Mike,

I met you at a rave after months of feeling so alone in such a big place

You made me feel pretty

You showed me off to your friends even though we had just met

You made me feel cared about

We became best friends and started spending every second together

We smoked, we danced, we partied, we sat for hours and talked

You soon became my best friend

You soon became my everything

You made me feel loved

I had a boyfriend and you wanted me to break up with him

I refused for fear of leaving the one guy who thought of me as a queen

But you… you knew every inch of not only my skin but my life

I left him for you

You made me feel wanted

I loved you

I loved drugs

You loved me

You loved drugs

And together we loved each other

Together we loved drugs

You made me feel like an addict

I was addicted to you but I felt myself not being able to live without the acid

You were addicted to me… but more addicted to the coke and the ecstasy

You made me feel… lost?

Maybe that not right.

You made me feel happy

You made me feel loved

You made me feel like crap about how much I was using

You made me feel worried about your addictions

You made me….

You made me feel things I never thought I could feel about anyone

So that night I did drugs with you

Even though I wanted to be done…

God I wanted you to be done with the drugs as well

You made me feel sad

That maybe I wasn't as important to you as they were

Lucy, Molly, Nikki…

The names of the girls we did on a daily basis

The girls we swallowed, smoked, and snorted

You realized that they were more important

It made you upset that your life had turned into this

 

So you took it

You took your life

And with your life you took mine

 

You made me feel so very broken

But I faught

You can’t die in vain

You can’t

You can’t

Oh God, your death must be for something

You made me feel so much pain

That I got sober

I decided college is what I need

I need to stay busy

I need you…

 

No, I don't

I don't need you

I just need your memories

To remind me why I am doing all of this

Going back to school for a welding degree, working 70 hours a week, staying sober

This is for you Mike

You make me feel strong.