The phone call between death and life

Sun, 10/25/2015 - 16:44 -- Doodles

Watching you struggle hurts.

No words come to my lips

as I want to help you, see you in person.

I want to make your hurt go away,

to help you see through the hateful words you sent me,

to make you realize there is a reason to live

and enjoy life.


But I am speechless nevertheless

as you text that you want to die, but you cannot kill yourself because of the pain.


A phone call does no justice at first.

Hearing you cry hurts even more.

I do not know what to say.


Later I reread your texts again

and again.


I am scared. I don’t know what to do.

I sit on my bed holding my phone,

crying for you.


I need to reach out,

I know I do, but I am speechless.



But I do reach out. I just want to help you.

A long conversation with my RA helps

put the words in my mouth that I need to say.

I know I must say something, despite how hard it is

to even speak a single word.

But yet she gave me the confidence that I needed.



With trembling hands and tears flowing from my eyes,

I take a deep breath,

push the talk button,

and call you.



There is a frightening silence

filling the spaces between my questions

and your answers.



I ask you if you are planning on committing suicide.


The answer is no. You say you cannot kill yourself.



I suggest professional counseling.


You respond positively.



And I get a twinge of hope that everything may turn for the better.

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