Alexithymia
Location
Willpower
Who is she?
Her flawlessly sun-kissed complexion
Smooth to touch and wistful envy among her
Wide, deep-set eyes
Exuberantly radiating youth
Obviously one can already see untapped potential
Twinkle constantly within that soft-spoken soul
Rare cloudbursts of a few words
Take leave those astonished around the one with her quiet ways
What does she have to say?
They wonder what thoughts run through that strange mind
And what emotions are conjured that impel her to speak out
Or contain them in her silence.
Always seemingly perfect in each aspect her life entails
That ambitious pursuit never has an end
Stalks her like a shadow after every moment of achievement
Watching her behind every hidden corner
With its predatory ways
Appearing in her reflections
Overwhelming that wretch
All the flaws and failures
When she returns a gaze
To her,
No one knows that what perfection is or was gained through by
Blood-shot eyes from broken vessels
Lies
What…where…. when
Was that consumed?
Excuses to leave the table
To disappear into her compulsive fears
Religiously devoting hours at a nearby gym
Paleness and forgetfulness
Dizziness and weakness
the blackouts in the public restroom stall
and embarrassment when she finally returns to class
the scent of acid laced in her perfume and sugar-free mints
scratched up voice
the epitome of shame and disgust
one reason added to explain
the hard-clutched resilience
Excessive bouts of intense exertion
Thousands of yards in the cold water
Miles covered on ground
Rain or shine
Controlled yet uncontrolled
All the words of assurance and concern others will say
Pale in comparison
To what she can only believe is inadequacy
Or the short-lived euphoria
As numbers dropped lower
On a simple scale
Or size zeros slipped off her waist
The need to be covered in layers
In humid summery weather
Yet miserably cold
And the ceaseless discontentment
as well as endless criticism
Despite all her pretentious success.