The Words I could Never Say Out Loud

I am depressed.

I need help.

Save me.

These are the words I can never bring myself to say.

Like if I say them out loud, it might make them real.

But they are real.

The truth has already sunken into my bones, 

the same ones that ache at the thought of leaving my bed.

My mind is a mess, my thoughts are twisted and dark,

And im serching for a reason to stay.

Sometimes i’ll get close to saying it out loud,

But at the last minute I close my mouth, 

Afraid of what will happen if I do speak up,

For i've only ever known the silence.

I keep trying to deny the truth,

But I can't escape my reality,

And I can't lie to myself.




I’ll sometimes carve words into my flesh

Just to numb the pain.

My mind is filled with thoughts of suicide.

Darkness is spreading through me.

Every day the pretending gets harder.

Pretending to be happy.

Pretending i'm okay.

Pretending I want to be alive.

Even food has lost its flavor.

I have no appetite.

I'm tired all the time.

I want nothing more than to collapse into someone's arms,

To let someone else take this burden from me.

But im still too afraid to say it.

I am depressed.

I need help.

Save me.


This poem is about: 
My family


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