Dear, Belinda

It's the start of something new in your fifteen year old life, and it's your first day as a sophomore in a new school. Everything is new, the commute, area, people, building, and feelings.  A part of you is extremely nervous, another part of you is excited to get accustomed to this new change. I mean, t's all you ever wanted after all the terrible influences along with distractions you experienced at your first high school. The guidance counselor welcomes you into your new class, you're shaking, trying to relax, I mean it wasn't complicated making new friends at your first school so what could possibly go wrong in the new one? You enter your new english class, already feeling alienated by the look of different stares, you’re the new girl, and if the setting could get anymore uncomfortable your table is circular shared with two other students.  I’m here to tell you it’s going to be okay, the feelings and everything you’re experiencing is only temporary, sure maybe you had no luck making new friends in that English class, but hey you stay hopeful.

Next comes history class, you’re about the last one to make it inside the classroom, but only because it took you so long to find it, you sit next to a friendly looking girl, and again the tables are circular. You also share this table with a boy, however you don’t say much for the remainder of the class, that is until the class ends, and you try being yourself, attempting to strike a conversation with the girl. You throw a joke here and there and she only listens, you ask her if it’s alright to tag along as she heads out to meet her friends, she nods and as her friends arrive they barely say a word to you, nor does she introduce you. You already feel out of place, kind of like the third wheeler, except here you are the fourth wheeler. It’s time for lunch and you say you’ve got to go, they've got no idea where you’ve gone, nor did you even bother explaining, because you decided to ditch them. You feel neglected, and rejected but I’m here to tell you it’s going to be okay, you’re going to make it through, you don’t need them or anyone to make it through high school, but I also want to tell you that it’s all in your head. People are actually curious about you, and  no one is really after you. A couple of months pass by, nothing has changed you haven’t made any new friends, so you start feeling regretful, regretful for transferring, missing all of your close friends from your first high school, missing those you cared about dearly, including your former lover, sure you’re no longer together but you still care about him and all of a sudden they’re the only thing you can even think about.  You’re in math class and all of a sudden you can no longer hold down your mixed emotions, and feeling an immense warmth hover your face, a  tear starts running down your face, and you attempt to hide it by parting your hair to cover one eye.

Followed by that scene it's another day in your sophomore year, and you’re closer to the end of it, you’re depressed, you can’t get up from your bed, you're feeling numb with no energy to go to school, well I’m here to tell you that you can do it, you can do it all Belinda, you can do anything you put your mind to do ! If only you’d listen to me. I also want to tell you how happy and thankful I am that you didn’t throw yourself  in front of a random car the other day in the city, you were feeling suicidal because you feel alone, rejected, abandoned ,  and unloved but you have so much waiting for you in the future, little do you know that in your junior year you’ll meet someone who will make you change your perspective  on many things,  just keep hanging on. Junior year arrives and you’re doing so much better, growing as a person, adapting to this independent being you’re becoming, entering the real world, and you have this met this certain someone just like I attempted communicating to you. Now you’re one less lonely girl, besides him you have made some new friends, not a lot but you have a small circle, that's how you like it after all, the fewer the less messier. See how things have gotten better? Senior year has arrived you parted ways with your junior lover, but that's okay because now you know you’re going to be okay, just look at how far you’ve come, while just a few years ago all you wanted to do was die, I’m glad you didn’t, your life is worth it and truth is you don’t really need anyone by your side to survive, you’re an independent being, strong, brave and a true warrior for fighting your inner demons. Belinda keep fighting the best is yet to come trust me

Sincerely,

 23 year old you,

from the future,

- Belinda