For hours on end

Alone

Silent

Unmoving 

Letting your phone ring unanswered

Your heartbeat slow down

Depression is breathing

But wondering why

Taking longer in between each breath

Thinking about what would happen if you just

 

Stopped

 

Depression is knowing something is wrong 

But not how to fix it

It's pretending to be happy

When you cry alone

Depression is saying you're fine

To the one friend that knows

And hoping they can't smell the lie

Or the blood

Depression is lying to your therapist

Yea I feel better today

It's excusing yourself from class

To break down in the bathroom

It's not wearing makeup

Because raising the brush is effort

Not showering because you can't get up

Or showering and not being able to turn the water off

 

Depression should be terrifying

But instead it just

Is

Depression is not knowing what to do

Wanting to help yourself

But not wanting to leave your bed