Study 'Till It Hurts

Wed, 02/03/2016 - 19:43 -- T_C

There's something wrong with my head.
I don't know what – Just that it's hurting.
It doesn't usually feel so full
That it's fit to bursting and burning.


It almost feels like there's something in here
That's fighting to escape me
Like all this useless information and fact
Is breaking down my barriers like they're easy.


And it hurts so bad
Because I know the only rest
I'm going to find is loss of this,
But is that for the best?


I know it's all useless in the real world
And I have no love for trivial information,
But there's a test tomorrow at school
And I have no safe haven.


I know I'm tired and ready to sleep
But I don't have the time.
And to not turn in my homework?
Well, that would be a crime.


A test and homework – That can't be all!
Clearly, I need to study some more
I can't bother with my migraine for a bit.
My head will just have to be sore.


I can't finish my ten page essay tonight
I suppose I'll have to stay up into the morn
Never mind my sleep, I can live without that
Even if I stare at my bed, so forlorn


But by morning, I'll have forgot the rest
Of my articles to read, questions to have answered
So I'll have to cut something out
Lest I skip or have to be transferred.


Maybe I can cut my shower time
And maybe breakfast, too.
That adds half or a full hour
If I hurry, I'll have time for assignments – Just a few!


I could use lunch as a study hour.
I do need the time to work.
I can't afford to be lazy, and who would care?
Missing lunch would be just another strange quirk.


And I heard about these pills.
They're not for me since I don't need them medically,
But I need to be alert enough to study and test,
So I'll take them readily.


Are the meds working? I can't tell.
I'm a bit shaky, and my tests are okay.
But they need to be better
If I want to get into college one day.


I haven't seen my friends in a while,
But I guess it makes sense.
I miss them a lot, but I understand.
This year – senior year – is intense.


I just saw my scholarships, my federal aid
And I'm getting really scared.
I thought that government and people would help me,
But I guess they never even cared.


I'm starting to wonder why I do this.
I'm tired, jittery, and depressed.
My grades are hardly rising, and I have no future.
Maybe this school thing, this college thing, this life thing is a jest.


And I'm thinking something I shouldn't.
Something that maybe wouldn't be too bad,
That maybe I can get some rest.
Honestly, it wouldn't make anyone too sad.


All I want is a bit of shut-eye
A few more pills and a bottle of wine.
Permanent sleep.
Yes, I think that would be just fine.

This poem is about: 
My community
My country


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