I sit here

Scared and alone

Am I loved? I ponder

I hear someone call for me in the distance

No, it couldn't have been

I shake my head and look at the stars

My tears glisten in the moon-light

I want to be loved

And at the end of it all,

I won't be

All I ever feel is

Scare and alone

 

I pretend to be happy

Plaster on a fake smile

Crack a few jokes

Play along 

Really though

I'm terrified

and upset

I look down at the ground

and remember the time i traced the cord back to the wall

unplugged it from its outlet

and I hung 

 

I touch the scars on my body

Remembering the stinging sensation

The cuts on my wrists

Sometimes

I still feel the blood trickeling over my skin

 

Will i ever be happy again? I worry

Why do I always feel so scared and alone

 

I Understand that many people don't enjoy my presence

I know I'm clingy and desperate

but I can't help it

I'm used to being left behind

I say I'm sorry, 

Even though my sorrys are just empty promises to you

I hear the frustration in your tone every time we talk

Is this why I did it?

I dream of being likeable

But it will only every be a dream

I hope i am loved

 

5 years later

The scars still on my body

My flesh still stinging

Was it worth it

no

 

Peers i barely knew

Sobbing

My Parents 

Depressed

My teachers

Stressed

 

I regret it more than ever

I relapse

I struggle

But i stay alive for the small things in life

 

The way someone smiles after they laugh

How someone blushes when they receive a compliment

The way my teachers always try to get me involved

 

I Hope that you never feel scared and alone

 

If you ever think no ones here for you

no matter how bad you screw up

remember this

a persons life is like a puzzle

and you are a puzzle piece

if you lose one puzzle piece

a part of someones life may never be complete

 

so stay alive

for me