I down another bottle

To wash the pain away.

For a brief moment,

I feel a bit okay.

Everything is broken,

And I welcome the flood.

Until I realize—

 

I’m drowning in a sea of blood.

 

I struggle my way,

Swimming through the debris,

Filled with the bodies,

Of all my dead “me”s.

 

I reach fresh air,

And gasp for breath.

 

Above me:

My family, lover, and friends

Watch me dying and ask:

“Don’t you know how to swim?

It’s a simple task.”

 

I scream:

“I’m drowning,

Please save me!”

But no one dives in.

 

Instead they hold me down

They hold me down

Hold me down…

 

So I down another bottle,

To dull my taste buds.

Because eventually,

When I can’t taste the blood,

Won’t I also be able to

“Suck it up”?

 

The way they sucked out my baby,

(Where has my baby gone?)

The way they sucked out my blood,

(What on earth have I done?)

 

They drowned me in a sea of blood.

 

I struggled my way,

Swimming through the debris,

Filled with the bodies,

Of all my dead babies.

 

I reached fresh air,

And gasped for breath.

 

Above me:

My family, lover, and friends

Watched me as I died and said:

“Don’t you know the problem’s solved?

It’s not a baby that’s dead.”

 

I screamed:

“I’m dying,

Please save me!”

But no one dived in.

 

Instead they held me down

They held me down

Held me down…

 

Until I could no longer move.

My heavy body sunk deep into the abyss,

And the weight of my sin has kept me here.

I’m scared and I’m alone

And while I’m here rotting,

No one will know:

 

They murdered my baby as everyone stood still,

Their eyes cold.