
he lies awake
all fucking night
until the stars disappear
from the black blue sky
damn he’s like
deathly high
i want to write about happy things
so i find myself thinking of your lips
i find myself hoping that tonight
i’ll finally get to kiss you-
at least in my dreams
you weren’t the one
and that pill is sharper
than the edge of the gold and black knife
you gave me over a year ago.
you weren’t the one
I’m ripping my brain out
Piece by piece
Cutting it into little squares
I’ll serve you our memories
On a silver fucking tray
I’ll feed them to you,
they tell me “you don’t want to die”
after i tell them how badly
i want to die
no, i do want to die
i want to sleep myself
i’m all alone in this glass house
Swallowing jack under a pink sky
there’s blood on the driveway
keeping a knife in the pocket of my jeans
i’m all alone in this glass house
Swallowing jack under a pink sky
there’s blood on the driveway
keeping a knife in the pocket of my jeans
i’m spilling this blood
instead of the ink
breaking the vows
i made
with a faux diamond ring
carving into white marble
Amid the blue sea
There's a long road to the limp and the rope
Here my hopeless soul and my lonely knife meets
Truthsome to the soothsayer's horoscope
Teary smiles the devil
Take no fury to a funeral
Quietus thoughts
I’ve passed three score and ten;many years I’ve harbouredthoughts of death.
Why
I wonder
As the sun warms my face
A quiet cold day
Where I feel a semblance of grace
Why
I wonder
Did he send me away?
Now it wasn't his fault
I knew that, anyway.
Break the Silence, end the violence. Let me out, I want to scream and shout. Metal so fine and thin, watch it glide across my skin. Reach out? Every time I speak, I shout! But you don't hear me, though. Maybe it's time for the final blow.
Your story isn’t over;
It’s the beginning of a new chapter;
A new chapter where you are the hero
But still your own villain;
Everyone perceives suicide differently.
Someone’s grandma killed herself because she was in so much pain from cancer and only had so long to live anyways.
Everyone perceives suicide differently.
Someone’s grandma killed herself because she was in so much pain from cancer and only had so long to live anyways.
Some slash their wrists.
Ingest a bottle of pills.
Jump off a high building.
Hang themselves.
Blow their brains off.
And it is at that moment when they feel the most alive and will to be free.
Im writing these words so that if anybody is to find this, they'll finally understand
The pain I was going through and just how deep it went
How blinded i was by the darkness
I can understand your pain but for this I cannot change.
This all appears the same, day after day.
Life replays, I do not want to stay.
(A response to Sandra Cisneros' Heritage poem)
You bring out the perfectionist in me.
The anxiety in me.
The depression in me.
I like blood. It looks so royal. It comes out like an army of ants when I make a hole in the nest. I want it all to come out. I want the nest to die. I want the ants to run away. But they don't run.
Oh, the pain.
It comes back again.
It doesn't want to leave, it wants to stay.
Although I tell it to go away.
Oh, how it hurts.
In the shadows the pain lurks.
In the United States, 105 people die every minute, out of those 105, 32 committed suicide. It starts small the names you call them bitch, slut, hoe..
Rain pours, the dogs sleep, and Pandora shuffles my music. From a mason jar I drink my tea. Weather reflects one's mood. Loneliness, longing, insatiable "hunger" and depression burn within; my heart roasting.
She has a smile even the stars can’t outshine
But if you look in her eyes, she’s breaking inside
She walk around with confidence, her chin always up
How is college?
She asks, I laugh
I quit
Her eyebrows
Drawn together, concerned
Are you eating?
I sip my black coffee
Chew my lip
The skin of which
When I hear about the suicides of
artists, musicians, authors, poets
People that create
I am afraid
and sad, I mourn them.
I mourn the loss of someone who creates
may ayimafro-germanpoetessayist established theterm "black german" until then germans wouldcall a person of color a "neger" however oneof the most inspiringtalentstook her own life: august 91996 that's it. god bless youmay ayim
ALL ALONE IN MY ROOM
THOUGHTS RUNNING
THROUGH MY HEAD
CAN'T SEEM TO GET AWAY
DARKNESS IS ALL AROUND
ALL ALONE WITH MY OWN SELF
STARING AT A REFLECTION
OF A GIRL IN THE MIRROR
Walking up a concrete hill on the way home from school.
The sun beams against my back.
Creating a shadow darker than my caramel skin.
Have you ever climbed a montain to touch the sun
Scaled the cliff side to stand on the edge and reach out
For that blazing heat
Letting finger tips meet burning ash
And then fall
I'm sorry mom and dad, that I've hurt you so many times..
With words and actions I did
How many times I tried to overdose myself with pills or cut deeply in bed at night
Crying to sleep at 3 am
If the sun shines bright, Does it rain and storm in me
If the sky is clear blue, are there a lot of clouds and fog in my head
If the birds are singing their beautiful melodies, is it quiet in my heart
How messed up is it that we live in a world
Where blue is for boys and pink is for girls
Where it’s better for men to have a gun than a doll
In a snap, the mind can have an intense internal battle
The one you could see if only you looked hard enough
You stand by as others aim to push and rattle
I am here!
Or am I not?
I remember the first time I attempted
The girls up front went on
To me they made it seem like a joke
Press you down
And run you along.
Your pointed sharp end,
Draws a line on my skin.
Dull pain leaves,
Revealing only a faint,
Raised pink line.
Not enough,
Not what I wanted.
That beautiful girl
Under the blossom tree
Reading her books
She never acknowledged me.
And in my mind
I knew she never would
And even though I wanted to,
I knew I never could.
I tried to be hopeful
I looked to the bright side but what do you do when the light looks right back at you with disgust?
I have to keep going I shouldn't give up but wait---
Where did everybody go?
I am depressed.
I need help.
Save me.
These are the words I can never bring myself to say.
Like if I say them out loud, it might make them real.
I see her in the mirror. when im staring out a window into darkness.
In the surface of a lake.
She is my reflection.
Her name is destiny, and she holds my fate in her hands.
I feel like a slave,
Chained to the wall.
I haven't shaved in days,
Feels I've become a lost cause.
Did he ever care,
Will I ever know?
Was all this for real?
I guess it's time for me to go.
a question most have
but none ask:
why suicide?
life has so much more to offer,
they say.
it gets better,
they promise.
Down deep in my nightmare,
My shadow of despair,
A black demonic snake,
Reminded me I was awake.
In the darkness I went,
With a soft attractive scent,
Unable to think,
It all seemed like a blink.
Path to the Heart
She's the wave just ere it reaches its crest
That perfect moment as it picks you up,
right before it breaks into a beautiful surf,
Reflecting the world in her eyes.
[Major trigger warning: graphic first-person
perspective of a suicide attempt by drowning.
Please call your local crisis hotline if you need to.
Your parents came to this country
leaving a world of hell behind.
They folded up their dreams into a package, and sent it with themselves inside,
to a new world.
We overcome obstacles everyday
They make us view things differently from yesterday
Overcoming an obstacle, takes us a step closer to being wiser
But when you go through an obstacle that makes you full of guilt
It feels deep; a sea or an ocean maybe!
No ground beneath;
I'm drowning. I'm drowning.
I feel going down with every effort, going in vain.
These weights make it hard to get back up, Oh! These chains!
Birds sing and children sing. Time passes by, as I wait here to die. This mortal flesh turns to dust. Enjoy life we must. But how can I? When I wish to end this suffering. All this pain that goes unseen. Laying beneath the stary sky.
I look in the mirror and see nothing
What I mean by nothing I mean everything, but happiness
I see scars on my wrists, hips, and thighs
I see my full rib cage and the numbers dropping down on the scale
O what a charming blue day!
Twittering birds had so much to say
But much duller inside,
where boredom did hide,
all i feel are blue emotions
in my head everything's a commotion
where everything is in high speed motion
and i'm trapped in my being
every piece of me crippling
She was taken
When she was needed the most
Her pure innocence
Shattered
And only by words
The girl
Was all alone
She cried inside
And hid behind
Her tears that
Blinded her
you were joy, broken joy,
shreds of it scattered.
and between your lines
lie chasms,
dark, endless, hopeless.
but you masked your chasms
by wringing out sunshine.
and thus,
I wanted to give up.
I wanted to come up from the hell i’ve endured for these years --
have been the hardest i’ve ever seen why won’t you let me leave
Me alone
Talk to me about depression
And what it feels like to be lost and hopeless
Where loneliness exceeds all expectations
Where darkness is smelled and tasted and felt
Around you like a very wet heavy blanket
The mother walked into her home,
Not expecting her story to be told in a poem.
But her life took a turn that day,
There was no way
Everyday, people are wanting to die.
Everyday, many people try.
Few are successful,
Others are not.
All of this is dreadful.
Why is none of this taught?
Everyday, people are wanting to die.
Everyday, many people try.
Few are successful,
Others are not.
All of this is dreadful.
Why is none of this taught?
welcome friend, it's dark down here.
for most, it's much too grim
the table's set with plates half empty
the cups spill o'er their rims
I'm sorry I closed off
Each time that my mind was finally ready to end it all,
I stood on the end of a bridge, ready to jump.
It always seemed like it would be quick and cheap.
The pain would end before I had a chance to even register it.
When the mountains call your name.
And the streams, they go away.
But the clouds still come your way
and the earth begins to shake.
Then the lightning starts the storm,
but you still carry on,
Higher and higher I climb,
With death filtering through my mind.
I no longer have hope,
Only a really strong rope.
I tie it around my neck,
And give it a quick little check.
I'm obsessed,Obsessed with death.
I love to picture my own end. Will it be by my own hands?An enemy's? Will I be a hero? Or will I grow old?
I'm obsessed,
Punch, punch, punch.
Make it a very deep hue,
This is something you need to go through.
Cut, cut, cut.
My mind is like a haunted mansion.
It's beautiful
and big,
decorated elegantly.
But there's a hidden mystery.
There are unwanted guests,
who come and go as they please.
How many lives must I live
In order to be done?
I don't want to survive
Just give my life away to anyone.
There is no point,
No lesson to be learnt.
I am just a poisonous joint,
Do you ever just want to be dead?
... I do.
Often.
But, I don't want it to be my fault.
I see how much it would hurt them now.
Cloth can’t cover enough,
Eventually all will be exposed.
You try to sneak by,
“Don’t let them see you cry.”
The blood has a calming effect,
Like the brightest of stars
Her hands could create anything
And she chose to unfold
Her beautiful soul
Within spray paints and photographs
It doesn’t matter why she’s there, for there were great amounts of tears
It doesn’t matter that she was broken because bad decisions are the only thing she hears
He loved not once but twice,
And both times it ended badly,
Both times he paid the price
And his story ends sadly.
He was young and untested,
I live with evil creatures in my soul,
I have to fight to keep control.
They yell and scream to be let out,
And then they punish me after every bout.
Trigger Warning: Suicide
I’m surrounded.
Shadows line my concrete walls,
Reaching out,
They pull at my knotted hair,
How could you have known,
when you called his name,
that there was no one left to answer?
Words left unspoken,
discussions never to be had,
no words left to say,
what can I say?
The Bell-tower taunts me when I look out my bedroom window.Saints who sin are loved more than me.Their audience comes in droves to the sounds of bells!
I hear them ringing.I go numb with fear.
I remember the day I tried to die.
The feeling of the blood flowing out of my veins no longer calmed me,
The pain from the blade no longer distracted me,
Alleyways became my inspiration,and I found my audience in bars!
Ocean views became somber,and my meds made me think I wasdrowning.
Someone said that I wouldfall in love with typewriters,
If you divide a population
By the lowest common denomination
The result remains the very same
While the one never fits the frame
I have never been able to say the words out loud.
But I definetly know without a doubt, my uncle is gone
He left in what seemed like the blink of an eye.
A suprise visit the week before Turkey day
where to start
where to place the blame
where did i stop being a kid
maybe it was when my fifth grade teacher told me
i couldnt wear shorts skirts because the boys would look,
Saw what I want not to see
The breeze brought me there
To the dead space, motionless
Populated with colors and html code
Populated with diaphanous smiles
Images of shop windows
At 1 year old, I said my first word. “Mama”, I said in bold, thinking I was already old.
At 3 years old, my parents told me goodnight stories; stories of dreams,
how do you tell someone something so crazy
that you cant see the light at the end of the tunnel
that youre an angel thats just been begging to go home
how do you tell someone something so personal
Hey, you there, sitting alone in the dark, why don't you get some sunlight, take a stroll in the park? I know this world can be cruel and I know that even your parents, can sometimes be fools.
Unborn and already
A path has been chosen
By those that are not them -
To become another cog
In the inescapable machine that is society.
I was in the shower
Thinking for an hour
Why is my life sour
Falling off a tower
What is the meaning of life?
To love, to reproduce, to get a wife?
To go outside and observe the wildlife?
Let me tell you a tale
As I try not wail
Take a seat, grab a cocktail
And hear my story unveil
I was once a small kid
And heaven forbid
That I ever bat an eyelid
or ever hurt a squid
what they do not tell you about being in the hospital is the waiting
waiting in your room
waiting at the tables
waiting in group for people to finish describing the colors of the monsters that are devouring their soul
Life is shit; Life ain’t fair
I don’t even fucking care
Grab a drink; pop a pill
Pray to god that this will kill
Heart Is beating; trouble breathing
I am sweating and I’m freezing
I thought you were doing fine, I didn’t know what was wrong,
I thought you'd push through it, that you were invincibly strong,
As a friend I should have supported you, helped you along the way,
a silver paintbrush runs along a soft canvas
leaving red waves in its wake
trading in pain for euphoric numbness
chasing away the voices with an artistic flair
when the sun rises the canvas is hidden
nobody saw the pain behind her smile
everyone assumed evrything was fine
they have no idea how wrong they were
while they looked away he was leaving bruises
some were emotional but most were physical
crying at night laughing by day
she was too weak to speak up
suffering through his abuse silently
listening to screaming feeling the punches
but one day he went too far
I. Depression
I'm tired of this regression
All of this damn stressin'
People, they get this impression
They say its near aggression
Don't understand this obsession
With things like secression
It all started years ago
When I decided that I had to let go of my old life
And leave the world of strife
I had to let my life escape me
I had to be free.
Blue washes down her face
Red down her arms
She is just a disgrace
All she does is harm
Yellow spreads across the sky
I live with a creature
Deep inside my chest.
It is made of shadow,
I can’t even beat it at my best.
This beast urges me to die,
Even if I'm not happy, Jesus will still be here.
God will still hold my hand when I'm filled with fear.
They still think I'm beautiful when I think I'm ugly.
Sitting on the edge of the bed, her pencil scraping the paper writing like a crazy woman the last two words of her note:
I’m Sorry!
There’s no lost and found at my school.
Not one that works, not in any school that I’ve been
All the lost items go straight in the bin
Sharp cold crashing waves.
They rush over me.
They drag me under.
Until I reach the bottom.
The ground with sand
coursely rubbing against my skin,
getting into my mouth and eyes,
Take three steps forwards
Realized from years of hard work
Fall backwards off the ledge
Realized from a downward spiral
One morning; a monday morning.
Two thoughts; do I live or die?
You say I’m letting my health take the back seat
If you'd look closer you would see it’s not there
Search a little longer and you’d find a locked trunk
I whispered with the devil and he told me what to do. He said some people might not like it, even me, and it's true. Whether it's a noose around my neck, or a bullet in my head, he said he doesn't care at all; he just needs me dead.
Shuck-Lily cuts herself and, by God,
I'm back in love again,
This is not my responsibility,
So why am I tending to you like an animal?
TAAKA vodka, purple harleys, and cigarette rolling trays.
The smell of pancakes and pretty summer days, the littlest things
Are what triggers the replays
Of the horrific day
My daddy took his life away
I’ve fallen apart,
A million pieces in the floor.
Most of them are missing,
I can’t find them any more.
My pieces have been scattered,
I was in love once,
And a painful ordeal it was.
I tried so hard to be the perfect one,
To be the one that she wanted.
I didn’t realize then,
The acidic water you just coughed up.
I know.
The silent cursing you scream in your mind.
I know.
The "are you ok?" questions that you answer with a lie.
I know.
the constant fights
they have to stop
I'm tired of sitting here with my mop
here to wipe your tears
at your command
you don't put in mind my need or demand
I'm always in the middle
I see you in every angry fight,
every bruise,
and in every goodbye that is never said.
~awatr
I see the pills
A pile
On my bed
I shake off the fog
That was in
My head
I am awake
Alive
While it's easier to cut butter
I'd rather slice open my arm
Because the pain is like no other
and it lessens my alarm.
And when the doctor finds the marks,
I'll just say I fell in the dark.
Someone save me from this pain,
It keeps me trapped inside my brain.
Someone save me from this hurt,
I’m not even worth a pot of dirt.
When I was born, society handed me a script
I played the part quietly and kept my lips zipped
But I missed it, the system was gonna get my wrists slit
So I ripped up the script and kissed the name misfit.
These demons always plague me,
They keep me in constant torment.
Where could the angels be?
They aren’t stopping my demons.
The demons only get riled,
I can’t breathe right,
My fingers twitch uncontrollably,
People keep on speaking,
They act like I’m okay.
My brain feels like it’s breaking,
I am a tortured human soul,
The world would be better, If I go.
If I leave this world behind,
What is the place I’ll find?
I can’t live, with this pain,
The Blade is at bay, the Thoughts by the shore. The Noose at the gate and Suicide at the door. Regrets knock loudly, what-if’s knock some more. Then Darkness creeps in soundly and Death wins the war.
You made me feel,
Like there was nothing I could achieve.
And all my dreams,
We’re too far out of reach.
You broke me down,
And watched me cry.
And didn’t even care,
if only i had a pencil,
i could write my way out of the ghetto.
if only i had a pencil,
i could explain the voices in my head that scream in falsetto.
if only i had a pencil,
Could somebody take me somewhere pleasant?
It's all I have ever asked of someone.
How is someone to be omnipresent?
They cry "all hail the one and only son."
Our monsters used to live under the bed,
sparkly and purple
“they’re not real,” we said
Life was safe,
monsters were fantasy,
I laugh…..
Looking at me right now
You’d think that I’ve lost my mind
The tears are staining my face
Restless nights
They lead to bags under my eyes
The cold December winds charge at my tear ridden face
As the life that’s left within my eyes gazes up at the grey clouds
The voices in my head are crying out and screaming
My soul sobs in distress and agony
My heart beats anxiously, fearing what may become of me
And my eyes spout tears pouring down my face like a ravenous downpour
help me,I want to dieI want that knifeI want the lasting peace
I hate meI hate how I have everything,and I still feel like dyingI hate how I cant love her enough
.....................................
.............
.......
.......
What is it to be suicidal?
Is it a belief? .... a sickness?
I love the teachers that teach,
The teachers that write in scrawling letters that
Dance around the whiteboard with colors clashing.
this letter is me saying goodbye.
this letter is everything i couldn't say
when you were in my room that night
when i asked you to stop
to leave me alone
and you persisted
in touching me
When you smiled and said you were fine
I saw behind your lie
I've known you for too long
I know when something's wrong
I regret that I left
That I didn't help
I hate that we went seperate ways
The stars in my eyes
They’re fading dim
The smile on my face
It’s wearing thin
The weight of my heart
It’s too much to hold
It’s pulling me under
I’m drowning in cold
I never knew why you thought of it
Knowing you will be missed
Not everything is as it seems
But you never thought of it.
I just want you to know I care about you,
Because I really don't know why you thought
My friend waves a phone in my face and huffs.
It's a brand new girl everyday.
My friend points and judges this girl with anger.
She finds flaws in each and every way.
You’re usually not that blunt.
It’s usually sewn in with threads of:
motherhood, divine goal, dating advice, dances,
I usually just
don’t exist.
Well if you want honesty then you better brace yourself
Because I’m going to be real here
Depression is a real thing
And it’s time we have a talk about the fact that
The stoplight stands red for awhile
She suddenly awakens to blood surrounding her body
She grabs the blade and goes deeper
and deeper
She goes so deep that eventually
she will drown
They always say
If you having nothing nice to say
then say nothing at all
For why the scars are there
My tears are the words that never left my mouth
My scars scream for me
There you were standing, stalled
Your eyes, a deer in headlights, lights
They held a killer cold hue
The best was given
Yet, it wasn’t good enough for you
I feel nothing
I'm so scared that's so bad
I feel nothing, nothing at all
not happy nor sad
Yet I feel so empty, I feel so alone
My play-doh set. My brown barrette.
My high top shoes. My young views.
My dirty shirts. My elbow hurts.
My parents yelling. My lips never telling.
Confusion.
That is the first emotion I felt when I found out
My favorite step sibling had done the unthinkable-
Suicide.
I wondered, who could've seen this coming?
Not me,
i'm telling you now
about a girl who lived some how
she lived through death, she lived through fear,
and in some way she managed to hear
the sound of music, the sound of joy,
If today I die purposefully,
just know it wasn’t me.
All these voices in my head,
they keep me up.
At night I barely sleep.
Black Birds
As she flicked the rubber against her wrist
her eyes linger into nature’s abyss
undressing the land with her eyes
Don't cut your wrist
and don't cut your thighs.
Don't get pissed
just show the world that you're alive.
Pull up your sleeves
show what you hide.
Not for us, But for yourself please
How is it fair
that you were taken
How is it fair
that you left
he decided it was his time
that the pain was too much
so he left
and we all cried
it doesnt feel real
the pain in my heart
Oh, no
I've done it again
Cut, cut, cut
With my pen
Cut out the pain
Time and time again
I've watched blood
Go down the drain
When they find my body
If you're reading this note, then I'm already dead
I probably got a bullet lodged in the side of my head
You can't save my body, I already locked up the joint
Anyway forget how I died, that's besides the point
Some nights I wake
to the realization
that I can’t remember
what your voice sounds like.
I can’t remember
the curve of your lips
You'd think lying here, my breath escaping
That I'm scared
I've tried pills
Here I sit
Both Wrists Slit
I think I need my stomach pumped
I'm not scared
I hear someone knocking
Come back to the dark my love
“It’s brighter than it looks down here”
All alone consumed by fears
I'm drowning myself in forlorn tears
I cry each time I see a butterfly
because you aren't here to tell me to be strong.
You were there, walking beside me,
as my hands shook and I felt so hollow inside, screaming
"I can't do it!"
What people fail to see is the chance to be free,
The power to be more, the chance to open doors.
Like a locked cage inside where the pain won’t subside,
Rain,
wet droplets hit my face
That time of year surely brings me faith
As the water weighs me down I pray
that maybe I'll be able to touch your base
Shocking scars,
The past,
So long ago,
Hurt entrenched so deep,
No words can describe,
The manner in which it resides,
No tears can make
The agony seap.
Ever present,
Screeching and yellingLaughing and tauntingIn my head,It's loud and noisyScatter thoughtsAnd tear stai
I have been in the bowels of hell,
Witnessed the Devil’s breath
And seen the Grace of Angels.
my grandmother says I’m lazy,
yet I am fully aware of the tasks
that are meant to be done before me.
I am fully aware of the miles of debris left behind my trail.
why do I feel the way I feel
why do I want to hurt myself
why do I feel that I’d be better dead
why do they hate me
why won’t they accept that I’m human
I lied
said it was fine
It wasn't
my mind
So many things
Bullies to wars
Food and drink
I knew one thing
something to end
my suffering
I decided to take a trip
Riding on air’s ship
My destination is shrouded in confusion
No one can agree whether its real or just an illusion
As I sit in the corridor I hear BANG
Everyone's screaming yelling and crying
But I turned to my side just to see the person right next to me
Screaming in pain as I sat and watched him bleed because I didn't know what to do
Reading and writing poetry speaks to the soul,
Sometimes you have to fall before you reach your goal.
I would often question myself and ask who am I?
Why am I doing this? Is it worth a try?
Born of a minority race
Adorned of comments and nitpicking
You grow a thick skin when subjected to
Adolescent Bullying
Spitting image of an Abuser
Mother couldn’t take it
post suicide-attempt
words stopped making sense
depression taking hold
anxiety uncontrolled
mind plagued by disease
only one offer of ease
prayer disguesed as poetry
to set my mind free
I keep my head down while dark thoughts create a storm in my head.
The black velvet sky blots out the burning sun. I don't know why I'm still here.
My want for breathing is receding and my heart is bleeding for a love
Remember meAs the rising sun in early morningThe palette of colors that both sootheAnd allow for a reminiscing moment. Remember me As the laughter and jokesThat will never, ever fail
Poetry saved me for many reasons
She even got me through the roughest seasons
She saved me from suicide
Even when I couldn't see past my foolish pride, that almost led to my demise
Turn up your music
Drown out their voice
Close your door
This is your choice
Listen to the lyrics
Can you hear the voice?
Walk towards your desk
Remember, this is your choice
You are a galaxy.
A collection of beautiful fragments that shine.
You are a galaxy.
The planets that orbit your mind are home to brilliance.
Put that down
You keep saying your not enough
I know being an anomoly is tough
Lone Wolfing through your academic life
With Little to communicate, and you dont think thats right,
My emotions belong in a cage,
Eventually, slowly, hesitantly plotting a war to wage.
If I ever let them show, let them out, they’ll raise hell,
For the vultures, they ring the dinner bell,
Lead boots stomp,
Dust landing on nothing,
And everything all at once,
Intertwined pieces of self,
No longer connected at the seams,
Unravelling persona,
Cracking through shaky wooden beams,
Five hundred miles between a temporary bed and what felt like a bad dream
Two days in oblivion just waiting for a “hey, I’m better off today”
But the message never came
Just rumors of a tree by the soccer field
I see the casket and the mask inside,
Held within the young sleeper’s bloody hands.
How can kings pick the choice of suicide
When they have control of so many lands?
Only a grin given, no pain in face,
Puppet
Trigger warning: rape, eating disorder, mental illness, self-harm
I have always been your doll
You’ve always just sat there and watched me fall
Listen to that voice
There is importance in following
These pages enclose the words my heart holds
If I enacted the things I feel I could heal
Our generation acts as if emotions are no big deal
Do you remember what was true before you let the thoughts consume you?An unrecognizable face in a crowd you’ve allowedTo become a disguise you used to hideEvery bruise, cut, scarThe times you tried.
*vssst vssst vssst* My phone vibrated in the pockets of my blue distressed jeans.
Falling from seventy stories high, my life flashed before my eyes.
There’s a dark corner
in the back of my room
it speaks to me
And says “I’ll be there soon”
As I lie on my bed
in the fetal position
my eyes are closed
hopin and wishin
Death creep slow
So you wept
Life is pointless
A sharp blade of redundancy
It a choice
A promising voice
If you die or if
You live
It is in your reach
A touch you will
Meet
Break the silence
with a scream oh,
ALL men will see!
That nothing is what it isnt,
So please be free!
All men are destructive,
So read something better than these
I was a sinking ship
Headed towards the bottom
Of the ocean; lost in motion
Were dreams that seemed
too far from reality
I wasn't sure I was going to make it
But the ship continued sinking...
He hands me scraps of notebook paper.
Wih words looming on it,
in a concise manner,
his thoughts chaotic
He grins at me,
looking for an expression.
I try to smile,
It's been a year.A year since you broke me.
It's been a year since you cut into my fleshBefore I even got the chance toAfter telling me how horrible it is.
Is there somebody that could save me?
From myself.
From everyone else.
From those that seek to tear me apart.
From my heart that craves to be loved so bad.
Fingernails thumping the tempered glass, hurriedly and literally searching for something out there, someone out there who could possibly be speaking about what I am too afraid to even touch with the delicate fingers of my thoughts.
Racehorse
The Kentucky Derby was yesterday at 4 pm and the bullet shot
Like a fire in the air.
Her eyes are rolled back like the way the sea curls into sand
Little lost souls, little lost souls
My childhood friends are little lost souls
They tried all the games but
Found none they enjoyed
Now they are all but little lost souls
She won’t wake upShe won’t wake up She won’t wake up
She lays there in a carcass of pasty white skin With sunken closed eyes and a dark mind from within
You caught me slipping.
You grabbed my hand as I dangled
Precariously over that ledge,
As I toed the line
Between today and yesterday.
And right now, you're pulling me up.
You're holding me back
Mother, please don’t go away.
You know how I love you…
I’m calling you, please answer me!
Please don’t go please not now!
Do you hear me calling?
the Student
who became a statistic
the Victim
that took it’s life
she didn’t want to cut
he didn’t want to overdose
there’s a woman
who wasn’t the best mother
she had depression
it was quite sad
even tried to take her life
IT GETS BETTER.
It seems like such a cliche.
Honestly, I know how it sounds,
and how those words make you feel:
annoyed, devalued, misunderstood.
It seems like a lie,
it feels impossible,
When suicide took you, my whole world from me,
I had nothing to fall back on except poetry.
Grief had consumed my mind,
It filled inside me, and the only way to keep myself alive
A shiny, new, bustling city.Full of people.Each with ideas.Each with thoughts.Each with emotions.
But then It starts.
Child,
You are ignorant.
Ignorant to the horrors of our world.
Hatred.
Evil.
Corruption.
Destruction.
No,
Tick Tock goes the time bomb in my head, what'd ya say...I'm better off dead...
Nothing to live for here comes the sun, day after day, the hauntings just begun...
Every day, every hour, every minute, every second...
Angels wept the night he took me,
From where I lay helpless on the ground I thought I could hear them.
No one told me it would be okay, for long long after that day,
Many looked but few ever stayed to see.
I feel so sad nowadays,
I can't even cry.
So I sit in my bed,
And wish I would die.
And I think to myself,
'Would they care if I left?'
Then a voice reminds me,
'People get over death.'
You came home from school
You said your day was fine
You rush to the bathroom, slid your back down the wall as your skin began to grow paler and tears became heavier
you demand that i push myself
all the while pushing me closer and closer
to the lip of the ledge
and i can’t help but think
of how just last week
What would you do if you had pills?
Pills, a blade, a rope?
with dark thoughts surrounding you?
mummuring into your ear.
it's so easy,
pour the bottle of pills into your mouth,
There are some things, people do,
When they can only feel blue.
They take the silver, make it rust,
For they feel that they just must.
People see, but do not tell,
Scared of what hides behind the veil.
As the colors fade and slowly turn to grey,
I rise from the ashes, color blossoming from within me.
I hear a whisper behind me,
But I dare not look back.
Get
out
of
my
head.
Get out of my head because it's what's best for me.
Get out of my head because it's what's best for you.
things aren’t bad
when any malleable silver is my friend
things are bad
when pills looks like
tic tacs
something’s gotta give
Every 5 seconds 2,000 Kit Kats are eaten Every minute 250 children are born Ever 5 minutes 80,000 text messages are sent Every 10 minutes 90,000 tinder matches are made Every 15 minutes someone dies from suicide This is a example of someone reac
Would anyone care if I dropped off the earth,
Would anyone shed a tear?
Several sobs, a few gasps, some chairs at my funeral,
Then I'm just simply not here.
Would anyone care if I ended my life,
It's funny how stuff works out,
No matter how loud I shout,
You can't hear.
It's funny how shrill I cry,
Funny how much I try
To disappear.
But it's the holiday season, so what is my reason to die?
I want to die,
I'm scared of death,
So sometimes I just hold my breath.
I close my eyes and count to ten,
I pussy out and breath again.
Empty words on empty screens,
A silent generation screams
Behind the masks of pleasant faces,
Witty pictures, clever phrases,
We break, we cry,
We sob, we fight,
And segregated, rot and die,
A single seed, unknowingly holding burden
She doesn't know anything
The hate she must determine
She's locked up in a world of imposters
a world full of monsters
This seed which was planted
Machine of pain,
Which pours blood like rain.
You helped my forefathers liberate,
You made the home I venerate.
Through wilderness and adveristy,
There are lives you defend.
today i smile because
for years i have denied who i am
today i smile because
i was scared to come out
today i smile because
i was too proud to admit mom was right
today i smile because
Lost in a sea of loneliness-
Drowning in this ocean of tears.
I have no life.
I'm suffocated by fear.
Visited the Lord just once-
Guess I've died the second death.
Trapped in my mind to scream and yell;
I still eat peanut butter as if it fulfills all the categories in
the nutritional pyramid. It can be found in the cupboards of each place
I hang up my jacket and step in. What’s convenient about
i’ve been trying to find love in a billion relationships
and i’ve tried everything i can to make myself feel something
and i’ve pushed my feelings so far behind walls
and i’ve pushed people away to get free
I once had this teacherwho had put a sticky note on the inside of my notebookfor that class. The inside of each cover was fullof quotes, that I wrote on sticky notes.Except for the inside of the front cover.It had one open spot left. You see, over
I cannot stand this abuse;
I cannot be a bystander.
It doesn't take a genius to deduce
That you're worth more than this slander.
You are gorgeous.
You are powerful and stately.
It's hard to believe that we live our lives within a 100 mile radius
It's hard to believe that the world is 25000 miles in circumference
Here is a quick poem about emotions.
Why the fuck do they exist?
I feel so much at once and I want to end it.
Can I end it? Not just the emotions but my whole life?
I feel so pathetic even talking about this strife
Dear Dad, Hey, it’s been a while, I didn’t really expect you to be gone so soon. How are you doing up there? I know how picky you are, so I can’t assume. Things haven’t been the best since you left, But we are getting by. My
Dear Gabi,
Last night I had a dream that you were alive
That you had tried to jump out of your window, maybe to fly
And I sat by your side because you didn’t die.
Dear Sylvia Plath,
Let me lift the bell jar from your eyes,
flame-red strands dropping to your shoulders,
oxygen returning to your lips.
I want you to place your fingers on your heart, and listen.
Five baby birds, alone in a nest.
Friends due to birth and location.
Five baby birds, hormones and hatred manifest,
With any contact leaning towards altercation.
Another black man is killed
Another trans kid commits suicide
Another woman is sexually harassed
Aren't we just statistics
In the sadistic game of life?
i do not want to know what your hands did,
tremblingly steady,
doubtfully certain.
i do not want to hear what You left behind,
I am the boy who wakes up every morning,
Only to see the girl in the mirror mocking him.
Her round face.
Her curves.
Her breasts.
All knives thrown at me,
Trying to break my bones.
Dear Kelcee,
It’s okay that we drifted apart,
That’s just how things go sometimes,
Just know you’ll always have a home in my heart.
It’s okay that your life came crashing down,
To the people who don’t understand why I won’t let them touch me,
I’ve built a wall between friends, family, and others.
And fucking think again if you thought I had any lovers.
Dear Nathan,
I’m sorry I couldn’t say goodbye or even say hello
I wish I could’ve stopped you
And showed you that you weren’t alone
Or if I couldn’t do that
To my Dad, my best friend,
I can’t even pretend that all this happened,
I just want to bend and contort until my body says no-
My mind is full of what if's, maybe's, and so’s.
To the bystander,
What is the use of a camera when it tapes a man falling?
Or when it films a woman drifting to her doom?
As her limp body breaks as she breaks the waves beneath
You are beautiful. Death has covered you in a halo, like a saint.
To Whom It May Concern,
I haven't written you in two years,
I've talked to you,
Sometimes you talk back.
Through that broken watch you left me
Everything I own to remember you by
On my wrist
Dear Nathan,
I’m sorry I couldn’t say goodbye or even say hello
I wish I could’ve stopped you
And showed you that you weren’t alone
Or if I couldn’t do that
1/30/18
A boy at the highschool down the street from mine killed himself.
It's sad, I know.
But I'm not sad, I'm livid.
I try to to talk to you,
Yet you don’t try to talk to me
I try to say hi,
But you never try to say hi back
I try to keep from staring,
And you try not to notice
Dear Her,
I saw Her wrists.
I saw the scars.
I have not forgiven myself
for failing to save Her.
I do not know how to refrain from losing Her again.
Dear Lily,
It's easy enough for me to pretend like I'm fine.
At least enoufh so that it seems like I've dealt with it
Ir's easy enough to distract myself
I do it with schoolwork
With gossip
3 Reasons to Disappear
Some may call it an act of selfishness. Some may see it as an act of consideration,
But I am neither of those things.
I’m scared to write an essay.
The computer I’m sitting at is humming and the wood under my wrists are vibrating
I write these thoughts to clear my mind from the piles of blunt ended metaphorical clutter that may, or may not have cadence.
Their long winded flow,
I couldn't save you,
My friend.
Whose smile was big and great, your eyes
peeking out over the moutain of cheek.
Your short hair that you tried so desperatly
to grow out.
dear brain,
the thing is, we’re screwed.
the thing is, we’re at the end of the line.
Dear Lily, Oh Lily, if only I knew, you gave me no clueHow you felt every day and nightOh how you lived without the lightevery morning, cutting yourself too deepevery night, crying yourself to sleepyou seemed so happy just yesterdaywho knew you fe
I just wanted to let you know
That you are loved and cared for
That anybody who hurts you. Fails to see who you really are
Dear Life,
Your fragile.
we sometimes take you for granted.
When we wake up every morning you
give us the chance to
I’m learning to live like an eventuality
Do you understand my poems?
They’re really like long lines of made up words that I kind of put into timepieces because otherwise, they become
Dear Jonghyun,
In the smog, a star amongst us
now flying with the rest
In the clear skies
I wonder if you're happier up there
From so high, can you even see us?
Dear mother,
You wait for me in the places I can't see.
There, you patiently scowl from the actions I do.
They insult the meaning of you in my life,
When a child dies,
who is left so wise
as those surviving youth?
Within souls of stone
we all but condone
a deeper death of them all.
January 29, 2018
Dear all those who love me,
It sits there menacingly, waiting
It’s come back around, and it’s ready for a fight
I’ve prepared my armor…my guns
Dear You,
Remember when we met?
Summer before eighth grade
The sun dripped honey and the leaves whispered secrets
But You
Dear God
Why do you let me down?
I pray and pray, yet I still frown.
Is it something wrong with me?
Are my morals blinding me?
Is everything that I live by binding me to its rules?
Seventeen and the phone rings at midnight,
Oh dear, it’s just your dad they’ve had another fight.
Mom says, “Just go back to bed. You know how this goes.”
Awake I lay until the old rooster crows.
To my high school bullies,
Hi.
I think
Being dead
Is no relief
Running through this eternal emptiness,
Three semesters ago
I was assigned a poem for an English grade
I was excited because I write
I write often
I write fluidly
But I found that, when I had to
I could not write at all
My best friend tried to die twice in the same day.
First with a gun and second with a wire off a hair dryer.
I refuse to be the next crazy person on the back end of your jokes
I know you were talking about me but you didn't know
You think of crazy as straight jackets and force fed medications
the prince in this tale was too scared to ask for help
he tried to save himself
the prince is strong
the prince was the strongest
Blood rushed down his arm
Just like tears rush down her face
There's fire in his eyes
And an overdose in her veins
Lord help these children, they've dot so much more to live for
Hey.
I guess it's been a couple of months,
a rough couple of months.
I saw your sister in the store the other day, but she barely
looked up from the floor long enough to say hi.
Sitting within the four walls,
like a flower that newly budded,
I reminisce on the thoughts of
happiness.
How unachievable it was, the
thoughts
Like heaven's fallen angel,
Dear divinity.
I have many questions for you
That I'm not sure you'll ever answer
Because over the last few years of my life
My fealty to you
Has grown less and less steadfast.
white to the point where she's alwaysmistaken for sick she'sgot those orchid eyespink on top and purple on bottomwhat is sleep?"to die, to sleep, to sleep, perchance to dream"she dreams only about him
“I don’t believe in heaven”
These words fall with a tremor from my fingers to the keys
And will eventually stumble from my lips to your ears
It’s the unfortunate truth:
Dear Courtney
By: Tyler McBride
i will not cry when i die.
i couldn’t when you did,
when you decided to fly,
Dear Dad,
I'll keep this brief.
I won't pretend to know why you did what you did
Or what was going throuhg your head
That day you pulled the trigger
That changed the lives of your kids,
Why won’t you just leave me alone?
I don’t want you around - I never have.
But apparently, I can’t get a restraining order
against my own mind.
Dear Death,
We are Strong!
Yes, broken, but Strong.
We have seen you near and far
And getting closer, so it seems.
Yet this time our encounter
Won't be more than just a banter.
I already have a gag around my mouthIt keeps me from speaking out.Heavy chains weigh down my mindThey keep me tied.
The rope is ready and set
I want to die
So I can be as free as a butterfly
I want to die
My friends feel like they are passing me by
I want to die
All of my plans have gone awry
He asked for help -
they laughed.
He begged to be understood -
they ignored.
He screamed for attention -
they didn't give it.
I forgot who I was after I first shattered.
When grasping for some desperate way to connect was all that mattered.
Before I lost hope and spent years floating face down in the water,
Every day we pass by,
All the people we saw cry
But do we think of it?
No we just overlook the ones who quit
I sometimes stop what I'm doing,
To my dismay I just end up stewing
Dear My Past Self,
This is the part where I tell you that you're going to be okay
Each day might seem worse than the last
But, that everyday is truly a new day
I'm not suicidal
But lately I've wondered what it would be like
To drive off a cliff
To watch the blood pour from wounds on my body
To sink under the tub water until I stopped breathing
To be hit by that semi
Present in class,
under the antiseptic light of the lecture hall my words infect the air,
and my fat brass opinion dissipates into discussion.
The next hand raises
Dear Justin,
Only Fifteen
Still Learning How to Live
You taught me how to stay strong.
You gave me laughter and smiles.
During a time I only had sadness and grief.
You had me and I had you.
Dear Ryan,
Why am I writing to someone dead?
The farthest it'll go is the Stone;
The last remnants I have of you - except your Jacket, of course;
I sleep with it, but it no longer smells of you -
I failed my major.
I came outside crying.
It was worse than a bad audition.
It was my entire plan being crushed in front of me.
"You've improved, but you're just not ready yet."
I often wonder,
Why are we here,
Are we born just to die,
If so why,
Why is dying the only guarantee in life,
Is there life after death,
All of this begs the question...
The sun is asleep and the moon is only half awake.
My mind is blurry and my heart is half paced.
Crickets are chirping in slow motion as I ascend into open space.
I count to ten and i'm calm but I swear it's all in slow motion.
One..
Her yelling echos through my head over and over, everything she has ever said to make me feel, worthless.
Two…
To people who deny the correlation between the Internet and teen suicide,
You walk into your room. On a beaten wooden table sits your phone, cool and motionless. It is off.
Dear Evan,
It's been 3 years and 4 months since the last time I saw you.
Many things changed, I grew older, I changed as a person, I made new friends.
I met Amazing people and I wish you have done the same
I can’t believe
you would do this to me
Sitting in silence, qui vive
that night New Year’s Eve
When you hung yourself
from a cucumber tree
Tragedy, they say
She smiles
as the blood pours down her arm
as the pain interrupts her breathing
as her thoughts are pulled beneath a current of wind
They look
"Suicide is not an option"
I hear my therapist say,
She smiles wryly
And I want to scream.
"Suicide is a coward's way out"
She continues,
I do not understand
She thinks this is a fact?
Because I am not who you want me to beYou criticize, chastise, and punish meCurse me to the end of the Earth,And throw your religion in my face.
I woke up one morning,And I forgot I was dead.The clock on the wall insisted it was midday,The sun coming through the window seemed to agree.The date on the calendar insisted today was real,
And the scars from the blade that remain on the wrists of an elderly Mrs. Strange have faded...
She smiles knowingly as if reading my thoughts
The distactions of youth abated...
The eyes alone tell the tale.
Dear Dad,
You were once there to hold me and call me your princes.
You were there to pick me up and show me the colorful world.
You were there to hug me tight.
I remember that day
I had heard it many times that day,
Someone else had lost time.
Who? I wondered.
As if it was a broken record, frantically reaching for an answer in my mind.
Who could it be?
This little girl, staring you in the face.
Why, she used to be yours.
But this little girl, staring you dead in the face,
I have a migraine and I'm the only one to blame,
blowing up the noise in my mind,
racking up the chaos,
Choking on firewater,
you’ve been drowning for so long
you can’t taste it anymore.
The words aren’t enough
Do you ever have those days where your blood rots in your veins,
your stomach sinks and your skin itches, your bones burn into dust.
When we're sixteen and breathing is like shoving steel through our veins,
it's hard and it hurts but we keep doing it.
When we're nineteen and we've been cut loose,
There’s blood underneath your fingertips,
cracks in your nails, chaos in your head,
suicide in your eyes.
To the boy—the boy laid low, boy laid low,
by the blows of life and the lack of hope.
He says he wants to go but everyone screams no,
“ I don’t know man, she just didn’t seem like the type of girl to do that. I swear she was always happy ”
“maybe she was faking it ”
Don't cry for me, I've made up my mind.
I want to thank you throughout my life for being so kind.
This wasn't your fault, the decision was mine.
Dear me but not really me,
You may come to read this letter
Heartbroken and in tears just like I was
Asking yourself if it will ever get better
You have pain inside you deeper than any cut
Mother didn't care
Father didn't know.
Now dear heart,
You are all alone.
No one notices,
Or really even cares.
They won't see you.
Just a broken girl.
Did you find yourself,
staring at a wall,
that never stared back?
Or did you become overwhelmed,
with the amount of space that surrounds all of us,
and the scowls on each face passing by?
(TRIGGER WARNING)
To the society that turns broken things into beauty,
ripped jeans fresh off the line
love novels, heroine saved,
get my hopes up
like i, too, will be saved
Dear Daddy,
Did you know I loved you?
Did you know you were my favorite?
Did you know I'd miss you?
You didn't have to do it, daddy. You could've waited one more day, one more
hour.
Rose, a lively rose.
My life is like a red rose,
Each petal is a special part,
Making up a picture.
Every petal that falls is something that cannot be forgoten.
Every few years a petal is lost.
Royal blue veins
Skin near transparent like window panes,
and growing pains
Dukes with dukes and dames with dames,
an endless rain
Staring out at a passing train, imbalanced brain,
A cut across the wrist
Cuz who would miss this?
A cut along the thigh
So much easier to hide
Keeping it all hush hush
A cut across the wrist
Cuz who would miss this?
A cut along the thigh
So much easier to hide
Keeping it all hush hush
To the boys who raped my best friend,
You didn't know why she was on the bus that day so I'll tell you
She went to lay flowers at her best friend’s grave
She didn't know you would be laying her in her own
CoryHow time flies byI can't believe it has been 10 yearsSince the day you died
I used to be upset with youAnd wonder whyBut now I understandThat it was easier to die
gone...
just...
gone...
your light dark
leaving me without our spark
just your permanent mark
could've saved you from your fall
but you had already given your all
Well, there was this girl, She lives her life as a lie, She continues to explore the world of sin,But instead she feels dead inside As she took the blade And her body swayedShe’s thinking'“WorthlessPatheticUselessPsychoticI was born at the wrong t
Dear depression
I don't want you anymore
These gloomy dark days you give me were never fun
Yet you continue scarring me
so now I don't know if it's you or me in my bathroom mirror
I speak for the students or should I say the slaves, Working all the time to impress our parents with grades, And Schools with sports, Teachers with clubs, Colleges with SAT's, Extra curriculars, Majors in particular, Community service, It all mak
I know that look
in your eye.
That you want to cry,
that you’re scared to die.
But have no fear, Dear.
Do you know why?
All your troubles will pass by,
I promise you that is no lie.
I've tried so hard but I can't do anything.
I feel stuck in a place I don't want to be.
I drink to lose the pain,
and I get high to feel free.
I'm a lesbian, yet no one understands
Stay alive for the little things,
Like the sun on your cheek,
Or to see your life peak.
Stay alive for the little things,
To see your favorite band get back together,
Or to fall in love forever.
Dear MomI know we’ve lived together for foreverYou think you probably know most of my lifeRight?WrongThere’s so much I never told youAll the times I cried
I've realized that Inconsistency kills
more than what we think it does
So why give...
When you yourself feel empty
There was a darkness.
A darkness no one should ever experience.
That feeling you are NOT good enough,
Feeling you are NOT loved,
Future generations,
Hear me loud and clear when I say this:
Please don't be selfish,
Don't dismiss
The pain of others, nor their anguish.
Don't dismiss
The needs of the homeless
She stares at the blade in her right hand
the red lines covering her legs and both arms
making it impossible to see clearly
clouded by depression, tears, and self-hatred.
Watery tear-filled eyesgaze upon her lifeless bodylying in the bathtubpills she droppedon the floorshe looks happy nowat peacenoises and screams and hysterics and tearssurround the boy
Dear friends,
I believe in love, I believe in might
but I'm beginning to lose my sight
of everyone around me, everyone near,
everyone who might be close to hear
that I'm losing myself, losing me
I have devils in my pocket.
Two little devils.
They snag crumbs from my plate,
They wait patiently outside the shower,
They sit on my night stand as I sleep.
Sometimes they are more noticable,
You don't need more food...
You should probably get a small...
You should go for a walk...
You should cover your stomach...
Why aren't you speaking to me?
Why do you always sleep?
I suppose I get too high on my lows.
I suppose I too get stuck on those notes.
Like so many others, they say it goes over.
Many of those others try to appeal to one another.
I suppose I can't really see no hope.
There's the kids who hidAll they do is cryWanting to dieThe kids who'd rather drinkThan have to think Kids who couldn't sleepSo they'd take another pillWanting the thrill Of feeling something.Cause we felt nothing.Remember these are the kids Who'v
alone burning with anger
becoming stone the only defense
she gets hate from a stranger
she didn't do anything worth offense
.
I’ve been here before Way too many times. I’ve spent countless nights in terror Letting out frantic cries. I’ve plotted my death Again, again, and again. I’m willing to give up this fight, After all, it seems to have no end To you, to him, to her
Muted grey
Shades of pain
Blurry sneers
My arms stretched out
Coils freeze on my limbs
Hanging above soulless concrete
I'd rather set myself on fire
Then listen to you anymore
I'd rather burn and scream in hot agony
Then sit in silence feeling the opposite pain within
It was a warm august afternoon that you caught my eye
I never thought that your big brown eyes would make me feel so high.
It wasn't long until you were the only thing on my mind
Hundreds of red lights beaming out to the night A hunkering metal shrine calling out my name Do the drivers beneath know what they're passing under?The drivers to my side never cared much about me
You were beautiful
You could have followed your Dream
You could have kept it cool
Kept your balance on the balance beam
Those tears in your eyes
You never should have hid
I guess no one relaized
The thing that I admired,
That was my role model,
it cradled my cold body,
it tucked me in at night
It still takes care of me sometimes
and makes me forget that-
This Feeling Is Such A Pain.
When beginning this poem
I had an epiphany:
I don’t know what healthy love is supposed to look like
The prompt- “Because I love you”
Only reminds me of a harsh November sadness
The edge is behind you now
What's in front is unclear
Anger, pain, and sadness
It seems you can't hear
Reason to the smallest degree
Your friends start to leave
All you're left with is the previous 3
Blair
A beautiful wonderful, girl who needed someone.
But there was no one.
Alone. Forgotten. And seemingly worthless.
Abandoned at birth and taken by strangers.
Lonely girl lost in the world all alone no place to go not even a home. Tears well in her eyes as she try's not to cry blinking them back but one seems to slip, she wishes the floor will open and swallow her in a zip.
Because I love you
I will uplift you everyday
Because I love you
You will throw any negative connotations about yourself away
You are beYOUtiful
Yes in your own way.
Friends are your soulmates too.
Pain, gaping hole in my chest, torture,
All consuming, obtaining me
Screaming, dying, depressed unchecked
With my clenched fist, white knuckles
Gasping
I used to look
watch and judge
those who didn't think like me
I used to criticize
make fun of and put down
those who didn't act like me
But of course
life has a way of turning
You dare say 'I don't know what pain is',
Yet, dear family, you've been fooled by yours truly.
Drowsiness creeping into my eyes
Reaching up.
Pulling my eyelids down like curtains.
Blocking out the light.
Mind plummeting into darkness.
Hands growing weak.
Unable to fight anymore.
forgive me body, i have failed
i failed to love you and cut again
who knows how long it has been
i made a list of what to do
and chose to cut on you
i thought about all the bad
I fell like a water drop
from the skies tears as it cried
for its lost love,
the earth moved silently
and without the moon
the waves were pulled by
storms of jealously as
winds howled for their
This is the time of our lives that everything changes inside. Left is now right, day becomes night I feel it inside that I am not alright. Save me now, save me now take me down the right path, of endless glory that I will never give back.
I should have known earlier
That something was off.
AGE 3
I am acting out
My own death
Over and
Over and
Over.
Gunshots, falling, screaming,
Nothing.
a hole in the heart,
a gap in the soul.
the ever-widening
rift of fear,
isolation,
and paranoia,
cracking the mind.
This number is only going to do so much for me
It may have someone waiting to save me on the other end
But I don't have the courage to call
I feel like if I call
I'd just take another fall
Trying to call
Beauty doesn't always
come easily.
Insecurity will rear its
ugly head.
But you, my love,
You are so
perfect.
To be like you, one could only
wish.
So please
Everyday brings more and more trouble. Your words inspire fear and tears. But because I love you, I am here.
When you tell me these things, my heart breaks and my soul crubles under the pressure. Because I love me, I am here.
If there is one thing I want,it is to not be a wasted life.I want to say I did things for people.I want to saythat I became a playground for everyone’sdemons,a place for people to leave what won’t
set me free so I can fly
I really want to die
do you know the reason why
neither do i
but I am going to try
I want to fly high
maybe I will reach the sky
maybe I am going to cry
The clocks were pointing at twelve.
Lunch Period.
Nobody knew about the kid crying in the bathroom stall.
He pressed a revolver to his temple,
waiting for the courage to sieze him.
Because I'm not pretty I don't post pictures online
Because I'm not confident I don''t feel comfortable outside
Because I'm not straight I feel worthless inside
Because I'm not social no one hears my cries
Death is knocking at my door again tonight she says
I’m trying so hard to slam the door in his face
But each day it gets a little harder please help me
He’s been persistent comin round every night
Death, just and fair,Beautiful and twisted,Tangible as the air,Unable to be resisted.Death, a friend of mine,I will stay with you even as a ghost,Because through all this time,
These past few dayshave come and gone,almost like the words to your favorite song.I had it all,I felt ten feet tall,like maybe, just maybe, this time I wouldn't fall,fall back down into the darkness below,
Because I love You, Mom
I will lay tell you I stopped feeling good a long time ago
Because I love you
As I sit in the castle,
I feel locked up like a creature.
The world seems still and dull.
Day and Night have become one,
And life moves on without me.
You say I'm a bitch. A stuck up, self-absorbed, chin-up-so-high-it's-a-wonder-it-doesn't-interfere-with-airplane-travel bitch.
666
Or 17 years of age
I was 18
When you messed me up.
I tried
You tried
Money was
And is an issue,
And I only got 6.66 dollars
In my bank account.
It sucks.
Dear Best Friend,
The small smile that appeared on your face when someone acknowledged you or your loud laughter at the simplest joke... It was gone. You are gone.
Baby Seedling:
Helpless and New
Growing Sapling:
Poking your eyes out into the blue
Little Daisy:
So young yet so bold
Teenage Daisy:
Stand tall in the cold
I dont wanna cry.
I dont wanna lie about what happened in my past anymore.
I dont wanna wake up in the morning and see the same
face that hurts me everyday.
I dont wanna see the sun anymore.
Everything I felt came rushing back.
It was like suicide.
My thoughts hung me.
My emotions shot me.
My fears cut me.
My imperfections were an overdose.
I catch a glimpse of your dimples when you laugh,
Thinking to myself,
Why are you still here?
I watch as you water the garden we planted together,
Thinking to myself,
Why are you still here?
Huele a cadaverHuele a cadaver y apesta cada vez mas fuerteHuele a recuerdos a sueños y esperanzacolgando de la orilla de un edificio tratando de salvarse despues de haber tratado de suicidarse,
Just needed one more moment
to tell him he would be okay
Just needed one more moment
to hold him tight and tell him i would never leave him
Just needed one more moment
to say goodbye
People wonder
Why it is teens
Are so suicidal here
Is it because
They are confused
They are being forced
Into a shell
They are basically invisible
To the eye of society
there she was
laid out on a dusty bed
still as a rock
sleeping because
the thoughts in her head
never seemed to stop
oh look, prince charming
handsome as ever
A 16-year-old died last night
And he felt no Love
Only the Darkness
His life consisted of
His mantra to the world
Was, "Reveal the truth!"
However when it came
He sought to delude
“It’s a girl.”
The doctor said
Holding the squirming babe up to show her to her father. Immediately, he tries, and fails, to hide the blue balloons.
“She’s a girl.”
Her cousins state,
In a world of darkness lived a girl lonely and depressed. Suicidal? Yes.
She nevver wanted to be. Everyone she knew blamed her. For Everything.
Their problems. Them losing things. Being Late. It had nothing to do with her.
Oh no!
Today was the day
You murdered a whist
Who stole the skunk
With your own two fists
You have blood on the bed
And brains on your shoes
You must drive yourself
Sitting on the floor,Our hands interlocked, pulling,My eyes watering,
The anger in his eyes,The suffering, the madness,The gun between us.
I extracted myself from my family…...from my friends.
I calmly plucked away, little by little, my involvement, my presence…...my existence.
To no apparent end my soul grew darker than the pits of hell.
Spiteful Mind,
Masochistic Nature,
Why must you be here?
Black Outs,
Red Rivers,
Why must you come so often?
Broken Soul
Crushed Heart,
How am I still alive?
It has started, the final battle.
This struggle of emotions,
that slowly takes over
Everything comes to halt, a stand still,
a dead puls, all the struggle
But it should not hurt this much.
Cinderella mops the floors.
Cinderella has more chores
To pamper, aid, and then protect
The evil sisters that make her a wreck.
Smiling through a crowd of tears,
She hands them dresses as they cheer.
She’s locked me in this maze again
How she laughs at my pain!
I know of the sins she does commit
To escape I shall find proof of it!
Twists and turns mar the path
But reward awaits my grasp.
She didn't know why
Her anti-suicide talks
Wouldn't work on her.
Cut me open like you do those scars on your wrists.
You use to hate the sight of blood,
But now the sting and crimson oozing from your wrist has become your favorite addiction.
In an adverse reality
I'm sure we could live in harmony.
I'm sure an oasis will sprout
With naked men & women
Deer & birds roaming alike,
Conjoined by the gayness within
She feels like a ghost among the living
With no destination or purpose,
A mind so big deserves much more then
Be simply unnoticed by many.
One more step, and she falls on her feet
In a world without magic
and a world without wonder
the princess Aurora
Fell deep into slumber
She slipped away, unnoticed
Into the deepest of sleep.
But couldn't be woken
I'm writing, recording, hustling trying to get paid.
My future brighter than the sun no wonder why they throw shade.
I am my own person.
Still trying to find myself because I'm not certain,
of who I am.
Once upon a time,
There was a beautiful girl.
Her hair smelled of rotten pine,
Skin rotting off in whirls.
"Beauty," the Prince said
I don't belong
I'm broken.
I can't understand
It's unfathomable.
I scare myself
By being me.
I want to kill this life
Its not worth living.
I'm always sorry
For your struggle.
Every breath I exhale
Every time I close my eyes
I'm met with the conclusion
That I'm done with life.
It's hard to see sometimes
Through my blurry vision
Obscured by depression
Hidden by the nightime
She is perfect; slim, beautiful, and more.
She’s not perfect; large, ugly, even less.
She is perfect; rude but never a bore.
She’s not perfect; depressed; nothing I guess.
Face plant off the third floor The blood splatter paints a pretty picture of why he didn't matter And who's sadder the committer or his encouragers Such a shame he had no one around to feel his hurt
Girl hospitalized in bed
Mother wishing that her little girl wasn't death
Doctors are saying that she's gone
Mother won't believe it and starts singing her a song
Mommy is here you don't have to go
The sun shines brighter
I'm a true fighter
I'm no longer alone
I've finally found home
I know I mean something
I've found my voice and now I can sing
I know that [people love me
Don't you feel the noose of night
slowly tightening around your thoughts.
Sufficating you slowly.
You hold a blade in your hand
slashing at the silence that hides it all...
the things you never said
I swallow the pills,
I chase them with the vodka given to me on my birthday 5 months ago.
The tears stop
Everything slows down
My heart begins to slow down
I am angry
I am angry at the word Society
I am angry that people still think Anorexia is just for girls
and I am angry at the term "Pro Ana."
i cry and i get nostalgic
scrolling through old facebook photos
each click opens an old wound
every comment
a shatter of the heart
because i miss the girl i used to be.
Long hair and a smile
There are days when I feel
Alone,
That no one simply cares.
Perhaps if I were to die their lives would be on pause.
For a moment,
And maybe, just maybe they would grieve
A room made of darkness,
Pitch black so I can't see.
The haunting moan of loneliness, in the distance, it calls for me.
What once was full of light and the occasional flicker of pain,
Not one could conceive
Such incapable instant
Merely just a fair boy
Average as the corner store
Which not a shining soul laid eyes upon
I let you inside of my brain,
didn't understand why you caused me pain,
I find myself waking up in the middle of the night,
Trying desperately to feel alright,
There is lead in my bones,
Her hand reaches out
As his pulls away
Grasping air
Grasping nothing
“Don’t…”
She whispers
Desperation near
She Wanted by Z. Alarcon
She wanted arms to hold her,
Not hands to behold her
Dark days, long nights;
Through it all, she sat
TICK.
TICK.
Time is running out. tick.
nobody is around.
tick.
Someone is coming.
I must hurry
The windows to the soul are dark I see
They’re tinted with the night of hope that’s lost
And shattered, clinging piece to shattered piece
While trying to hide the convoluted mess
They say suicide is painless, but is it?
Your life has ended yet you only passed your pain to others.
You look down at your wheeping friends and family.
You want to comfort them but you're dead, remember?
I sit here
Scared and alone
Am I loved? I ponder
I hear someone call for me in the distance
No, it couldn't have been
I shake my head and look at the stars
My tears glisten in the moon-light
One cut, two cuts, three cuts, four.
Knees weak, I'm laying on the floor.
Blood drips, to life come all my fears.
"Is it all over?" scream all my tears.
It seeps through the rug, bright red.
You say that you have nothing left to live forLike all your sand has run down your hourglass figure and you don't have a choiceLike all you've ever live for and done is just dust in the wind, waiting to be blown awayForgottenWhich is to say that i
"Go kill yourself"
Okay
What would you say if I did it
Can't take back what you've written
You're like a snake
And I got bitten
You think I won't make my bed
And lie in it?
All the dark colors,
Bind me to the ground,
Trapped with the memories
I hate and fear the most.
Burn me to ashes,
And when the wind blows,
My death is everywhere.
All the dark colors,
She is light
Living, moving light
She is fire
Dancing, flickering, untouchable
One may try to grasp her
But if he holds onto her too long
He may wish he hadn't at all
She is darkness
In my dreams, I always met the same man
Who always went by the name of Dan.
He never existed before, yet never existed then.
He doesn't exist now, and he will never exist again.
i'm sorry i was the disappointment i'm sorry i could never figure my shit outi'm sorry i was such an embarrassment i'm sorry i can't fix myselfi'm sorry i'm the reason for your paini'm sorry i thought i matter i'm sorry i thought i could do someth
i may as well be a dead roseno one dares to water or revive just to throw out with this weeks disasters and garbage my thorns are fighting those who try to stop me but they aren't strong enough to keep me alive. they may protect me but they can ne
Like a little kid
When the lights go out
My soul is dark and scary
This there is no doubt
My brain wages a war it cannot face
You told me once that you were fine
I told myself you were right, you’d never lie
I know now where i went wrong
Seeing you today was the reminder you are gone
Perhaps
we are all blind sometimes.
Our vision becomes shrouded in the pitch-black
darkness of our own rotten words.
Our blood turns cold, emerald with envy.
as the woman who brought me into this world lay still in the bath tub , she moved, arms suspended in the water, ears just above the line.
He was always a sucker for a pretty face
They're always a sucker for a pretty face
He took me to a place and fed me full
of liquor and drugs
He watched as I got sick on myself
He got me a glass of water
Standing up with my clothes drenched
My palms face up were crimson red
Another gory episode of my self destruct mission replayed
I could feel the curtains of doom closing in
The shores of death were appealing to me
Mechanical gears grinding in a damp room beneath the surface
Metal on metal , ear piercing racket , the noise resonates within
Yet remains muted from above
I was born from drug addicted parents, but no one saw me.
I father killed himself when I was at the age of two, but no one saw me.
My mother was mentally ill and abusive, but no one saw me.
4 AM Is too early. But 12 AM is too late.
I do what I gotta do,
But I'm about to call it quits.
Pull the trigger and splatter my whit.
Sitting in class with my Victoria Secret perfume of Temptation and in my new letterman jacket.
I’m on the honor roll, valen victorian of my class, and engaged, not in some ostensible straitjacket.
Content notice: Violence against people of color,
people with disabilities, trans wimmin, and gender
nonconforming people; allusion to suicide,
sexual violence, and genocide. End of content notice.
Listen
Yes
I killed myself
I once was weak
But now I'm strong
Listen
No
It's not your joke
To laugh about
I almost died
Listen
No
You wouldn't joke
About a war
America the beautiful, the broken
The late night party, he takes advantage
When she wakes up, she feels the damage
There are no repercussions for his evil deed
Just because they smile doesn't mean they're happy
Cause when you look away, it fades away sadly
When they say they're okay, don't think that they're fine
Cause containing suffering is best done through lies
She starves herself to only look as skinny as the girl standing next to her,
She forces herself to binge and purge and binge and purge, a vicious cycle that not only eats away at her body,
it was here that I fell in love
trapped in the salty waves, burning my skin with the most gentle touch
ripples that altered images dancing in my vision
from an emerald sea to the clearest blue sky
I cant do this anymore,
Death is knocking upon my door.
I cut deeper and deeper,
I see the eyes of the real Grim Reaper.
I wield my blade like a weapon in defense,
It is four o’clock in the morning
And I do not have to look at the glowing numbers beside me to know the time.
Every night, it is the same routine:
Close my eyes, try to sleep, and wake up even more exhausted.
A broken boy, a battered girl
Soil from which the fern uncurl.
From two lives, were seeped in pain
Somehow we found our hearts again.
A world of darkness, two specks of light
My bed has always played savior
as I sought refuge from my thoughts,
seeking asylum from my sanctioned brain,
I thought secrecy was my only option.
I thought a safe haven was where I dreamed
covered in dark sheets to hide the blood that I bleed.
My thirteen reasons why
Life pushed me stronger to survive
One. Served for a few years ,
Some very holy regulars came in
They said I've been gaining weight
Your treatment of me
Testament to hypocrisy
Remains of a once treasured now shattered oath scar both body and soul.
None have shown me a thousand Hells the way you did, oh how far you did fall
Every day I see not the land of the free
Not here where children on the streets unkind beg for scraps
Our government, the wolf in sheep’s clothing, giving the illusion of help
There used to be a time she only listened to the sweet harmony,
but the lullaby won't seem to stop dancing on her tongue.
She murmurs the verses at the slow beat of her heart
In America, we are free
To do what we wish
Thus, with joy we cry
And oh how we pray
That freedom has not died
For if she dies we are lost
She wore the smile, she played the part.
She hid her feelings deep within her heart.
She put on a show, faked her smile.
Her feelings and actions are becoming idle.
No one knew, and no one cared.
At least
They can’t hear
what goes on in my head
At least
They can’t see
The tears I have shead
At least
My Favorite Place
Taylor N
Many other’s favorite places lie,
They make it seem as if things will never go wrong.
Like when it’s warm outside,
How does the narration convey the idea that Meursault is a simple man to the reader?
He’s not
He’s not
He’s not
He’s not
He doesn’t have access his emotions
He’s taking it day by day
She's the type of girl
That everyone would desire
Long hair, beautiful
So many do admire
But what you see on the outside
Really doesn't matter
Cause she's hurting inside
Ready to die
The pain of the cuts in the bleed and the bleeding in my cuts, the sorrow's rush. Explain to what is happening, this unknown feeling of the pulse of a dying heart. Because I gave you my all. What makes it worse is that you left me to fall.
brokenand I refuse to bealive and energizedbecause who I am issuffering everydayby drowning my sorrows in alcohol,but nothing changeseverything can be overin one small instant
no one will ever love me
that’s why I hopelessly stare into the sea
I tell you I don’t care, I telly ou I’m fine
It’s all via text, in reality I’m on my third bottle of wine
And my head won’t stop spinning
The same song
Sung by people who wouldn't want you
To hate yourself
The same song
Sung by people who wouldn't want you
To hurt yourself
“Relief is here, no more tears.”
They say as I try to disappear.
I don’t understand why they care
I wish they’d leave me alone instead.
They want me home, they want me safe.
When all I want is to escape.
Starlight, stage fright
All the lights on stage are bright.
Acting, packing
A home for an actress is slacking.
Down stage, up stage
Everything feels the same
Roses, poses
She feels overexposes.
Taking a deep breath and jumping off the ledge
or cutting my wrists with a straightedge
seemed to be the only way out
Thats just the way I saw it
Suicidal tendencies cured by a make believe afterlife
i do a lot of staring
staring at the computer screen
staring at the ceiling
staring at my hands when hurt them
staring at my feet when i bruise them
I tried.
My words don't come out as easy anymore
Yet my tears can tell stories
My face like an open book
So no- I am not fine
I never was
I tried.
As I lay awake at 3 in the morning, laying there remembering the good days. Where i didn't have to worry, the days where I didn't stress the days when the nights seemed less scary.
Having a mental ilness is like walking blindfolded in a forest
You can never rest, you feel you can count on no one
Because your brain tells you there is no one
It says: "You don't have any friend but me"
Anna is the smell of oatmeal with pears and strawberries
Illegal in the eyes of the judiciaries
More hot and heavy than every star in Aries
Anna and I held hands in eighth grade
"Your hands are sweaty."
You call to me in the night,
A silent black monolith of blue light,
Looming in my waking thoughts and dreams,
Punching buttons and tapping strings,
The world I think is dull and grey,
She wants to be deadBecause of all the words she hears.She never tried to fight the lies that were said.The lies come in many forms; some were read others were heard.The sad part is its not just her who have to fight the wordsThe words that feels
Sometimes I think, I think a lot. I’ve never had a moment without melancholy thought.
I ask what it’s like to die, or how one could do it.
I think about life, and how I’ll get through it.
She's suicidal,
Finally done,
Looking up to their idols,
Chest feels like a ton,
Slowly losing vitals,
It's no longer fun,
The endless cycle.
She's not the only one,
The ink of laughter painted across my rib
Flat beyond opinion,
Line below a beat.
representing a break, the breath, a life.
The greens and blues
of circles and spaces of stars and faces
When you jokingly say “ohmygod I hate you!”
And I say laughing “I hate me too so it’s all good”
You may be joking, but I’m not
It feels like yesterday
It all happened to quick
I cry from it still
Why did you have to go
So young
So bright
So handsome
So sweet
The pain to know
My bestfriend thinks this is a myth,
-didn't really have the heart to tell her that it's real,
and that I've experienced it.
I mean,
I guess I kind of told her,
I live in fear
That one day
One day
We will die
No, not just one
All of us.
I Live in fear
Knowing that
Coming from the continent of Africa
Born into a family from Paris, Tennessee.
My name is Darice
Click goes the shutter,
Flash goes the light,
She tells you, "Don't blink!"
But you just might.
The time that i didn't come home for a day
was because I thought
I was doing the right thing.
I thought that meaby
if i disapeared my family
was going to be happy.
That my mom was going to be happy
There once was a little bird
Who just wanted to fly
“Spread your wings and leap,”
The other birds told her,
They say we’re all unique
Each perfectly imperfect
But I see nothing good in my reflection
My head fills with self-loathing
Never pretty enough
Glad It’s Over.
Because it was closer than the celebrities for me.
He died.
Then he died.
Then he died.
And it all piled up.
A mother hatred for a child is like a gunshot to the heart. A father absence is like a never ending nightmare. A grandmother dying wish, is like having your soul be taking away from you from God himself
Today, it finally hit me; that moment of realization. I remember the days in my life that were so horrible and low. I remembered the moment, but not the feeling.
Once upon a time there was a girl who dug for Dino bones in her front lawn and had short wavy curls. She feared teenagers and drowning in the deep end of the pool.
A year ago,
Songs, songs were just songs.
Songs that were tunes to jam to.
We had songs,
Certain songs.
Mostly 90s alternative songs.
Songs that when I heard them made a warm rain the perfect dance floor.
it was anonymous, her name was never said, but i knew, my pain knew, without finishing the Message:
because We
had spoken about it before, my voice burning with love
I held the whole bottleof little rose colored tablets.I slowly turned on the cdthat my youth pastorhad given to me. Maybe if I listen
I see an empty body
I see empty eyes
I feel the cold skin
I hear desperate lies
He sits too still
His car in park
His telephone buzzes
Flashes light, then dark
There was a girl that I once knew
With golden hair and eyes of blue,
Laughter that caused stomach aches
Compassion that could never break.
Friend's and family's hearts would flood
He was Alone
Noone to see, No one to feel
Never looking up only feeling down
He couldn't take it any longer.
After 13 years of feeling nothing
He decided he wanted to do something
As I’m lying stiff in my bed,
Listening to the empty streets,
Absorbing the buzzing of tiny insects,
And analyzing the peaceful swishing of leaves
As they sway back and forth in the wind,
I inhale.
I am depressed In this messThat I carved my life into,Into this dark abyssWhere I miss The stars zooming around my faceMusic hurrying up their pace
Blood
I can smell it
on your sheets.
I can see it in your eyes,
I hear it in your voice.
I know that I've lost you
I can tell
If only you were here,
You would have been able to kiss me goodbye
Wish me luck and try your best not to cry
As I drove off to learn and live alone
Instead, I had to tell your tombstone
If only you were here,
I can't handle this pain
it clouds my eyes
I'm going insane
waiting for my demise
I'm seeing double vision
picking apart my skin
with great precision
a game I cannot win
she has a universe engraved on her wrist
and stars in her eyes
with her dreams plastered across her figure
she is an infinite expanse
a world unexplored
we were happy once
back when we were but children, giggling
at the minute moments
innocent, but ignorant.
not yet accustomed to the term depression
Our principal announced it on a Tuesday,
His somber tone echoing through the hallways.
The boy I loved was never coming back again,
Something awful had happened to him.
My Depression said to say hello, and that she's sorry we've never formally
met, she said she was too disgusted by me to bring me any sooner, that I
was a horrible creature that had hope, and she had to make sure every last
Do you ever get that feeling The feeling of wanting to fly But your wings are broken Every word unspoken Do you ever get that feeling The longing desire to run But your legs are paralyzed Your nerves are tranquilized Tell me the truth As my so
"Fuck."
"I want to die," I say.
"I wasn't supposed to let it get this bad again," I say.
As if I have any choice in the matter.
As if my brain isn't the traitor here.
Who was it that hurt you
I wish I could make you ok
Who made you feel you couldn't be
I wish you would shine like early may
I wis these words wouldn't make you break
Who was it that hurt you
If I could go back and do it all again who would I be?
Would I still be me?
Would I have stood up for that kid,
or would I have just hid?
He needed me
heavy eyes placed in a heavy skull
slowly close and don't open
heavy with pain
heavy with sadness
heavy with despair
a heavy heart
more than an expression
heavy with loss
pierce my skin with your
silver blade tongue
you weapon of madness
with cold metal lines
and warm red taste
pale piercing pain into
flushed bliss
soft pink clouds float
The pain started in his head, bouncing between his ears like a bullet richocheting through a tunnel.
Soon enough the pain slithered down his throat and into his lungs, clinging and growing like a fungus.
It was all one big jump back in time.
And those bad people,
All the bad they did,
And there she was helpless.
Doing what she do best.
Taking "it"
How can you live?
You. You who want
More than anything to die
You say that each day you look in the mirror
With a knife blade held
Ready to kill
You speak of bedsheets and blood
No breath
Silently weep
A shattered heart yet with no sound
I'm torn
Look down
You don't belong
The world is too cruel for angel
It's time
Goodbye
I am a twisted thing, broken and torn in places.
Like the grass I continue to grow.
The cutting down, being stepped on and poisioned.
It has left me bitter, jagged and dull.
The leaf begins to fall
and the blade becomes red.
My heart dies for her.
I see what could have been,
I took one too many
I hope it
will make me better.
I need to have plenty;
Maybe even twenty
To make me better.
I found a faded photograph
Of my grandparents
Not the grandparents you’ve met
My grandmother who died of cancer
The one I’m named after
My biological grandfather who killed himself
I sat there waiting to be hugged by the sweet arms of death.
I sat there awaiting the clock to strike twelve and for my fairytale to end.
Children of God in the youth psych ward
walking like the dead
lights in the windows too high to reach
black pits in your stomach where you swear your Soul used to be
Dreadful Dreadful
In every cell
Dreadful Daughter
Lives in hell
Dreadful Dreadful
You cant tell
Dreadful Daughter
Fakes it well
Dreadful Dreadful
Hear her knell?
I stop. The blade freezes.
Change, there is so much
That has changed.
Adulthood is near,
I don´t find joy in stupid things,
I have grown.
Physically, mentally,
but my emotional growth lacks.
I'm the lifeless kid,
The one sitting in the corner,
One wrist stained red,
One hand controlling the knife.
But no one cares to ask,
They all sit there to laugh.
Where's the fun in that?
The sun may rise everyday, Birds may sing,Flowers may bloom, A perfect picture of life.Tick, tick, tick,Time moves slowly when you're nervous.Nervous about yourself.Nervous about the pain.Nervous about what they’ll say today.Anxiety builds up insi
I was stuck in this 3AM daydreamwhere the music was faded through water,and I couldn't hear my screams. I was caught in a cage with all borders closed. Tolerance was terrifying, but I already knew.
A year ago today
The end of October
A happy girl stood on a scale and saw the number had dropped
Joy filled her!
Soon she had to buy all new jeans because all of hers were to big
Size 8! Isn't that great!
It’s almost impossible to weed out the roots you planted in me
The seeds of hope that you’d get better
The promises that you weren’t going to leave us
You left me when I needed you the most, you died when I was so young,now you're just a ghost.
Yes I am broken and bruised,
Yes willingly, I love the abuse,
Yes the nights are long
There’s not enough distractions in the day,
Yes the reasons to leave
Outweigh the reasons to stay,
Trying to write what i feel
Putting emotions into words
Trying to explain these things
I dont even know what they are
When the words won’t come out
I’m going to keep on writing
until I cannot write
kind of like I’ll keep on seeing
until I lose my sight.
When assigning colors to things, I think that:
Logic is black against white and white against black.
*DISCLAIMER + TRIGGER WARNING*
*This was written purely by imagination and personal experience, but in no way is this poem about me.
This poem also holds a trigger warning so please be safe and careful.*
One with rainbow hair and one with golden eyes.
A high school project turned sweet
As a kid
I loved swimming
It was something
That made me happy
As I grew
My love
For immersion
Became fear
As I realized
The mental horror
Of drowning
Why is it that the more recovered I think I am,
The happier I seem,
The more I smile,
The more open I am...
Why is it that, inside, things might just be getting worse?
It's a trick,
You will wish to have called just once more
To have heard their voice once more
To have held their hand when it wasn’t cold
To have hugged them tighter the last time you saw them
On Monday, she’s weary, teary, and unsure. She is sure that she’ll be able to fake a smile, but unsure if her friends and family will know it’s fake.
Pressure gets at everyone
So much to get going
Wheels turn fast in the mind
More and more getting crammed in
Spinning faster and faster
Until you break
And you fall
Speaking out is scary
Writers suffer from a chronic parasite; it is called writers block.
They are discouraged yearly from writing due to the failure of the workshops.
Tears roll down from eyes to the ground;
They tickle my cheeks and chin, yet I am not smiling.
As my face becomes wet; my hands become soaked
You're not even a thing!
I can't even touch you!
You cause my sleepless nights and my early wakeups!
You're always there!
lingering at my bedside singing a lone note in the darkness!
Raise your hand if you’ve ever fucked up
I mean, really fucked up
Like, instead of falling off the cliff you dove
And instead of hitting rock bottom you crashed into Hell.
She came and went.
as if it were easy
for all of us
to stand back and
watch.
Faster, slower, stop.
the water continued
dripping
collecting
cascading towards
Image: Aging Hourglass by Muskan Srivastava
She is cold on the ground, I think.
Her body has not reached decomposition, yet
And that is good for the funeral director.
You were my life and, my light.
Then came that cold, dark night
Now the only time i see your face is in the pictures of this old place
Without you, i dont know what to do
Why did this happen to you?
Did you know that child and teen suicide rates
are at an all time high, right now?
That suicide is the 2nd most popular cause of death
for 13-17 year old boys and girls?
This is goodbye.
Goodbye to the changing trees,
Who always have an opinion on life.
Goodbye to the pack of wolves,
Who always try to rip me apart.
She wakes up to the cries of her hungry child.
Another night another hungry tummy experience.
She hobbles to her baby’s cot,
And feeds her from a dry breast,
Before taking a cup of dirty water,
Have you ever met someone,
And thought that it was for real,
And that the friendship would last forever?
Have you ever had that person stab you in the back?
Or lie straight to your face?
A mask of lies
Forges her ultimate disguise
A smile
Glimmering with false joy
Inside she's just a toy
A toy to her anxiety and depression
Kneeling against these creaky doors,Lazily carving incisions,To take back my skin from the pain,Then I decided to spew out,A chalice of apparent relief,And fall into the puddle,Letting the tears benumb the stench,My insides clenched onto the despa
I was eight years old when someone asked me what I wanted to be when I grow up. I said, I want to be a singer. I want to be pretty, I want to be popular.
A girl. Eleven years old. Same girl. Twelve years old. Same girl. Fourteen years old. Same girl. Eighteen years old. What do they have in common? They have brown hair. They love to sing.
Awake choking,
Bathe crying,
Walk limping,
Become deserted,
And you'd understand why suicide is prevalent,
It's just another way out of this claustrophobic world,
Some times fate takes too long,
The scratchy noose around your neck,
A short, endless jump.
All that you have ever been,
Ending with one step.
A future, distant, bright, untouched,
Never to be lived.
Please stay
I've watched as the things that I loved fell away
And sometimes I struggle to make it through every day
Missing before the night I left,
Invisible to those around me,
Lost in my own world,
Trying to survive on my own,
Trying to be noticed,
Trying to reach out and beg someone for help.
when you find yourself on the precipice
imagining a romanticized image
of the stars dimming and the earth stopping its spinning
you are quite wrong my love
in thinking that because you lose conciousness
Image by Ted Pim
Daddy, why’s mommy crying? Daddy, why’s mommy locked in her room? Daddy, where’d mommy go?
“Mommy’s feeling sad today, feeling tired today; mommy’s going away for a while.
You never know, never see
can never really tell for sure because
everyone has different limits
everyone has different heights
and even if it's not
bad for you
it might be bad for them.
I can speak
I can stare
I can try to comfort
Try to imagine
I still have yet to comprahend
A choice that was made
A choice I have thought of many times
Relentless in his pursuit, Death is the one suitor I cannot resist.Like most men who court me, hedoesn’t know the definitionof no, but he has only ever treated me holy-a thing I have always yearned for
YOU laugh as YOU push her down insulting her size, pointing out all her flaws while she lies on the grown This is a daily thing for YOU and YOU don't even know her name, everyday you wait for her after school to tease her as if she's the blame, Sh
you hear the wind breezing through the forest around you
and the crickets chirping almost mournfully in déja vu
finally you hear a horn screaming
Those few weeks before
I knew something was wrong
From the music he was listening to
To his dearly departed smile
That day he didn't show up again
Why
He'd been there
Before
Left alone , all aloneyet the house is full she faked her smile because with eher xeprience she believedthe world was cruel ever
The butterflies will soon turn to ashes, to just an empty feeling inside,
You stare in the mirror.
"Take the blade," he whispers.
"do it, just one cut. No one's stopping you."
One cut, two.
Its just another day,
My meals were a blur,
I powered through day struggles,
Knowing nothing different will occur,
I find myself wondering if I could change my life,
Make it a bit happier,
I hate the world.
Especially when I find myself
In an office on a hot afternoon
This is not my cup of tea.
I am busy talking to people I couldn’t care less about;
About shit nobody cares about.
The rose is mineI cherished itIt's something sacred and uniqueSome give it up so fastGive it away at any momentTo a boy or a girl
It has been one of those days,
Where I don't care if she goes or stays.
Deadlines passed me by,
And bosses expressed their dissapointment.
It was generally a day,
Of emotional excrement.
It’s all so cold
lost and lonely, veiled by frost-
be quiet, I’m told
never speak up, no cost
never any loss-
Some dreams are worse than others,
but they're all the same,
a passage to a better life,
it's difficult to explain,
whether by knife or by rope,
either way,
i couldn't cope,
His shoes’ soles are gone from the incessant walking.
Under the scorching sun he is bathed in sweat.
Armed with numerous certificates,
He embarks on a futile job hunting journey.
I can run
You can't hide
A fortnight ago
I swore you died.
I watched as you burned
Flesh cracked and turned
black as the night.
Not a star in sight.
I watched you melt away
Girl
How are you tonight?
A shield made of dark brown hair
You tremble, turning away
Are you cold?
Girl
You've stopped talking
The light from your eyes has faded
When I was a young age of
four,
I wanted to understand why the other kids could run
faster and l o n g e r
than I could.
When I was
six,
I did not know why the big, bad
i’m becoming what i hate
i’m becoming who i fear
hanging on another day
holding out another year
so three cheers for self improvement
When did you realize that there was nobody you needed but yourself? How could you tell that you would always be there and that they would not? When you find yourself unable to rise in the morning unable to turn the faucet on to clean your face una
silent breaking, day by day
against my will, I run away
afraid of those I used to trust
one breath away from giving up
Hope seems but a vague memory
Failure.Seven letters perfectly construed to describe my very existence. Misunderstood.Four syllables that boom in my ears, deafening the good thoughtsthat are now few and far between.
The flirtatious girl who’s so insecure.
With her light green eyes that always end with a blur.
im really rather fond of drivingof moving, while not moving muchof possessing the power to annihilatebut using it for meandering about andgoing to mcdonalds
Suffering for years before
taking every insult in full
Sobbing, Screaming
From The Pain
Finally found a way
to send the agony away
that awaits me with each passing day
Can someone please tell me why this world is so full of words I can't understand
Why I can't comprehend
please lend me a hand so I can understand how to be your friend
Do you make wishes at 11:11Do you plan from 11:09 When your hope bubbles over andAll of your troubles and desires File into a line where the biggest dream races practicality for a spot in the frontAnd converts to words soon to be evaporated into a
I became a poet when I was born
I became an artist when I died
Putting ink to the paper
helped me feel what was inside
As a babe I saw everything around me
I'd lose sleep so as not to miss a thing
I'm trying to live, but end up merely existing..
I don't know what to do any more.
I'm stuck inside myself reaching for a door that no longer opens
and i am becoming hoarse from screaming..
Young boy walks home from school,
It’s been a long day,
The other kids can be so mean,
He just wants to feel okay,
Young boy is so tired inside,
So he puts on a mask to hide,
She wears a shimmering skin of silicon and lace. Reflected in a silver screen is the soft curve of her face. Her eyes are lit from within with a gentle buzzing glow, but their soft shine conceal a pain no one will ever know.
If we live everyday with the blinds closed, we will never notice if the sun has set or if the moon has risen, rather life takes a standstill.
Life is so precious, beyond what we can see. So you must stay positive, and that is the key. Ending your life will not make the storm better, it only ends the chance for better weather.
There were dolphins on the ceiling,
their grey bodies in greenish waters,
dancing through shadows cast by artificial moonlight
On the day my sibling chose the rope
A woman came to the door
After dad cut him down
I listened to his chest
There was no beat
The red ink is beautiful,
It oozes from dark to light,
Brought upon this clean slate
With a sharp quill that glints in the moonlight.
Gliding along the paper,
The sharp quill glows,
The One who calls from the Light,
declares all who submit will be free.
I have seen what life in Death has done,
almost stealing my life away from me.
For fiery passions and endless sadness,
Suicide as easy as a knot in a rope
as easy as an overdosage of pills
suicidal thoughts run though my brain
crash and burn
its ruining my dreams
death isnt the way to go
no matter what you say or do
it will never be
enough
not what they're looking for
so your feelings,
they're ignored
they're a lie
just like you
just because you're a liar too
Only so many times a heart can tear
So why did it?
None of you were there
Hard to think that
You'd believe all their lies
It left me tongue tied
So I cried
He stares at his ceiling
It's half past four
It's paranoia he's feeling
He looks at his door
No one will come
Yet, he still tries to run
Away from his demons
They scare him a ton
Good morning, they say
And I'll say it back
But I still desire unconsciousness
Not because I need the rest
Although I do
But I stay on my feet anyway
Aware of my struggle to
She cannot tell them what she feels
Nor what she thinks in her tortured mind
Because if she does she knows how it will look
And deep down inside she cares what you think of her
You are a good thing.
You are the poems that you devour and that you dream of creating.
You are every piece of art that you love,
You are a piece of art.
You're not who you used to be.
You know that.
I know you do.
But you also don't know who you used to be.
You were never strong-willed and you were never really happy.
Why don't I just kill myself?
Already you're worrying, letting out a moan
And Questioning my mental health
As you dial 911, Fearing that I'll soon be a dial tone
Why don't I just kill myself?
Already you're worrying, letting out a moan
And Questioning my mental health
As you dial 911, Fearing that I'll soon be a dial tone
I thought about you then
I wanted to fight for you
I didn't want it to end
I thought about you then
I wondered how you were doing,
I meant to call,
to tell you that I missed you
What is left after we go our separate ways?
Never to see each other again,
When once we saw each other everyday.
after all the words are spoken,
The things that they said that left me broken.
She wore it to his funeral,
But it’s also the aura of her soul.
It’s murder in cold blood; she stabbed him 27 times.
It’s the colour of hearts breaking apart,
The colour of death and imperfection.
I can stop at any time,
I don’t need it.
I just want it.
The needles, the pills…
The crystal, the shrooms…
The dust, the dragon…
My tabs, my acid…
My herbs and my rock…
I like the warmth,
Across the scarlet horizon she stares,
Her motivation gone, she no longer cares.
Closer and closer to the edge she creeps,
“He doesn’t love me. He doesn’t want me,” is all she speaks.
You may be wondering
How your pain goes unnoticed.
Feeling like you're screaming,
And nobody is even looking in your direction.
How is it possible
That nobody hears?
How much longer can I hold on?
Hold on to this reality,
The smiles that I place
On my usually tiered face.
Hold on to this image that you see
A confident girl that is happy.
Mike,
I met you at a rave after months of feeling so alone in such a big place
You made me feel pretty
You showed me off to your friends even though we had just met
Mike,I met you at a rave after months of feeling so alone in such a big placeYou made me feel prettyYou showed me off to your friends even though we had just metYou made me feel cared aboutWe became best friends and started spending every second t
She is a brick amongst rubble. Poisoned by melon and hollyShattered by the remains of melancholy Shattered is thy word that was never releasedFractured by teardrops which needlessly ceasedDid thy holy breath breathe away thy sin? Did I invite da
can’t tell people anything
they think i’m crazy
i guess i am
but all i need
is someone to listen
and understand
without having to plead
The men march on ceaselessly into battle;Rifles strapped,Boots cleaned meticulously,Trained for the unknown war.
A candle is lit in the windowA year after the darkest of daysEvery song played upon the radioTorments the soul in the saddest of ways.
There was this time I wanted to die, nobody listened, and bitterly angry tears flowed as I cried alone. Then I found a notebook and a pen, I remember the first stroke, feeling human again. Oh how I wanted to die.
I plant my feet slowly and reach out all around
Fingertips brushing up against the thoughts in my head
They seem to scream but my lips are bound
Shushing them, I see my mind was mislead
Oh God.
How did I get here
The world has grown to big
I've only grown in fear
This morning.
I swear it was this morning.
I woke in my mothers' arms
I was so big then.
When Robbin Williams died,Suicide,My family sighed saying, that's just how things are sometimes.
Sometimes
the darkness overwhelms me,
constricting my lungs
until I forget what it's like to breathe deeply. Sometimes
the darkness consumes me,
eating away at my happiness
There is yellow caution tape
around my wrist. It is the only
thing that stands out in this pristine
white bathroom that feels more like
You stepped out of love with me, baby
as I tumbled out of love with myself, baby
as you tried to claw the pills from my shaky
I held my champagne glass high
A man made a witty toast,
We all laughed in agreement.
And then we raised the liquid to our lips
As I looked around the vast living room,
when i was about to suicide
when i was about to kill myself
you stayed around me so i'd
stopped feeling worthless-myself.
do you know what you'd said?
you said that i matter.
You let a chair fall sideways, and you let a rope do you wrong. A basket filled with gratitude is now a basket filled with garbage.
I'd felt along the streams of scars upon her arms
And whispered, asking her, is she sure they are stretch marks
Only then did I realise children are just as brave as adults
I am sinking.
I am sinking,
and I can't remember -
where I started
or why I am here?
The azure Sky,
the open Sky Open.
I scent the Earth in myself . . .
I am sinking.
Staring up at the midnight sky,
hear the quiet passing by.
We can't get those thoughts out of our head,
so we keep them in until we are dead.
Twinkling stars that are shining so bright,
Not to rain on your parade
But I’m not the fragile crybaby you think I am.
You see,
Suicidal thoughts weight a ton
I trek through concrete jungles
With 500 pounds of loneliness on my backpack,
Join me here, my love
In the place where flowers grow
Side by side, let us stand, my love
And take one last final bow
Where the grass grows green
And the sky blooms blue
The nightmares don't end when I turn on the light,
My thoughts prevent me from my rest in the night,
So harsh and so cruel not a good thing to say,
They leave me so nervous to take on the day,
Self-control
Death seer’s gift that makes me write
A wronged wing takes right flight
I could not see a life as beautiful as this to end with a left turn
No birth after life
New birth is after death
The cleanser
The self-kill
Our natural calling
Natural self-loathing
7 weeks since6 letters2 spellings1 deadI'm alive Her name meant“pure beauty”but nothing beautiful comes from the soundof my,hers,our name. The two syllables of a seemingly innocent name turns myheart into a tornado,my mind into a volcano. Her name
Late night conversations make you learn a lot about the people you thought you knew,
with liquor savored on our lips, and the night sky above, everything seemed infinite.
Death is the Greatest Truth
Do tell me why you left?
Each night I stare up at the ceiling and I’m tempted to scream your name,
After all, you did this to me, didn’t you?
When you ask me,
"Are you okay?"
I want to say no,
I want to say that I'm breaking inside,
That I'm a shattered piece of this human being I used to be,
He draws with silver
And it comes out red
Neat
Clean lines
Cover most of his body
He tries to go deeper
Fear of failure
Pain
Some people hate it
Avoid it heavily
Others enjoy it
Seek it out
I myself am the latter
Physical pain
I can control
Keep your sleeves down
Keep your hood up
Keep your voice quiet
Keep your silence overwhelming
They’re never notice you
The see what they want
When you welcome the pain
It stops hurting
It becomes nice
When you cause it yourself
You can control it
You feel it better
Why is it
That i feel most alone
Surrounded by people?
Why is it
I feel most unwanted
When people say they love me?
Why is it
You can stitch my skin
But not my heart
You can mend my wounds
But not my mind
You can heal the surface
But not deep down
I am a tight rope walkerarms out, muscles tense, fighting gravitycrowds gather to watch my fall
I am a ship in a bottle trapped behind a wall of glassyearning for a sea I was not made for
Laughter, Light, I smile so bright. I've fooled you again, One more time. This is the night, I can't take anymore. I have done this, All before, If I scream & cry, No one will hear. So I'm sat here silent, Drowning in fear. I can't do this,
Here’s to the girl
The girl that used to smile and laugh
A light in the room and flower in the dark
Who now lays on the floor of the chapel with tears in her eyes
Here’s to the girl
i guess this is what happens
when people get too close
they see i am too much
i am nothing but suffering
i consume
the love i try to give gets engulfed back into me
with the brutal force of rejection
To those ready to leave, your coats are being washed
It seems something's spilled on them and now you have to stay
At least until I'm finished saying what I need to say
I feel neglected by the hearts that surround me,
I'm trying to use my words to communicate
But nothing seems to appear
I feel so vacuous with no one to call friend,
You don't need my confession
To know that I'm struggling with depression
it follows me everywhere I go
and I wish it wouldn't show
I can bury my face in other things
How do I fill this void
I have tried distractions and diversions
But I am still a very sad person.
I try not to lose my writing passion
I must say that love is a disease
it can bring us to our highest so fast
but destroy us all with ease
And after that, not even a second do we last
PURPOSE.
WHEN IT DISAPPEARS IT DRIVES YOU INTO WINDING, DARK ROADS IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT.
THEN SLYLY WHISPERS IN YOUR EAR TO MAKE YOU THINK EVERYTHING IS ALRIGHT.
On the verge you are. to show yourself even though I fight through my willingness
How ironic is it
That the birth and the death
Of someone is heralded in by a
Cry?
A cry to free the lungs,
A cry to pierce the heart,
A cry to signal life,
A cry to signal death.
Spirit will ……never vanish.
The darkest hour…upon the isle's stage.
No, I simply cannot let it be so for me ever.
On a desolate isle, I refuse to back down.
Standing before the Lord of Flies.
She stood rocking on the edge of the world
Forward lies sweet escape,one step, and it all flies away.She'll never be hurt again, and I can keep his pain at bay.
Picture painting on a smile
Beautiful brushstrokes create compelling art
But it hasn't been real in a while
So the artistry begins to fall apart
Welcome to the Illness
It kills this realness
I never loved you
You're better off dead
Hope itself left you
Father's words shouting in her head
Her heart scarred deep
Here's the reason why she bled
Hating who I am
I hate how the word hopeimpersonates a pleasant state of being
How it whispers wishful whimpers
Soft promises to keep my heart beating
As if I need to hold on
To My Angel,
The frustration of figuring out what to wear when I was first meeting you was surreal.
I've got blues
Them ole crazy blues
Them ole crazy blues won't leave me alone
I've sat here and I've cried
I've sat here and I've moaned
If it wasn't for my man I wouldn't have these blues
I look across the silent room
Every chair is overturned
My stuff is strewn around the floor
And everything is still
The phone sits off its hook
A knife
Is so innocent with the potential for so much harm.
So shiny, so pristine when maintained.
I’ve imagined those knives in the kitchen,
So sharp with their ebony handles,
Plunged into my chest
I HANG my head low
And shake it with shame
How will I live with what I have done
Can count on my fingers how many people Will forgive me
Here I sit with perpetual pain and misery
It hurts….My heart
A dark mass engulfs me I feel vulnerable and weakFor I am fearful that there is no lightBeyond the darkness that fills my lungsThoughts of death loom in the back of my mindSlowly clawing its way forward Like a spoiled child seeking attention What
When it comes to showing feelingsI hide the truth in what I say,Work for the truth if you dareFor I keep my feelings hidden away.
Food.
Water.
Love.
Hope.
People say these things keep them alive. And they do.
They make life worth living. They give hu-
mans the spark they need to continue on.
But when they’re gone,
There we were, standing
Back-to-back, fighting
We could make it
Our attackers stood no chance
Two of us, thousands of them
And yet
Unnatural selection
We are deemed unfit
Unsuited for the environment
That’s it
She screams
I quit
That cruel winter day, she knew, would be filled with hate,
That one, single day would determine her fate,
If they smiled, or stared,
How much she wishes they cared,
As they laugh and call her names,
I was happy.
We were happy.
I don't think you know, but I heard the gun.
Now, I live alone in numbness.
The feeling consumes me; that's all there is.
No peace.
Just noise.
(Breath in
Breath out).
My sanity has reached its brink
I take this time to sit here and think
Deep thoughts
Maybe even weak thoughts
Though happiness is very close,
happiness is hard to find,
real, true happiness.
Everyone deserves happiness.
I had to start taking risks
without worrying about the consequences,
One word from you and I
Flinch and cringe and wonder why
Why must your words hurt me so?
If you knew, the pain would show
And then you would truly know
How deep the bullet of my sorrow goes
applying for heaven
purgatory
is cold and bright
and smells like metal.
g-d’s butler will have you sit down at a crappy plastic desk
My depression is my blood
A dark substance flowing through my veins
It's killing me though
Dragging me into a dark abyss of death
Feeding on my pain and sadness
Slowly killing me
Eyes red, dried tears on her cheeks;
On the roof she sits with pen and paper
Describing the beauty of the street lights
The sound of the rustling trees
Before I take a trip, take a beat, take a breath
Take stock, what I've got
Is waking moments and sleeping thoughts
In my head, I have music, I have stories, I have friends
Give me something to die for Bless me with martyrdom Proffer to me, the glory of a selfless end Show me a death worth dying Convince me there is a life worth living I beg to you, God-- Let me not feel guilty for
If only you had said something,
If only you had told me.
If only you had let me know
That you wanted to be free.
If only I had said something,
If only I had asked you.
The empty smiles we put on every morning
Like a mask, we are forced to wear it.
Nobody understands the tears
That lie behind our smiles
Or the laugher that rings
To hide our sobs.
oh hi
how's it going
i'm fine
nevermind
i'm dieing inside
i'm not strong enough
Just too weak
but i'm supposed to be strong
When you look at him, he can feel his veins burn up, he can feel them grow weak as his blood grows stale.
He walks like he has some place to be,
hurried footsteps resounding through the empty hallways.
He keeps his head down, watches his feet, as if that will save him from stumbling.
Blood
Sweat
Tears
My blood is spilt for your sacrifice
Dirty to the touch
You are sick with delight
When I am alone
Quite often I'm thrown
Violently into a mood
By my pensive attitude
I think of my past
The time that has passed
You take the knife and you take the blade
You dig it in and draw some blood
But it’s time to stop, your night is made.
Listen and let the tears flood.
Yeah, I was sad when Robin Williams died
I sat there and watched as my whole family cried
But what got me was the outrage that came from his suicide
Yet, nobody cared this much when Lelah Alcorn died
We wake up every morning because they tell us to.
Throwing on clothes as they see fit.
We wake up every morning because they tell us to.
Going to schools they see as fit.
diagnosed at twelve
hold head under water swallow pills cut cut cut cut
still breathing
flinch when someone jokes about self harm
"kill yourself" laugh it off
vomit in the trash can
JR Farrell
the one person i absolutely
need
the one person
whom is everything
is three since months gone
to get him back i’d do
JR Farrell is
the one person i absolutely
need
the one person
whom is everything
is three since months gone
to get him back i’d do
I've been robbed.
Robbed of all sources of light-
Robbed of the light of feelings of worthiness
robbed of the lights of dance
and laughter
robbed of the drive to seek out more lights-
rape victims
they are not crazy
abuse victims
they are not crazy
bullying victims
they are not crazy
drug addicts and alcoholics
they are not crazy
people with depression and anxiety
Can somebody take me away,
To a better place,
Where your skin doesn't bleed,
And your eyes don't cry,
And happiness lasts,
More than a fleeting moment?
Or does that place only exist,
In this constant burning hell.
This horrendous disaster called a life,
I fight on and on
though nothing ever work.
I only sink deeper and
deeper
into madness.
Forever stuck in this hell
Red scars run along my arm
Blood dripping down
A Red River runs far
And a child bathes in his pain
The Red River is diluted
With a single pure tear
Filled with pain and possibility
The wind rushed quietly as I made my way down the backroads of my small town
Picking up speed, cruising as if there was all the time in the world
The sky was a lilac blanket, quiet and still
A foggy night, dizzying heights, the heady scent of the things he tries to fight
Thunder crashing, his heart's thrashing, raindrops splashing, nature's might
Safe and sound, enclosed around him, a resounding consequential roar
Insomnia seems to grace me
With his presence each night.
Loneliness often deafens me
With the words he left unspoken.
Anxiety holds me hostage,
Invoking memories I want to forget.
green apple tiles are leaving
a red check pattern on my calves,
on the sides of my thighs.
it’s two in the morning
and the smell of cleaning fluid
from when Deb cleaned the dorm
someone asks me how we survive
day by day, night by night?
i want to tell them that we don’t
but the words taste like falsehoods on my lips
because the truth is,
we do survive.
but we do not do it alone.
She wept
As the fire danced
and the smoke filled her lungs
The crackles of the embers
sang her a song
As her essence left her body
and she closed her eyes
And dreamed of all the good
When I lost brother
I crumbled into nothing.
The sharp shards of my
Heart
Ripped me to ribbons.
Internal bleeding.
The house is silent now.
That day,
I knew in my gut.
The stress, it's too much.
Too much on my shoulders.
I can help it.
Call me a coward-
I'm taking the cowards way out.
No escape to how I feel.
They don't understand how I feel.
What is there to say when the world's gone astray?
What's there to fight when the government leans right?
What reason to cry when all rivers run dry?
What's worth the pain once I've gone insane?
It's worth the love
Softest petals, red as blood,
blossoming with hate and love.
Lying in a bed of snow
that bends and weaves, that blooms and grows.
I'm the ugly sweater,
I'm just there so you may laugh
I'm the ugly sweater,
I'm here on your behalf
I'm the ugly sweater,
I've always been the same
I'm still the ugly sweater,
Why do I learn?
To someday be wrong
Why do I sing?
Just words and no song
Why do I cry?
I haven't lived long
Why do I struggle?
With no visible end
Why do I smile?
Don't give up, it get's better.
Don't let those eyes get any wetter.
Don't beat yourself up or tear yourself down.
Don't give the world its saddest sound.
Don't let your mind lose itself.
I never thought about mythical beings as being anything but legend
I fought past my imagination long ago
And let childish dreams die
I looked at faeries and imps, goddesses and sprites
Nothing but words on paper
Sticks and stonesmay break my bonesbut words will tear my skin apart. Sticks and stonesmay bruise my skinbut a bladeis what almost killed me.
Tears that awakened him at night already evaporated.
Filled with words that aggressively stroked his nerves.
We cant forgive how lonely he gets.
We cant forgive his thoughts of destruction he starts to mimic.
My vision went black as I walked down my hallwayBut I wasn’t afraid,As I had been the first time it happened,And I had to sit down on the floor,Because I didn’t know why I couldn’t see
She disappeared into the abyss of self dout and self ridicule
knowing she can't f**k up anymore cuz they won't be there
and the nerves were eating out her insides
She hated knowing that it was the end of it all.
Why do I live?
That was a mystery.
Does anyone know that?
My face was slipping of life
I had lost my way, road a shadow
I do not want to breathe
Some say that pain is something that feels forever
but is only there well never
and depression
we decide we will make our obsession
There are no words to describe
the pain she felt in her heart
they laughed at her in ignorance
her world falling apart
her family in pieces
no one to help her
she needed a friend
Once upon a time…
We had a fairytale princess
I say “had” because
this fairytale has a twist.
I’m not saying I need a prescription
But I’ve made multiply Attempts of self-inflections, and ignoring all of life’s safety restrictions
We don't know why we're here
So confused, we may want to leave
All these trans folks gettin' killed here almost daily
We're just trying to fit in, but instead become a pet peeve
The reaper is not made of cloth and bone nor is he male,but a wondrous young woman, tall and thin and pale.
My first encounter with maiden fair
There's something wrong with my head.
I don't know what – Just that it's hurting.
It doesn't usually feel so full
That it's fit to bursting and burning.
He arrives at his living hell,School.Tortured and taunted by bullies,Like buzzards skipping and flapping around.One bully, the Dark One’s true name.The rotten bastard and his posse,
A rigorous cohesion of the entire tristich
in the memoirs of the famous poet,
screaming like a madman seven exclamatory holophrases.
The voiced prevocalic embracing rhyme recalls
Why does it matter
Why does it matter that I can’t sleep
Why does it matter that I can’t eat
Why does it matter?
Does it mean I’m less of a human being
If I can’t see what everyone else is seeing
One mistake can suffocate
The tears I've wept
the nights I never slept
trying so hard not to be unkept
but all I do is cause a rause
I have this day of dark clouds
Tumultuous days gripping my life
Yelling and crying.
Screaming and dying.
This is the circle of my life.
Why try?
Every time you get happy,
Life becomes crappy.
This is the circle of my life.
1.
If you scrape away the dirt,
the granite,
the roses the color of blood on pavement,
it was closed casket, by the way
you find a girl—
You now know the answer
To my most frequent question
I never dared to try
Knowing I couldn’t share the information
How is it?
half of me is here,
I always feel
watch as I disappear
as I sabotage my nutrition
Don't eat.
there goes that voice again
my lover daring me to gain
a fucking pound
will They find the body?
will She care?
Finally.
I can't get the smell out of my head
The lights dance, faltering
like they did over the shattered glass
Just another kid right?
I just don’t understand what adolescence has to do with intelligence,
because I’m talking to adult minds and I can’t believe there level of negligence.
I’ve never liked pictures of myself. It creeps me out, hundreds of years from now someone looking at a picture of me. Now a rotting body beneath them. I said i didn’t want people to remember me.
1 sound
2 dead
3 people found but
4 said
5 people
entered apartment 6
and 7 bangs
caused 8 screams
and 9 police cars
turned 1 left to anger and sadness level 10
10
Dark clouds do not creep up at night,
Instead graze our minds when the sun does shine
And the thoughts impale us with softened blades,
Though our smile rivals the daylight,
If pried and smeared away with time,
Soft as moon
you walk a rope
between life
and death
And I never know
where you will fall
Broken ropes
bloody blades
you try to scrape
away the pain
All my friends are drinking their money
They think it's funny
Losing their money
All my friends are playing with marbles
don't think it's harmful
losing their marbles
All my friends think life is a party
My alarm clock rings
Little does it know i don't dream
Nor do I sleep
I'm way too busy
Attempting to escape my misery
I'm trapped
The only way out is dismay
Between school and home
Suicidal poetYou died an artists death Forging perfect words With your final breath You had it all planned outEach syllable struck deep You took our breath awayAnd yet it's you that sleeps in peace
There once was a girl with the world in her plam
But a blade in the other for it kept her calm
In the beginning she could only crawl
But then she grew strong and stood tall
Image by Moses L. Garcia
Blackness, blackness
Swallow me whole
The tears have not come yet
But they will soon be here
The raw, the hurt
In this darkness
Dimly lit
Please answer me back
I've checked my phone a million times
I want to die
Am I not important enough to text back?
Do I mean that little to you?
I'm not asking for answers!
1
2
3
4
5
6
at 6 I learned that marriage can't end well and that families can't be happy
7
at 7 I knew things that I shouldn't have. 7 I wrote stories about death and sex and murder.
I Remember when you used to be happy
When I could still hold you in my arms
Whenever you'd get scared
you would come find me
To care the monsters away.
i'm the new kid on the block
the new kid on the street
trying to get along
trying to make end's meet
sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me, yeah right.
i honestly dont know what you expected
this isnt a poem
you want to know how much i want attention?
yeah
me too.
Pushes and punches, teases and screamsNo one ever wanted to listen.No one ever wanted to really see.
She gripped it- cold and silver.
Sharp, stinging to the touch.
Bite your lips; your words are robbery.
You try to destroy anyone with a basilisk’s glare.
Do you grin inside? You’re killing me.
Calling a quits with this game doesn't make you weak
We live to die right?
So why is it when someone moves out before their eviction notice they are frowned upon?
A scratch in a casket is not something you would expect.With the meaning attached, you think someone would have checkedBut with you I expected nothing else.A public flaw presented beautifully.You did just the same.Wore your flaws beautiful and pro
There’s no glamour in it.
No flashing lights
lighting up the reflection in the tears
of her eyes.
Just purple circles
from sleepless nights
I cut the cord and now I’m floating here
above the bloody mess that
used to be the thing they called me
not quite a person just me
Hell, everyone knew it was coming,
but no one knew how to stop it.
A body obeying Newton’s first law.
Some say it was selfish, but I argue that,
maybe, it was necessary.
Perhaps, ordained from the beginning,
People always tell you to talk to people
When you're feeling sad,
Angry,
Anxious,
Anything of the sort.
They'll say tell an adult
If you or someone else feels depressed,
Suicidal,
Abuser, you batter me with my own mind. I'm beaten, demeaned, and afraid. I try and I try to pretend you're not there, So maybe you'd just go away. You've grown like a tumor, corrupted my soul, An ache that i just can't ignore.
Child,
I’m sorry for the cold
And the pictures in the snow
Your bright red cheeks were only reflections
of the season
Your tears ran down in the cold
Sweet child, listen.
Please will you look at me?
I know you see the water.
the peace beneath the sea.
But maybe one day,
We’ll go look at that for ourselves…
Help me, I'm terrified.I want to lose control but I know who I am.Help me, I'm terrified.I want to run, but my feet won't move.
I am beautiful
dancing across the stage
flawless
stealing your heart
broken
I am broken
pink tights hide bandaid's
bandaid's hide scars
scars
scars from cuts
across my hips
Have you ever felt
like your skin is too tight?
like your blood is cold
or boiling?
have you ever felt
like you are suffocating?
The Words of a Faggot
Imagine a boy
Now imagine him tall and stocky
Just a little bit cocky
Think of him in a letterman jacket
41,000;
The average number of suicides in a year.
Forty-One Thousand people that killed themselves.
41,000 people that could’ve gotten help.
41,000 people that could’ve called a suicide hotline.
My mind is a mass of broken glass
My soul is red and raw
My love is a cloud of mustard gas
My body is the law
My innocence sits in memories
When it comes to struggling
we know nothing. we are dumb.
Some are silent. Some are screamed,
but it is rarely what it seems.
While a child starves at home
another starves alone, A victim of the numbers.
I will get up this time ok.
Because this time I’ve got something to say.
I know I can’t be some legend like you
I know I couldn’t have done all the things you could do
long deep cuts and small superficial scratches
i would lie if anyone noticed
but they never do
not anymore at least
only one person noticed once
"it was the new kitten my parents got" i lied
I punch the wall
I punch again
I want to feel it all
but I just can’t
The pain I get
inside my chest
In a little town close to homeI found the grave of twelveNone were old enough to bear a weight of woeBut none were young enough to shame
You always knew it'll never be you
Until you'e standing near the precipice black
A precipice built on pills, blades and cracks
The cracks that you slipped through
On your way to this blackest of noons
You whisper venom in his ear,"Do it.It will be better. Do you hear?"Which instilled in me a terrible paralyzation.And when he induced his own demise,You reveled in my tears and cries,
Pieces of glass sleep upon my bed'you made your bed, you lie in it'I walk down a hall to our shelter.With a dog's nose I smell the air.Sickly sweet, it slows me.With a cat's eyes I look there.Painfully real, it shows me.With a slow child's feet I
Cutting is art.
Sometimes,
you plan out what you want to see
Sometimes,
it come out of nowhere.
Darling daughter...
I know it's too late to save you now
But I sit back and ask myself how
Am I supposed to see
When you always hid it from me?
You should have...
Seen through my lies
Sometimes it was screaming,
and crying
and smashing plates.
Other times it was a quiet numbness
and, "Oh my God, why am I not dead?".
Some days I was happy,
the Prozac kicked in,
I am a person.
I am a person who has come so far.
I have fought in a war that involved no weapons
Only thoughts.
I have battled against evils that only existed in my mind.
And I know that I am not alone.
Mistrust and suspicion rule in my brain
They run cross country inside my heart.
Loud thumping, mind racing, loosing the control
Your breaths quicken and your sight blurs.
One
The first is always the hardest. You have to push yourself into it. Cutting into innocence, cutting into your soul. At first it stings but soon it subsides and you crave the lingering feeling of control.
Why do you push me away
When all I want to do is help?
Please let me help take care of you,
Since you cannot yourself.
You used to be so kind to me,
Now you won't let me in.
I can't win.
We walked around with you in our halls
Always thought you were beautiful
Always thought you were fine
I guess it was a lie
when you ask me what i’m thinking and i outright refuse,
my mind is full of things i could never ask from you:
stop me from stealing, stop me from lying.
keep me away from the nails i’m biting.
Cold.My hands clenched, gently,hoping that yours were still holding mine.But I knew you were gone once my own fingertipsp
Mad, sad, glad,
is always the right time for Chocolate.
I am the flavor of all love,
of all rejoice, and all morn.
I give people the fulfilling feeling in their tummies
Day zero: You are in a warm bathtub, and you are drunk.
Your girlfriend just broke up with you.
You are texting your friends that you are worthless,
That you are tired,
There are demons in the darkness of your eyes,
in the bruises underneath them
I look at you, but you cannot look at me
There are demons in the downward curl of your lips,
lounging on your tongue
Maybe one day, people will see their worth.
They won't compare themselves to that person they admire
Because they'll have their own dreams they aspire.
No more "I'm not good enough,"
I never took those pills,
popping
one after another
like candy.
I didn’t dig
deeper, deeper into the layers of skin—just trying to feel.
I never left home;
we never grew apart.
I am
a little off
never quite
fitting in
mildly autistic
a little bit artistic
my childhood acidic.
I am young
the first time
I say I
wanna
die.
I feel like I am drowning,
Though no water is present,
But the feeling of this darkness crushing me
Is not very pleasant.
At age 6 the world is full of adventure and
fun and you can make friends just because
you have a Barbie Jeep and Daddy's
always proud of you and one day you're going to be the
first person on Mars
I cut my heart again
im sorry
i cut my life again
im sorry
Its so typical of me to talk about myself
im sorry
its so typical of me to cry and worry
im sorry
The air reeks of the forgotten
Slowly sinking, wasting
Among them stand one
One not just one but two
One fades out the other fades in
It looks like it’s one but its two
I was always the one
trying his best to succeed;
planning,
studying,
doing everything possible.
But life throws stones,
and has bumps in the road,
making things a bit more difficult.
Guided and trusting
He led me into dark places
Mindful of his hands
He guided me carefully
No thoughts of worry or care
I trusted him fully
She tried to kill herself tonight.
I know why she did that.
She's depressed and was drinking and everything just built up and then. . .
Boom.
On the way to the hospital
She said she wanted to sleep forever.
The brush of a finger, The pull of a trigger
The light of the sun is too close to that of a gun
It's not supposed to be a temptation
Or maybe my thinking is out of rotation
Roses are red.
Violets are blue.
The sugar is sweet.
Just like you.
Now,
The roses are wilted,
the violets are too.
The sugar is gone,
and so are you.
So,
I looked around me,
and what did I see?
Storms of constant, painful suffering.
Not only my soul,
Had taken its toile,
But others too, found life bitter and dull.
A heart beats a steadily thump of a drum
The sun sets above the horizon
But it has not yet warmed my body.
The sun glistens
And the light sparks rainbows in the mist.
I am a child
Who needs toys, to know she’s loved, coloring books
Who loves her mom and dad, school, baby dolls
Who sees stickers, scraped knees, birthday parties
Who fears spiders, heights, time out
It's time to move on
Day one, the blood is gone
The scar remains, the pain's the same
But be willing to stick it through
It's a new day,
same challenge faced by a new you
If I could talk to you one last time
I'd ask, "Was it really worth it?
Were the drugs really worth your life?
These voices are hurting me
I don't know what to do
Momma can't you see
I'm slowly dying next to you
These voices are killing me
Why won't they go away
I can't live my life
They broke my heart
They made me cry
They called me fat
I don’t know why
They pushed me down
They pulled my hair
They ripped my clothes
It’s just not fair
She spent all night talking and crying
about how it felt
to be in love with someone
who simply stopped trying.
I never knew someone so beautiful
could feel so ugly
like a flower
“you are what you eat.”
an english proverb - if you eat well, you will be well; but if you eat badly you will feel bad.
i used to eat icing behind the couch, shovel it into my mouth like the dirt i played with outside.
i’m seven and alive, and i...
Once upon a time I told a friend that I was strong
I said I'm a tree that won't bend or break
My roots have taken hold and nothing can tear me out
My branches have taken shape
And I'll stand no matter wind or rain
She sits on her bedA six year old little girl,Wondering why her momma and daddy are fighting.
Sinking in this ocean of desolation.
An eternity of sadness.
Drowing in the waves of depression.
I see blue.
What can I do?
Cry for help?
A sorrowful Yelp?
I'm sinking deeper.
Do you know what i'm about to do?
As I bend over and tie my shoe.
You’ll never reach
Your fiftieth wedding anniversary
Your fortieth birthday
I won’t be able to tease you
About being “over the hill.”
You’ll never go to
Your thirtieth high school reunion
Strangled by the showerhead
She answers but she doesn't speak
She's too busy staring at the wall
Making sure it doesn't leak.
She sways and sinks, continues to think
With a breath as soft as the final note of a song, Kiki glanced down at the river a few hundred feet below her. I'm ready, she thought, I have to do this for me. I have to hide the pain from the heavy crusade of hits.
Words are a means to get our point across to others but this time my point is that words are not enough to tell you how I feel
I am a survivor
One of many
Same story different writing
So how am I unique?
I could go on and on
I am a survivor of domestic violence
I had Daddy Issues
I have tripped over luck and stumbled upon tragedy. I find myself stuck in an elevated, praised, honoured institution, full of the most vile and wretched creatures to fill this earth.
When I was growing up, I imagined my life
A sparkling fairytale
A delicately blooming water lily upon the surface
Of my reality
Everything would be perfect, set and ready for me
This is a response poem to something I heard one of my 'friends' say - "People who want to commit suicide are stupid and selfish. If they want to die, I say let them. They can have fun in Hell."
the kids behind phones
are absolutely vicious.
the cute pictures on
social media apps
are deceptive.
these kids know where to hit
and how hard.
they don't give
a single shit
As light leaves something comes after me
Worse then thieves or my many grieves
I cannot sleep
It shall come for you to if you do not believe
This something is pure evil in the form of a crow
I am the voice that you fear
the voice of the ones who dare not appear
the ones you claim weak
the ones society doesn't seek
I know you don't care
about the girl pulling out her hair
First time, lets try to rhyme.
So i might not be good at this,
but hear me out, are you still reading?
I have a lot of doubt. K2 is a drug, that makes you bug out. Let me go ahead and tell you what its all about.
The paint on theses wall are starting to fade away.
My everlasting grip won't always be here to stay.
This faulting and destructive envy inside of this pain,
Well slowly start to leak out of my hopeless brain.
Tap, Tap, Tap
goes the keyboard of the person
who choses to witness the sadness of another
Tap, Tap, Tap
goes the tears that fall
on the desk of a suicidal patient
soon to be hanging off a wall
She sits in silence
Listening to her heart beating
One, she says to herself
As her heart beat quickens
And the razor slices her skin
Two she says
Another slice
Over the mountains
Across the seas
Through the tunnels
Under the trees
The wind blows here
All over the world
The voice is heard
The wind whispers
“Caution, Danger is near”
My friend committed suicide
We had a class meeting and they told us
Then they talked about fundraising for a class trip
I was crying
There was a lot of crying
The teachers were teaching
Gone
Like the warmth leaves you as you slide out of bed in the morning
Like the bad taste goes away as you brush your teeth
Like the circles under your eyes fade as you cake them with concealer
Gone, gone
I will tell you what I am not.
I am not someone to be pushed around, or someone who likes their emotions to be played with.
I AM a human being, I am someone with feelings inside of me, and a beating heart.
I found out- and time stopped
That Labor Day was the last day
While I was partying he was alone
I don't know the details, the hows, the why,
maybe I'll never know.
all I know is he is gone
When the man I loved tried to commit suicide, I can only describe my pain as having my heart ripped through my chest with hands of barbed wire, broken-glass dreams and smoldering promises.
Thief.
You stole my innocence.
you stole my happiness.
You stole my motivation.
You stole my love.
You stole every emotion.
Except anger, and fear, and an unnatural numbness.
She's sick of her own despair,
of happiness she won't find there,
tired of leading this life of pain,
wishing she could smile agan.
Swirlng, whirling, fading fast,
There is a boy who wishes he was a daughter,
Dresses in skirts and dresses who bothers
can't tell the world, not even his own father.
They call him a faggot,
they call him a dork,
first time i saw you was at the airporti took one look at you and i was lost in thoughtyour beautiful flowing hair, to your lovely brown eyesand a sweet sensual voice that no man can d
I count each slit on my wrist.
Each cut reminds me of a painful memory.
Water wells up in my eyes, as I cut my skin.
This is nothing new to me.
I’ve done this many times before.
betrayal
and aching in your lungs
the last half-sip of wine
no u-turns
one
missing
stitch
bleeding ink on left hands
whys and what-ifs
alone at a table
my father
reduced
to a pile of belongings
"a seperate load"
on moving day
to be locked in a storage unti
abandonded
worn clothes donated to charity
What a feeling it must be,
To fall and tumble and fly so free.
To fling yourself from a rooftop high,
To call your friend and say goodbye.
And beware the man,
dressed in black.
Holding a gun.
I sleep in nothing but a chain
A short, gold chain draped on my neck
It weighs on me, I feel it closing in
Choking me when I am weak
My sister's bones lie beside me
I wonder why this doesn't hurt more,
why I don't feel the pain of yesterday,
sitting her wondering where I went wrong.
Did I change?
Maybe it was the scent of the roses.
When I say I have scars people ask if they can see
Of course I say no
No one can see my scars because there is nothing to see
My scars are the faded stretch marks from when I lost 65 pounds
that necklace is pretty.though i was told to stay away,i can’t wait to put it on me.i have a burning desire to flee;i’ve been here since last May.... that necklace is pretty.
Come hither,
see me whither,
in the wind like dust blowing away.
I falter and fallow,
as my tears run down my face so sallow,
I'm alone and afraid,
what should I do?
That night in April was the worst night of my life.
Oh here she goes again
Blades weren't helping
There were no more tears to cry
I received a phone call from my father
Explaining that it was all too real
And all too sudden
This man he spoke of did not sound like the uncle, his brother I knew
I wanted to be there
I did
I received a phone call from my father
Explaining that it was all too real
And all too sudden
This man he spoke of did not sound like the uncle, his brother I knew
I think you all know this,
To God we do belong,
To him we depend,
Let him be your friend,
For he is always there for you.
is it too much to ask?
is this too much for you?
no, you say—
no, you say?
so you say, but
you mean yes.
i made a promise—
a shackle,
a chain,
a weight to bear—
inked it into my skin,
let it hover
behind my throat;
I tried to end what life he gave,
I treid to end what I thought was sin.
Daily I thought "How can I win"
Within this horrible life of sin?
What should I do with something so heavy?
The mouth of the metal monster
the maw of the morbid mother
the giver of gold or gall
picking out the particular person
plucking out precious people
maker of more monopolies
No
Doesn't mean
Try to change my mind
Or try again.
It doesn't mean
Repharase the question,
Or
Tell me come on.
It doesn't mean pressure me
By saying it's been a month
He was nine.
Hadnt experienced a thing
Expect for being tortured, harassed
And the horrible things that words can bring
Words hurt
They hurt more than sticks and stones
I tried to kill myself,
Took a bottle of pills.
Life is hard,
And I was uncapable.
But now I know, and now I live
All that we see was once one.
The trees and the stars,
A cumbersome, catatonic existence can burn at my handsand I'll keep the torch with me, an old friend caught between young palms,ash and emotion make me stand:
I must confess to you, my dear,
There’s something about the night
And the feeling of paper beneath ink
That draws out confessions like a canvas to the painter
I must confess to you, dear,
Official diagnosis: Anxiety and Depression
In Kindergarten terms, that means
My brain won’t shut off
And sometimes I can’t remember
How to be happy
It means that when I get home at night
Power On.
Channel One: A little girl plays outside, kickball, with her neighbors.
They laugh and run.
The sky starts to get dark,
Curfew.
She wants to finish the round; it’s her turn to kick.
What a nut
What a crazy girl
She’s lost her mind
She is lost
She has no guide
Her pain suffers
REBIRTH
by Katharine Royal
I've just returned from a wake, a funeral and a burial...my own
I felt the pains of the me I'd come to know...and hate...dying
This one goes out to all my kids, my teens, my peers
All of you who've found yourselves bruised, abused, misused, unable to choose
The life you deserve to live; all the while you give, forgive, just try to live
“From dust you came and to dust you now return.”
A mound of earth sifts through the preacher’s hand
Small rocks break free, hitting the coffin’s lid
With pops like tiny bullets
He put a razor inside my lunch pale
Along with heads or tails
I know he's hinting death
As I hide behind my veil
Need a pair of clippers
To cut my cutthroat nails
And I red pair of scissors
"My depression comes in waves" I told my mother, hoping she would understand. "It's like being carried out sea and I can't fight the freezing water that paralyzes my limbs and and burns my eyes and fills my mouth and I drown. Over, and over.
It's 2 a.m., on a cloudy night
as the man trudges down the street.
He looks at the ground, then over his shoulder
as he stumbles over his feet.
In his hand, an almost-empty bottle of Jack
My vision may be dark
But here's a spark
To light the flame on a candle of a heart
That's long gone for me now
Once torn asunder
Pain is released from the soul down under
This plane you find yourself in
is just one glimpse of one dimension, among many others
Look out,
organic nature surges from the soil
synthetic somethings jut out from this scene.
She stood there poised with the dagger pointing directly at her heart... The spot that was now void because she hurt the man she never had intention of hurting. She stood there tears in her eyes waiting to see if he would arrive to stop her...
In the darkest room rests the purest girl
Like an ancient tomb like a quiet world
She's got dark brown hair and the most innocent eyes
But that's not her, it's just her disguise
And you'll never meet this little girl
Judgement and denial.
It's over, it's over.
Hate and fear.
It's over, it's over.
Sadness and betrayel.
It's over, it's over.
The sudden pain.
I'm sinking, I'm sinking.
I shake, and I shiver.
They're starting to see past the glitz and the glimmer.
It's getting harder to smile and laugh
When I want to scream and die. How can I deal with that?
Every memory fading,
One by one.
Every bridge burning,
One by one.
I took every breath,
One by one.
I will never be free from this hate.
Where I lived pills didn't come in bottles. Pills came in boxes, popped out individually. It gives you time to count each pill.
It was on that dark, depressing night
So very silent
Giving me nothing to do
But think
Think about everything that has ever happened
That I have ever done
I was contemplating my life
red
yellow
green
your eyes stare into the blinking lights
your grip on the wheel paints your knuckles white
and though tears stain your cheeks and blur your vision
Messed up
That is the first word that comes to mind
When I think of myself
My parents are divorced
My father is never around unless it benefits him
My mother cares for me as much as any loving mother could
The gentle brush of lips
The sensation of the trigger
The cock of the gun
The sweat from his skin
Be careful oops too late you're dead
The claminess of your skin
The brush of his lips
I'm no good with poetry
as it's an art that is felt
rather than seen.
I'm not one for feeling.
I'd rather stare at my ceiling
and not feel much at all.
I sit in the white porcelain, writing.
I allow red to drip, making roses on the snowy surface
I feel:
Relief. As if every weight I have ever felt has been lifted.
Mommy, Daddy, this is not your fault.
Sometimes Everytime there is a person,
who carries the weight of the world on their shoulders,
In my universe,
My whole life is a curse,
A curse I must live.
In my universe,
My mind is very fragile,
My chin must face up.
In my universe,
All I ever feel is pain.
And I have grown numb.
You say
I'm not alone but
My tears pool
And drop to the floor
None next to me to hear
My sobs
None next to me to soothe
My pain racked body
The blood drips
To splat on the ground
Little girl,Little girl
Why are you crying?
Wipe away the round pearls
And keep trying.
This is not the end
It's just a mistake.
You fucked up
So what?
Little girl,little girl
Unfortunately, killing yourself isn't an option. It's not like you're a grenade and you'll blow up but then people will heal and forget about you
It's more like shoving a knife individually into people's hearts
I know it might seem like the world is crashing down
Trust me I know what it's to feel like that
It feels like you're standing in the rain without an umbrella
Stuck in an eternal darkness
Be told you are smart,
Be told you are strong,
Be told you will be loved,
Be told that you will live forever,
and watch the lies drip down,
into the sink,
into the drain,
and smile,
My heart is a dull thud in my chest. Drained from all life, it struggles to beat once, twice,
Song of a Fearful Father
Speak glowingly of the dead, my son,
The ones who have gone to their rest;
Speak of the blood spilt red, my son,
In facing the ultimate test.
Honey please, put the razor down
Please, don't tie that rope to the ceiling
We need you here
I need you here
And somewhere, your future love is waiting for you
Here's to the empty human bodies who are numb to the feeling of their soul To the empty-headed, who I
I found the tears of your abandoned soul while searching for the life of mine.
And no, dear, some things can’t stop time,
But if I could break all of my pocket watches,
Maybe the boxes that split you would disappear.
xoxo
fucking numb this pain.
popping pills, these supposed to
keep me sane.
my life.
my life?
mind games.
my life is a game
taken by surprise.
That beautiful smile
I shall never forget
The smile you gave to everyone
So beautiful
I can visualize it
I wish I can see it again
But you're gone
It has been so long since I last saw you
i hear it
the sound of tighting rope around my neck
put there by my peers who hope to bring me down
to take me to a dark place
where light and joy can no longer reach me
Schwivel, Schwivel...Click!
I hold the gun in my lap
Staring down the empty tunnel
Slipping into a beautiful little trap
Should I, shouldn't I...
Schwivel, Schwivel...Click!
Walk down the halls again
It's just another day
Boring,
Insignificant
Breathe in, breathe out...
Sigh
Head sunk low
Hands in pockets
I look pretty normal
Maybe a bit down
The hospital is where I was supposed to get better
where I was supposed to shed my failure for strength
where I was supposed to become free
the hospital
with all its well lit rooms and halls
Go on, do it
I dare you
Eliminate the innocence
Illuminate the sky
There’s no need for your presence?
I can assure you that’s a lie
How could this have happened? I invested my trust in you
From my distant branch
I see the nest of broken birds.
They are huddled close together
And shielded from the sun.
They’ve suffered wounds that nothing seems to staunch—
i had taken 50 tylenol, in intervals of five on april 2ndapril 2nd, because i felt that april 1st would be a day too cruel to get a call from your child's school
What if everything changed?
What if it got better?
What if it got worse?
What if it I was happy?
The thread that ties me to you
Is soaked in ether and stretches even deeper.
This thread is of the worst kind of blue,
Even though it was your favorite hue.
It's purple in the right light,
Right here
Right now
We'll jump and fly
The birds will cry
And time will die
As you and I
Will fly all night
To make things right
And find the light
Right here
Right now
No one noticed when she started wearing long sleeves in the summer.
No one said a word when she sat quietly at her desk, wiping tears from her eyes.
No one reached out to her when she sat alone at an empty lunch table.
Even among the noise that fills the room, the silence haunts my soul. Lost in the crowd, an identity becomes blurred and hazy. The tears don't shed themselves anymore, they too are trapped inside.
The sadness and sorrows we all live through
We wish our wish would not be a lie
But for it to become alive
I met her on a Thursday.I talked with her on a Thursday.I bought her a coffee and gave her my number and fell for her on a Thursday.
Indigo is a darkness, insurmountable. Indigo is trying to love what you loved not a month ago, but the feeling isn't there. Indigo is trying to summon the will to care, but you can't.
There's a scared young girl
Filled with hurt, sadness and pain
Let her voice be heard
Orange is walking alone. Orange Is hearing the crunching of leaves beneath your feet and nothing else. Orange is wishing you could hear his footsteps beside your's but you're not that lucky.
i guess shes been my friend all my life.
though she was not always there,
she resided in shadows
waiting to pounce to
bestow her perfection
to
flood my mind with dust and bones...
I love to smile, why? It lights up the room yet hides the truth. What really lies behind you ask? Deep dark lies? Swallowed by emotions, I try and hide it but I'm gasping for air. But why? Why are people so blinded?
Please don't cut, please don't cry
Just come here beside me and lie
Your head on the down of your wings
My sweet little Angel, who can't stand the state of things
This isn't forever, please don't say goodbye
Yes somebody cares about you
You dont know but might be me
some people are destinated to not see
How different you are
just like I am
Some people are destinated to see you
from inside the soul
She was unbreakable
Nothing fazed her
She was alway smiling
And everyone knew her name
That quirky tilt of her head
Always arguing with herself
And that black sweatshirt whe always wore
When youre all alone and you think no one is around. When you think no one else see's what youre doing. Look up to the sky, forgot about him, did you? God knows all and see's all.
Eyes stare at me
They only perceive
What I'm showing
Without questioning
To their sights
I am so bright
The smile on my face
My future full of grace
Why can't they read
Every day I feel nothing but pain,
The pain I feel is hurting me inside,
It feels like it’s eating my soul alive,
Tidal waves greet me on the misty ocean shore
Years have passed since I have last been here
We didn't recognize each other
Nor did we recognize the looming darkness
Blanketing the thick air
Crying, screaming, with a runny nose until your voice is hoarse,
suffocating slowly from all the noise even though there isn't any force,
She didn't act like that
until they called her fat
then they called her ugly
Her best friend noticed what she was hiding
she saw the scars on her wrist
I guess she cut
But why?
I am a liar and I lie to myself everyday
Wake up every morning, telling myself that it’s just another day
But I already know what kind of day it is
I’ll be just like every yesterday that I hated
Tell me
why are you here all alone?
Here in the corner
with a pill bottle
and much more Advil
than you'll ever need
I'm so sorry
that no one ever told you
the
mirror
lies.
In time and chance
Maybe we can all dance
Up and Down the world so green
Why do people have to be so mean
Time can change anybody's name
And yet people remain the same
Sometimes things go wrong
At fourteen life is confusing
A rushing river of emotions we dont understand
Alyson, you'll be okay.
At fourteen life is hard
Especially when you think you're in love.
At night I stare at the ceiling in wonder
Thinking about what could have been, of what will be
Countless fears drag me under,
The thought of resting lost to me
In untamed world of nature shown
When I look at you I don’t just see some sad, lost girl,
I see someone beautiful, who makes my world melt when she smiles,
I see someone whose laugh just makes me want to laugh right along with you.
Imagine swimming in a sea of broken glass,every word spoken cuts like a
blade across your skin.
Suicide
Doesn't always look like
A girl dressed in all black
With thick black makeup
And scars all over her arms
Sometimes
Suicide
Looks like
Someone who's always laughing
Life is a river running endlessly into the Depression Ocean.i do my best to get out, but the current always pulls me back in.
You buy your baby
Blue onesies, racecars, and little footballs
When your baby’s hair gets to his shoulders
You cut it short
And say how handsome he looks
You love your baby boy
A boy named Evan, happy as could be
Or so it seemed
No one understood, no one could see,
the darkness lurking beneath
As an outsider looking in,
everything seemed perfect
Until that grave September night
A six year old girl ran to the bathroom
And stretched Scotch tape from her eyes to her ears
To make herself as pretty as girls society consumes
To hide her insecurities, and fears
When you commit suicide you kill yourself
Others then die inside and are robbed of wealth
You are valuable to others more than you know
Suicide just let’s all your weaknesses show
Richard Drew took a beautiful picture;
Everybody whines
It's a tragedy
All I see is exactly how I feel
when I want to flee
I wish I could be like a melody
My mind and body beautifuly in harmony
Instead it's a clash, a bang and a boom
My body falling heavily while my head is above the moon
You know something is not quite right
when you find yourself battling to stay awake
cause of that man you hear moving behind the wall
the one you called "Papa"
the one you thought cared for your feelings -- no
I just smile
I'll never let you get close to me
Because I'm broken
Mentally and physically
But I just smile
Knowing that no one cared
If i was here
there
Even is i disappeared
Chances are you could find love
Chances are you can be happy
Chances are you have to shove
She watches and hears the pain of death;
She stares at the flames that has taken the life of her sister;
As tears silently flows down no sound is heard;
But the screams of pain in a firey death;
Adults always tell us
that they know best
They have more experience,
and time, they'll attest
They feed those words
Into our brains
Inject that message into
our infant veins
It'd be nice to have someone always by your side,
Through the good, the bad, the love, the cries,
It'd be nice to never feel lonely,
To have someone to make you like you're their only,
My voice
Is something which my ears fail to define
When it kisses the air, it splinters
Into exactly 2 billion and 3 question marks
Hooking round my pores and
Peppering my flesh with pock-marks of stray
even within nature we are confined
in chains
from the depths we crawled
toward the sun
into the trees
wiping sweat from our brows
liberty
Her world held together with a string
Rather our world,
As we sit twenty across and forty back
Red bows in our hair,
We mourn.
Her world was masked by red lip-stick
Face covered the tears
New players start at level 1.
There's not much you can do.
The enemies are too difficult -
one hit and you're down,
the quests are too complicated,
and it seems the other characters have looping speeches.
People always leave me
Eventually everyone gets tired of the girl who is depressed for no reason
I do
And if I'm not cutting
I'm not eating
And if not that
Maybe I should just run away.
If not a single soul should care,
Why on earth would I stay?
I've tried everything to numb this pain.
But nothing seems to kill the sadness.
My smiling mask that feels real in the moment
My hands tha want to reach for the razer that feel real then
I have it all planned out
Those 8 litte pills
They'll take me to some place wonderful
I have all the notes safely put away in my drawer
I don't think anyone will really miss me.
i know your tired of the constant texts,the constant ventin
i know for a fact its an obsession/
I’m just tired, i need some sleep,
i tried coutin sheep/, i tried xanex
She had no smile on her face that day or the day before
She had an illness that had no cure
Its symptoms were silent, so no one was alarm
But the cuts got more frequent on her arm
I grew up for 13 year's not knowing who i was.
i would look at the pictures i had online of me and see that i wouldnt smile.
the dark cloud of self confidence wayed on my shoulders,
The beginning was full of warm colors.
Then came to an end.
My heart starts to break slowly, just as the leaves begin to fall.
You're always emergency room crisis, broken knucklesSometimes blood isn't always meant to be poetic, kid You keep betting your life, wishing against. what's the bid? The big pyramid scheme of existence
All he wanted was to be loved, but no one ever threw love his way. His heart already have cracks in it from what that girl did to him the other day.
How can he love when all love done was bring him pain?
Her floor is decorated
with red polka dots.
She adds more daily
without a second thought.
Her countless scars
serve as ornaments for life.
Have you ever fought yourself?
Have you ever been so revolted by your own will that
Air clenched in your throat and a weight
was driven down on your chest?
Do not try to invade my thoughts;
my cross is too heavy to bear...
Just listen when I need to express them,
& I will make you fully aware!
Ill let you into my life, and all to me that is real;
I will open up my heart and tell you how I...
There is little left for me.
My life’s battles and struggles unyielding;
I feel a drop a warmth drip down my skin and my heartbeat quickens.
I hear a rumor
Passing in the wind
I move closer to hear.
The rumor is about me.
Yet again another individual
Caught in a web of lies
That makes others happy.
My mother's crying
My father's gone
My brother's screaming
I am singing,
I think I'll take a walk
My friends aren't listening
My teachers don't care
The walls are closing in
Who is that lonely girl
Sitting on the corner of the street
Who is that lonely girl
Not saying a word while she eats
Who is that lonely girl
Wearing the outdated shoes
Who is that lonely girl
Cigarette burns and bloody towels on my carpet make the world seem like a bitter lonely place
A place in which I stare into the mirror and can not recognize my own face
Let me try to explain what it's like to have a mental illness.
Life becomes a watercolor someone left out in the rain.
They look at the people like us and they laugh
Laughs feel like attacks
Attacks on walls that are already crumbling
Crumbling like our self-esteem and our hopes and dreams
Dreams that are fading away
what does one write
when ones mind is white,
when the screen is blank
and the words aren't right?
what can one say
at the end of the day
when the scars fade metallic
Beautiful brown eyes why do you hold so much pain inside.
Why is that when the sun catches your eye your always on the verge of tears.
Have you been hurt so much that you can no longer shine the way you used to.
They say it doesn't matter.
That they can fix things
With some pills, or a rope
And everything will be okay.
“Why keep going?” they say.
“Nothing that I do matters.”
“Nothing can help me.”
I didn't want to, but I picked the glass up and took a sip.It was horrible and I told my father there was no way I could get this terrible tasting st
One day when I was 13 and in the 8th grade, I had gotten the stomache flu and had to stay home from school.
I remember wondering if my father could hear my heart pounding, then realized it didn't matter.
Have you ever been in an accident or so near death that at that very moment, you thought your life was over?
She walks in her room
picks up her razor, grabs the pills
she sits down on her bed, and she cries
"Why? Why me!" she screams
Everyone sighs
Some may even roll their eyes
Woo hoo. Donald Duck film at school today.
I'm so happy I'm five, cause now I get to do
all the fun things and stuff.
Donald showed me what to do if a fire comes to my house
The Different Kid was colorful
His voice was loud
His eyes were bright
Sunny hair and a wide, white smile
They say that if you brushed against him,
You’d walk away with a rainbow on your shoulder
am I crazy?
so I've been fucking told!
I always thought I would save the world from pain.
Tiptoes, softly, gently steering
he towards me, and me I'm fearing
thief of childhood ever nearing
INNOCENCE OF 8 EYES DIE
I look into the mirror and hope for a better life. When truly the calm of the storm is right around the corner.
Rain
It drips down my back
In quick succession.
Rivulets form a path,
An irrelevant digression.
Gravel
It retaliates the rain.
Each drop
Absorbing the pain.
Walking still,
I walk quickly
head down
shoulders stiff
“I’m sorry” on my lips
Everyone’s watching me
My lips are bitten
hands shaking
leg bouncing
You are not alone
Sleepy eyes
Purple crescents burn bright under them
Boney knees
Baggy pants conceal lack of nutrition
A broken heart, longing to stop beating
It screams in agony
You say I’m okay
On the outside
So I must be alright
To keep going
But have you once thought
About how I feel inside
They are telling me not to movetoo quickly, to be very careful,like I never have been before.But every time I look at youI think, my god, oh my god,I'm glad that blade was too dull.
Who says they didn't care?
Was it in seriousness, or in jest.
Forget them for thier stupid ideas
just go live your own life.
Those pills in your hand,
the rope on your fan,
Trying to invent myself.
I'll juggle it all and make all the right choices.
I'm overwhelmed.
Like a cloud stretching to cover the entire Earth.
It reminds me that I am small.
The clouds roll over the sky,
And the rain begins to fall,
As if they have lost everything.
Some think it's beautiful.
But if crying is beautiful, then so is the darkness.
Batteries don't last forever
Juice oozes with every standing O
Your rays and beams lit up
Penetrated the humorless
The light was sold with every ticket
The silver screen molded into a stake
You see me smile, it's just an act.
You ask me if I'm fine, I lie but isn't part of acting?
You don't know that I've planned my escape.
I want to see my brother who became an angel before he was born.
A room as empty as the heart
SHots of pain like a dart
EMotions ragging in
THinking of a deadly sin
Water lays on his face
Not wanting ro leave a trace
Roarig coming from the window besides him
Painful thought
Always
Involve someone i love
Never someone i hate
Has the world gone mad?
Are people out to get me?
That could be it...
Everything hurts now
She wakes up in the moring and immediately vomits in the bathroom.
She shrugs at the sight of an empty refirgerator.
I'll slip away from this physical existence.
Into the water my soul goes swimming.
The timing may have been off but life seems to find it's balance
I breathe relief underwater.
I smile
post
Then continue cutting
What would mom say?
post
And finish my drink
We pose
post
You beat in my temples
Find inspiration
P O S T
A mother's love is so deep and true there is nothing she wouldn't do for you. A mother's love will always and forever try to protect you and keep you from feeling blue. A mother's love will be there for you on a drop of a dime.
Why do you think you are so alone
Do we not ask you what is wrong
Do we not ask you to just tell us
Why do you think you are so alone
We heard you were in the hospital last week
In a world so social, its hard not to compare,
I tell myself not too, but still I dare.
All I can do , is wonder why?
Why is there life so perfect, not mine?
The face that I put on is one of content.
I love the girl that has scarrred with blades the girl I love
I love the girl that starves the girl I love
I love the girl that tries to kill the girl I love
To tell her I love her each and everyday
Why even try? Constantly feeling the need to get their approval and for what? Praise? Recognition? Why is it that you go out of your way for them, after everything? An apology?
I was little when disposable cameras were "the thing"Polaroids were fading out.
I would pose for my mother in my new school clothes
Silly faces, ballerina, peace signs.
If you take a look at me, with my piercings, my unnatural hair that feels more natural than the mousey brown I was born with, you can guess
Water running down my face, as today i decide my fate
going or stayin wouldn't even matter
Would it?
It can go away so easily
All this pain, this fear
This loneliness, these tears
I can make it go away.
It can go away so easily
Just three pills too many
A small slit to a fragile wrist
Death was like a day dream,
with sweet promises,
and a happy ending.
Death was not having pain,
it was bliss.
Death will always great you,
like an old friend,
always offeing a smile.
It's the chemical creation that's emotionally fueled
And the tears behind clouded eyes
Unable to be loosed
It's killing yourself
With the feelings of self-hatred
It's the darkness
Recall the past and think of me as dear,Your heart will crack but life will still drag on;Remember me as I depart from here.
Stuck in life?
Don't cry
Strut with pride!
Hope to die?
Don't end your life
End the strife!
Get some time
Just free your life
And be happy.
Darkness.
Maliciously fulfilling and temporarily relieving new activities deceitfuly veiled underneath an alluring facade of exciting and thrilling adventure.
She woke up every day
Struggling to get on her feet,
She heard her mother say “Teeth! Teeth! Teeth!”
To coax out even a grin that was so rare
one cant help but think that the chances were better
A tear, a whisper
A shout, a cry
No one seems to hear
No one is by your side.
Everyone is oblivious until it's too late,
Another angel has been sent back too soon.
The most peaceful moment of my life happened
as I was laying on the ground of my doctor's office unconscious from malnutrition,
and I didn't realize that I'd passed out
I had my head beneath the water
I was about to take a breath
To let the quick intake of dark liquid
cleanse me with death
Ominous ebony smoke fills the air
A mist of forsaken souls condemned to demons
Alabaster arms reach out and grab the prey
Frozen fingertips stain the innocent flame
Nails running deeply into the skin
Within my heart lay a gap that I cannot fill
A gash within my emotions that lay unhealed
This wound inflicted bleeds deep within me
This stream of emotions wil never heed
A cloud of thoughts loom in my mind
Being girl and growing up watching Disney classic
You think we all love the princesse
Not this girl, I fell in love with the Genie played by Robin Williams
His death shocked the nation
The feel of the keyboard Is like the piano keys
How I make music with words
That no one wants to hear
They continue to disappear
Like Forbidden Fruit
Can anyone dare to ever take a bite
The sound of a siren
Sets my heart pounding
I want to follow it
Just to make sure that
It isn’t for him.
He is a friend
A human life with living soul and spirit
In memory of Leelah Alcorn
A poem by: Destiny Diaz (ddiaz80)
©All rights reserved
***
Forced to wear a mask,
As I epitomize a façade,
That many will believe,
I flinch.
False consensus effect strikes again.
I'm not afraid of your touch. Fear has no position on the playing field.
you recoil, my body like a stovetop to the touch.
I still hate myself every day
And it hasn't changed in a single way
Nobody loves me, I love no one
Try to avoid me or better yet, run.
I have no potential, not hard to see
Some day's I want to scream, Some day's I'm happy, Some day's I don't care at all, When I run out of things to say, I feel the painful words swarm me,
Write your apologies down on a piece of paper
Then take a dive off a skyscraper
As you fall, life flashing before your eyes
You feel guilty over past crimes
O Robin why did you have to go away?
It was not the only way
Inspiring us all with your comedy
Teaching us that laughter is always the key
I hope that you have peace wherever you are
I see the light now
I don't want to fight
This is all I have
And you broke my heart in half
This is not right at all
You made me feel so small.
I said I'd find you,
But I didn't mean this,
Find you alive and well,
Not walking to our tree,
Finding your dead body,
Knowing you had left me alone.
We had a conversation before,
Everything you feel, it's all in your mind
Overwelming thoughts leads one to be blind
The danger is real, but fear is a choice
Save yourself from all of that noise
You call yourself a Christian,
But have you sat back and listened,
To the things you been spittin,
Acting like you ever sinnin,
But what about that time back in junior high,
Wouldn’t it be easy?
A hand full of pills,
Gently sliding down my throat,
Poisoning my body,
I run to find him on the floor
lying in a pool of his blood
with cuts on his arms and legs
slowly letting the life seep out
i was too late
he doesn't breathe
why didn't i see what was happening
My dreams are re-told stories that swamp my mind while I sleep.
They're all violent,
but never entwine in one another.
One.
I'm smothered.
The streetlights shine bright,
There's a glimmer in her eye,
She can not sleep tonight
All she does is cry.
She's lonely, broken, rejected.
The world has took it's toll.
The blood seeps in
Through the cracks on the walls
And it penetrates
Into my spirit
Evolving my state
Into a more impeccable union
Listlessly it closes in
On the lion
I feel the calming waves
Lapping at me
Through the bright
Blistering sun
And stealing away
Every ounce of innocence
I once possessed
I have never felt so distant
From reality
My heart aches
My soul screams
When I decide to take
Away all my hopes and dreams
I jump at the sounds
Though all I hear are songs
I keep hearing the pounds
As I try to prolong
You know what sucks?
My pain in my heart
I'm losing my luck
It taste bitter and tart
I feel tired all the time
Yet my heart races fast
I'm losing my prime
My time won't last
I remember the pain.
The relentless,
nauseating pain cutting through my gut
the second I mistakenly glanced his way.
I craved him
with the senseless hope
he craved me back.
Tears
Blood
Pain
Please stop.. please refrain
Think it over
Think it twice, thrice...
Put down the knife
Calm down, inhale.. exhale
When my brother cuts his skin
He scars my heart
When he tries to die
He is killing part of me
Three parts of me have died
And I have countless scars on my heart
This is impossible
My body's heavy
My minds tired
Theres a constant battle raging in my head
Should i do it or should i stay
How can i live like this
What choice do i have
Im not good enough
people will never recognized a simple girl.
who is like other girls, simple as a paper flower.
who really is nothing compare to the real flowers.
whose color and petals are different from others.
I get feelings sometimes where I feel like no one cares about me.
It is the worst feeling one could possibly ever get.
It makes you feel alone, scared, or even depressed.
He didn’t fit into the “in crowd”Just because he wasn’t allowed.But coming home to screams and shouts.
Hush little child,
you shan't cry,
I'm your friend,
can't you see,
Hush little child,
take my hand,
drop that knife,
fly into light,
kiss mama goodbye,
Hush little child,
Hope:
It’s mentioned almost every day,
Tossed around in conversation like a boat at sea,
Its true meaning unknown.
Hope can be seen as a bird by one
And a pen by another.
Stop! Don't think,Just breathe,It's over,He's gone,He can't see you cry, Deep BreathStop: the tears,The lies,The pain,The regret,The blame, Deep Breath
It’s 10amI am smiling at my sleeping lover, his daughter curled up next to him, so tiny and vulnerable.
I am nothing to you
I'm sick of pretending
to be okay
sick of these lies
and hatred
everyone so cold
nothing new everything so old
and the truth be told
Ghosts of hatred
screams of pain
words of torture
one fear
one leader
army of a million
one thousand dark thoughts
crys for help
Blood pools
At the end of the stairway
Caressing me
Welcoming me
Into eternity
I fall and shatter
Into millions of fragments
So that nobody
Can ever uncover
Me again
30 things said by someone with
A/N: I was thinking about what I think makes me flawless, and I think it's my intense survival instinct. So here's a poem about that.
Please don't fly away
Off of the bridge you always walk
Please don't fly away
From the chair and belt as I talk
Please don't fly away just yet
I know you're getting weak
They say "I don't get it."
They say "I don't understand."
"How can someone erase themself,
Silently, a perminant end?"
"He was always so happy" they say,
"Always willing to lend a hand".
He got depressed
The pain had got the best
Of him and his mind
No one knew of his distress
Because he was the best
At hiding things
He chose the blade and then gently caressed
I don't want it.
I just wish,
that everyone will stop saying,
"It's my fault"
"It's all my fault".
How come they're telling me that?
Dont you know,
your handwriting in the letter.
the way the blood splattered.
how gracefully you jumped.
and the sound that came from your landing.
everything was perfect.
except the ending.
Just an ordinary conversation
With just an ordinary girl
Until she raises her sleeves
And you see her pain and struggle.
You tell her over and over
It's not worth it.
But "escape" she says
The scars
They scatter your skin
A scathing reminder
Of the internal warzone.
The silver slither of the
sharpness weighing a ton between your
finger tips
Walking away from this pain,
Leaving it behind,
To try and see,
A new light.
Death is a part of us all
More than others
But all death is for reason
Which we don't know
Until we die
Ourselves
Depression is real
And it hurts
I’m not supposed to call it mine
My anxiety and depression isn’t supposed to be mine,
I’m supposed to distance myself because somehow that helps.
Somehow saying it isn’t mine
makes it okay
Forgive me for always wanting to be in love,
I know it sounds dumb and stupid.
But I rather be in love and feel it’s warmth then hurt from the outcome
Of its winter cold.
“Sorry.” One word, her life upon a page.
Glinting barbed wire wrapped around thin arms;
The suit of armor was also a cage,
And words inside her head did much more harm.
When people ask me why it looks like I play tic-tac-toe on my wrists,
I tell 'em it's because that's where I can feel my body insisting
Over, and over, and over again,
That it's alive.
A million stars up in the sky
one shines brighter I can't deny
A love so precious a love so true
a love that comes from me to you
The angels sing when you are near
within your arms I have nothing to fear
I loathe your addiction to cigarettesand the women you go to seebecause one is killing you
Every day, she gets called a different name.
No one seems to see the pain it causes.
To them, it’s all just a game,
Even when she cries, no one pauses
Neglect–ed
Ringed out with blood and stretch marks.
Wrinkles written in between the crevices of my eyes.
They sting and burn. Fighting, fighting, and falling.
I kept falling. I failed.
A silent killer, suicide
It creeps into mind
But stays inside
A silent skiller, suicide
You fake a smile
But cut your wrist
A silent killer, suicide
You say "I'm fine"
Kids are dying
Younger and younger
By their own hand
They're being pushed to the edge
And they can't return
They feel alone
And helpless
And have no where to go
How many kids have to die
i lost myself
in my blanketed tomb
scars on my wrist
and pills on my tongue
couldn't breathe
although i tried
i tried and tried
He lay in his bed & cried
His daughter ran away to hide
But,
What if she cries or dies
Or even miss his warmth inside
She runs & runs
To where? Over there?
Why?
I remember the night i tried killing myself,
maybe i did die for a minute
Life, i didnt want anything to do with it,
i was sick of it, i prayed for a better way,
for a day i wouldnt feel any pain
The things I hide
From curious eyes.
Oh, how they wish to see;
But I can not show you the real me.
I’m scarred,
And broken,
And long outspoken,
Bruised, and hurt.
Sideways glancesSmirksSnickers behind binders
But they don’t knowThey don’t know what she’s been throughThey wouldn’t do this if they knew
She’s going to kill herself
Maybe not today or tomorrow,
But someday she will,
Before you cry “get a hotline”,
Know that we tried.
We tried so much,
But her heart has already died.
I've always told myslef to be strong
But what do I do on those days
when the tears total to a tsunami;
overflowing and chaotic, unable to control
Every day I pass you I smile so you do too
Every day you see me you look right through
The crows feet and the laugh lines that mark my face
Do not stand a chance against the feelings I case
Tonight, I can write about a broken moment in time,
About a lone wolf,
Whose power and grace fell,
As the heavens would cry,
Shunned because she didn’t fit in,
Didn’t agree with the status quo,
The only thing people define me by;
"The emo girl with cuts on her wrists".
Instead of discovering who I really am, they only see my many scars that lie on my wrist.
I look in the mirror
What do I see?
A shattered soul
Simply, Me
Alone in the world
I try not to cry
Sometimes I think
Should I just...die?
You know that girl who's always smiling and laughing,
That girl who isn't popular, but everyone likes her,
That girl who can cheer anyone up within seconds,
That girl who loves and cares for everyone?
You know that girl who's always smiling and laughing,
That girl who isn't popular, but everyone likes her,
That girl who can cheer anyone up within seconds,
That girl who loves and cares for everyone?
I have a metal object... Do you know what it is?
It could be heavy or light... Do you want to see it inmy hand?
Young in age but aged so young
Denied no hymnal yet to be sung.
Against Her good nature, no heed to Her grace
Death stole a lamb with no wool to replace.
Left in the Valley, taken tomorrow
Life is an enigma,
That can’t be understood,
Too many pieces lost in time,
Like puzzle pieces scattered in the air,
Emotions running high,
The tears begin to fall,
The feeling of depression bogs you down,
all the negatives are collapsing over and over again.
No one is there, and no one can help,
No one knows you, and you are all alone.
To many emotions to count
lost to mangled words
and a twisted mouth.
Butchered by hate,
murdered by fear.
Kept hidden by masks
worn every day
to keep the rest of the world away.
Darkness
Is all I can see
Death
Is all I dream
Happiness
Has long since faded away
Struggle
Each and every single day
Mind
Is slowly turning to dust
Pain
Wounded Healer
His footprints fade from the sand on the beach.
I understand that depression it kills
Cause my bestfriend swallowed handfuls of pills
Someone with self harm on their mind is not "doing alright",Someone with darkness in their eyes cannot "see the light",Dont yell at them and blame them for things that aren't their fault, Cause they will believe it.
I Finally understand
Why she was so hard to get
Why she hid within herslef
Telling just enough
I feel your presence, when the grass shakes a shiver
That’s when everyone hides and everyone covers
You paint sinister lines over clouds of silver
Breathless and grasping for air
My breath chokes for the wind,
My lungs don't seem to dare,
Sometimes I just look at you wondering how the world treats you, and what's going on inside your head.
You sit in your room
thinking of all possible ways
overdose
Hanging
Shooting
Jumping
They constantly run through your head
You cant decide which one
You go to bed
I`m sitting alone in my room.
Corgi flopped out on the floor
He`s snoring, sounds like a motor boat
At least it would if I weren`t jamming out
On my banjo
Piggidy, ping, ping
I ignore good sense
She sat there in disbelief,
The things they had written were so malicious.
She read the words on the screen:
Whore, slut, bitch.
I was misguided. My demons would taunt me. Convince me to wander on countless occasions. I'd roam around until they'd finally attack. They always did and always do, as soon as they see their chance. They feed on any sign of weakness.
There once was a heroine
With a long red cape
She saved kittens from trees
And innocents from fate
She flew all over
Far and wide
Over deep oceans
And continents alike
d the ability to get a glance at the figure of the physique under the black veil I've cast upon myself, I applaud.
Ha, yah that’s really funny, that joke you just made
Suicide jokes always are aren’t they?
You know what’s even funnier?
Being up at 4 in the morning on a school night
Trying to talk your friend out of suicide
Rescue me from this broken heart
And all that is dark
From this stolid state
And harm that awaits
Take me far away
To my happy place
Hopefully you're not too late
Rescue me
You may not...Tease him in the hall, thenTrip and watch him fallKick him when he's down andJump him while he's on his ownBut then again...
She walked; no, walked could not describe the way she moved.
She glided down the hallways, turning every head like the giant wind turbines that littered the plains she lived in and dropping every jaw like the first leaves of autumn.
I wish that I would've paid more attention,
and noticed the look in your eyes,
that look that seemed like you were searching,
I used to know a kid when I was younger. He had blonde hair and brown eyes and was a bit small
but, he always put on a brave face. I used to think he was annoying until I befriended him.
imagine
waking up and getting out of bed, you figured that the suicide dream you had felt all to real.
You go find your mom, she's fixing breakfast you try talking to her but you realize she's ignoring you
Our eyes are once again forced open by the sound of a beeping alarm. Morning has stolen our precious sleep.
They say love is a drug.
It's no wonder I'm always so high.
I abuse too much, never sober enough.
His laugh is my cocaine, addictive and exhilarating.
When his lips meet mine, it's pure bliss
A knife to my chest
Or a gun to my head
as i breathe my last breath
though im already dead
Who cares if i die
Or is this just satans lies
its myself i despise
All these tears i done cried
I think I was confused
when you said death was beautiful.
Because I remember I agreed.
Four years.
Four years and you're letting go,
not me.
I desired to keep you.
Like the folded up piece of paper that you placed in an envelope and sealed with your
wax kisses.
We were all surprised
When outside the sun continued to rise and shine
A reminder that time just keeps moving
As if everything is fine.
Even if it clearly is not fine.
To cut, to release
The anger exploding out like a beast
From the pain my family inflicts
Becomes physical abrasions on my wrist
But my wrist alone does not suffer
My left arm now also encounters
Do I know you?
The words you pronounce
are so ugly and dirty,
But you say they fit me just
perfectly.
Do I know you?
No, I do not
but here I am lying on the floor
2000 chances were handed out
in hopes that they would never be used
the number on the cards and people waiting
for just one call to come in confused
2000 pieces of hope were believed in
Wake up late,
Mornings I hate
Don't like leaving my bed
The smell of bacon
Brings a cravin'
Jam spread over bread
Hash browns or home fries
Always satisfies
Kethchup on top
I'm falling in a hole;
that I can't be heard from.
My body begins to disappear,
becoming long gone.
Chapped lips and Dark eyes,
Acne scars and Chubby thighs.
Senseless dreams and hopeless times.
Waiting for the sun to rise.
Quiet kisses and Poisened lips.
Dying lungs and Useless tips
A lump in my throat,
a ball of fire in my chest,
a river falling from my eyes,
I don't understand why,
a pounding head,
an aching heart,
my limbs are numb,
numb,
Some days she laughed
and it felt like sunshne on my skin,
and when she smiled it smelled like sugar.
But some days she cried.
Oh, some days she cried.
And the car has never been so cold.
Beginning of sophomore year something had changed. Summer had left us strange and our voice
became locked and contained. We were silent.
It didn’t happen to us all, it first only affected a few
I know I’m unwanted,
Yet I still try
To find the one
Whom would die
For me and make me feel
Why do you need audience?
Someone who really wants to leave,
Doesn't tell anyone else,
They go in secret.
If you reach out,
It's because you want help.
You don't really want it to end.
With a world filled with hatred, a world or sorrow
Maybe no one would notice if I disappear tomorrow
In the heat of all the chaos, in all the confusion
Within the earth I created fusion
He was there just yesterday
smiling at me
His black emo hair round his face
he wore eyeliner, guyliner he called it
he always had a smirky little grin
but i liked that about him
Reading! Writting! Things that make people cringe but makes smilegive me words over sports give me a book over TV
The Reason I cry: to cry for all who feel pain
The Reason I laugh: to show my pain
The Reason I sing: to tell a story
The Reason I talk loud: to make my soft and meek voice be heard
Long pale faces split with wicked grins,
Dark sunken spaces where the eyes should have been.
Strong careless hands stealing life from beneath tattered cotton,
You are enough
You are enough
You are so enough,
You have no idea how enough YOU are.
You are the light in my darkness.
You are the happiness behind your mom's eyes.
Fate has bound us together,With slack ropes and rusted chainsIn a one sided tug-of-warI struggle to support the weight of your soulAnd my own
Waking up in the middle of the night, not being able to breathe. It sucks
Not knowing where to go is confusing You're debating whether or not it to end it
Baby, keep ya head up.
You're falling.
You try to grab onto something, but everything escapes from your grasp.
You're bawling.
You don't know how to escape from this life of pain.
Darkness is all there is.
This place makes me want to kill myself
Everyone is so selfish only thinking of themselves
I don't know if i'll get out alive
Seeing past all the lies
Trapping me here like I'm too wild
Little girl's tears run down a red cheek
All she ever heard is "You are such a freak!"
Sitting quietly with metal death in her hand
With a lot of fear and nothing more to stand
Those thoughts in your head,
Came from people who dont understand
They came at you with comments,
That had you sad for a moments
Then you thought and questioned
"Am i really this much of a disappointment?"
So he got there this morning, saw no one, just her bed.
Which was curiously red. So he called up the detective,
"Listen here," he said. She's missing, nowhere to be found.
Through all the wind, and all the tremor,
I swear times do indeed get better.
Through all the failures, tears, and scars,
I swear you'll reach the golden stars.
Ice like fire
Salt to make heat
Pain to keep me grounded
Pain to help me see
Pain that forces
Tightened lungs to breathe
When it heals
Rinse, Repeat
Don't needa razor
You hear the whispers.
Your hear the rumors.
Everyone is talking.
Everyone is judging.
Stands on edge of precipice,
Ebony abyss
Battle born, there has never
Been a war like this.
Criss-cross grooves from razor blades
Creeping up young arms
Voice in barren wilderness,
Twisted and tangelled I think I fell out of the skiy.
Red flesh kept mangeled, is not how humans feel alive.
To live and feel life where the sorrow and anger has been.
Was written like a map in my layers of skin.
Tweedle-Dee, tweedle-dum.
She lays there likes a drum, as he's pounding into her.
Treating her like no one.
This goes on every night, and days when Aunty is away.
He rapes her and beats her, forcing her to stay.
You think you are safe
you think you are sound-
A place where many are not found
for what they want is not what they need-
but they search on in this unfamiliar place.
There are three degrees of separation
Mental, physical, and social
The most common of these is physical
Anyone who sees can see
That those who do not touch
Are separated physically
“Congratulations Mamn.
She is a beautiful young girl.
She will be called Jane 727,690,843.”
Brown locks in frenzied curls
Frame a round face
Diamonds shoot from dark brown eyes
A giggle surpasses rose lips
flooding with ignited thoughts
---you don't have to do this
tons of pressure push you to the ground
---please don't
stress is the leash that tightens its grip
---I will listen, I promise
No one notices how you cry at night.
No one notices how your heart aches through the day.
No one notices your depression.
when is it approprate
to give up and give in
when can the breathing stop
and the struggles cease to be
must this tradegy continue
must there be a crash and burn
cannot this end here and now
People say I'm happy, that I'm never without a smile.
I bet those people would be pretty surprised to find that I used to spend nights wishing to die.
There is a mask that every person fakes,
there nothing to fear except fear itself
except fear fills our every thought.
what on our mind, cloud our hearts,
our judgment and reasoning seems to part.
theres no clear path to think straight
We are all young,
We tend to push people down, and make them feel worthless.
but yet, we know we are doing these things and not stopping them.
would you miss me if i died? Would you stay up late at night
if you knew today was my goodbye
would you try when you woke
because your the one who wished it on me
would you try to call the next day
Even though she looks unhappy to be here,
every time the last bell rings she doesn't hustle out the door like the rest of them do.
lights, camera, action, green screen, Steven Spielberg special effects this set up is more complex than anything you’ll find up in Hollywood
There is no time for stage fright the cameras here are always rolling
When I'm gone they'll say they loved me
They'll claim they had no hate
But the reason that I'm dead
Is because they came too late
The ground will cover me now
As they gather 'round to watch
My mask
My hiding
My facade
This is what I keep from everyone
My happy face
My pesaceful grace
My ever-present humor
This is why they never knew
My hidden tears
Ultimatum turned dream deferred
Read about in good book, who's inferred?
Time means nothing meaning I don’t exist
My fabric’s tattered my coating battered, my joy eclipsed
Gears turnin’ so fast they’re on fire, see the smoke
And breath deep lungfuls of poisoned air- don’t choke
Daniel Tosh treats it all like it’s one big joke
Attempt number one was in the third grade
the first time she called me useless because I couldn't do a braid
The second attempt was much later
in the seventh grade when people behind my back snickered laughing at my pain
I looked around for you until I could no longer see,
Then I realized that this loneliness would forever be apart of me.
The sickening trials of love and connection.
I have decided
to substitute self harm
with my dental care.
The unfortunate part is
all I've got in the end
is multiple scars
and impeccably white teeth
that will never get a chance to smile.
Mother, I've been cutting
I stay awake at night
I often refrain from eating
I'm sorry if this gives you fright.
Mother, please forgive me
I've fallen in too deep
I can't live like this much longer
I never ate at parties
and the family started to notice.
I refrained from speaking
and the hushed concern grew louder.
I wore sweaters in the summer
and my mother was continously questioned.
A simple smile acting as a barrier
Preventing the world to understand
hardships, heartbreaks, hurt.
Daily life is a chore
no matter how many times it's repeated
difficulty, depression, danger
I always thought nothing could ever hurt me,
I always thought I was unstoppable.
Until the day came..
When I lost my bestfriend..
I never thought death could heart..
With every word they say
Her heart breaks a little more
She only wants to break away
A way to stop feeling sore
Shes sitting in her room now
Her eyes are empty, hollowed out
She can't take it
From start to finish, I wonder why
The cuts look good in this messed up lie
The blood that trickles down my arm
People all stare at the girl who self harms
¨The freak¨ they call me
I turn to my name
Another cut, to distract the pain,
Another pill, just to keep sain
Alive, but dead in a tormenting
Hell
Kowing, you'll never fully get well
Scaring away the few that stood by
I have these thoughts I don't understand.
They come from a place I don't quite know.
Often at times I sit alone.
Never have I thought it was easy, but I have fought my evil demons
Throughout leaving home at a 18, biggest regret, but enjoying the challenges
Obstacles have battled me on my dark days, I came out shining
You missed the day in biology when your teacher went over
the composition of the human body.
Maybe if you knew you were 93% stardust
you wouldn't have sparked your supernova,
When someone says death, it is taken with fright,
an end, a finish, a darkness to light.
When I think of death, sure, it scares me a bit,
but I see all I can do, and that fear takes a hit.
She does not know when to behave,
never asked me if I am ok,
criticizing and jabbing at my brain,
the pounding heartbreaking pain.
She knows there is someone to blame,
Trapped.
She is trapped with no way out.
The fraction of hope that she contains is the only thing that is keeping her sane, if that is what she is.
At this point, there is no doubt in her mind that he will return.
Drowning.
She is drowning in the loneliness that is clouding her thoughts.
When she thought.
If she thought;
she thinks she feel him, just in the back of her mindset.
Here she stands motionless on the scale
My dear sweet young sister enthralled by a fairy tale
The very one whose small feet pattered to her grade anxiously
Weighing not enough to fall from her veil
THE TIME WHEN YOU THOUGHT YOU WERE THE GREATEST
PEOPLE THOUGHT YOU WERE THE FAKIEST
THE TIME WHEN YOU THOUGHT YOU WERE POWERLESS
COWARD LESS
BRAVE NESS
YOUR CHEST FEELS LIKE ITS ABOUT TO CAVE IN
THE TIME WHEN YOU THOUGHT YOU WERE THE PRETTIEST
THE...
Dearest lover,
I awoke this morning to find you had gone.
No note,
No flower,
No sign of your existence at all
Except for the sour taste on my tongue
Living like a bruh
Tiptoein in my Jordans
Got swag for days bruh
But seriously, let's jump into reality
In the world everyone is confused
About looks, attitude, and sexuality
She's stays up at night wishing shed die
She looks in the mirror and says goodbye
She swallows the pills and the light starts to fade
Finally her one wish has been made
She wakes up in a hospital room
My words are more than just ink on paperThey are a prayerA silent chronicle of my life through my eyesMore than just simple sighs they areWishes and dreams
A whisper begs to end it all.
A song reminds you of your fall.
To live may seem like pain, and
Words are thrown out to hate,Before it can be stopped, it's al
"he's still here."
here.
Here and gone. The words meld into one.
I screamed. I cried. I lost my mind.
Is it possibly to feel so much at the same time?
This house sometimes feels empty
No one understands I don't mean to hurt them
I just don't know how to reach out
My mom was my galaxy and I was a stargazer
Now she's just part of the Milky Way
This emptiness inside of me,
I really can't explain
how everything I try to do
slowly fades to grey.
Imagine yourself standing
in the bottom of a pit
no way out
no way in.
It's just a scar on her arm,
A canvas few choose to paint.
Just a gun, fully loaded,
Waiting to accept her fate.
The ropes looked so convincing
Imagine you were a boy
born with a big head
Your parents thought you were smart
with a cranium that feels like lead
As I grew up in many places
Learned in many schools
My goal for grades were secondary
Smoke in mirrors, to the sick minded that's clear
Clear as crystal...
The thoughts of ending life with a pistol
I miss all the memories that never happened.
I miss all the memories that made me whole.
I miss the days we sat by the lake.
I miss the days we stayed out too late.
I miss you being my shoulder to cry on.
She says it eased her pain,
As the blade dripped of blood,
She said she no longer felt cold,
As scars were left.
She claimed she no longer cried,
Herself asleep,
I see youWith the razorAnd youWith the lighterI notice your scratchesAnd I hear your silent criesWhile you grip that rope
Life is but a dream
I can see it slipping away from your very fingertips
It twirls and dances like fire on a burning stick
Life is but a dream
I see you with your cute little smile
"Hey, how are you?"
I say, "I'm fine." Totally fine.
I'm always fine...
It's truly a superficial question; no one wants the truth. They won't dig and burrow, they wont try to tunnel into my thoughts.
“Please, I can help you!”
Words that every person wants to hear.
Words that mean I love you and I care.
I am a Painter of Another Day
Another sleepless night,
Another day avoiding glances,
Another day pretending to be happy,
Anothr fake smile,
And another day hiding the scars covering my skin.
Struggling to live,
Struggling to breathe.
I feel as if I have been drowned,
And murdered in the sea.
Alone in my room,
Staring at the wall.
Attempting to drown out the noise,
Underneath my left breast
carved into my ribs in powdered jet
8.11.14
the day the happiest man alive
killed himself
and we all found out
that he was pagliacci
La Commedia è finita!
Left with a broken smile,
A twisted girls mind
Can take you a mile
Through the decisions she's made
She's haunted by pain
Brought to light to see
The only good decision she ever made
"In the someday what's that sound?"
Questioning the bane of ones existance is common
Hey Kurt, did you question yours too much?
I listen into your distortion
The lyrics don't match up
Was I not there? Did I not see the signs?
maybe I didn't tell you I loved you enough
maybe I didn't tell you I cared about you enough
I remember the way your eyes lit up when they saw mine
Pour my feelings into a jar and seal it
That is how I feel inside
I can't breathe
Gasping for air
Reaching out for someone to unseal this jar
The jar is about to fall and shatter
Mulan once sang of her reflection
And the words wrapped themselves around me
Like a ribbon tripping me at the shin
Not knowing who I could be
Gay, trans, lesbian, bi
Suicide isn't the way out.
I know it seems like it would make everyone else's life simpler.
But it won't
It's not worth it.
Your parents will mourn.
Your friends will cry.
People will notice.
Something I must know
Why did you go
My dear cousin
With your smiling face
Always ready to run any race
You could have talked
I would have listened
When they told me
you were gone,
a cold hand
stilled my heart.
When they told me
you were gone,
a hard, heavy foot
stomped the air from my lungs.
You said to me, "I am Lost"
So I etched the constellations
in every freckled part of my skin,
so you would always know where you came from
when you traced your fingers across my hips.
You see that person sitting alone?
That person hiding pain behind a smile?
Had you even looked into their file
Would you not have seen the suffering?
Would you not understand?
You see that person?
Hello and goodbye
the same each day
waiting for something new
something different
a sign that life can get better
I'll smile at you
but inside I'm screaming
I'm not fine
When stuff goes to hell
Sometimes we just break away
Away from the world.
We all have problems
We all endure suffering
But we just can't leave.
Find your own anchor.
Why did you leave me behind?
Was is becase of your pain?
Or was it because of mine?
I wish you could of talked to me,
before you left me behind.
I miss you daily,
I am a caged bird.
I have been placed here in this room full of people.
I am their entertainment.
They mock, they point, they poke.
Oh, I wish they could see how much it hurts.
They aren't just scars
They are demons
I fought at 00:00
They are my insecurities
My deepest fear
And my lonely nights
They are my insults
I have recieved and the
Emotion I can't contain
When the rest of the world seems like a movie reel
Spinning incessantly
Spitting useless nonsense
Faster than you can process,
But it's playing a beautiful picture
You've heard
Hockey is the reason I chose not to end myself at the start
Now, rough doesn’t even begin to explain it – at all
It’s so hard for me to see it.
I stare at it, talk it through, and analyze it,
But I’ll never feel it like you do.
And I’m sorry for that.
I’ll never understand your self-loathing
Oh lord I say.
Who's going to ever help me with my insecurities?
I go through hell every night.
The demons..the company I dont need.
They're attacking oh father.
Say a word for me...
Daily,
Two sisters
Meet at the mirror
The mirror that contains nothing else but sorrow and pain
Their eyes don't like what they see
Both thinking "She doesn't know what it's like to be me"
A stiff existence in a world so blind,Soft clouds turn to dust in a single blink of an eye,The air of musk and mildew molds away as the plaster fades away.
I don't recall much since you've been gone
Everyone tells me to move on
But how cam I walking by your room
How can I forget when I sit at my desk where you told me to sit
Everyone said it would be alright
Four in the morning, mother was screaming
But the screams weren’t in anger, only slightly in pain
But mother and father smiled moments later
And everything changed
We are the forgotten,
We are the one's hidding behind our image.
We are te ones who aren't seen,
We are another number of another statistic.
We are the one's with blood stained hands and a dark mind set.
Hey Dad, I really hope you're reading this right, and I would like for you to know I tried to kill myself twice. I was tossed into the world with no word of advice, without a better way out. I felt like ending my life.
My head space is dizzy
I feel lethargy
I don't know how to laugh
What is it I see?
I'm trying to remember
Thats there's somewhere to be
I can't feel my self
When you think about death?Do you think about me?
My smiling face?My laughter and glee?
Feel what you see
The pain is not mine
It isn't yours
Who does it belong to
If not you or me?
It's better than pity
That lacks kindness and charity
The things that define us
can often make us worse,
but they can also make us better
we can grow,
like seeds after a forest fire
I want to see the stars
see past the fog
place my head above the clouds,
bathe in the light
I want to forget the dark
wrap myself in rich shades of blue,
They said I would find
a boy to kiss away my tears,
that there would be someone
to hold back my hair
as I purge the
too small meal.
They said that the scars
would make me a survivor,
Death. I’m slowly dying.
My world leaves me furiously crying.
My fight is forever fleeting.
My soul being eaten while my flesh being beaten.
My drive constantly diminishing.
The sun comes up, it's been a hard night.
Her eyes are red, swollen from nights
of fighting her own inner demons.
The ones no one even realizes exists.
She drags herself from her bed, her sanctuary,
The voices are everywhere
Saying life will never be fair
They're screaming at you
Saying there is nothing you can do
Your only escape is to end it all
Whatever you do, don't give in,
Just once, just once
I want to get dressed up
in a dress with short sleeves
And not feel like everyone is staring at my ugly arms.
But because of choices I made when I was
14,15,16
Mother of mine
The all being one to me for twelve years
With the messy hair and even messier brain
With the laugh that could infect an entire room
With the painter's hands and explorer's eyes
* Rriiiing * *Rriiiing*
I'm serious this time.
*Rriiiing* No False alarm. I'm really going to fucking - Answer Goddamit !
Happy.
What is it?
It is what you made me feel.
Light as a butterfly,
My eyes flutter open,
Jerking me out of the realm of my dreams.
Our last conversation,
In fourth grade, a boy made me a necklace; letter beads strung between beating hearts, plastic I handled like crystal.
"You did this"
I think this as I try to sleep my first night at my fourth foster home that year.
I am ony six years old.
As that night was not cold, my heart was chilling to my soul,
Being understood, isn't always me
I cannot always say what's deep inside, you see.
But when I close my eyes, I hear the rhythms speak;
A bouquet of balloons
strains against its bonds,
dancing in the breeze with
its anchor of ground.
I imagine releasing them
with scissors,
one, two, three, more,
watching them fly into
We were Romeo and Juliet,
My depression and me,
Me and my depression.
A tragically beautiful romance
Of star-crossed lovers,
It's my time to be heard
As a friend, you've given me promises
Enough to fill three lifetimes
You promised me you wouldn't drop out of school
At some point in your life you think, who am I? Why am I here? Who have I become?
You start to realize how miserable you are.
You start to feel alone and empty inside.
Will it get better?
You think.
What makes me tick is nothing you can see
Nothing you can grasp
Because its inside of me
That negative bug
It lives in my brain
You can't hear it
But it drives me insane
no no no !
it cant be happening again PLEASE NO !
leave me alone, get your hands off me, please leave me alone !
deep breaths, sweating, the hands reaching out of the walls
no no no !
it cant be happening again PLEASE NO !
leave me alone, get your hands off me, please leave me alone !
deep breaths, sweating, the hands reaching out of the walls
A goodbye unsaid, but written.
A rope tied and left to hang.
A person jumped, but never reached the ground.
An exhausted mother gently lifted her child out of his crib and cradled her small baby boy with periwinkle eyes that fluttered like butterfly wings.
And outside, life Is cold.
The trees are as bare as my bones are hollow,
and through the chains over my window
I can see the world outside-
Moving.
It's all still moving, without me.
Together is where I thought we would always be,
until that day you were snatched away from me.
Sitting on this rock,
watching the waves,
Remembering the days.
The day I met you,
An old man watches,
A baby cries,
But neither one,
Will meet my eyes.
An enemy laughs,
And old friends greet,
But I just carry on,
Staring down at my feet.
Look up kid, the stars are still in place, the moon hasn’t left,
there’s no pressure there. So stay, watch the sky. Just, stay.
Don’t hide, the leaves are changing and the field is dead,
we say ignorance is bliss
hatred, intolerance, and greed are the trifecta of our society
do you see it?
news anchors deliver breaking news: a pop star got married yesterday
there are demons in her brain
eating away
gnawing and chewing and crunching
telling her she's nothing
breaking her down
piece
by
Look at the small tangible
Person in your arms.
So unique. So different.
Soften as she warms.
Yet her heart cold as ice
Thunders as it storms.
Never to break the habbit
Of causing herself harm.
This is my final prayer,
That someone will care,
But it never seems to change
Because my mind is really strange.
It's dark inside,
All my pain and demons hide,
Maybe one day you'll see,
A military vet you were I hearwith a mother in the gardena father swinging in dead airno mystery why they found you swirling in rags and sharp metalbut it's the spawn of two mothers that truly blew the kettle
Rejection, Neglect, Confused, Confined
Traits of a sociopathic mind, that's what society tells me i'm just nothing but labels pathetic worthless
Attempted at life but resulted in an attempt in suicide.
Im done with youFed up with the pain you put me throughBlood continues to pour from the stabs in my backFeelings worn on my arm, as if it were a tat
“Better to Live”
A few years ago, I was at the top of the world.
Friends all around me and a beautiful girl.
But something went missing. I was losing my ground.
By night I am crying
By day I am lying
I put on a mask
Trying to conceal the past
Not even my best friend can see
How my soul is dying inside of me
I am starting to fall
Green shirt, greener eyes
He walks in the room and it's no surprise
The life of the party
That smile?
It could save me
A voice that could drown out all the rest
Her legs shake as her hands sweat
Looking at all she have left
She pick up the needle and slap her arm so her vain show
She induce the substance as she start to feel low
She lean back and try to train her thought
The sun was unforgiving and I wouldn't soon be forgetting
That lack luster look to his face when he talked about the human race
We're all dead he said
It happened in the dead of night,
Watching TV in the quiet.
Out of nowhere the phone starts ringing,
She hears her mother in a riot.
Blue skies after a storm blows away; blue eyes trying to keep the tears at bay.
You’re all on your own, a burden to those around you.
They push you down, and you can never pull yourself back up.
Forget Me Not
*controversial*
Morning sickness brings the blues,
Monthly cycle is overdue.
She was drunk that night,
Flinging morals in the wind,
The times are deathly dark
Blind to the light
Cannot seem to escape
My dreadful fate
Who'll save me from myself
When no one cares to help
Open skys, please open
Wide.
Hold my wings and allow me
to glide.
Take my pain
that I hide.
And bring through the clouds
a brand new tide.
Depression filled her mind completely,
With thoughts she did not wish to think,
Thoughts of the past, the pain, the suffering
Imprinted on her brain like ink.
You said you wanted to die,
but I think you just wanted someone to care.
You went so long,
oh so long,
dealing with the whispers behind your back.
There were so many people that cared,
I have spent years waiting
Waiting to smile
Waiting to laugh
I have spent years waiting
Sometimes I try to speak
I try to express myself
But no one hears
No one answers
I am hurting
Like a Concrete Jungle
Animals of the street
standing on the corner bringing all the heat
brown buidings
look like sideways slaveships
hold about 1000s people
in each complex
black
The razor blade held to his wrist shows pain,
mourning, and anything else.
You see, he just wants someone to understand him,
care for him, and love him as their own.
I can see you
feverishly stabbing away at your keyboard
the glare of the computer screen illuminating your countenance
I don't like hate.
Judgement makes me irate.
Racism makes me want to scream.
Homophobia makes me angry.
I'm sick of people being mean,
bullying because of their own insecurities,
The solution is never dying.
Look up at the sky can't you see that you're flying
around the sun, just so fast, a blink of your eye and the stars fly past.
And this big blue marble could shatter like glass
You cut into my skin
Whether you know it or not
You don't think it a sin
I'm just an afterthought
My troubles you laugh at
And you say they don't exist
Somehow it's just that
The sun sets
both high and low
Someone lets
Their lover go
The waters deep
And the birds high
It's a small leap
Maybe he'll fly
Darkness surrounds him
Helpless and weary, I try to stand strong
this conflict I have fough, far too long.
Every night when I lay in bed,
Empty Rooms filled with--interrupting lightMissing floorboardsMissing stairsHungry CupboardsVacant VasesEverythingis Nowhere.No Roof
If a child throws a fit in the store,
If a man drinks, drives, and wrecks,
If the rainforests are being depleted,
He sits on his bed and stares at the wall.
“Faggot”, “Weak”, “Loser”
He’s heard it all.
No escape, no escape.
He must get out.
His eyes flitter about
And fall on the gun in his hands.
We wonder, we ponder how tragedy must feel
Is it like burning or a pure sensation
With every waking moment you feel broken and helpless
As you weep in sorrow you think of all the good times and laughter
They call you stupid worthless tell you your not worth it tell you your noone and nothing to go die to commit suicide tell you your no good for noone tell you you only harm they call you hopeless and heartless say your a sin a mistake that's been
This is not meant to be a sob story.
This is a poem to make you understand.
In the past year alone, I have attempted suicide 3 times. In the past year,
Fade away
Into yesterday
Will anyone know when I am gone
Trapped in yesterday
Wanting to escape
The sorrows that enrapture me
Trying to be brave
When I told her I didn't want to be friends anymore-That I was done with it (and her)-She cried.She begged.She asked why.And I tried to explain…But my founded reasoning fell onto deaf,
At 6, she wanted to be a ballerina.At 9, she wanted to be a doctor.At 14, she wanted to be skinny.At 16, she wanted to be dead.
They don’t teach you not to be small.I’ve been in a million classrooms that teach us not to get too big and make sure we exercise enough.Never have I heard, “Don’t get too small.”
When you look at me Jay
My world stops completely
You make me feel special
Especially when you tell me that you need me
Angels have dropped out of the sky
Leaving black plumes in their wake
The feathers from their wings
Have left tears on the faces of those who loved them
And lost them.
I lay upon a rubbery bed,
My mind fuzzy with lethargy,
And ponder what was in my head,
When I had decided not to sleep,
And that's when they dragged her in,
tick tick tick tick...
here we go again
everything I see pounding agaisnt my head
tick tick tick tick...
trying to make sense
trying to be unseen
I'm here for you.
Know you are not alone
And that I am here.
Let go of that razor,
Those pills,
That gun.
You will make it through this.
I believe in you.
You just need a friend,
Not everything works
Like it used to when
We were young
Disease fills us
Disorders rot our minds and
We’re never cured
Anxiety creeps up
Fire that you ignore but
Can’t put out
What were you thinking?
Letting her feel so alone
she was crying, hurting and breaking
Bones were what the mirror shown
All she wanted was someone to care
For someone to finally be there
Oh my dear, I can hardly wait.Soon we two shall dance with the teasing belladonna hoping to ensnare us bothYou have been too long without a partner, but you have been beautiful
Every morning
She looks to the clouds
Begging each one to take her
She wants to live on them
16 years old on the street
Has a baby girl
From being a freak in the sheets
Wasn't unprotected
But, the condom broke
2 weeks later it was positive
So she told her folk
Her mom was disappointed
“I lay in the tub with blades and blood;
and there they found me”, he said.
This man, this man whom I have loved.
His pain. It is now apart of my pain.
Words.
I would change the awful words that spills like vomit from your mouth.
I would change the ugliness of the world.
I would outlaw derogitory terms,
hateful phrases,
cold shoulders,
tears...
Roses are redViolets are blueSugar is sweetYou are tooSmiling green eyesHeld thoughts friends couldn't seeLong sleeve shirtsHeld wounds you did not need
quiet child; never worrieS the others
caring child; holds All who need to cry
lovely child; pinnicle of Virtue
child, where is your smilE?
ungrateful child; always in Mourning
We walked aimlessly with direction
happening upon that one perfect moment.
To Rest.
Sizzled mimosa pours freshen
my mind’s thoughts of you
sweet sweet endangered—
This is for those who can't stand up and speak.
And if they ever did, they would come across as weak.
The ones who are lonely, hurt, alone, and broken.
I speak, no one listens
Watch the water glisten
I am alone in silence.
Begging for help from you
Maybe you should watch, too.
I am alone in silence.
Do you, friend, hear my pleas?
As people we sit and try to forget that not so happy part of our lives
We try to bury it deep underneath the surface and have this always positive outlook on life
I make lines
They represent reality
It becomes harsh
The lines do too
They see it as pain
Angst
Loneliness
Stop looking with your eyes
They only obscure
Because it is vulnerable, an option, you might see.
Wide out in the open, entire visibility.
Kindness, is it only but a word?
A person who hears people's needs.
But oddly, sadly, is never ever heard.
You try your best to see the light.
In a blinding sheet of darkness.
You ignore and try to forget.
i didn't always know there was
such a thing as a
‘colored girl’
didn't always wear my
bruised peach skin like a mink fur coat
something to be
My heart is like glass
One word
One action
Can shatter it so easily
My heart is like glass
No father
Arguements everyday
Sorrow and heartache
My heart is ike gass
She was getting skinnier
By the day
So much thinner
By the week.
The sickness
Invading her body;
Intruding,
Uninvited,
Fatal.
Her bones
Protruding.
Her mother
Used to the constant gunfire since you first set sail,
This time is different.
This time their cannons have crashed too deep.
Slam the galley doors as water floods from the ducts,
Choking out your cries.
Take me to a field where lovers’ dreams have bloomed
Bring your rifle, too, so in my head you can make room
For emptiness and apathy
Get rid of all that’s left of me
And between me and you
I’m a whirlpool,
No,
A thunderstorm,
No,
A category 5 hurricane,
Of thoughts, and hopes,
Of memories, and dreams,
Of puzzle pieces and star dust.
But everything stays silent.
These walls
surround me.
They box me in and drown me.
I’m floating down the river that flows from my eyes. - My life is so boring I forgot that I died
I tried
To make it work.
My self infliction makes me second guess my so-called addiction
Eeleven stiches to match my eyes, they heard my cries
When I was in a denial of my proclaimed suicidal state of mind
And on my arm the devil signed
What I Hate
Do you know what I absolutely hate?
What makes me so sick to my stomach?
And my skin crawl with repulsion?
I’ll tell you what I hate:
Life is hard but don't lose hope.
When everything seems wrong
And your world is dark
It may not seem worth the struggle.
But hear me out
For what you're thinking about
Trust me, it isn't the answer.
Shock sinks in so slow
We wonder at trivialities
Find comfort in memories
Strain to touch the past
Cause that’s all that’s left
That will never fade
Impulsively
We ask
An adaptation of Shakespeare's Hamlet's To be Or Not to Be
Written by: Kristin Elyse Harlan
To go on, or not to go on: that is the question:
Whether tis nobler in the mind to continue
Open arms
Waiting for me to leap
The chasm awaits
I try to leap
But my chains hold me back
Chained to barren rock
No escape
No reaching the arms that wait
Trying to make it
Into the void
a quiet beach,
golden sand,
and crisp blue waves ;
it seems to be
the perfect place.
you set down your towel,
put on your sunscreen.
you never knew life
could be so serene.
Who told us that life would be so hard
Our past haunting us,
The future looming ahead,
We struggle to enjoy and succeed in the present.
I have given up the hope for my life to be perfect
I know what you're thinking
I know just how you feel
The things in life, they don't seem to be real
How can everything end up this way?
How can I alleviate my pain?
I down another bottle
To wash the pain away.
For a brief moment,
I feel a bit okay.
Not because your fingers don’t twitch as you shove them in your pockets, hungry under the nails for my skin.
Her small hand touches the moist fabric of my shirt,
wrapping her arm around me as if she forgot how to comfort me.
I don't blame her.
She's right. We don't know each other anymore
I was going to kill myself on April 12th
April 12th
I don’t know what it was about that date that stood out for me
Maybe it was the odd symmetry of it…4/12/14
Foster Life is not that bad.
Foster Life is a blast.
From being mad.
To having mast.
I went through hell.
I went through dreams.
But now its real.
I am a living dream.
Can you even hear him?
Or do you block him out?
Afraid of what he could say
That would make you feel so proud...
Do you even try now?
To let him in your 'house'?
There's a crime that's stuck inside my mind
A life built on this crooked line
I'm lost in these innocent times
My cries are unheard
My destination is absurd
So many crowding around my room
Down to the depths I fell.
I saw the evil, heard the evil, and spoke evil.
The world was evil, life was evil.
I was dying, slowly.
I needed help,
When I spoke to you
I found the light.
when i tell you my heart is breaking and my wrists are shattering under the fists of a mental illness.
just.
listen.
carry on through the rain
when the storm doesn't cease to pound
ravenously on your bare back in the middle
of nowhere
carry your head high
when ropes from hell tie themselves to your chin
She cries when no one is watching
She acts like everything is okay
She lets you think that she is strong
When deep down inside she's nothing but torn
She keeps her distance
she sheds tears for herself tonight
because she knows that when its over
no one else will cry for her
Happiness dies with innocence, where that dies its hard to tell may think they are still young playing the warm sun until it is time for supper but when does that fade?
Red-headed beauty
with the brightest green eyes...
I watched as she threw herself away.
The heart's wounds more hidden
than the scars on her arm,
she wanted nothing more
Why can't I smile?
I haven't smiled in years.
Unless you count the grimaces I conjure
when a camera dares draw near.
Why can't I sing?
I used to all the time.
Tunelessly and horridly,
I breathe in hate.
I hear rancid words
And baseless accusations.
I see pain.
I feel bones close to breaking,
Muscles shaking so much from trying not to fight back.
To just let it go.
From having answers
to knowing none.
I thought that it was all made up
that you could control anything if you tried hard enough
I chalked it up to lack of discipline or emotions
but then it happened to me
There’s this ball in my throat,
Holding back what my eyes vent
I scan the room of distracted people
Accidently isolating me from their content
Act normal. Act normal.
What a small problem.
I signed up for Facebook without knowing the consequences
I didn't realize that when I logged in today the rumors would follow me here too
I scroll through an infinite number of notifications, accusations
A desperate question, asked by a friend
Five simple words- “Have you set a date?”
My heart quickened my mind raced
Did you know that queries could be daggers?
If I could change ANYTHING in the world,
I would not be a magician or wizard or genius
Creating world peace, endless wealth and resources, the cure.
I would make a change so simple and significant:
Inspired by Billy Collins
It would be a lie to say
I don’t have a habit of writing
About every tragedy
That is headlined on the evening news,
A lie to say
I think of when I was kid
young and naive.
Ousted by my own friend who left me for sports
and the other who left for Arkansas.
I remember the gravel I used to sit on
Everyone knows the myths of the keys;
The namesakes of the human frame.
Those keys unlock with an ease,
Skeleton is their only name.
They unlock doors and unlock chests,
Some need to change how they fulfill their life. Live life. Love it. Do not waste it. I wish they would understand life is a river that will meet waterfalls sometimes.
She sits in a corner.
Knees to her chest and head down.
For she is lost, never to be found.
Thoughts are running wild within this child.
Her life remains madness and pain
Sadness and no gain.
But why?
She puts it in a note
Its all there.
Everything she wrote.
She was angry,she was pissed
No idea how much she would be missed.
Its like she was in a game,
But its not exactly the same.
Thoughts race
time goes by
minutes drag
she wonders why
darker and darker
her mind goes
what is the outcome?
nobody knows
all she sees
behind hazel eyes
You've got a brand new pair of scissors
and your staring down the string
you've contemplated darkness
resting where the angels sing
I know its big of me for asking
but there is just one more thing
I lay still
Still I lay
While they look down at me
I am dressed in satin.
With my hair just so
And a rose within my grasp
Their eyes do cry
They cry from their eyes
Beads of sweat
Collect on my forehead
And are
Dabbed away
I exhale,
A painter
Left to interpret his lucid masterpiece
Hanged askew on the wall
In 7th grade, I knew I was gay
I didn't think it was normal
Not to be straight
So I cut up my skin
And took a lot of drugs
I drank a lot of alcohol
And gave lots of boys hugs
the faggot in the reflection of my space helmet visor is my only friend.
with shaggy shorn hair and big eyes and a hollow cheek bone that holds in my silent tongue.
i have etched lessons in my skin, leaving silver lines
Preventing the Preventable
Written By: Daniel Halloran
What would you change?
Would you change self-harm?
Eating disorders?
Suicidal thoughts?
Seeking acceptance
“Recognized for excellence”.
Pushed myself
Overwhelming chaos.
Runs in the family.
The answer?
It didn’t work.
Communication doesn’t work
When the mental side
Was it childish fancy or love?
I stumbled, and then I fell
Down, down, down
Until I landed in his arms.
He always made me smile,
Made me giggle, made me laugh
I always longed to stay a while,
Suicide is one of the leading causes of death in
Teenagers. Recently I lost my friend
Todd
If I could, I would take away all the pain
The pain I feel every day.
I know I am not alone,
White turns to black. Hearts began to crack. Eyes filled with salty tears, one of their biggest fears. Open casket, scared to see. A young girl staring back at me. For then I knew, the girl looking back, was me. - A.B
The time has come to fade away.
We had the world but now it's gone,
your beauty took on many forms.
Now you're gone and my heart is torn.
Ever since you left, I started to rethink my life.
You see, he was once a man;
Whole.
He was a body and a soul;
But his soul seems to have left him
And only the shell remains.
The music of war is all he hears.
No one remembers
The year you were born
Not the month
Especially not the day
They only remember
"2014"
They don't remember
Your mothers name
Patience is an elemental virtue,
Even as minds are writhing,
Mingling and beating together,
In a flawlessly mortal cadence,
Our bodies are entwined in a disconcerting dance,
Today a boy will fall down unconscious
his trembling form on the bathroom floor
one hand clutching tight a bottle
filled with little white exit signs
Did you ever think
The young girl with the brace face
Or the boy who was afraid to come out
Or the teenage mom who to her family was only a disgrace
Would be living on the brink
Of a never-ending sleep?
I heard the grass is greener on the other side
Only if you abide
By the rules they preach to sinners
Only those who reach it are truly winners
And the everlasting pulsing is gone
I’m coming home
I look around only to find
Sixteen year olds are pregnant,
Twelve year olds are getting high.
Innocent people are getting shot
And teens are committing suicide,
Rosy were of her lavish cheeks,
What a shadow the flourescent moonlight leaves
Complimented by the icy crystals traveling down in trails towards her heart
It's a wonder how such chaotic strife can be such beautiful art
Songs cannot be sung
Bells cannot be rung
Stars refuse to shine
A poet’s lost her rhyme.
Babies do not cry
Loved ones do not die
Flowers do not bloom
Someone stole the moon.
I always loved to help.
So when I woke up for work,
At four in the morning,
And got socks from my sister's room,
I wondered why she didn't ask to talk,
Before taking 3 bottles of prozac and pills.
The leaves on the treesFall every autumnIf they can fallWhy can't I?
I'm drifting downwardsAway from youIf someone doesn't snatch meI'll be gone.
My English homework asks me to name things
that are considered taboo in society.
You know what people don't like to talk about?
Sexual assault, the fact that there is no gender binary,
Two Million.
Two million teens.
Just like you. Just like me.
Staring in the mirror wondering
"Why?"
Two million teens each year
Try to take their own lives.
Sitting in their room with the
Here I stand.
Hit by 17 years worth of pain.
Here I stand.
Struggling with the most elementary problems.
Here I stand.
Against the ridicule of society.
I am in love with my future
Yet, I cheat on her with my past
The ghosts in the mirror
I take a step back
My demons with me in every step
I turn the nobs on the sink
Warm water
I rinse my face
Weep not for me
BUt be glad
I am free
From a life sad
When dawn comes
And I cease to be
Remember my warmth
When you remember me
Oh Fate-Oh Fate
Hey
Listen up
Because there are some things
I’ve got to get
Off my chest so
Sit back, relax.
I hate the way I can’t seem to stand up
For myself.
I let people push me
Around.
Sometimes I think about who would miss me
if I died tomorrow. Sometimes I wonder if people
would cry or even know who I was and
what I stood for. I wonder
if anyone would care or if I’d just be
Imagine what it would feel like:
Over, done, sinking, falling.
Imagine what it would sound like:
Sticks and stones may break my bones
But words always scar
Negligence to be the same
Falling down the road to self hate
They say, “Retarded, idiotic, queer”
Silence in the halls.
screaming in her voice.
what did we do wrong?
how could we have helped?
the silent cries of help, that leave his wists cut.
I can't say one thing!
Not one damn thing, without you criticizing me!
Just shut up!
You ask what I mean,
I mean Im Fed Up!
You push me for my 'own good',
That girl in your class
the one that you think is weird
,cause she always wears hoodie even when its 90 degrees out
yea that girl over there has scars all down her wrist
from cutting, and trying to kill herself
Shadows I see, self loathing, self harming, suicidal thoughts is all I'll ever be.
No one will ever want me, he was right
The monster that came into my room to get me every night
Life is no competion for death
It is obvious to me now
I am not struggling
In the least
I am only hesitant
For my mind has been filled wtih fear propaganda
They say it is permenate
My dear,
My friend,
My confidante,
you are drowning in suicidal greyscale.
The world, so vibrant, paints our lives with emotional colors-
our thoughts, feelings, actions-
He held her hand in his
bone achingly tight;
his jaw clenched with bravado
while his legs shook in fright.
She was cold to the touch,
itsy bitsy chills;
eyes bright with life,
The water's surface
demarcates
life and death.
Why keep our heads afloat?
is there some unwritten law
that states crying is wrong
can we not cry in public
for all to see
is it wrong to show emotion
whenever we feel raw
can we cram it into a song
they found he razor in the shower today
because i forgot to take it out.
thye looked at me with dissipointed eyes today
but ppretentded they knew nothing about.
they heard me gagging in the bathroom today
Silver to red
Silver to red
Staring at the wrist that bled
A day to fast
A night to cry
It fed on the opinions of others
It became alive that day in middle school,
when a boy called her a mean name
He did not know then that she was already ashamed
of who she was and who she had been
Change is a powerful thing
Sometimes it brings us joy
And sometimes sorrow
At times we do not see it affect us
“Love with a passion, give from the heart. Life is a circle no stop and no start. Give them your best be happy and pray, don’t let the turmoil spoil the day. Life is a gamble, not easy, but rough. Always remember it’s all small stuff.”
One little thing,
That's all I'd do,
One little thing to change you,
What is this one thing?
I rack my brain,
But you are still blue.
Is all I need to do
Is think of you?
The depth of it all, the rise and the fall. Room 116A, just making sure I'm okay. Tomorrow isn't promised, yesterday wasn't either. Blood steaming like fire, it's like my heart has a fever. Yes, I'm a non believer but I did believe him.
Hello…
Nice to meet you.
This is my friend…
His name is Brian.
Let me tell you a few things about him.
Brian is a habitual liar….
the first time i met youi didnt knowhow marks cascade down your arms in a pink-white array of battle scars
the first time i met youi didnt knowhow tears fall from your eyes before you finally sucumb to sleep
I cannot open my eyes,
they could find me.
Worse yet, I could find myself.
I do not want to know what I am like
Who I am
What if I won't like myself,
or worse what if I love who I am.
Fitting in with all the rest,
There's nothing strange seen by her friends.
But they don't see what she seeks to hide -
Loneliness fills her up inside,
Invisible to waking eye.
I come inside waiting for the stone.
Wait, wait here it comes.
I see it flyign, and on its way it shone.
If you are on this Earth,
you are free.
You.
Yourself,
with your own
thoughts,
beliefs,
loves,
it's like your least favorite t-shirt
you shove it in the bottom of your closet
so you can barely see it,
the only bit visible is the hem of the sleeve.
But you don't throw it away.
Suicide is not an option,
Yet some people see it as their only choice.
How can anyone believe the world is better off without them?
The pain does not go away;
It just passes on to your loved ones,
Tears, lies, gossip, and drama
every day in my school...
Rumors start simply because
people think they're "cool".
To stay out of it and avoid it
is what I decide.
I wouldn't want to be responsible
Do not kill yourself. Do not kill yourself. Do not kill yourself. Do not kill yourself. Do not kill yourself. Do not kill yourself. Do not kill yourself.
Oh,there are more.There are more of us.We fly like believers,
high on the wings ofdeception. We dance in the moonlight,where darkness and innocencecollide in their simplest.
Hurtful words behind her back,
screaming those words that they can't take back.
And finally when she can't take it anymore,
she grabs her razor and locks her door.
Cries as she fails again,
My friend Deb loves me
My friend Deb cares
She pulls me in when things go bad
She's there when I need her
She gives me advice on everything
How not to love
How not to get close
How to feel pain
You cut your wrists
To cut your life short
You swallow the pills
To swallow your fear
You stop your breath
To stop the pain
The cold water may offer you reprieve
Cautious silhouette of a girl, scarlet curls dripping down her face like blood
Too full of knives and lonely. Don’t ever let me find you on a hospital bed like that again,
The first time I saw you . . .
I was greeted by the most unearthly howl
The sound of a thousand jackrabbits being impaled while dragging their nails across a chalkboard
It stopped when
we all see
what may never be
the world turns
time stops
yet life goes on
we feel pain
the anxiety
the fear
best concluion is
to face it head on.
She was a poet
Like no other
Her pencil wrote
A simple letter
If she's rough
The paper tears
A moan escapes
Of self aware
A gruesome dream
Filled with tears
Time is none
Story of my life.
Dying, dying, dead.
Story of my joy.
Going, going, gone.
Story of my soul.
Mutilating, mutilating, mutilated.
Story of me.
Alone.
Let us find the lost wordsAnd write them down.Let us pick up the piecesThat fell on the groundLet us rise up and proclaimOur life again.I can't understand the painyou felt that day
Desperate measures call for desperate actions.
That's all I knew.
I sat crying in front of my sister,
Hurting so badly I pleaded at her,
Please just kill me.
She looked at me sadly asking innocently.
Don't do it
So you aren't perfect after all
No one asked you to be
Neither am I
Neither is he
Neither is she
We all have a purpose
Find it
Lets make a difference
Ticking, he was a ticking time bomb.
Irrational, maybe, but he couldn’t help it.
Controlled by emotions he misunderstood within him.
Kicking the broken pieces of himself.
Can we make a date;
can we make a date for life;
can we make a date for summer swings
and long soft snowy nights;
Can we make a date?
for dreams:
for songs:
for hair too long
If I suddenly disappeared,
No one would notice..
If I slipped away for a year,
No one would care.
So the point in being here ??
None given.
No point of existing.
No point of living.
The young quiet girl with baby blue eyes,
I see her in school,
I see how she hides,
But hides what I dont know.
The young quiet girl who never did speak,
I see her get bullied,
My will is fleeting
My love is fleeting
My strength can only fill a bottle cap.
Pain is I
As I am death
No near death
In death.
I'm too young for this
Too old for this
Now he's dead
No one knows why
He committed suicide
On his first try
No one knows the thoughts
that went through his mind
They're afraid to delve deeper
For fear of what they might find
Take one breath...done,
take one more...done,
take two more...danger,
Silence filled the car,
as mother reached for the wheel making it shake,
Was it rage? Or was it stress,
Death teaches us to love and accept.
We are all forced to learn this lesson while we love and watch the people we love slip out of life.
I watched the nurturer of my existence slip away cold
Depression.
It’s like being trapped in a dark tunnel.
You are cold.
With nobody to keep you warm,
As they wrap their arms around you.
You are alone.
Nobody is there for you;
Nobody ever was.
At first glance you may not see
All the hurt and sorrow that’s me.
I live in a word that resembles this
The pain you cause her, is it worth it?
You don't know her, her life, her story or her thoughts.
Why is it so fun to cause her pain?
What if she goes home and get the same tourment?
Raped, beaten, yelled at, threatened
I still keep my head up high
Ditched, cursed, bullied, shunned
I still say good morning every time you walk by
I am a strong woman
Everyone's going to have a bad.
Some people take it a little more seriously.
There are people who need someone.
They sit in their rooms and blame themselves
For EVERYTHING.
The tears fall from her faceLike a river that never endsThe pain that she feelsClawing its way throughThey laugh and jokeNot seeing what it's doingTearing the hole bigger
Ice cold veins, her heart is what controls it.
She doesn’t know it yet, but she’s the only one who’s frozen.
Violet
If you were to ask Violet who she was from her point of view,
She wouldn't see what you saw, she would just say to you;
Violet was less than your average girl.
I cannot touch you
Not physically
Yet emotinally and mentally I manage to do.
You're so far away
But so close to me
I tell you goodnight at the end of the day.
I wish I we could meet
I saw your work of art today,
And they say behind every artist there is a story,
behind every painting, an emotion.
So, why do you feel this way?
How much pain did it take to make that Masterpiece?
I spent so much time stumbling through my life
"This is how it is"
Years missed
Friends lost
"This is how I am"
"I'm antisocial"
"I'm shy"
then "I'm lazy"
She was perfect, but in a different kind of way. She wanted love but couldn't bear the idea of people seeing her. She was beautiful, but invisible at the same time.
We live in a world of the sun.
The light casting eternal shadows
Down,
Down,
Down,
Until it hides us who aren't brave enough to shine.
She gazes out the window,
What little they all know
Her own thoughts attack her
The state she’s in, below.
Cold water crushing down
A sweet and blissful pound
Waves and currents of bondage
The moment you crawled from the warmth of your mother’s wombis the moment that everything changed, though you didn’t realize it.
In fifth gradeI ate rotten meatbecause a ten year oldcannot hate themselves.
In sixth grademy dad left for the sixthand the final timeand I started blacking outfrom trying to hunt him down
When I stopped taking Valium
I started punching walls
And I think that’s a good thing
I’m Seventeen
I’ve been medicated
for four years
I’m angry and I ought to be
She looks up from the porcelain sink to see the reflection of a girl. Her face is drained of color and her lips tremble.
I tried to hide the pain insideWith the touch of your razor's side.Caught up in yourself, you never knewThe reason your tools were leaving you.You see the blood splatter, then wonder what's the matter.
People say life is short,And that "You Only Live Once"But life is the longest thing you'll ever do.Why should I keep going?Why should I keep breathing?I can't find the meaning.
One last time i look in the mirror
my eyes red, blood shot
unfinished tears
running down my pale cheeks
my hair's a mess
tangled on top
i cant even bare to meet my own reflection
Do not say goodbye, please hear me out first;
I love you, and know that I’m on your side
You say it’s done and it couldn’t get worse
While you reflect on the tears you have cried.
It’s Monday night.
You’re home tonight.
Rolling your too-small suitcase into the front door,
But something is different, you’re shaking.
You’re silent.
Letting go of your baggage,
You grab onto us.
Not exactly insane
Closer to sane
Preserved in an imaginative mind
He gawks
He analyzes
“He’s weird.” –they say
He’s different
He’s awkward
He touches
He stares
It's like when I was 7
I used to follow footsteps in the snow
until they mysteriously disappeared
and just like then, I wonder
where have you gone?
My dentist asked me
I can hear the bell tolling
Almost every minute
Of every day.
It all started years ago
When my dog died.
It was a simple murmur then.
After that I was told the truth about Santa Claus
We're learning about suicide and depression in health class. I wish the other kids wouldn't laugh.I wish I could say something. I wish I could say everything.But how do you tell a friend that you tried to off yourself?
This world is bitter cruelAnd I was a foolA fool to think I could change a world of coldThat I could change it into something bold
I imagine
putting a gun to my head
not to end it all
but rather
so I can pull it away.
Eyes tearing,
throat choked,
and mind racing.
I'm proud.
I can do something right.
He’s beautiful and you’re you,
and you want to tell him just how lovely he is
but
You can’t.
You’re scared and it’s a few days before summer
And he smiles at you and he is just so wonderful
Whichever wolf you feed
is the one that lives.
How am I supposed to
be positive
amidst this mess?
When I don’t belong here.
When I can’t afford a ride home.
How can someone get to the point
in their life
where death deems so right?
When you wake up
Every single day
Wishing for an end
to it all.
And more specifically,
Cold bars of steel
Bread roll for a meal
Excruciating silence
Guilty for alleged violence
After a ferocious fight
He is blind to the light
And in the corner of his cell
Twinkle twinkle world of mine
How I hoped you knew what I felt
As I walk this lonley path
Tears roll down my horrid face
While I cut with no regret
He used to tell me that I wasn't good enough. He used to hurt me, but on the outside I just played along. I never looked in the mirror and liked what I saw. I put scars on my skin, like he etched on my heart.
Bro, you can’t fly
You don’t even have wings
I’m not saying give up
But please, PLEASE
Stop jumping off of buildings
This is not an action movie
No. You can’t call “Cut”
Don't tell me you're sorry
If it takes my blood
Dripping to the floor
For you to notice
You're not truly sorry
You're just desperate
For a quick relief
It starts with the eyes.
Those dark, soul searching, god-forsaken eyes.
Those eyes are capable of anything.
Capable of loving, hating, tempting, repulsing.
To anyone:
I’m vomiting now, a violent revulsion,
My self-made punishment from silent compulsion.
Weeks turned to months as I sought isolation,
Your class was the worst thing that ever happened to my poetry
Every night my homework was to spill my soul across a page
Telling my class stories and truths I wish I could forget
And every class when I turned in my poem
When does it become too much?
When they kill your hopesYour dreams Your aspirations?
When they push you downOver and overDay after day?
When they laugh at youYour clothesYour body?
Little ones sing soft and sweet
In their castles safe to dream
I once lived in a castle too
Long before I was torn from you
Father, forgive me for I have sinned
Shit you can’t say to your teacher:
“I’m tired,”
For she will think you didn’t sleep enough last night.
“I’m really distracted,”
For she will think you have no interest in learning.
Living in a world where it’s a crime to be sad
If you aren’t starving or deprived…
Maybe, I’m just a whole lot of mad
When I can’t take a break from the things that craze me
The things that break me
It was all getting better, everything was going away.
But they all came back to taunt me, kept me awake at night.
I always wondered who I was.
The things I see, I wont always be able to keep them inside of me.
The bell resonates through the building
They awaken from their cells and saunter into the halls
They gather ‘round their water fountains and dented grey lockers
Girls like her, they don’t feel.
That’s what you tell yourself.
Vicious is how one would describe your words.
But that doesn’t stop you from typing them out.
Without blinking you press enter.
i wanna be free, like in the books that i read, let my words mean more tha
Nearly crumbling on the edge of sanity — tip-toed, teetering and tottering
I am ready to collapse at any given moment,
at any given second.
I am fairly certain of my inadequate understanding of this world.
Once upon a time there was a wandering child
Who found herself in a cold, dark wasteland.
Once it was her safe haven, now her never-waking nightmare.
She searches in the fog for the answers.
We see it every day
We’re reflected in each other
We're all bullied or hurt
And then one of us leaves.
Whether we’re AP Students
Glassy eyed from sleep loss
Not really learning, just
Believe me when I say that I never like to complain
But at the risk of staying sane allow me to dissect my brain
And peel back the nerves to show you what I’m hiding
The last thing I said
was, "Oh, Hey, bye."
I had a feeling in my stomach,
that you weren't coming back.
I wish I was wrong, but no
I had to be right.
I wish you were here.
Society has told her she is fat.
But, she is beautiful.
She is only average, her teacher said that.
But, she is a genius.
Her peers think that she has no friends.
What differs me from you?
Why does one look down like looking at a dirty shoe?
Disgusted, fussy, and frankly, quite mean.
Is it my face? My glasses? My clothes? My race? Tell me what do you want?
There's little to say
about man and his many ways.
About how happiness and hurt
can be the same.
How a 'I love you' and
'I thought you loved me'
could be twisted in meaning
Rolling, ever so far away
Strolling past with nothing to say
A boy haven fallen
A boy deeply pained
A boy cut up inside
A boy with a heart stained
A happy life feigned
I am underwater.
Drowning
in the treacherous waves that consume
me and flood my lungs until they burst.
Darkness
My heart sings the words
Of my soul
It feels all my weeknesses
It hears all my screams
It tastes the chalking of my blood
It smells the fear of my aching beat
It sees the nightmares that I
Put down the knife
Let down your hair
Abandon those thoughts
You're no longer there
I was there
Watching from above
Answering your prayers
Sending my love
I was too young, how could I know
It wasn't right, but did I show
To those outside who knew me well
Could they not see, could they not tell
An instant, a flash, an impulse or plan
The end of a life of a woman or man
The torment too much, to live or to bare
The pain now transferred to those that care
Unknown boy
Unknown life
By me atleast.
I didn't know of your existance
And I'm sure you don't know of mine
But maybe you do
Atleast now.
I've been thinking about you a lot
School is
Supposed to be a sacred place,
School is
Supposed to be a safe space,
Every student requires an equal opportunity,
A choice of their own
Between success and failure.
I hate myself and want to die
The chant in my head
As I try to work
Sunlight in the windows
But none of it falls inside
I hunch forward
My stomach clenches
I stare at my pencil
I am Beautiful!!
I am Strong!!
I have courage but what is wrong
Do I not make you laugh
Is it my glasses and shoes that makes me come last
I don't care what you say
You have no right
Sometimes this life is more than I can take. Filled with sorrow, filled with hate. But living 'til tomorrow shall be my fate.
Was this his fate?
Does your god make mistakes?
A splatter of cosmic ash orbiting naive minds
of worshipers.
But what a god he was,
For no reason other than: simply because.
1. Scrub your skin cleanuntil the fingerprintsof mean boysare wiped clear fromyour thighs and wrists.
We go to school every day and see the friends we've made,
As time runs the marathon we begin moving on
Youre18 now, responsabilities busting down yuor door
The ressure and loneliness maks you feel absent, a ghost.
The doctors continuously rave
about the improvement
I have supposedley made
but somewhere deep down inside
I am aware that
in the end I cant be saved.
To them
I have only been
I hear voices
Go see the school psychologist
I am not eating anything
Go see the nurse
I am cutting myself
Go see a guidance counselor
I am pregnant
Go see Planned Parenthood
I’m walking a thin line,
I’m running out of my lifeline.
They’re letting go, they’re moving on
How come I’m so far gone?
Why am I so worthless?
My life so pointless?
I thought about it once or twice,
maybe three or four.
About suicide, and what it would be like,
if I didn’t live anymore.
My world is dark and gray,
filled with sorrow and lots of pain.
Some call it crazy,
Some say it’s sick,
but I think it’s freedom,
the pain is fierce, but quick.
Some say that it’s a sin,
just a little to risqué.
But it helps to release the pain
Society has spoken,
nobody cares.
He cries all alone,
for the truth he cannot bear.
He bleeds all night
yet no one is there,
not one single person
nice enough to care.
Life is a prison
Won’t someone let me out?
There’s no one around
To hear when I shout.
Climb the walls of insanity
Jump into the pit of despair.
If I fall it won’t matter
My toes touch the edge,
I look down.
I see the darkness
beneath the ground.
I look up,
searching for light.
All I see is darkness
deep in the night.
In a life full of sorrow and strife,
The only thing I want to do is hold the knife.
The knife that cuts, the knife that scars,
The knife that stops most of the wars.
The wars inside, the fights on the out.
I can't explain how I feel about him.
He makes my heart beat, my head spin.
But it is impossible to be together.
Because no matter what he can't forget her.
Forever alone, I'll find no love
The thoughts of you, they fill my head
As I lie here in my cold and lonely bed.
When you held me close and whispered forever,
Now I realize your forever meant never.
Why did I let myself fall prey
There she was alone again
she made her choice
so we'd hear her silent voice
maybe I was so stupid,
for not seeing this before
This is why,
she cried to sleep at night
This is a semicolon;
This is used in written English,
It is the unfinished sentence,
The unfinished story,
We are the ones shot down day after day forced to tip-toe around our own shattered remains. Reality surrounds us. Holding us in its painful grasp. Never daring to let us go and give us a chance to breathe.
I hurry to the bathroom to wash up
and in the mirror I see
a girl that can't seriously be me !
Her eyes are red and her hair is messed up.
Wet cheeks, and her wrists are cut up.
Utopia burnt down last June, an angel nearly lost her wings.Tried tearing them off, wasting such beautiful things.Angel keeps saying, she'll never try that again.She'll always deny it, she's still longing for the end.
I remember the girl that no one liked
Because she smelled strange
And her clothes were always old and torn
And she was quiet and reserved
Later that year she moved away and when we asked why
Now I know what it’s like to be dead
To live a life that is only in your head
To have lost life as I knew it
The obvious things; the senses, the movement
But also my abilities to accomplish, to grow
Voice Unheard
Voice Unseen
Person of visibility
No longer seen
Invisible
Walks halls
Walks streets
Day after day
Still Unseen
Invisible
Voice of crys
There she lay,
On her bathroom floor thinking only about death,
She stared at the pills scattered on the floor,
As she took her last breathe,
Only being able to see gray,
She was happy she finally escaped,
Go ahead
do it
call them a name
but do you know their story?
you should be ashamed.
All they do is worry
worry about you being a bully
they ask themselves why are they alive
Sitting inside my porcelain tea cup
I open my sewing kit and pull out a needle
In the light, it glimmers
With a loop at the end
Meant to put a string through
And pull me along
As she closed her eyes she imagined her life before her
Her eyes were bowed down in defeat, in weakness
She reminisced on what she had lost, what she had gained
As she closed her eyes she imagined her life before her
Her eyes were bowed down in defeat, in weakness
She reminisced on what she had lost, what she had gained
Another soul was lost
A soul who forgot the meaning of hope
A gun to the head
No warning given to others
Why?
I guess he just gave up
#RIPCameron
WhoreSlutBitchCuntLiarWords hurt.They pile into my eardrums.How?Why?Wrong?Questions fill my head.I don't know. I don't know.I don't know.
White as snow,Cold as ice,His body lays.
On the ground,In the night,Nobody knows.
Of the boy,Who alone,Cried out in pain.
Lonliness,And anger,Overtook him.
The bird wanted to be freeFrom the cage he was stuck in.The bird wanted to be freeTo sing his song to friends.The bird wanted to be freeTo create a mother-bird.The bird wanted to be free
The cuts on my wrists aren't a joke
So why laugh?
Saying that you're going to go kill yourself around a suicidal kid;
cuts them deeper than their own blade.
When you tell another classmate to kill themselves;
Behind this innocent smile of mine,
Lay words left unsaid.
It’s weird how something
So evil can feel so damn good
Follow your own star
Pain is inevitable,
suffering is optional.
You are the teacher. You are “all knowing,”
but you don’t see that one girl is showing.
You do not see all the judgmental stares,
or extreme hatred, through terrible glares.
The Night arrived room,
The flame lit up the glistening blade.
Her towel fell from her body,
on the ground it laid.
A drop of moisture from her hair,
curved her upwards chest.
Just one person
Hardly lacking in passion
But couldn’t possibly take the action
Stuck in a box
With nothing but your thoughts
Trying to make a move
But you haven’t got a clue
It's too late I'm dead inside,
Body's cold,
Eyes are wide.
Soul is sold,
One last breath,
Take it in but nothings left.
Floating here it feels so queer,
No sensation,
Follow me
Through this dance of conformity
Copy my movements
Add them to your list of improvements
Your sickness cannot frighten me away
Acceptance is child’s play
I’ll give you the antidote
So you want to kill yourself? Because no one cares about you. Your family hates you. Right? NO. Your parents walk in your room in the morning to only find a dead body.
Children had hidden their identities for the night. The young adults had a reason to soak in vain. "I dont like getting free candy." said the boy who stayed home that night. The boy so bored with life...
Under the bleak street lights,
Eerie aspirations of Ghosts waiting silently in the fading light.
Their voices quietly escaping into the back of my mind which is gaping.
Carrying their inaudible plight not mistaking,
They think she's happysee her smile and just assumebut what they don't know might kill herit might lead her to her doom Little do they knowher mind has the controlshe is slowly dyingsoon she may very well go In her eyes is the painon her arms ar
I just want to be myself that nobody can change.
Writing down my path and finishing a page.
My life in my own words and drawing out my thought.
Listening to all my peers, but forgetting what I'm taught.
The pain I feel is from within,
The smile is all a show,
The dreams I had
Once big and bold
Suddenly crushed and hopeless.
Who needs me
I am no-body
Unwanted, alone, trapped..
Have you ever wanted to die
Have you ever wondered whats on the other side
Have you ever looked yourself in the face and thought why
WHY… HY… HY… am I alive
What is the meaning of life
I see people walking byAnd I wonder what it's likeDo they see what I seeWhen they look at you with meThen I think of what I'd sayIf they ever asked why I feel this way
I know the voices in your headThey've reached down into your coreI know the lies that they have said because I've heard them all before
You used to read me like a book, unbeknownst to the strength it took to make it look like I was ok.I let love in but what good is being a lovey sap? You treated me like dirt and told me I wasn't worth crap.
August 9:
I was undiagnosed mixed stateit’s in the new DSM, a form of bipolar and I called the suicide hotlineI was going to drive my car until I ran out of gas and kill myself
Her fingers are feathers,
Lithe and delicate
As they hover over the brushstrokes of Monet,
Drawn to pigment like a moth to the flame.
His eyes are the ravenous mouths of predators
Down Down the sky she streaks
Down Down to the mountain peaks
Down Down the sea she goes
Down Down where nothing grows
AHH! AHH! she screams
AHH! AHH! as she torn apart at the seams
The perfect girl,
That's what everyone saw.
The one that everyone knew.
The girl without a flaw.
But when she looked in the mirror,
She hid behind a facade.
All the scars on her wrists,
She’s far from an innocent
For deep in her past
Lie memories in waiting,
Coming on fast.
The shame and the guilt
Are too much to take,
So she closes her eyes
And accepts her fate…
Chains
Chains
clinking metal frozen
wrists bound
reaching for freedom
no key to set me free
or strength to uncuff
Through paper thin walls,
I watch as you slowly fall,
With your kness down to the ground,
And with eyes downcast, I can hear every sound.
As the clock ticks away the time,
I've been knocked down before someone knocked down my door. They been down a street where you didn't want to meet, as well as me.
Everything is shattered, broken, utterly and completely destroyed
So dramatically so, windows broken in to a million pieces, paint strewn across the floor
Yellow wall paper gone gray as if out of fear
The sickly sweet feel of metal on skin, it calls me. I must resist. Ive walked that road before, I have the scars to prove it. It felt so good at the moment, but, like a temptress, left me wanting more each time.
Forever engaged to silence
getting through day by day
smiling and laughing
pretending your okay
"Im fine" or my favorite "I already ate"
she pretended to happy
but all that was fake
Everyday I come home crying.
Everyday I hate myself a little more.
Everyday I hope to die.
Everyday my limits are pushed.
Everyday I am laughed at, taunted, and abused.
Everyday I hope I don't wake up.
The call of the sad bird’s allure,
Heard by some, but not by all.
The call of the Mourning Dove, so pure,
Heard by those bound to fall.
The room was filled with ashes,
The ashes of their love.
We hide in the darkness.
We never come into the light.
We hide behind a fake smile
that nobody cares to look behind.
We hide behind a mask
we built to hide our true selves.
We only show to those who
with arms outstretched ifall down intorising water
turbulent and ragingis my seashe swallows me whole
carnivorousand i am being engulfedinto azure
The butterflies swarm inside my head,My mind decides to tell them everything I've said.Fluttering, moving, spacing out,They come from all directions to have no doubts.Peaking and peering inside my mind,
dissapointment
when the 16 year old boy kills himself for no known reason
how your bestfriend changes faster than the seasons
and how when its winter you want summer and when its summer you want fall
First it started with a snicker
Then there was a whisper
Now there is just my wimper
I feel so alone
With these scars on my heart
And the scars on my arms
They remind me of you
a release
a shot of blood right to the end
spilling out
from something dead
so much thought from that cold corpse
it overflows
on to a different source
find food
find breath
as i can no longer bring tears to my eyes
my body seems to finish the job for me
collapsing into a ball and rocking back and forth
my hair drips water down my back
How old are we when we become corrupt?Where along the way did we lose our innocence?Better yet, when did we stop looking for it?We curse, we hate, we live selfishly.We live in a world wherewomen are raped,
Day after day, my peers struggle with understanding,They find themselves plagued with a diverse culture,But despite their best efforts, they are a dying breed,Every day, leaps and bounds are made on a national level,
The pretty glass looks like jewels
Pick them up, and clench them in your fist
Watch the pretty stream
Trickle down your arm
You know it's wrong,
But it's release
Visual Representation
Come with me to the room of doors for some funTake a deep breath and open door number oneIn this room livesA teenage girlHiding awayFrom the cruel cruel world.Her eyes are hollowHer soul a shell
I'm always dreaming,
Even when I'm awake.
In my dreams, I have control
Usually...
Until one day,
There was a razor in my hands
And I awake to lots of blood
Everywhere...
Brutality at its best
Unhappy so you need power
Like a Tea Party member you’re ignorant
Like the blind man you can’t see that
Still pulchritudinous,
I can see you now,
No Mystery here; nor why or how,
~
The color of perfume caressing your arms,
This damn velvet scent will never change,
Sometimes, I strike it low.
I hit rock bottom.
I fall.
And I'll lay there for a minute,
shocked by cold concrete.
Bare.
Skull-shattering.
There's a reason I'm here.
Hey you!
Yeah, you!
Loser!
Freak!
Slut!
Geek!
Are you the girl with the long hair,
The long-sleeved shirts and empty stare,
Who cuts herself 'cuz no one cares?
As I grew up I never had anyone to turn to.
Sure I had friends,
But they didn’t understand.
The anger.
The pain.
The feeling of being so unwanted.
I knew people loved me.
I knew people cared.
Life is precious, fragile,
and an amazing experience.
Memories last forever.
The good, the bad,
every important memory,
can never
be forgotten
Rolling around outside,
Did it once, did it twice,
I moved into lonelier night,
What is there to gain,
When I can't move away from the pain?
Growing up was always the cure,
But now I'm not so sure,
So I'm done.
I stopped cutting and slicingat my wrists long ago.I stopped dicing my fleshand begging for more.But lately I feellike I need to start again.And I truely believeit's time to begin.
How can something that’s always there
Always in our faces
Be so completely ignored,
The elephant in the room
begging for attention
for help
How can people turn their backs to what they see
My brain is on fire,
I have no desire,
To live a life in this world.
Looking back to see what I've done,
I take a glance, my accomplishments are none.
Looking at people who look past me,
"Are you happy?" my therapist asks me.
"I do not know." I reply.
Because in the midst of all the partying and hanging with my friends,
I still feel alone.
Have you ever thought of suicide?
If you’re strong enough to put a blade to your throat?
Or a gun to your head?
Walking on an endless road.
Her heart, her mind, her soul, drifting away from her body.
They are young together, living out their love.
Their plan for destruction is underway.
I’ve walked many miles to what is now the end of my road. Looking back at all I conquered I am proud for the things that I’ve enduredLet alone I am satisfied with a life of chaos and ultimate deterioration
Don't think i'm the guilty one,
when your impressed with status.
You can't ruin the abuser, when hes wrapped up in silk,
a royalty in high school,
while i'm just the pauper who cried wolf.
I'm lost,
Lost in a realm where though time is a deciding factor
It remains unrecognized for the world know.
Is one unshown in its happily ever
As the pedals fall from its own start
Every day she walks alone, through the drabby halls.
Whispers follow her wherever she goes, as though they come from the walls.
She pulls the sleeves of her hoodie further and further down,
The morning is black
The wind is cold
The curtains are hanging, tattered and old
The smell is rotten
The air is thick
it can happen to anyone, by anyone
there is no excuse
the hurt, the aftermath, not fun
all because of abuse.
countless nights of crying
you feel like you want to die
but no more of that, start trying
We sat on the steps of my eroded muck stained porch.
We contemplated our lives and our identities while sipping on unclean glasses.
We laughed at my awful past of abuse,
neglect,
and
insanity
Hello, you! Yes you there!
I know I can’t be that invisible,
To the point where I fall into class and you nor anyone else sees me.
Well, I see me. I know you are of ability as well.
Hello, you! Yes you there!
I know I can’t be that invisible,
To the point where I fall into class and you nor anyone else sees me.
Well, I see me. I know you are of ability as well.
May left us this year and so did you
Next year May will be back but sad to say, she won't be here with you
As the days pass and seasons too I can't help but
remember not just May but you
May left us this year and so did you
Next year May will be back but sad to say, she won't be here with you
As the days pass and seasons too I can't help but
remember not just May but you
The injuries are internal,
No physical pain.
But every day she has to go back
To that godforsaken place.
She gave up on hope,
Family and friends, too.
'Cause friends would help her
I don't understand why you hurt me or make me have these scars
you always say no one cares of course i'm going to take that to heart.
your suppose to love me and take care of me but you havent been doing that lately
I walked a mile to high school everyday.
I sat for six hours.
I learned about subjects
that I didn't care about.
When school was over
I walked a mile home
and spent my own time
doing more work.
Upside down crosses and middle fingers
The taste of my last cigarette and rebellion lingers
I’m holding his hand in mine and a bottle in the other
Just because we make love doesn’t mean he’s my lover
She was born out of sad songs and cold dark nights.
Wandering the streets aimlessly every day, she picked up small pieces of the city.
When it rained, she was gleeful.
When the sun was shining, she hid away.
As I walk into school,
I feel everyone’s eyes on me
They burn holes through my skin,
And their glances pierce my stomach
7:30, i hit the button.By 8, i'm out the house. Running late but still get coffee.Nothing's stopping me now.On the the way to class, i saw my friend.It looked like she had cried.
The social media has built up bullying
And the principals won’t do anything
They say “kids will be kids” or “we’ll figure something out”
Darkness lies inside my mindCoiling around my soulScarce are those who are kindCausing me to not find my roll
Standing in the cold silence
Waiting for you, for you are violence.
You sit there watching her with those evil eyes,
And somehow you caught her in surprise.
Everyday she's beaten and scarred,
It was September of '08 when I went into depressionNo other emotions other than sadness and agressionI lost two people in my lives that monthMy nana from cancerAnd my step-father who was cheating on my mom for months
Work here and work there
Work work work
Don’t sleep
Don’t stop
Don’t think
But stop complaining
You are in control
I do as you say
I think as you think
Dreams lead us through this maze
Nightmares make us lost
But we tell ourselves that at the end
There will be a reason for all our mistakes
We rationalize and create our shadows
Suffocating my teddy bear, making sure he can't breathe. My own heart doesn't believe in relief of pain. I lie here going insane because the one I love is gone. Shot down, undone by the impossible, unstoppable hatred of myself.
Count them as they go down.
7, 8, 9, 10.
This is taking too long.
Where did I put it?
Why can't I find it?
What did you do with it?
Did you hide it from me?
I don't see why.
You can see me smile. And think I'm okay. But I'm not. Can't you see? I'm an enemy to myself. And everyday I wish I wasn't here. I try everything I can to be what everyone else can be. But my mind conquers what I could do to make you proud of me.
Who is the bully?that walks the hallsall big and badcan you really tellthat his world is upside downthat his parents have disappeared
No one knows that she still hurts-
But she keeps herself composed
hoping no one notices her flaws.
He came today-
for the girl;
on the 6th floor.
She went with him,
peacefully-
or so they thought,
evidence of him was there
there on her arm,
was written
G/O/O/D/B/Y/E
*CAUTION* i am not sucidal. This ponders why people commit Suicide.
cold AND heavy
I try to HOLD it STEADY
Where to put it?
to my HEAD?
or my HEART?
I just want to put the TRIGGER
Sadness is strong a feeling
Sadness is a weary feeling,
It comes and feels like it won’t go away.
Sadness is a heavy feeling.
He was invited into Darkness one cold, black night.
The Darkness took over his hearing, his touch, his sight.
As much as he wanted to leave, the Darkness made him stay.
And because of the Darkness, he pushed everyone away.
Let this be your first night of happiness.
Let all your fear and troubles dissolve away into the darkness
Let this night, be a peaceful moment full of bliss and relaxation
Sit in your first period class,
Laugh at the big kid who just walked pass,
Nothings really funny, but we laugh anyway,
We're scared it might be us someday,
So we laugh our fake laugh and move away,
Everyone hurries with smiles and laughs;but the girl just passes so solemn.One day after the other the kids seem happier;but the girl just remains the same.Parties, friends, make up and more;
Red,
The colour you bleed
As you pour your heart
To the stranger on the bus.
Red,
The colour you bleed
As you pace back and forth
in your bedroom
Contemplating
No miss, you don't understandHe doesn't “like” meHe doesn't “like” me at allThat's what this is all about, seeHe calls me fat, missAll the timeGuys don't do that to girls they “like”
Can’t stand this feeling anymore
So much built up inside just eating away
Burning all the way to the core
Feel like my whole life is starting to fade
The date is setThis is my decisionAnd even though we just metI need to make this incisionThe day is running outI need to catch that trainBecause I have no doutIt’ll turn off my pain
I want to dieI want to turn away away and say goodbye There is just to much painI can barely stay in my own laneI'm falling apartI hurt in my whole body, especially in my heartI'm going to end it allI may step a little far over the edge and just f
Some nights, I can't sleep! I wonder why?
Some nights, I wonder where I stand in life.
Other nights, I feel afraid, almost destressed.
Resting nights, angels soars at my presences.
You ask why, but I cant give the real answer
The story cant be heard
No its not correct to say the things that happened
Get personal,
NEVER! Its inappropriate..
But what if my story defines me
I’ve made mistakes, yes it’s truePunished for life inside this tombMy growing fear has spelled my doomAlone forever, yes it’s true Punished for life inside this tombNo one hears me, yes it’s trueAlone forever, yes it’s trueMoved from box to box by
Another leaf gone by
Another sun past in the sky
Another child shedding tears
Facing one of many fears
Look at the way she smiles
How well she hides it,
The marks no eye can see
Another leaf gone by
Another sun past in the sky
Another child shedding tears
Facing one of many fears
Look at the way she smiles
How well she hides it,
The marks no eye can see
Thump Thump even steps on the floor
A rhythmic monotone inciting horror
Who is it that makes such a beaten path
Is it death or man with a thought to pass
Life can flow,
Life can stop,
But don't you dare waste one drop,
For Life is Precious,
And Life is Blessed,
If you just end it you're guaranteed to be missed,
Life is like water,
Angry, sad, confused, helpless scared
These are the emotions of a women
A women who has been hurt
A women that has been abused
A women who has been lied to
These are the challenges of a women
Burny Burny Cut Cut.
Can’t you see that it’s enough,
to make it all go away
and let me live another day?
Slice Slice Bleed Bleed.
They watch me as I do my deed.
Close my eyes and loose myself.
Why are you just standing there?
Look at her! Don't you care?
Or have you no heart? Or perhaps eyes?
Certainly you can hear her sobs.
She's not hiding it. Neither is he.
You could see the brokenness of her heart in her lovely green eyes.
Hear her cry of help through her soft sweet smile.
You could feel the emptiness,
the cold lingering sadness of her soul,
I’ve had a target on my back since I was five.I got to the point where I didn’t want to be alive.Like other children, I just wanted to be an actress.That turned into hiding razors under my mattress.
Wake up!
I’m talking to you, the nameless, the faceless,
those people you don’t see in the light of day.
They’re often mistaken for the shadows of other people
The tears creep down my faceAs I watch him saunter awayAt an unsteady pace.I never wanted it to be this way. I look at my phone,Look at his ring.The tender loving boy I had known The song we once sang, he ceased to sing. The heart throbbing words
It's 3 in the morning
My parents are sleeping
My sister is dreaming
The dogs are howling
It's 3 in the morning
And the wind keeps blowing
The earth keeps spinning
The people are living
Her alchol level is high , her self esteem is low,
as she stands on this roof alone
she looks at the ground down below
she's ready to jump but her tears are in the way
Her eyes glistened from the tears
Spilling down her face.
She is forced to confront her fears,
Move against her own pace.
She lost him too soon,
Against her own will.
There’s a bottle in my throat
I don’t know how it got there
But I can feel it there
suffocating me
constricting me
I can’t breathe anymore
and while I’m slowly dying
Doctors in lab coats
I read your note
the one you haven’t wrote
only a plan in your head
to become forgotten and dead
Everywhere I turn there are hundreds
Of dazzling smiles
So, so many are surrounding me
In a radius of miles
But not me, no. I do not smile
Because I am no one
Not all kisses are magic, not all guys live up to your expectations
Yet we all fall into some kind of a temptation.
There are moments where romance, friendship, love,
Cold ice stretching over a fortress of falling beams. Rolling from blue eys come the diamonds of a sad day. Once strong the brick buildings fall in a crumbling rubble of distress. In a silent room a fire is ignited.
There was a man in the lake
Whose good looks were but a fake.
But the envy had spread
To Narcissus’ head,
And he drowned the man in the lake.
Average, never uniform. Irregular. Not consider the 'norm'. Outcasted, rejected, neglected, apprehensive.
Delusional, Alone...
The words stung not only forever ingrained. Becoming forever dynamic. Identity.
Happy and joyful. Trusting and Loving.
Reaching out for love she wasn't shown at home.
Accepted and loved. Appreciated and wanted.
You walk down the halls
Feeling scared and alone,
Pretending and wishing,
In your own zone.
You glance around,
Hearing laughter, seeing smiles,
Thinking to yourelf:
My life’s not worthwhile.
I'm barely holding on, I'm slowly letting go
of this thing called reality, that's served its final blow
I can't keep fighting, I'm not moving forward
if anything, backwards, from this unrealistic torture
this isn't my home, it's a temporary hell
but I won't stand here and say, "Oh well"
I'm sick of this life, I'm sick of this pain
I'm tired of living, I'm mentally drained
Chased down the halls,
Laughter pounding your ears.
Kids yelling names your way.
As you run, you grow smaller.
Fianlly,
Find your favorite teacher.
Plead for help,
The Inner Me.
It's the soul you cannot see.
The pain, the struggles, the beating, and troubles.
I cry out for help.
Suicide thoughts.
No one there to tell me, stop.
I'm am confused at the mind.
One, two, three, four lines
All on her soft, thin wrists.
Two across, two intersecting.
Alone in a black corner,
Sitting with dispair; she watches
The ruby red blood pour out.
They say it's a selfish act.
Trust me I realize that.
But it doesn't prevent me from thinking about it.
I know I'd be taking the easy way out.
But if that means escaping from the pain,
Then so be it.
Every time she sits there
She cies out to whoever will be there
Who's there to help her?
Who's there to care?
She doesn't know
Everytime she looks at a blade
All her worries seem to fade
The daily torture you can't escape
the fearful days you have to face
when you walk in, they all stop talking
when you walk past, they all start laughing
you sit alone everyday
I place the weight of my body onto a jagged rock on top of a mountain.
With my head turned to the left, the breeze brushes my cheeks.
They all say it's not an option
But they never give us a better one.
We are forced inside ourselves, the shells of who we want to be.
Not a single slice goes undetected by them
She sits there.
The ugly orange bottle in hand.
Tinted skin complimenting her Lavender shirt and blue jeans.
Note titled "My Story" tucked in her back pocket.
But this isnt her first time trying to tell her story.
When a blade rests on your wrist They say there's more you can do When a knot is tied around your neck They say the lies were never true When you're ready to take a leap They say you're stronger than this And when you're long gone They say li
Just one step and…gone
Maybe in an instant
Maybe after a few minutes
Gone
Maybe it will be like the movies
She
Looks for
Hope when she
Is in pain. But hope
Seems to run away because
You can't find something if you
Don't believe in it. She starts to lose
Her battle against her misery. The voices
She cries and breathes heavilyNo one understands her.She has tried over and over againTo fit in.
And yet when she walks down the hallwaysShe holds her books closerAs her so called peers look down on her.
You see things with envy, through your holy,and pure eyesAnything different, you simply despise“One must live proper, a man and his wife”We’d love to live peacefully, hopeful and true
An empty house, ancient and beautiful.
Stands regally above the lowly earth.
Shingles slither off, front porch steps crumble.
But the house has immeasurable worth.
Inside swarm ghosts, memories of the past.
Her giggles, her smiles, her jokes, all hiding the pain inside her. No one could tell beneath
the fake expressions, the invisible tears, and the clunky bracelets all hiding the scars and burns
her scars itch as if they feel her pain
they want friends
more of themselves to add to her collection
it's like they can feel her bring the blade to kiss her use-to-be-smooth skin
My stories not one of rape,
It’s a dreadful moment caught on tape.
That night I was going to end it all,
I would be free to fly, in my never ending fall.
My stories not one of rape,
It’s a dreadful moment caught on tape.
That night I was going to end it all,
I would be free to fly, in my never ending fall.
Feeling great
I just got back from a date
But have not always been this way
Sure now I am ok
But there was a lot to mend
There was a point in my life I wanted it all to end.
Vulerable, Alone, Unstable.
Without the makeup, you can't make a smile
You can only cry because you don't have your costume.
Desparate
As you look for a way out
Darkness
Because you don't see the light
mother
of a
friend
depressed
sad
hiding
problems
found
crying
screaming
she is
hanging
she is
gone
round and round and round the merry-go-round.pictures frame pretty facesthe seat beside me is soft, warm, stillthe shoes, clothes are new, and bluethe lost is too. lays asleep,tender as a newborn babe
Almost everyday I hear something new'Some kid killed themself again'But everyone brushes it offAs its meant to bean everyday thing
Maroon- the color of crimson love, fermented
Of December midnights, mingled with the tears of flesh
Of sweet agony, smoldering behind hazel eyes
Of you and I, trying to escape Desire
Today I learned
That a boy my sister knew
Killed himself yesterday.
And it made me remember
How precious each life is
And also
That it could have been me.
I want to cry for him
The thoughts of running myself into a car, or wrapping myself around a tree
is automatically followed by that of apathy
and then sorrow for even thinking of putting that kind of weight on my parents
I convinced myself that the world hated me.
I saw there's no good I could be.
In reality I was the only real bully.
I beat myself up and called myself ugly.
I saw that I all I ever brought was pain.
Waiting for trains
Stand by the edge
They come so fast
You can feel the wind being pushed out of the way
It's an inch from your face
Closer, closer, closer
For the train you wait
Please Note: There is a trigger warning for this poem.
When I was 8 years old
I felt you become so cold.
Still, I tried to crawl in your lap for warmth
Understand, this is not right.Listen, hear me warn you.This is not a fair fight.You will fail, win, lose.
You watch me walk down the halls,
you know who I am.
Don't you?
I guess you think you do, I'm that smart girl,
maybe I'm that smart guy.
The one who's dorky and smart,
Maybe I'm dark and alluring,
I once went to this party, Ma'am
I thought it would be fun
You told me to be safe, ma'am
So I took your warning, for once
I saw someone staring, Ma'am
He seemed very kind
You stand there, taking deep breathes.
Hoping to God its not happening again
Confusion & Despair is all you feel
The verge of breakdown, you're on your heels.
Tears run down your face, you're in fear
Trapped deep in suicidal thoughts. Just one life. Just your life. That's all it will cost. You don't think anyone cares, but I promise. I promise; I will always be there. You don't understand. If I lose you, I'll never be the same.
Can anybody hear me?
I’m sitting here screaming.
Yet nobody hears my plea.
Instead, I feel their all trying to flee.
Why me?
What did I do wrong?
I’ve felt like this for so long,
A man who's life was strife by death left mights in his regrets.
Life can be a pain and with punishment they may blame,
but one thing that it gives,
its forgivness for you'r sins.
As the man shouts to death
Death is her wish
and life is her bliss.
There are cuts on her wrist
because she can't hide the pain.
The only trace
of words filled with hate
are those wounds on her skin.
She writes the story on her wrists.
One of heartbreak, abuse, and sorrow.
When will this pain end?
She cries out in agony.
"I can't make it until tomorrow!
When will this pain end?"
I go through the day, acting like its all okay.
I try to go unnoticed.
Try but fail.
Failing...
Failing...
Fail...
I strive to impress.
Craving for their approval.
She says she feels alone in crowded roomsFakes a smile that is consumed by gloom.A consumption of pills are swallowed with fearShe fakes another smile to hide a small tear.
Bullycide Little kids, big kidsAny kind of schoolWhere is a safe placeWhere bullies dont rule? Teachers say nothingKids hurting kidsScared to go anywhereDo you wonder why they hid? Pushed down the stairsEven caught on camAdministrators dont do not
Hello, it's me.
Yeah, the girl in the front row of your class.
I take vigorous notes, nod and show appreciation for your enthusiasm
or, for a the lack there of, I sympathize.
Grab a hand and stand together
let here a heartfelt welcome
hand by hand race by race
together we stand equal
strong and firm
We are never alone
so be a friend and lend an ear
Silent, empty, lonely, hated
(Sitting in a classroom, smiling vaguely)
Muffled, lost, self-sedated
(Top grade in the class! Congratulations, be proud!)
Can't think, breathe, feel my way
Instead of firing that gun,
how about you loosen your tongue;
Let loose all the pain from within,
please,
do not shoot yourself, my kin;
How are we supposed to see your pain,
when you bury it away,
I didn't know before how to light a candleTo set by the picture of us on the mantleThere was no flame to light the wayThere was no night to darken the dayThe monsters came to devour the heart
They say suicide
Is a selfish act.
Although I never could fathom why
When it is so difficult to acquire the help one needs
For when problems are spoken
And cold words form in the warm air
Dear Lauren,
Your head is on moving mountains
While your heart is broken into thousands
And today you fell off the track
But I'd like to guide you back
Living in a world where you are alone never to know if you are going home. Life without a table to sit never to know what to do without it hunger is real you have to eat out a trashcan or two.
Oh how I'll never forget when...
I was just in the 1st grade then.
The bus driver had assigned me a seat
That is when we would finally meet.
You use to tease me everyday
My life: it’s like one of those practices where you keep running suicides
The whistle blows, you start running
You don’t know when it’s going to stop; but what you do know is you have no other option but to give it your all
Broken girl, going around with that fake little smile as she says "im good." It's a lie, she goes home just to cry. She runs miles a day in the rain, in a sweater. Just to lose the pounds shes gained.
for you my dear, wasted a life that was too precious and too young.
you made it a tragic affair for many to mourn.
honestly, your suicide
pissed me off.
because it was
my fault.
Alyeska, Alyeska
You looked to me with eyes so blue
Beautiful and sour in your sweet youth
A girl bittersweet and true
You weren’t like the others
You sang a breathable truth
We all saw it
The shoving, the laughing
The mockery
The tears
We saw his pain
As he pushed through a world that didn't want him
So why didn't you?
We all saw them
Her silence speaks louder than words. Cushion your impact and don't sit back because right as you relax she's gone. Gone, farther than this universe, her life's reached an end, and she's dead. And you took her life you...you...bully.
Walking Through The Halls, Every one Stops and Stares, Laughing and Teasing, I Drop To My Knees With These Tears, Frickled Face, Old School Clothes, But Poverty Struck My Family, I Guess Noone Cool Knows, The Way I Talk, How My Glasses Look, How M
We are both earthquakes
because we are scared
and I don’t think I can kiss the moon beams
anymore.
My lips
have become raw
and bruised
and scabbed
from whispering your name.
What Do You MEAN I'm Suspended?
Im not allowed to say that in class?
Im not allowed to say that thinking about taking my life isn't me being a coward but instead you being inconsiderate?
Time is a luxury I’ve never had
At six I was left with only a Dad
The clock is always ticking
Mom and dad were always bickering
The hands keep moving round and round
underneath the night sky we lay
while she swallows pill after pill
downing them with the stolen jack daniel's
we're holding hands as the stars blink
as if warning us we're losing a friend
I wish I could tell you then, how much I really love you.
You became less important, as my love for others grew.
You are a true gift, a blessing indeed; I wish I knew that then
Walking silently along this dreaded pathway,
Through the city of the lake,
i see all of these ghosts of people,
whose souls never cease to break.
i find myself shaking in agony
from these visions i behold,
This is important.
A special something all should hear.
YOU are important.
YOU are cared for.
YOU are loved.
SOMEONE out there needs you.
SOMEONE loves you.
SOMEONE cares so much it hurts them.
A pressure to burnSpilling over, through my eyesSo I run, for a place to find sanction.And it's dirty, and lonely, and sick, (just like me)this is the perfect placeto find my own goD--
Can't take it anymore
Like flowers in a storm
I've always been an angel
With a demon in the core.
Why do you pretend you're happy? With that fake smile on your face, pretending everythings perfect. You go home and cry... Because you're living a lie. With tears rolling down your face, you say you're okay.
It's heavy in my veins
It plauges me
my heart
my mind
my skin
slowly killing me
taking over
losing hope
the blade is my only friend
Sadness is some thing that often over takes my soul.
I feel a empty ness inside myself and can't break it,
I cry as the sadness pounds on me from all around, and can't seem to shake it.
A girl wanting more,
Struggled with self confidence,
Bound to her own thoughts.
Thoughts that destroyed her.
Shouting that there is no hope,
Refusing to stop.
Yet something remained,
I love a blank canvas.
I love a new page.
I love bleeding terror.
I love to cry rage.
I love how I’m depressed.
I love how I die inside.
I love having so many,
New scars to hide.
How will I die?
Will I die by fire?
Will it be the tumbling of an empire?
Maybe I will drown.
Or get shot up in town.
These are all possibilities.
But I know which will happen.
How could it eat you alive,
look through your eyes
and control your every move.
Your poor soul was taken with the
Death is opportunity
Life is the challenge.
Opportunity to relapse
Challenge to stay above.
Opportunity to give up
Challenge to remain on track.
I am a survivor.
She walks alone,
She eats alone ,
She doesnt talk much,
might just say a simple hello,
occationally She smiles,
but She smilles at The Tree,
for She can talk to it,
and it can talk to she,
Growing up, looking up to you.
Turned into me looking down on you.
You were irresponsible and somewhat greedy.
Needing money here and there.
You were criticized and yelled at.
A million answers began to boil over inside of my head
Her words bounced wildly agianst my skull as if she was pouring them in herself
Agian she spoke
"Why shouldn't I!?"
Another white tee
Tie dyed in four shades of red
Out of the twelve you’ve already encountered
Bleach will do no good this time
Neither will a Band-Aid
You never have to worry about people getting in your way
I'd take It all.
Every one that you have ever had.
You'd never experiene It;
Think of what life would be like!
All of It.
Gone.
It wouldn't happen with a snap of a finger.
Shadows are dark
So it's easy to hide
Because it is so afraid
Of showing itself on the outside
Shadows could be around people
Shadows could be found behind anything
Found behind boxes
Suicide.
If you're like most people, you've tasted the word on your tongue.
If you're like me, you've rolled it around in your mind
Like a wine full of bitter but a little bit sweet.
O solar flares. Take me away from this terrible place where loved ones turn on you. Solar flare, why don't u come a little closer. Don't be afraid. Take all my troubles away.
A person can only hear so much,Before they can stop ignoring and keep them selves from believing it.Every time I stand up for myself they call me a stupid piece of shit.
Alone lost in the abyss
Towering figures lack of grace
Brute actions hidden in a subtle pace
Movements that burn away
The euphoria of nostalgia
Time is but a fatal tease
Oh please oh please cease
Anger, Guilt, Regret, Suffering
Anger, Guilt, Regret, Suffering
The maddening cycle we all go through
That turns your mind
Against you
The thoughts screaming
Inside your head
Learning things on my own
because I have no home
barely making it through the day
have to leave because I do not like to stay
look at my reflection in the murky water
Jugular venous pressure is estimated by positioning
A patient’s head at a 45-degree angle.
When the veins in the neck
Are swollen as high as the angle of the jaw,
Blood pressure rises.
They weren't born this way.
They had a life just like you
You can end up right were they are
Homeless, looking for a job, and a car
The cuts on her wrists and the warmth of her hello do not match.
The tattoos on his biceps, don’t match his morals.
The images she portrays with her G-String and her long auburn hair.
There was a place and timeDon't ever go back to thenIt is just filled of memoriesAnd sadnessOf people who don'tRemember you, andPeople whom you wish to forgetYou've visited your past
I'm just a typical teenage girl, but I still struggle.
My thoughts engulf me. I wish I could escape.
The girl you assume you know is probably fake.
I noted today that hope oft dissipates to the cloudsIs that because it's where dreams are found?A forlon sigh that travels the windWill surely find freedom come world's end
In, out
Right, left
Yes, no
Go through the motions.
What if you can't?
The walls are caving,
The ground is shaking,
The world seems to be falling apart.
There once was a girl who could never stop crying,
who had so much pain she envied the dying
Her eyes were red as a recent cut's splatter,
but she could never stop crying, so it didn't matter
You see they say"Sticks and stones may break my bonesBut words will never hurt me,But words do hurtThey push me to the dirtWhere you pelt me with sticks and bricks
these red viscous drops
that paints our banner's stars and straps
fake smiles and all these props
it spreads like chicken pox
and it cant be contained or put in a box
obvious to the trained mind
Shelter disdainful epiphanies behind latched heart
For pity to sneakily evaporate
And emotions grow painfully tart
To mediate the dormant desire into blossomed state.
Drag Restless on her knees;
She doesn't talk anymoreBut it ain't none of my business
She covers up bruises and scarsBut it ain't none of my business
She's got a broken spiritBut it ain't none of my business
I don’t know what got me here… I don’t know why I’m here, I don’t know who brought me… the last thing I remember is saying goodbye world.
To smell the earth around me,
pressed against my face,
To have my soul unchained,
from this earthly place,
To awaken in a world,
where I am finally free,
of body, mind, and soul,
Bleed out your sorrow,
bleed out your loneliness,
bleed out your anger,
bleed out your hate,
bleed out your life,
and deal with it no more.
I was just thinking, how strange that I'll never walk those halls again
But sadly, surreally, neither will you.
I will miss you terribly, my friend.
Even more now.
Hearts’ silence.
Speak to me in whispers
I can’t... HEAR you
Scream to me introspectively
Ideological torture meets psychological abuse.
Can I kiss you?
Will you let me?
Can I kiss your
heart?
scars?
mind?
Can I love you?
Will you let me?
All you have to do,
mommy,
today at scool
some kid sad that yu were ugly
becuz yu hav scars on yur arms.
Dont worry mommy
i told him that he waz wrong.
yu r butiful.
daddy saz that those scarz meen yu r brave
You're tired.
Each day weighs heavily on your tongue.
Where do you go? What do you do? Who do you become?
You stumble into a yellowing kitchen.
Cupboard doors hang onto their hinges with tremulous grips.
Do you know what its like to be alone?
To go through a cold world on your own
To be knocked down at every turn you make
Having all the love inside of you turn to hate
To have to face the darkness all by yourself
When you look in the mirror, what do you see?
Is it a person you hate?
Or a person you want to be?
When you look at your life, are you content?
Is it worth living?
Or is it something you resent?
What is one to doWhen all you can envisionIs an impending visit fromThe cops, inquiring about theLatest teen statistics?
My head is swaying
I'm getting dizzy
I feel the blood rush out from beneath me
I see the lights theyre getting dimmer
Fading into blackness
I know that this is the end
How can I fight this
I curse the world
that murdered you.
I curse the murderous words they used
to make this weapon.
one by one they entwined
to create the rope
that stopped your heart.
I curse the world
There was a time I was told that suicides was only a white person thing.
That it was not possible
To get a reality check
To look at my skin.
I was told at one point that depression wasn’t for Native Americans
She gets one more bad gradeThe loans are piling up; Never fully paidStarts to look like there's no way out...
A daughter born from sin
In my father’s eyes I could never win
A home, my cage
Full of hate and rage
Bruises covering my mother
Made by the man I call father
Screams, wakening me in the dead of night
What eats me up inside, is what is keeping me sane.
What eats me up inside, is what is keeping me insane.
Living with such conditions is not a choice, but a blessing.
One day I’ll liberate my soul; my own mishaps have created the insecurities that soon will fade away into a cloud of dust.
My father is an alcoholic.
My mother's love is harsh.
When I talk, nothing I say is heard
The only thing keeping me sane is my writing.
It's my outlet when everything is going downhill.
Starlight,
starbright,
please don't let me stay tonight.
I wish I may,
I wish I might,
make everything alright.
Of all the stars,
in all the skies,
you're the one that caught my eye.
Take your eraser to everything
Remove the burden of my memory
I’d rather it be you than me
Wouldn’t that make this easy?
Please, make me a statistic
So they don’t think they missed it
The world is spinning around me
I guess I’m supposed to get a thrill
But all I get is dizzy
Most times, everything is as it seems
And it seems a bit pretentious
To be so busy
When I was young
My Daddy read me stories as I drifted to sleep
And I watched in awe
as the peaceful melody of words evolved into symphonic wonder;
a castle, a wish, a hope shone in my Daddy’s eyes.
If only I would have told her,
Just once,
That I loved her.
If only I would have smiled,
Just once,
To show I cared.
If only I would have stood,
Just once,
When no one would,
Few things ca cut you without a blade or sharp edge,
Like paper or grass
-Well maybe not grass, since they are called blades of-
But the things that cut the deepest,
Making blood flow I lazy rivers out of the body,
Close to God, his conversations eased his pain
He seemed to freeze the frames
He cheated fame because to me I believed the blame
What a shame
I came to the conclusion that the contusion in his brain
Why I Write?
What kind of question is that?
Why do you breathe?
Why do you speak?
Why do you sit there and think?
Some Dance and sing
Some Do math and physics
I lived as a child.
I grew with my mother's love
and my father's protection.
I wasn't "right" in the school's
perspective of expression.
I was downgraded by my words
and was labeled without proof.
Everything starts to fade,
That is when I hear your name.
I wanna see your face,
before I slowly slip away.
I try to see your face,
but it all starts to fade.
Everything becomes black,
I cry everyday for you.
One day you watched me as I weped.
Your face as cold as stone.
Maybe tears are not enough for you.
Maybe I need a little more for you.
Maybe I should just show you,
People write because they like to let out their emotions, while others write because they like too.
Some like writing because of creativity, but I like to write because it keeps me alive.
It’s always such a long fall from the top
The drop seems as if it would never end
Or give some sign as to when it might release you,
To relent.
I scoff at the absurdity of it all
Yet here I am,
The children, their smiles and joy,
a girl of twelve and one little boy.
They swing high, they laugh, they play,
they spin around the rustic merry-go-round, but the monkey bars they keep at bay.
You know that girl who's always smiling?
The one that laughs at everyone's jokes?
Can you tell on the inside she is dying?
A pain that even Hell can't invoke.
It is because she is different.
You held me through the coldest of winters.We watched the colors of fall fade,And the world was washed away.Together we stayed warm and safe,Never afraid and never alone.But when spring came,
Razors Slice Wrists Bleed Red Runs Down the Drain. All of this to get my mind to stray away from pain. My torment gone
Maybe if I slit my wrist, it'll help me to escape. Get away from this hell I'm living in, or at least block the pain. Cause when I cut, it clouds the memories, I don't think of the crap in my life.
He looked so sad in photographs;
He looked so scared, so lost, confused,
and yet he laughed.
That tentative half-smile, those distant eyes,
portray a struggle, wounds, and damage.
He feels so isolated
I'm lost.
But I remember you.
"I'll give up everything.
I love you."
These words were meant for you.
I needed the fire burning in your eyes.
Otherwise I'd be unable to see
His existence was unintended,
Brought to be by raging hormones and rotten nuptials,
And that is the life he lived.
Shall we dance with the devil,
among the many spawn of hate?
Shall we submerge to such level,
of a world with every dreaded date?
Shall we revolt from this darkness,
carrying the baggage of past displeasures?
I am seventeen,
and I have never met one as young as me
to suffer from PTSD.
All I want is attention.
I just cause tension.
I'm faking it.
Exaggerating it.
US History. 5th hour.
I sat in the farthest left row, four seats back. You sat one row to the right, three seats back.
You can do itLife gets hard sometimes
But you can do itJust keep going
Do it for yourselfBecause you are important
You must give your life meaningEven if you feel like nothing is left
People can be worse than guns sometimes
How about instead of bullets and napalm
We drop jeers and mistreatment on our enemies?
We've tested the effects of emotional warfare for years now,
When I was younger, I went through a lot of crap.
I didn't know how to express my feelings.
My emotions, my life, everything was out of wack.
I was bullied.
I had thoughts of suicide.
She walked along the reeds by day,
Trails of silks and treasure troves around her like clay,
Her heart a Pandora’s Box as she bows her head to pray,
God forsake her if she stay,
Her tale, a common witch’s say,
Im surrounded by familiar faces,
The choice has been made I will meet my demise,
Torture is realized, life flashing before my eyes,
I place the gun to my head as I begin to die.
I am done not being done
I lost it all, the fat is gone
I tried, I really tried
Then, I had a moment with the mirror, it all came back
As a girl I used to eat like a bike lacking breaks
She's beautiful.She drinks, smokes and parties all night every time she can,No one has truthfully told her she's beautiful, She thinks she's not worth it,
The tears were streaming
down my face,
happy thoughts
I could not retrace.
I stare up at
my computer screen,
social media
can be so mean.
I type my goodbyes
She said I spoke her life
when I spit my suicide
to teenage Bible campers
who might never hear our story otherwise
"At the age of eight,
I had a handle on my life,
and connecting to that handle
If you dared take a peak inside my twisted mind,
then you might understand what it's like to be destroyed by yourself.
Depression consumes, my thoughts could kill --
my inner demons smirk as they corrupt my mind.
Sing me a song;
a song full of hope.
To forget the body
hanging from a rope.
Watch it twirl,
see it swing.
A beautiful bird,
with a broken wing.
So young in body,
I saw her fall
when she jumped.
We were playing a game,
getting all pumped.
We saw her on the roof,
but did not care.
We thought she was trying
to give us a scare,
but when she jumped off
You can't imagine the pain I feel
with the more of my heart that you steal.
If this is what love is for,
then I happily leave it at death's door.
As I continue on my goal is set
You might find life
not worth living
when you've given all
that's worth giving
and your life
hangs by a string
and the tears you can't cry
start to sting
Just one quick motion,
One quick slit down the wrist.
That’s all she needed to ease her pain
She never considered how others felt
How I felt
I thought that I could light the darkness that grew in her heart
The first time you meet a boy
Hold his hand, kiss his cheek, and fall in love.
When he tells you that you are the only reason he has not killed himself,
Do not stay.
Orange...
It's the color of you
You always wore it
It's the color we shared
As we hid from them
With it we showed our true selves,
Though no one cared
As our orange bookbags
one last desperate plea, one last call for helping handsto give him reason, give him ground on which to standhe could hardly tell, as he glanced around the room
My hand, yes it hurts
but my mind hurts more.
Why do I write you ask?
Because I can't go back to how I was before.
I can't afford to be that girl
Who feels the need to end it all.
Once, they exchanged roses;
red and yellow, red and white.
Behold the fair Ophelia
in the witch-hazel night
Blood pouring down
like a thunderstorm
the smell of earth
replaced by
the strong smell
of iron
and salt
Blood pouring down
all innocence bathed
washed away
She yearns for compassion and love but cant find it
Its as if everyone is blindsighted
How can she be strong if hate is ignited
everywhere she goes people stop and stare
when she judges herself so shamefully,
Do we let ourselves get consumed within our personal nations;
A victim of our differences by nationality?
What about the genetic equations of our emotions,
And the resulting masterpiece of our emotionality?
I want to remember a time
when death was scary
when death was the darkness in the tunnel
and not the light at the end of it.
I want to remember a time
when walking into a kitchen
was not so scary
I wasn't born to write,
It isn't my passion,
It isn't my calling.
I write because I need to live.
I write because of my fear.
I heave through my lungs,
Fighting a word on the page.
She cuts her wrists, but no one sees
they mock
they joke, they push
they tease
But no one gets that she's a wreck
and one day the slits on her wrists
will be a noose 'round her neck
Dear Adam,
Hearing the horrifying news
It was impossible to contain my tears.
Why would someone like you choose
Such a permanent end to temporary fears?
But we know what made up your mind
You think you know fear?
Demons, ghosts, and possessions?
You know nothing of fear.
Fear is hearing the click from the other end of the phone,
When your best friend just admitted to swallowing the pills.
A simple sin
In the cold of night
A bound rope
In a secluded house
A fearful child
In an atrocious life
A broken chair
In a silent room
A deathly knot
In a coarse rope
A telephone wire
looped and knotted
So precisely done you were
sure it would render you dead
An unsuspecting family
less than 25 feet away
in a different room
In a nook in the foyer, almost unseen, is a gleaming table.
Except for the light blanket of dust, the wood is bare.
Atop it, a polished frame hides in the shadows.
I hate those days... When all smiles are forced. Laughing is lying. I hate those days, When getting out of bed, Seems like a step into hell. I hate those days, When your mind cannot find peaceful oblivion; there is nothing to help.
Smoldered eyes stare back in a glaze
Her purple lips and skin like a maze
The icy touch of Death is bare
The color of death in her strands of hair
Her flesh now paler than snow
As she lie in her grave below
Scars fade,
Memories last.
I remember those long, sleepless nights,
Where I sat in my bed,
Blade in my hand.
Watching the blood slowly begin to appear,
from the freshly made cuts.
Heart Hammers
Blood pounds
Eyes widen
Heads swivel ‘round.
No sound resounds.
"Look, up there!"
High above the treetops
No bird; a man!
Falling with the raindrops.
To my parents,
A hidden secret awaits,
Please don’t hate me for this,
It’s not a choice.
To my friends,
The hidden secret is out,
and I’m accepted by most,
You choose to shun me.
We are the Outcast, The different ones
We call ourselves the Unwanted
We sit and slit, and watch till we can’t take anymore
Until the blood goes stale and the river runs dry
If I were to lose you now
I don't know where I'd be.
You took your last bow
On the stage where you once felt free.
My tears would become streams,
With horrible feelings; the colour black.
Everyday I want to die,
Something holds me back inside,
and tell me to break out and fly,
But this dark place keep knives in my sky.
In my heart the truth can't lie,
whereas my eyes ain't blind to lies,
I wish you could see
The freckles you hate are the ones I love.
Those curls you try to straighten are the ones I can't wait to see
The eyes you think no one could love are burned into my soul
So dark and cold
The fear of letting the people you love
Slip through your fingers
As darkness encloses them
They're gasping for air
But their lungs fill with gassy poisen
Their heart
You're cold shoulder, bipolar high roller disorder
Is sympathetic, arithmetic, epidemic kinetic
Cope the rope and tie up the noose
Pull it too tight the limb will break off loose
She had always liked him, but never truly knew why. He hardly ever talked to her, normally he'd just pass by. She smiled at him in the hall, he would simply nod his head. "I'm just not interested," is what he always said.
Sometimes life slaps me
I feel like a locked treasure with a lost key.
Caged, caged, caged! A wolf caged
Full of nothing but rage
For me emotions scare
A test... A dare
Will I fail?
It knocks me down
All I do is frown
You call
I fall
I cry
I feel as though I'll die
But I dont.
Beckon me you do
I am yours to command, pursue
Broken almost am I
I’m succumbing
Giving into the urge.
I want to stop.
Pause.
Why do I breathe,
When every gasp burns my throat?
I can’t find myself
And I’ve already lost you.
The light in the window was blown out
When we closed our doors on their tout.
We have seen so many seasons come and pass,
But this winter I want to make last.
You have seen some hard times in your years.
When she passed, I felt nothing
Like a blank sheet of paper
I begged for someone to write my story
My life was blank, lifeless like a ripped page from a notebook
With frayed edges, coming undone at the spine
Delinquents with damaged egosWhat lies behind a smile?A fragile soul cracked like shingle tileAs the cold wind blows
The mind is never a wasteland
And even without a helping hand
The ultimate defense is to withstand
And for happiness to be a demand.
This is the youth of our nation
Eagerly seeking salvation
I run to the blade
and it's promise of sweet relief.
The kisses it leaves
upon my thighs and wrists
let the pain inside leak out.
You say I need help
or you laugh and jeer
All it took was one shot
For you to spiral down the drain
‘Cause though you may have fought
You couldn’t evict the pain
All it took was one thought
For you to decide it was time
sitting here all alone...No one to hold me tight.
As the frowning comes,the tears appear...the razor comes out...I notice, its clean
no blood, no skin, nothing
Behind her tears
There is anger and sorrow.Behind her fake smilethere is lies and fear.
She seems to be all alone,No group to accept her.Everyday she sits alone,No one there to talk to.
Im haunted by shadows in the open, They surround me with theyre empowering eyes, They cloud my judgement with whispers, I can close my eyes and cover my ears, but the whispers grow louder and louder, They dont scream nor raise their voice, They wh
A notebook clenched tight to her chest,
She fills it with rivers red,
Against the crowd she seems to flow,
A teenage girl whom none know...
Eyes once open now closedLips once the color of a rose.Resting in a bed of silkNo more feeling any guilt.Skin of porcelainEyes like glassNo sound other then the windWhispering through the grass.
They always tell you not to cry over spilled milk,
for better fortunes will follow,
and all will be okay.
But sometimes, when the cup is tipped over,
the situation does not just concern the dropped drink,
She's not another statistic,Not another suicidal teen,You dont understand how she felt,You dont have to be so mean.
Whats a person to do when their down in the dumps?
When is it time to stop all the cryin' and suck it all up?
When do you tell someone they need to just laugh?
What should you do if theirs no response to "Whadup?"?
It had been just another day.
Another essay assigned,
another thirty minute lunch,
another walk home
alone.
I looked forward to the time at home
when I would be alone
without my brother
10pm:
She sits outside. Let's the rain fall down just to hide her tears and wash away pain and blood.
2am:
Bang!
it feels like a thousand holes
all through the skin
it makes me feel so thin
in my arm head n espeacialy in my chest
im never at rest
the memories serve as the gun
So, I had a friend in Middle School. She was perfect.
So damn perfect that it hurt to look at her sometimes.
She was smart, she was funny, she didn’t hole up like a snail when she talked to boys,
Just breathe
That’s what they all say
It will all be okay
Just breathe
That’s what they ALL
Say, time and time again
Over and over
It’s been a while since
I saw you last
I don’t know what you’d say
To me.
I hope you’d be proud
Of me –
But there’s no way to know.
Five years since
I saw you last
There seemed to be no way out.
I couldn’t scream and I wouldn’t shout.
I let it go in a dangerous way.
Too much has happened for me to say
This is a letter to a friend.Who thinks no one is there.In times of need, in times of grieve.When suicide feels like the only answer,spreading like a cancer,through the mind, the soul.
I thought about you today,
Just as if I do every day,
I heard our song; it’s hard to believe,
It’s been this long,
Everything's okay in the end.
If it's not okay, it's not the end.
Eyes like glass.
Unfathomable pain behind these eyes.
There's a fine line.
One wrong move and it will snap.
There he stands each night,
looking down into the water.
He searches for the lovely girl,
who lives under the waves.
It was there she sunk,
deep into the water.
Deep underwater
Remnants of the past twinkle
Trapping all who grasp for their comfort
The cold, unforgiving comfort
Of a wanted past
And a watery future.
The streets raised me from the dusk to dawn
never knew life could be less fun
suicide attempts everyday with my gun
people think i'm okay but i'm not and then some
I wasn't meant to be here,
I wasn't meant to be anywhere.
Hopefully God didn't plan this for me,
if he did,
lets hope for a happy ending.
if there is nothing for me after this,
Once again,
Young and fragile
Tragedy strikes at a young age
A girl faces a loss that she'll never forget
He is gone once and for all
The "I love yous"
And “sorrys” mean nothing now
He left her alone
Make it stop!
Make it stop!
Just let me be FREE
Free from the pain
Free from the thoughts
Free from my own mind!
I don't want to be trapped forever
one thing I know for sure,
People are ignorant, thinkng she wont run away into the cornfield
She screams, shes online, she hides under her protective shield
Shes hiding away in the cornfield
She posts, no one cares, her wounds unhealed
What is life when all I see is strife?
Those eyes that twinkle like nickel.
The sun reflects the radiant smile of my beloved, yet after a mile it fades away.
Sympathetic, I am told my eyes are beautiful and cerulean; although, my emotions are not transparent.
They blend and shift across the parallel planes of my persona into realms of other kinds.
Im trap in a world where there noUnderstandingWere my mother is never AcceptingWere my boyfriend is never too LovingWere my family is almost not worth Killing I imagine myself dyingStabbingShootingAt myselfBeing trap in a world of pain andMisery I
I'm running, but going nowhere.
I need help.
Help me try to get through all these nightmares
that keep racing through my mind.
How long will it last?
Someone, anyone, help me.
You think it’s funny
Calling that kid a faggot
You tell yourself it’s okay because he laughs along and shrugs it off as if this is no big deal
But you have no idea
No longer is there a selfOr even a persona you could call someone elseIf there was ever a true selfHe died long ago.So the masked figure you see before youBroadcasts lack of identityRefusing weakness,
My dearest loved one, once seized the stars-
the sun, the moon, venus and mars.
My darling, so divinely, he seemed to hold them all
but he thought his hands were empty.
The chairs are filled
Row by row
In perfect allignment
To watch the ones down the aisle
Look up to the sky
The clouds rippled thick
The crows cry
The wind is nothing more but the wind
A girl walks the perfect road
Sun shining bright like always
Day after day
Sadness does not exist
For she knows not what it is
She continues to walk this perfect road
my skin holds many secretsboth outsiDe and on the ineach scar has a stOrybottled deep withiN.and jusT because a mark is absentdoesn't mean that patch is pureCuts will scar but scratches fade
It’s all bad
This moment,
This pain is far too familiar
This moment I usually consider a life lesson
I feel it’s less of a blessing
And more of a curse
But right now I could care less about
I drape over her body:shrunkencoldsevere.The cavernous spaces,like trenchesrunning downthe sides,welcome me tofilltheir voids.Like snow,I blanket her geography.
The pen is mightier than the sword
As the cut is weaker than the word
And while your body is greatly scarred
In your heart you are even more scared
So I write for you
And give you words to heal
When we got the call that he ended it all
My heavy tears flowed down my cheeks.
My pen and paper took the pain as my hands shook.
In hindsight, it makes sense that you chose the coldest
day of December. You always said that the sun's heat
wouldn't fix the cold you felt.
What I don't understand
is why you chose this day, of all
days, and
And they said that everything about you was perfection and that made me believe that you were the perfect guy for me. You took me places and held my hand, then I fell for you and you became my best friend.
All I can see is black. Nor more sunny days nor any rainbows. Sometimes a knife is all I need to end it.But once you start there is no turning back. So should I end it all with her or continue?
The waves crash over me. Suddenly I'm lost. Lost. So lost. I try to kick my way to the surface, but there always seems to be an invisible boundary. One that I can never cross. But I suppose it's okay now.
It is like having depression When nearly nothing makes you smile And you’ve lost all interest in everything It is like being bipolar One minute you’re happy The next minute you’re on the floor Staining the carpet with your tears It is like an eati
You won't take the time.
So you don't know.
She has a good heart.
But through her exterior that doesn't show.
All you can see is the poverty that her family has been cursed with.
When I feel lostYou find meAnd I think that’s what I miss mostBeing foundSanityPeace of mindKnowing another like myselfExists.Without you I’m lonely.Not lone like a wolf,But alone
Sometimes, things are bad for me,
age has nothing to do
emotions are real, very real.
strong enough to guide me to the bathroom
where I sit contemplating the very nerve of my exsistance.
I don't need to live.
Taking the risk to spend the time
The currency which cannot be returned
On those you yet to know are worth it
And no idea when the rope will be burned
Contemplation of future events
She can taste the blood in the corner of her mouth
From when she was tripped during a struggle to the door
The iron taste to accompany the scarred ford
From when she “fell down the stairs” at the home of her “love”
Always walking down the dark path,
Familiarized with every detail.
Nothing new
Nothing old
Just the silent footsteps,
Of a broken soul.
No one hears her cries
You sicken me that time in my past,
when you played with me
like I was a puppet a show for all of hell
to see. My motions little,
my emotions running rapid
like the heart beat in my chest
He took part in an act off delusion,
something that he was curving for his solutions.
Hypothetically speaking I gave him roses to match his questions, as his beacon.
But he tries to match his words with his reasons,
I search for answers in this bottle because they are probably at the bottom.
Every sip that burns my throat reminds me of the sting in your words,
be it only a fraction of the intensity.
A man sits at a pub with the keys to his car,
Drinking and drinking he’s going too far.
He looks at the clock and it’s time to go home,
He knows that he’s drunk but he came here alone.
The world lost a gem the day it lost you.Tears flooded our eyes the moment we knew,Our son, our brother, our best friend had gone;Departed from us before the dawn.Forever we all will remember that day,
Hey Dylan,
I’ve been here for you for a while now.
But for 19 years straight, you’ve been nothing but a villain.
Your love toward me, you disavow.
I didn’t do anything to deserve this.
With each puff,
One moment she can be so delicate, but the next it is as if that moment did not even exist, as if
the same blood did not flow through our veins. It’s like a bad dream. I look at her and at times I
On the inside,
I'm writhing.
Dueling against myself,
Fighting,
For possession of the blade.
My body is too full,
bursting,
with emotion.
With tears.
with Pain.
I breathe in
Finding myself in a dream
Who am I to be on this earth
Write down your troubles, child and all will make sense
The dream moves on but nothing has changed
Am I alive?
Have I truly lived?
1. Piece of metal
Repeatedly pressed against my skin
Holding my mind for a ransom
I paid in blood and tears.
Gun in his hand with his face to sky / Ashamed of himself, he started to cry / Freak, Homo, Loser, Gay / Venom-dripped insults everyday / Nobody knows what he's feeling at night / The pain he goes through, the internal fight / Pulled the trigger,
She sits alone
No one by her side
She's only nine
Everyday and every night that poor little girl cries
Her life has been hell on earth
Her sister is schizo, bipolar, and very depressed
I write because
Actions can never completely suffice.
We are to control ourselves
But there is a war raging within me.
I am a new song
I'm different and I don't care
People may like me
Or they may not
But either way I'm going to shine
Again and again I'll show myself
Until you press stop
My words are important-
They aren’t living, they’re avoiding death
Life is shabby and death is graceful
They can’t see life as a death wish
A wish to be living at your death
When I die I’ll be falling
I'm sick and tiredof being a constantcatastrophe
I'm sick of not seeingbones, but instead,rolls of flesh.
I'm sick of all the whispersas soon as I walk away,no one liked me any ways.
Choices shape the youth.
It might be the choice to not drink and drive,
and to see your best friend of 12 years dead in the seat next to you.
It might be the choice not to try a drug,
and disappoint your parents.
That night I saw you illuminating in the night sky, I realize I was small,
that all the world's troubles and your own didn't matter at all,
at peace with yourself and the silence in night's air,
The End
The rich colors;
A golden glow
of marigold,
a hint of deep red.
Falling down the sky,
for what is
the very last time.
My name is Renee' Epps. I would be twenty-one if I had not killed myself. That's right, I am dead. You'd think after committing suicide people would change their actions toward me.
Fire, light, inhale.
Breathe, obsorb the poison.
Deep breath, obsorb the smoke.
Feel The Addiction Take Over.
Breathe, obsorb the pain.
Deep breathe, obsorb the cancer.
Feel The Addiction Take Over.
I dont cut ,
I just pierce,
Never to deep,
but just enough,
The pain was never all that deep,
The warm sun shines upon his face
But he is weak and oh so numb
He's going to miss this wondrous place
But it's time to go, Death has come
She walks into the room to find
His body lying without life
It's been 5 years
But I still remember exactly how it felt
Sitting on the psych wards cold tile
Mind spinning through hell
Racing though my brain
All the things I'd never see
Have you ever seen the rain come down?
Those days where the grey is less white than the pain,
Desolated days where the chains hold you at bay, yet the wind ceases to balm
Thank God I'm alive.
Four words that have taken too long
To escape from these lips
And still stumble out
Like a drunk driver
Oh when the drugs wear out and the crash kicks in
painful glares pierce through yout thick skin
and it all comes down to who you are with in
not who you try to be, just to fit in
You still can’t decide what it is that makes you
Feel this way. You sit in your room alone looking
For encouragement in all the places you know deep
Inside you won’t ever find them. You contemplate
Everyone needs a hope
A reason to live when things go astray
Someone in the darkness to help them cope
To show them the light and push the dark away
.
For the dark cannot come
My life has been a constant battle.
With
my colleagues,
my parents,
my friends,
my demons.
To be an older was my dream as a child,
to be a child is my dream as I become older.
If i could cry i would weep for all eternity. If i could scream i would, i can do neither so i mourn in the most awful silence imaginable.. The sadness and pain is bottled up inside and i ache to let out.
A loud voice can do many things. It can free a caterpillar.
My words stayed small for so long and no longer will they hunger for excape.
I fought through the jungle of my mind and freed my thoughts from it's captors.
The monster.
It is hungry.
It needs to get out.
It needs to get away.
It claws at the bars.
Knaws on its cage.
It needs to be free.
The monster scratches
And bites
Move along,
There's nothing left to see.
Just a couple more,
to take the edge off of what is haunting me.
You look at me,
Like you can save me,
But what you dont see
Here to remind him of his past
She stares him in the eye,
Glaring, for years, it seems to last.
On his arms, by a sleeve she’s masked;
Poetry:
My lifesupport,
My lifeforce,
My sweet, sweet savior,
He is the one I crave;
My one true, lone lover.
With each line we scribe together
He gently kisses the pain,
The depression,
Your words are like a pistol going off, releasing violent gestures.
Mind absent of the sense of safety and security, aslo
the well being and feelings of others.
Hour one
Spread poinsettias drug to the surface
Effervescing their wicked kinship
Branching over her body
Swarming in depths,
Drinking her body
She traces herself
Bubbling in the bathtub
I ran my water to get ready to relax but then it hit me I just don't wanna be here I can't deal with my issues of life so I'll pay the ultimate price. I hope that God and my family forgive me but only God and I can feel my inner misery.
“I have never truly felt as though I've belonged to this world,” I tell myself, “This is what is destined for me, the moment my life has encouraged and has been building up to.
The darkness, the darkness, the darkness,
I can feel it behind me
Its breath heavy on my neck
Cut, slice, tear, hang,
Whispers fill my thoughts
Clouding all senses
Why won’t it stop?
Paint the sky black
because I'm never coming back
and I don't want to see you again
It was wrong
the things you said
are playing back inside my head
I can't forget
I can't let go
It’s hard for me to do this without you
It’s hard to succeed without “u”
The letter that I’m writing at this moment
Is probably the last I will ever write?
Because when you’re never right
stop crying. stop crying.
that's a lesson you learn from dying.
it's nothing, it's okay.
i'm just gradually going insane.
but it's alright.
I'll cross my t's and dot my i's
and everything will be fine.
Skipping meals to get thinner than the pill I'm ingesting.
Pills I'm ingesting to prevent dry heaving are the only thing I swallow cause it's nothing like eating.
Once your skinny they can tell you how fat you used to be.
Blissfully dancing, each crimson tear
One by one creating a river
Each river unique
Yet each river filled with sorrow
Why has each river been painfully caused?
Each stripe, filled with red hatred
I cry every time I think about what you're going through
But we all have problems and make mistakes, its true....
No one is perfect, look around and you'll see
that no one is perfect, even including me
sometimes i wonder,"why was I born?,why did god create me?",mostly everyone i know told me that they hate me,I'm a cry baby i guess,who's scared and lost,and slits her wrist in pain,"why god?,why me?,this happens everyday",I just go cry,I always l
No one can know about this secret.
This grotesque secret.
It's become a hobby.
Something done daily.
Something that is yearned.
Something that can become addictive.
Look in a mirror and see a monster
The hate inside, fighting to take control
In school they don’t see, at least not really
They see a person not a monster
I see so much of him inside of me
She wears a heart on her sleeve
Permanent red staining her skin
A delicate etching on a sensitive nerve
She loves her wrists, she says
She loves herself
And will not
Give in
To the temptation to
I am the artist’s greatest joy
Five foot five and 1/62 ” wide-
A paper doll cut out from a stencil,
So thin and flat
That anyone can take the lightest lead
And pencil in my features.
And I let them.
Cold
Stops the beating heart
And Ice
Freezes the soul.
With every step the
Flowers frost, the
Plants perish, the
Singing ceases, the
Living die.
In the wake of those footprints
The tumultuous ocean of my mind
Seems to ebb and flow with the moon,
Cycling through high and low tides
That all the while wear away the sands of time
On the coasts of my consciousness.
It’s not for myself, but for
You
That I will stay strong.
Any remaining morsel of self-worth
Has fled
But I will not hurt you
Again.
I swear on my very
Life
The sorrow stitched into my soul
Became not part, but all my whole.
The worry woven in my wounds
Has locked the doors that seal my tomb.
The little lies that line my loom
Detail my future and my doom.
Today’s choice is a symphony in C minor
With sorrow dripping from each stem
In staccato stabs into my heart.
A legato frowns over the mournful melody,
Smoothly, sweetly singing me sins
Ayer, yo tenía la confianza
Para ver el sol arriba;
Pero ahora la luz
Es demasiada brillante para los ojos
Y veo las sombras
Cabizbaja.
Antes, yo esperaba
Como la madrugada en el horizonte;
Everyone wants battle scars that
Show they survived the fight
But battles fought inside the heart
Are rarely black and white.
Alone in shallow consciousness
I’m drowning
Only Life accompanies me,
Shoving my head under so I
Can’t breathe.
No one needs you, Life tells me.
You are useless, truly.
I don't want this leading down the same road.
Where I stick a gun in my mouth and you smile...again
Like the loneliness was just a phase.
The sad thing is,
there wasn't a day I wished I wasn't dead.
This is the house of 100 pound chairs.
Where the tables are nailed to the floor.
Where the windows are made out of bullet-proof glass
and the neighbors broken and torn.
You said it.
You didn’t know it would hurt my feelings—
Or me, the way it did.
But nevertheless, you said it.
It smells like death, if death had a smell
She felt a soft breeze while tears streamed down her face.
She stood there not knowing how to feel,
Not knowing what to say.
What she did feel was lost, empty, numb
as you look upon the water
reflections shining bright
bringing to your memory
thoughts from that dark night
the tears erode my heart
as the colorodo carved a canyon
my life it fell apart
when you died myself my faith abandoned
her blood stained sleeves cover her arms
hiding the wounds of her terrible pain
she wears a smile so you cant see
the real her, who she is
even when it's hot,
she wears the jackets,
long sleeve shirts
THIS ONE IS FOR ME: WE NEED TO GIVE OURSELVES A LITTLE LOVE AT TIMES.
Came home from an exhausting day on the job
Dogs barking greeting you we step in the hood.
everybody knows anybody
Locked in a room,
Alone with the blade.
Metal meets flesh
And rips it apart.
Blood pours out;
A twisted, red river of misery.
Life is drained
As she falls to the ground
And becomes a waste.
Her breath is the tide
Gently it roles in
Swiftly it crashes away
Those precious blue eyes
Have become dual grey moons
The canyons in her wrists
Fill the puddle around her
but slowly it creeps back over us…
just as discreet as spiders on the wall after midnight.
without our consent paradise becomes hell,
our motives have no consideration.
our minds dissolve in anger
but you can’t choose when the last breath of warm air exits your body.
you can lie, motionless…
but your eyes still blink.
stare into space in hopes that your brain will just halt
yet the thoughts still produce
I'm a broken angel
I have no wings
My heart is black
Blood runs cold
Wrists stained red
From the blood they've bled
My eyes are bloodshot
Because all the tears I've shed
Thoughts are dark
ashes to ashes in terrible blaze. Metal and stone disappear in the flames. Feathers of phoenix as soft as they are, will take you through fires carry you far.
This is not a suicide note,
I may have depression and sometimes it's really hard to get up and live my life,
Sometimes I may cry for no reason and wish I could just give up,
But this is not a suicide note,
Sure,
I made three phonecalls on a sunday.
My parents didn't answer.
My best friend didn't answer.
I called 911 and she told me to tell the officer when he got to my home.
I called for help.
My wrists were slit.
What is it like,
being pretty, feeling special?
what is it like to have someone who would go all ends of the world for you?
what is it like to sleep every night?
Life shouldn't been way more through the eyes of this young child,
but thinking of that fact only makes it more difficult to compact and contract.
I am falling
in the breeze
I am choking
with no ease
I am whispering
in your arms
I am holding
your poor heart
Is there hope-even a little bit?
I'm searching around and I can't find it
If I was well, and didn't live in hell,
Maybe I could come out of my shell
But that's not the case, I feel I'm always playing chase
You're running from your past and you're trapped in your mind
Your memory's are driving you insane, an escape you must find
You take some random pills to end it all
Into a deep sleep you start to fall
Slowly the years of my life go
and I sit here with nothing to show.
I look up at the beautiful sky,
not really caring whether I live or die.
Some things just can’t be described.
I see my death it’s everywhere, it dangles down from the ceiling scrapping the edges of my mind. It sleeps in the water and awakens when it flows through my body. It’s in the air that swallows me, it’s in my dreams that hollow me.
I can remember being that little girl, with no mother.
I can think back to never thinking back about my father.
I can relive the moment of being snatched into reality.
I can’t…I can’t…I can’t.
The night’s young but the tide is high
The black skies that petrify
Lying on the shore I let the tide engulf me
The ice cold embrace of the water drags me down
Sinking like a stone I submit to the water’s grip
On the bed thinking.
Where's my razor
So I can cut up.
Where's my razor
So I can take this pain away
Why do people consistently bully or judge me when they don't even know me?
You fell through the sky
Hitting cement
To break into a new dimension
Where you can fly,
And now your body
And spirit exist
In different planes.
The chicken and the egg,
He was intoxicating
Fond of abandoning
He left a sad little girl all alone
Years go by
He returns, but finds her grown
She saw past his alibi
He had stolen her life
All of her time
when did my shadow
slip
under my fingernails
slither
through my pores
slide
into my bloodstream?
We say we want to die
yet we look both ways before crossing the street
and our hearts speed up if a stranger is too close behind us
maybe this is because we want to die
on our own terms
slitting our own wrists
I started writing
At 11
I scribbled notes on
Books and walls
Trying to find the
Perfect combination
Of 26 letters to
Tell my mother
I wanted to
Die.
Drinking in the morning light,
aren't I lucky just to be alive?
Breathing in the fresh cool air,
no moment can be left to spare;
for the grass will wilt,
and the sky turn gray,
Tapping fingers on a desk
No one notices
Tapping fingers on the keys
Everyone laughs
Tapping fingers on my head
Everything is hurting
Tapping fingers on the trigger
Nothing
My world was turning
crashing.
I try to stand
one hand against the wall.
Efforts with no reward
left in vain.
Aching painfully
tears of frustration running down my face.
Everything is turning.
Expression is a lethal weapon,
Locked in my own judgments,
Don’t understand why I’ve been chosen to fill the shoes of an unholy person
He laid there in his bed
Motionless, clinging to life by one single thread
His memories reflecting through his eyes
If only he had the chance to give one last goodbye
So tired and broken, frail and worn out
I was in complete and utter shock when I heard that you had killed yourself
I wish I knew why you did it
I went to your memorial a couple of weeks ago, and you thought a lot of times that you weren't
To be or not to be
That is the question
Are you sure Shakespeare?
Because I may have your answer
Death is inevitable
Life isn’t forever
Why give a temporary problem
An everlasting answer
Forgotten by the wind,
Autumn leaves lay over your grave.
They pray for thy descendant,
The forbidden blossom of fear.
I fall.
Feeling weightless, the panic and the comfort.
Fallen angels wings surround,
Floating, bells sound.
Ringing in the distance.
Down to loved ones embrace, ahead of the wind
Deaths embrace.
Wishing away my life to die,
Your one of a kind, I shall not lie.
My heart is heavy from love and lust,
Worth it or not, to die is a must.
To gaze at your face was such a gift,
Married the one, caused only rift.
Loneliness is a silent killer.
It lingers in the darkness,
Amidst shadows of remorse.
Under feelings of joy,
Behind eyes of sorrow.
Between fingers upon wrist,
Spilling through steel and flesh.
I gave my heart to you,
My heart beated for you.
My heart would have bled for you,
and in the end my heart died because of you.
My body fell weak from the pain,
The warmth I had from the kindness I showed,
Every 43 seconds, someone attempts a suicide. Every nineteen minutes, someone succeeds.
The first cut stung
you promised you'd do it no more
but then you hurt again
so you did it one more time
Freakishly tall, Freakishly short, Freakishly skinny, Freakishly Fat
There’s no escaping it because you are the freak show
You, alone, is where it’s at
“Step on up to see this thing!” they shout
Pouting like a baby, who was just told no.
Trying to maintaining your composure, so you don't explode.
Turn your head from me, so i wouldn't know.
But i can see, tell me what's happening.
We met back in sophomore year in Spanish.
Considering that we both hated taking Spanish and were the new kids, we instantly clicked.
You always made me laugh.
Pittsburgh, PA;
Glowing lights.
Downtown;
Broken fights.
This is where I spend my nights.
I'm in for it, Jesus Christ.
You see the colored flags,
the shoes on telephones wires.
If you don't watch,
I promise to slip out the back when
no one's looking
never return.
I'll find a mushroom and a magic rabbit
and spiral down a hole to Hell--
or was it
Wonderland...?
When I was in high school, I was the invisible girl. No one looked at me, No one said a word to me. I sat in the corner of the room. I wrote down all my thoughts in my journal. I would look up; I would see everyone staring at me.
Tears falling
blood dripping
knife meets the wrist again
slicing away the pain
as it grows
sometimes you dont know how you will feel,
sometimes you dont know how you will react,
sometimes you are so bottled up you dont know what to do,
sometimes you do things you didnt realize you did,
I love you more than the deepest ocean.
Your pain hurts me more than the bitterest winter.
Your smile is more light than the burning sun..
Your face shows more experience than a tree of a thousand ages.
Mother!
Mother!
Put down that gun,
Don't you know I need you here.
Mother!
Mother!
It's not your time,
Me and Jess still love you here.
Mother!
Mother!
Oh why'd you go,
Today I lie in bed all day
Not wanting to get up and play
With my friends, who am I kidding?
I have no friends. So lost and alone.
It’s just me, myself, and I.
I feel desperate as I pick up the phone
I stand on a bridge;
It sings a lullaby of lost souls.
It battles with memories
and watches the world carry on.
Two sad boys none knew were falling
They fell so damn fast.
The world beat them so hard-
They had no chance.
The hardest way to die
is by drowning.
Your lungs get filled up with water,
feel like they're dysfunctional.
You try to get the water out,
but you only manage to get more in.
It's more than a shooting
It's more than a few dead people
Innocent bystanders
Two people wanting to fit in
Invisible to the rest
Bullied and pushed
We can stop the madness
One time gone too far
Thoughts- they can either be a bad thing or a good thing.
What happens when those thoughts involve a potential burial 6 feet under.
I'll tell you what happens, those thoughts turn into visual scenarios.
The thoughts are often,
the thoughts are deep,
the feelings are overwhelming,
she can't even sleep;
her wrists are full of cuts,
but her stomach is empty,
when she turns off the lights,
A permanent solution for a temporary problem.
Crippling an innocent soul.
Forever silencing a beautiful voice.
Leaving us without our loved one.
the dissonance prevails
murmurs / mutters / spEAKING / YELLING
SHOUTING LOUDLY
INTO HIS EARS
LIKE BULLETS STRIKING HIM
BLow by blow
and then a lull returns
hushes / whispers / sighing / gROANING
One year ago today,
The sweetest boy I had ever met
Took away his own life.
Nobody knew.
He looked so happy.
He was so special.
It was not supposed to happen.
she sees herself as a nobody,
and to others shes a nobody
by the time shes a somebody
she'll again be a nobody.
You cannot see my pain,
Because it is in my heart.
All you see is gain,
But I am torn apart,
Physical wounds you can see,
Maybe then you will understand me,
Written in red,
Until I am dead,
It is cold.
Not outside in this physical state but mentally and inside this heart and mind.
It is cold.
Its something I can't control but it has happened.
I am a zombie walking the path of life's hardships.
The blade
to my wrist
I'm alone
I saw with the knife
back and forth
back and forth
It hurts
but not enough
I push harder
back and forth
back and forth
The blood
The dark encompasses the old withered bark
The branches weep, its sap seeps from between cracks
To climb the tree, she gathers her wits
But they have burrowed themselves
Deep into the soil that is packed
Like a wave crashed down
The tide pulled my soul
My sister so dear
Never made it to old
The emptiness grows
The pain won’t subside
The unseen affects
When you commit suicide
She slides down the wall,
Hoping no one will notice her fall.
She bites her lip into submission,
Running towards her blade,
Hoping to drive away her pain.
Parents tried to hear me, People tried to fear me
The letter I wrote said “Dear me,”
But I wouldn’t let anyone near me
Feeling like a doll nailed up against the wall
Wanting to fall, and just let go of it all
I feel confused and lightheaded.
I am aware that my breath is slow and steady
and I am becoming colder.
My vision is becoming less and less.
I look around.
All is dark.
First I must ask, who has the right to hurt others?
I was born July 6th 1995
That is where my pain began
Up and Down
Left and Right
It came from all directions
Sitting on these stupid tracks;
if the train comes, let it.
I know I won't regret it.
I'm sick and tired.
You don't get it.
I try to net it,
but you can't strangle bad luck.
This silence is strange
It screams a painful sadness for my ears
And this darkness
Is like a cold rush of fear
For today
You, my love
Is the end of days
Rough, old winds drummed against
The side of our shack, our lean-to home
Barely dead rain dampened our spirits –
Throw a stranger an unexpected smile.
Bitingly blue memories scream at me –
As she looked down at the scars of massacres on her wrist
The tears teased the back of her throat;
Taunting
Laughing
Tempting
Pleading
The monsters inside were screaming to be set free
As I walk through the halls I am scared and alone
I feel weaker than before, she has torn down my soul
I’m afraid as I get ready in the morning,
What negativity produces;
Depression.
How far can these people go?
Do they know they don’t have to suffer?
At least for ever…
Come to the edge
Where torment meant living
With days without thinking
May I be heartened
By the love they imparted
And take the pain
Of stepping in for them
Give me the strength to endure
The third of the three
sibling to a he and she
I am the smallest
my mind is most free
I daydream
they play
each day
we wither away
even as
i dream
Who is that person staring back at me?
I see a lovely girl,
Fun loving and talkative.
She touches her face
Uttering astonishment.
She looks calm and collected on the surface,
Under her tough shell she is screaming.
Inspiration for life and future are no where,
Can anyone ever love a mistake like her?
In her mind she will never be good enough.
I walk in the doors of his perpetual hell-hole.
Just another day. Or so it seems.
Halfway through first period, the teacher drones on and on.
Pretending everything's okay.
NO IT'S FUCKING NOT!
Birds flying over head
Waves lapping at my feet,
The breeze blows in my face
The smell of the sea in the air.
Upscale or upstage
Peaceful fight or calm rage
Black and white or a melodic gray
Take hold of the wind or the gravity and stay
I shall wait with bated breath, because
These lacerations are tattooed on my back
Initiating the tears falling down my cheek while the scars
Spell out the hurt I’ve endured,
Spill out my pain through the wounds and
Stars and scribbles
littered the once-blank pages
as pointless sketches
to express an unknown point.
Fourteen days
"Bitch!"
"Slut!"
She hears it all.
She tries to ignore it,
but the words are knives dipped in acid,
tearing her apart.
He said they’d last forever
And yet he decides to leave her
The pain, it began to devour
Her soul leaving her weaker
Broken curfews,
Broken laws,
Broken mirrors
on her walls.
Broken bottles,
Broken homes
Broken boy
feels all alone.
One..Two...Three... Four... Five.. Six.. Seven... Eight... Nine... Ten... Eleven.. Twelve.. Thirteen...Fourteen ... Fifth teen....debt. In a haze i lay, my eyes filled much with a glaze. The surroundings fade and life slips away.
Counting off the hours since I've seen your face,
it has be so long.
I wear your shirt to bed,
every night, I listen to our song.
Tears stream down,
in an endless cascade.
They say "time heals all wounds,"
Remember when you caught me
Bleeding in my bed
Hands and face the deepest shade of red
And I was floating
Through those stars that you call eyes
That are brighter than the sunrise and
I'm climbing up. One hand grabs a rock, one foot steps on the rock, then again on the other side.
I feel light. I don't know why everything is like this.
They're waiting for me at the top of the cliff.
Darkness is ever near, it’s become everything I fear.
Grasping onto life, but my hands grabbing for a knife.
Loneliness and all my sorrow, searching for tomorrow.
Hold on there's so much here to live for.
Find strength to carry on and a will to live.
I've been there before, staring death in the face.
Wanting to go but wanting to stay, once you're underground you don't come back.
I went for a ride,
A ride called "Suicide"
Full of blood, pain, and hurt,
I treated myself like dirt.
Not caring about how I looked,
Or even reading my favorite book.
Take my bones
But do not crack or break them
For my soul is far too damaged to heal its structure
The will to heal was lost far long ago
Every morning after, I cried to God
Pleading that he’d be merciful and wake us both
From the nightmare of your passing
And grant us instead
Mirrors
I failed.There's no time left for this world.
It's just me in my lab sitting on this linoleum floor.
The lab once hailed for its cure
Has now left corpses piled at my door.
My body becomes weak
My vison had turned blurry
I hear the paramedics screaming
We are losing her, Hurry!
I am starting to feel sleepy
But they refused to let me sleep
¨You have to keep your eyes open
I’m lonely.
I’m fragile.
I’m sitting here absent-mindedly.
All my feelings I compile.
You ignore me.
You laugh.
You see right through me.
I crash.
I go home to emptiness.
I know you are scared,
Hurt and unhappy.
But you don’t have to be—
Not another week, not another day.
I will still call you my sister, no matter
How hard you try to push me away.
Today I live!
But what if tomorrow I died?
Would you care?
Would you cry?
Would you hope for me to rise
And live eternally in the skies?
Would you wish upon a star
Hoping I would not go to far?
I have seen the Magic Bullet informercial
more times than I have seen
myself smiling in the mirror
There is something irresistible
about watching people
eat away the night
becoming full
Did you ever think what you were going to leave behind, or were you too busy thinking what you were going to say next in your note? You left a male dependent little girl behind.
She sat alone.
Alone and at home
Where her screams were silent
but her mind was violent.
Her insecurities hid deep inside
and they did indeed eat her alive.
A tear rolled down her face
Her scars were fading out.
The red lines in her skin disappearing.
Her skirts never came out,
and her hoodies were worn in the summer.
Bracelets hugged her wrists
and no one thought to check.
This sadness is turned up so loudly it hurts.
It hurts my stomach,
my chest,
my shoulders,
my head.
I can't stop crying.
I should never have been born.
I'm sorry cruel world,
Why should you want to die?
It feels good to breathe
to live
to love
and just be alive!
How can anyone feel the need for suicide?
I’m losing my best friend...
I am currently on 'Watch'.
'Watch' is what happens when a school thinks you’re suicidal. So that must mean I’m suicidal right?
Sure, I thought about killing myself, but be honest; who hasn’t?
I remember that day
that dreadful,
October day.
When we dressed
and played.
I remember fear,
coursing through me veins.
Your eyes never lost
the sight of my soul,
as you took my hand
from me, while you wear
my gold. My heart longs
for you, or so I'm
told. 'Cause when I woke
one day, you left me
It seems fine
the wine is flowing
Laughter is swirling the room
Sadness is blockaded from entering
That rush of panic
Im running!
I want to forget reality!
Only wanting to reach
Time.
The smile on her lips
Had never reached her eyes
She hid her pain and worries behind
Her perfect porcelain disguise
i have a world inside of me. this that i do, this is merely trying to enter my world.
That night
The earth smelled so rich
And inside I ached.
Loneliness,
Even though so many people
Were laughing.
I was grasping night air
With my fist
And wondering why
Why does life matter?
Its not like anyone cares,
If I'm alive or dead,
Or if I con hurt.
Why, oh why am I alive,
If no one cares about me?
I'm unloved, hated, and better off dead.
I wonder if the world would even care,
if I was dead,
would it even be aware?
I wonder if my family would even notice,
if I was gone,
would they take long enough to focus?
Why don’t people ever trust me?
Why do they always lie?
I hate that they say things that aren’t true,
and they make me feel like I want to die!
I hate this,
I hate everything,
I want to go away,
I found myself
Looking at your pictures today
You're smiling
Just as you always did
In every single one
Never would I have even had an inkling of all the sadness hiding
Behind closed doors
Whoosh,
The candle goes out.
So fast.
No one saw it coming.
Whoosh.,
Suddenly everything is black.
Tears are shed,
By the hundredfold.
He is a boy who will never give smiles,
Save those for the blood on bathroom tiles,
A pallid gaunt face with stars in its eyes,
Leaving their tracks whenever he cries,
He does not eat, beauty is thin,
I need a way to say
I never meant it to go that way
Never did I think I made a big impact
Maybe that’s why I attacked
I just never predicted the way you’d react
When I close my eyes,
I can see his slowly fading away.
When I touch my wrist,
I can feel his blood clinging to my skin.
When I hold my hand to my chest,
I can feel his heart beat,
Slowly Fading Away.
If you tell someone you have thought about death,
about hurting yourself in any way, they get freaked out.
My love is not dying but getting stronger.
Waiting for you takes longer and longer
No matter how many days go by,
I think of you while looking at the open sky.
When I was young and naive
And the world was in front of me,
My dreams were infinite
And heaven was a place so high
That I'd do anything to get my feet off the ground
Little brother I know you have all these crazy thoughts in your head that are leading you too contemplate suicide but don't fret help is on the way.
It's going to be okay I promise you.
She used to be an innocent girl
But the devil has changed her
Staring in a mirror
The reflection is a stranger
She yells out to God
With tears running down her cheek
Praying to become strong
The words i hear you saying
turn my blood into ice
freezing in my veins
holding me like a vice
You say you're life is worthless
that no one would ever care
if you dissapeared like you were never there
You see darkness in my eyes
The pain in the tears that I cry
you used to hold my hand
but that has come to and end
All that I ask is that you don't judge me in the end.
The Forever Darkness Hell never ends.
Some call it suicide. Some call it hell. Some call it escape. All experience it as a forever choice. Life's over. The Forever Darkness Hell fell.
The mirror this morning hisses at me
I hear the croaks of past critique
And for some reason, I agree
This day is cold and bleak
Time sprints in silence
And jogs when I speak
you see the pain in my eyes
you see my tears that I cry
you see my blood soak the floor
and I say what a world
you ask why I did it
and all I say is that I couldn't bear it
I want to hear the ring of the gunshot
just before I leave my physical self
and drift off to wherever I belong.
I want to feel the blood drain from my face
and out my slit veins;
watch it seep into the carpet,
You said you loved me
You said you cared
Then you passed away leaving me with a blank stare
You left so violently
Taking your own life
Plunging into your chest that delicate knife
I'll never forgive
(poems go here) Somewhere along the line of scrimmage
I lost my sense of self.
15,000 concussions over 45 years
Can do that to a man.
My name is Junior Seau,
And football is the only identity I've ever known.
Please don’t feel alone,
For there are people surrounding you with their love.
Please don’t beat yourself down,
For you could reach for the stars.
Please don’t harm yourself,
As lonely as a twilight sky
That sees the sunlight slowly die,
I almost learn to say goodbye-
Darkness.
You sink so far and out of view
And though I try to follow you,
Your light recedes into the blue-
Three years ago
I couldn't understand
the concept of missing someone
because they were always
a phone call away.
Until I woke up
to tears on faces I'd never seen before
and my rock crumbled
Come
My love
My sweet dove
I miss you so
I look for you above
And yet they tell me to say no
They say to say no to the love that grows
When you left me, left for good I said I was done
"If I should die before I wake," Fingers slip into the lake Queen Anne halo Floating lace "I pray the Lord my soul to take," Reeds do pull From leagues below Tendrils snaking to and fro "One world was not enough for two," Such eyes now clouding Th
You chose the path that could not be returned
Because your roads were too steep
No looking back and without second thoughts
Your soul closed its eyes to sleep
It was your body we put in the ground
She sits there cutting herself
A red river pouring out
She can’t stop now
All she's ever known is the cold hard pain of being alone
With no one to turn to, nowhere to go, the pain starts to-
get to her
I awaken to red and blue lights
The paramedics have arrived,
Pain in my head like after those late nights
I am thinking I should have died.
Mama always said there'd be days like this//
The way things can switch and change like this//
Friends become foes in the turn of a wrist and now things'll never be the same like this//
Just a boy who died
No relation to me or those in my class
People never knew him,
But I suddenly remembered.
Tears stream down my face as my mind begins to scatter
Feelings of hopelessness overwhelm my being
Depression is no longer a word, it’s a part of me
I can’t breathe
Death, murder, heartache, incarceration
The very things teens attempt to avoid
Texting and driving
The very thing that can lead to it all
She’s standing all alone.
She wants to be noticed.
She smiles at you,
but all you do is walk away without a second glance.
Not knowing that it took all her courage and strength
I felt a genocide in my soul
And dictators of the centennial
Kept marching, marching till it seemed
Hope was springing detrimental
At you the voices claw
They hem and haw
Telling you you didn't see what you thought you saw
And that for you, he would never truly fall
That of his heart he could not give you half, definitely not it all
Tell me, have you ever had to lie?
Have you ever had to cry?
Have you ever fought for approval of your peers?
Have you ever tried to fight your fears?
If you have, it’s okay. I will catch your tears.
I can remember the first time I was about to commit suicide. It was about two years back... Maybe even one, I can't really remember.
All I can remember was what happened.
Everyday I walk down these halls terrified
I can feel the stares and read their lips
Calling me anything they can think of
Just to hurt me
My mind fools me
Making me think I'm strong enough to take it
I look deep within the mirror at myself.
My mind sinks and wonders into a place of utter darkness.
How my pain intensifies into complete depression.
The torture of past events replay from my childhood.
As we think of the Boston bombing
We realize life can end
anytime, anywhere, for anyone
So why end it tonight ?
With that stupid razor
Or those chalky pills
Life is too short
Cherish it
I had it all from the outside looking in. Cozy house, pretty family, church goers through and through. But I wasn't happy. Wasn't happy. No not at all. I was drowning, drowning, in the thing called life.
Ringmaster, who calls the shots, pressed firmly to my head,
will this revolver decide for me to live or leave me dead?
I’ve decided in desperation to leave my life to chance.
Millions of stars twinkling up high
We sat there in awe and let time pass us by
Escaping all chaos and experiencing this place
The marvel in your eyes and the freedom on your face
I hope I die in the day
To take with me the sunshine
And every glorious ray
What's a more peaceful way to die
Than in a sky lit the purest blue
So you'll know here is where I lie
That light hasn't come on for weeks now,
and I got a sense of peace when I was dying:
the bells peter out, the sirens stop crying.
I am left with the cold wind sifting my bones.
Can you see it?
Can you tell what I do?
It hurts to hide it,
But what can I do?
I take chances,
I mask the pain,
Do you see me now,
Now that I am gone?
It's a very real thing,
Why treat it as a joke?
Why continue to antagonize?
Why must you still provoke?
He’s not looking for “attention”;
He doesn't want your sorrow.
He wants to feel appreciated,
My best friend's name is Dorothy, we are happy as can be
Elementary school is fun, and pretty easy!
We play games, like tag and pretend too!
We'll be best friends forever
because i need you
You left with spring
never to experience the summer.
In the fall you came again,
you came as a shock to those you left
and now all that remains
are those bereft.
Gliding across the sea,
Gazing up to the heavens
This is all I see
The final resting place
Sinking into the ivory lace
The shoals, the stepping stones
Call to me.
Guide my soul to you, to
Her eyes told a different story
Than her worn hands.
Pupils dilated
Loving all who understand.
And the sore indentation on the middle finger of her right hand
Supporting that she knew words were essential.
Girls are called fat if they eat and gain weight,
But if they stop eating they are called anorexic.
Either way they are judged by what is on their plate.
When they wear makeup they are called fake,
I walk by myself, alone.
Nobody seems to notice or care.
Emotionally I seem to have not grown.
I have thoughts I cannot share.
I can't take it
Everywhere I look there is despair
The news informs me of the horror in which I live
Another man dead from the war
Thirty kids dead in a school shooting
I can't handle this world of despair
(poems go here) Hey there, need a lift? Pick me up high and swift. Carry me to the next class in line, see you in just a short time.
She sprints into the barren room.
Sad tears stream down her face.
She wonders, “Can I not just live,
And win this lifelong race”
One Autumn day, I stumbled upon
A small leaf in a tree
As red as an ember, as yellow as the sand
The leaves all around
Were floating to the ground
Yet this leaf
This one little leaf
Imagine this.
You need to shower, but the water heater broke.
You don't realize you can borrow
your neighbors shower.
And you're not entirely sure when the
dang machine will be fixed.
I lost myself a while ago
I lost myself because I lost all hope.
Still, slowly, I try and stand
Though I fall and fall, I will never land
Because in the depths of my heart I know I can do this
Before I never really saw you much
And when I did we were always in a rush
It’s true that I loved you then
But now I feel the love that could have been
The kind of love a father and daughter share
While the small town sleeps
And the moon keeps watch
With the stars like guards
Drinking spots of scotch
While the children dream
And the mothers rest
With their babies safe
Upon their breast
At the point of no return. crashing falling soon to burn. my minds a crumbling abyss, amiss at my fingertips. loosing, lost. struggling at what cost? life is empty, that triggers tempting. transformation, this sick sensation. justification?
The grin
Simple and complete
Used as a saving light
Or maybe for sin
The sneer
Quick an decisive
Filled with anger
This is nothing to fear
I’m losing myself.
Searching for guys to use me,
exploiting myself has become my new hobby.
The shame i feel, the pain I go through,
it is what i deserve.
I don’t deserve love, like my friends.
None of them had ever known their fellow lowly duck
Dragged among them behind a white facade.
And though his face to them fixed stuck,
It hid tired expressions none should ever know.
When I read,
their tearful words appear to echo in my mind.
When I listen softly,
Their desperation clings to my soul.
When I ponder,
Their fate may rest with my words.
I feel them slide down my throat,
Painless as I sip water to help them down,
One by one.
Yet, I feel the pain of each one,
Just like a physical blow.
And I think to myself,
"It's for the best."
I'm no Maya Angelou, Mark Twain, or Emerson.
I don't yet know my dearest complaints, intents, or direction.
I've never been hurt so bad that I've been deeply pained,
I have, however, seen enough to know that we need change.
Emptiness is all I feel, without you here.
I walk past your room, searching for you.
How can you be gone so soon?
A life taken before its time.
You're my sister though, why don't they understand.
How does one see themselves as less than a human?
Do we not bleed the same blood?
Do we not walk the same earth?
Is there such a thing as acceptance?
Acceptance before death.
Love is love
“Gender doesn’t define love.”
Why is it people judge what they don’t understand?
Homo, faggot, dyke, queer!
Out of all the pain we mostly hold in fear.
We endure and we take all we can.
Choking on saliva,
Pinching at skin,
Praying it will all one day
Work out and never have to
Look in the crystal pool
With a sorrow unmatched
By the saddest of songs.
To tell me who I am,
Is to waste your needless breath.
My youth is evidence,
To fit in
In the end
Will make you fit out.
The struggle of peer pressure.
Suicide! Suicide! Suicide!
The mother weeps
The father stares on
Brother tries fists clenched
He has to stay strong
Sister wails, she hasn’t stopped
Bishop says many things
But none are heard by the grieving family
Frilly dark ripples, made of Death.
My love, he brings me flowers.
Petals break, break the surface of lies.
The once painful black,
Gone, and now I am alone.
He cannot hide, and I reflect.
The girl with the glasses,
walks home alone.
No one to talk to.
No one to know.
The girl with the glasses,
sits at lunch by herself.
No one to eat with.
No one to be with.
Here you go, stuck in the undertoe.
This isn't a beach, though, but a life.
Flail your arms about and you may get out.
Don't do it and you will become your own foe
The imagery echoes in brain,
Never stopping and no gain.
Same thing over and over,
But no matter what there is no closure.
Dust,
Floating aimless in sepia window sunlight,
So soft, so small,
The red hummingbird feeder just behind the white framed glass.
What is distress in the land of opportunity
My life is a snitch because in the end she's always telling on me
I'm falling further into the abyss and its taking a tole on me
What would you do if I wasn't here?
Would half of you shed a tear?
You think you know me
Can you can tell everything I'll ever be
Think you can tell who I am.
You say things to tear me down
What would you do if I wasn't here?
Would half of you shed a tear?
You think you know me
Can you can tell everything I'll ever be
Think you can tell who I am.
You say things to tear me down
Hope
Is the candle that banishes the darkness.
And we’ll never understand
Why you chose to put it out.
She is constantly screaming needing a way to get out
she has begged for help but they just tell her not to pout.
What she says doesn't matter what she wants won't be heard
(poems go here) Just end it already,
The statement rings in my ears,
As I sit here writing this letter to you,
I want to do it,
Why not end it now?
I always think of it why not now?
Are you hurting and feel like you're fading away?
There is one I know who saves.
My God is great. My God is strong.
He will carry any burden, big or small.
He loves YOU, and calls you His.
what do you do when life is hard
and you have nothing left to give
it just keeps hurting
cause you know you hate to live
what do you do when you dont know what you live for
because everythings the same
Tonight, the silence is interrupted,
your screams are hardly faint...
Tonight, you've forgotten about my presence
as you carry on without compassion.
Tonight, I hear you struggle to make a decision
Your eyes are like the shining moon on my windowsill at night...
I miss you
Your hair is like the waves I see from day to day, dancing along the shore...
I miss you
She sat on the bed with a blade to her wrist.
It was held in the same hand that held the pen that had just written “You could have stopped this.”
It had been 10 years since she had last seen her father; he left when she was four.
A hard world we live in today
It's almost like the ultimate video game
But unlike a game there is no resetting
No pausing
And definitely No extra lives
But these harsh realities are often ignored
It feels like I'm standing
on the edge of a cliff
next to a calm sea
and at any moment
I could slip into the blue abyss
quietly, the water would burden my lungs
and with my last breath,
I am a story with no ending.
I wonder why you did what you did.
I hear to many lies.
I want it all to stop.
I am a story with no ending.
Breathe in
Breathe out
As the first fragrances of the world around you
Tickle your nose
And the scent of your mother's silky hair
And your dad's calloused hands
Fill your heart with warmth and security
Another day stuck in dismay
Rain clouds follow me everywhere
Just another bad day they say
I know they don't even care
Once upon a cold December-
A deformed face in a fogging mirror-
Whispers of a shadow stretching its hand,
The toll of the bell filled the land.
Then a piercing silence did descend.
Remember me when I’m gone,
When I’m cold and lifeless,
When you miss me the most,
When your soul is filled with darkness.
She grabbed the razor blade in a hurry as if she was running out of
Time
Slid it across her pale skin as if she was just in
Time
Cried out
Bled out
And as she lay on the cold hard floor
She thought
Once upon a time
There was a little girl
She had a mother and father
And a small black puppy
And her room was blue
And her sheets were blue
And she was in preschool,
Where she made a friend
Maybe
You’re on the edge and about to jump
Or you’ll go for the gun
The rope looks like the one
The drugs look the most fun
Why?
Because they called you dumb?
Called you a bum?
Ten year old boy holds his mother tight to his chest
as she once held him.
Now he protects her as best a boy can,
knowing only the unknown.
His over sized shirt stained with his mother's tears
(poems go here) Quietly, without notice, she walks out. Feeling left alone, i wave goodbye.
goodbye my dearest, thanks for leaving our happy home,
Where our loves was meant to grow.
Salt on my wounds
Depression looms
Constant cries
So many lies
Full of tears
Ever lingering fears
Darkness surrounds
Deaf without sound
Emotion pain
Never-ending rain
You saw me there yelling for help
You didn't care
You saw the pain
You could have helped me up
You knocked me down instead
You kept hurting me
You didn't care
One day you will realize how much you hurt us physically and mentally
One day you will see the pain in our faces
One day you will noticed how many lives you ruined
I wake up, 5 am as usual
I get ready for the torture ahead
I arrive at school
I walk down the hall to my first class
I sit down
"GROSS!"
My mother and father gave me birth,
they said I had extreme worth.
No brothers or sisters; no family or friends.
This is where my story begins.
An average teenage boy
Clunks along the street
With his Converse laces
Flipping from side to side
Catching under the worn soles
Her face is almost imprinted in my mind like a melody. The image is just on repeat. I've never seen anything like that. Maybe it's who she is on the inside that radiates out. But her face shines with such a light I can't explain.
who are you to tell me im no good
to make fun of those from the hood
to bitter those once sweet like honey
to down those with litte or lots of money
is it true that your not satisfied
Do you know how many people you left
or how many people cried
I wish you could have counted the tears
that came from everybody's eyes
I stopped counting the nights
that I was jolted wide awake
Bullyied
When I felt the first hit I cried
When I heard the first word I sighed
But what did you do?
You just, just lied
She walks alone
Invisible as a ghost
No one notices
No one cares
Would they care,
If they saw her scars?
If they knew her story
Or her heart?
It starts off as a stupid diet
You just want to drop a size
You never thought you'd end up like this
Feeding your family lies
You never got to know me.
You would never even try.
You told me that you would rather
I just go home and die.
4 - 3 - 2......
I couldn't bring myself to it
I didn't have the guts. all that time pondering ---- deciding to end all the pain,
And I couldn't do it.
that last second, that last moment saved me.
Such tears of pain,
of shame,
wiped from the page
smeared in ink stains.
If only she had known,
maybe these tears
would never have shown.
Lily sighed and Lily cried, when she heard that her father died.
Lily prayed and Lily swayed that he was still alive.
Lily’s rage and Lily’s cage began to grow and expand.
It’s like a private battle
Going on inside my head
My mind says, “Use the razor”
My heart says, “Live instead”
I pull the blade across my skin
How much longer will these voices win?
Deeper and deeper, I see blood appear
How much more damage can I do here?
They think I’m crazy, they think I’m mad
She paints a pretty picture
But the story has a twist
Her paintbrush is a razor
And her canvas is her wrist
She paints her pretty picture
In a color that's blood red
While using her sharp paintbrush
Cast out from the world,
You wander through a dark forest.
The cold wind snaps and bites at your cheeks,
While your tears fuel the icy fire.
The bright white snow is the only thing that gives you light.
If innocence were bottled up in human form, she would be the epistle within
Her chestnut hair glistens underneath the morning sun
Her dark eyes possess a thousand, mystifying riddles
Suicide, the thing everyone says is bad.
I don’t see why when it is a help to some in which I can add
Sometimes I think it would be the answer
Instead of leaving it to something as unsure as cancer
I cant take it anymore!
Any place and every place I'm mocked, bullied, and abused,
every step I take is pure pain,
and every breath is that much longer with this horrid pain.
Peace is something I've never known,
He haunts me.
Like a ghost, my husband haunts me.
The red-tailed hawks that cry out over head
taunt me mercilessly.
That was his favorite bird of prey.
Cardinals that whistle and sing as the day wakes up
She screams, she cries
She takes off her disguise
She begs the world to see
They will never see.
There was once a girl
She was sweet as can be
There was once a girl
And there was more to her than what you could see
She dreamt of flying
Being stuck on the ground bothered her
And people were always lying
The weight of the world is on your shoulders;
The way to success is your path.
You don't want to be a dissapointment,
For the tears of the victims would be your bath.
You shout for the people to hear you,
There comes a point
In everyone’s lives
To turn the page
And step into the light
To let their future
Take its course
Let it run free
No fear nor force
There comes a point
In everyone’s lives
To turn the page
And step into the light
To let their future
Take its course
Let it run free
No fear nor force
My Life, my one true love,
The one thing that makes me happy to wake up to every morning.
My uncontrollable consistency, the one thing I want to commit too.
I love you Life. I promise not to fight, push or shove.
Attaining the pain cliffs
Clenching fists
Intent to murder translates as violence tears,
Like the warmth of coffee –
All through me
The tingling energy of rage surge my cadaver.
You tried to kiss me on my forehead
while I was busy playing on the computer.
Little did I know that was the last kiss you’d give.
I had the chance for a goodbye,
Papaw,
And I missed it.
“I’m worried bout you,” she said.
I responded with silence.
Who is she to want to help?
Is it that obvious that I’m dying?
I wish she would go
Away. She doesn’t need to care.
As the weight of the world lays on your chest
And leaves you out of breath
Tossing and turning never at rest
The pain of another day consumes you
Not knowing what to do
To live or not to live
we are living proof,, so here it goes, the living truth, said uncoated without any cuth. I remember looking out the window staring through bars watching , but the window was to blurry to see the stars.
You Are Missed
On Friday we heard of one lonely tale;
A boy from school slipped into a dark veil.
His family must be very upset too.
My there are many things I would tell you.
Little Maxy brought a gun to school today and shot himself
He put it to his heart and shot himself
The echoes from the roar of the gunshot were dense and shallow
Like the bullet passed through empty space
She slid the blade deep into her arm
Breathing heavy, trying so hard to hold in her emotions
yet release all her feelings.
She thought of the sister that didn't love her,
The mother to busy to care,
Something must be wrong with me
with all this hurt inside,
always bursting with anger,
and never any pride.
Falling from the sky
As if to watch the clockwork
of every person shuffling by
to understand our differences
and always know our consequences
but there is one thing we haven't learned:
lost he was out in the sea
with mighty jaws beneath his feet
a shelling of rain like bullets silencing his plea
struck deaf and blind by this torrential sheet
It's everywhere
All around us in the broad open
Yet the blind can't see
What's under their nose
Sister, remember when we were little,
And constantly together?
We were always hand in hand,
Looking out for one another.
And remember when, Sister,
We would play our favorite game?
We all carry these burdens deep down inside
They lay down beside us while we sleep at night
These demons are all in your mind
They'll conquer your heart one feeling at a time
Hurt escapes from the wounds we endure
That although we are far apart
I will hold you close to my heart
When you're either up or down
I'll always have a remedy for your frown
That in the event you shed a tear
Shattered
My words are shattered on my tongue
Slicing my gums
Too afraid to swallow
But the words are broken
Will not come out
They cut up my insides
Because I have not let them out
I'm sitting here
On the bathroom floor
The water surrounds me in an ever changing pool of tears
I search the vastness of the floor
And find in my vision
The bottle of pills
Now empty but for a few
A young girl is dead,
she could not take the stress
of being alienated, alone
all the time. Her friends left her,
her parents weren't aware.
Is your joke still funny?
You call her a slut, a whore,
Her hearts been fighting for a while now,
Her eyes have stopped their crying now.
She will pull her self together,
for one last call.
This is her break down,
her call for help
when all else has failed.
I feel sad and alone
I feel numb and tired and cold
I’m not someone people love or want around
I want to go get lost in sleep and never be found
Don’t pretend that you need me here
I will never understand why you died
Yes I know the reason why
Someone bullied you
And said mean things about you
But why did it affect you
You are beautiful
And you are smart
What do you do
When your heart says yes
But your mind says no
When your logic says leave
But your love won’t let you go
When you love them more than you could ever explain
One can never see what goes on behind closed doors.
All you have is the insight from a young, bright-eyed girl, who just wants a chance.
A typical suburban family is not all as it seems.
Brought into the world so innocent and pure,
About to be exposed to so much more.
Hurt and confusion consume her life.
What was she to him, a child, a wife?
Oh no, she is bad. It’s the only way,
Dark salt water drips on lined paper
A shaky hand scribbles
Dear mom_
Stops_ heaves a sigh
Purple and blue color his face
His body
Pain
Crippling
Silent screams pour into his mind
I looked at you with a frown
had no one to count on except you
I was always being let down
but you always stuck through
A smile, a nod, some kind of love, a wink, a glance, a knowing smirk, a friend, a lover, a neighbor, a sister, a brother, a cousin, an aunt, a mother, an uncle, a father, a stranger, a phone call, a text, a profession, a secret, an invitation, a l
In the darkest hours
That I live in fear
I want to kill myself
For all this hate in me
It's a new hope for me
To believe in my self
To change myself to be anew
