There is a deafining moment when we say it aloud for the first time.
Commitment has always been known as a thing to celebrate. Parents beaming with pride when their children commit to a University, the soft congrats and light tears when the bride walks down the aisle. A whole day dedicated to the everlasting choice of commitment. But the commitment so many of hearts give to are the ones that leave you dropping the phone mid conversation. It is feeling your being pulled out from beneath your feet and your knees dropping in agony of what you have just been told. It is silence. It is empty. It is when you are surrounded by so many people you cannot get out of the room, and somehow, you feel like you are alone in an office building on a Saturday morning. This everlasting commitment, we never comprehend. Unless you simply are the we.
People like us drown with no water. Our bedrooms walls are on fire crashing around us and someone you think might love you is watching; standing with a pale of water, but choose to drink it instead, because they just did not know, cause they did not ask, because they never want to look into the truth of what we live. People assume as if we are the ones who don’t understand. That we didn’t know what we were truly doing. We do. We know. Do you? Because there is no logic when it comes to emotions like this, it rules your life and all choices along with it. We have the intuition on earth, knowing why but truly no evidence. That is why you never see it, games of war stopped being a card game long before you realized it. And you will have nothing but a letter, if that, no true evidence. You say we are too young to decide a choice of life, but people like you find it so difficult. But we find it so simple, that's probably why it is a teenagers second most likely cause of death.
You see the thing with people like us, with people who have the motivation to cease existence are overlooked. Because everyone seems to know better than you; you the one who loves their scars and sees them as achievements, you the one whos been battling and goes to war behind closed doors- but this time the doors are our own eyelids. People like us feel like surviving 24 hours is the time of one whole week. People like us are dying, were dying, I am dying and before the time of our commitment we are already dead. But no, we didn’t know quite what we were doing, did you?
We do not want help because we cannot handle our thoughts being labelled invalid when they’re already so foreign in our own minds. How could you not believe us? How can you not simply listen. We do not need questioned for verification for you to decide what’s going on inside of us. We just need help. Wanted saved from ourselves.
Some of us think about how soon they want to get to heaven. To find what is beyond. They are so ready. I am ready. Will we sit at our own funerals? Will we be spirits or angels? So many times my thoughts danced at the thoughts of what it’ll be like.
¨I can only imagine what it will be like
When I walk, by your side
I can only imagine what my eyes will see
When your face is before me
I can only imagine
Surrounded by You glory
What will my heart feel
Will I dance for you Jesus
Or in awe of You be still
Will I stand in your presence
Or to my knees will I fall
Will I sing hallelujah
Will I be able to speak at all
I can only imagine when that day comes
When I find myself standing in the Son
I can only imagine when all I would do is forever
Forever worship You¨
One day you will cry over a piece of cement representing us. You will be surrounded by trees rustling in the wind, while maybe we are being held by Jesus. But their will be a still moment in that nature. And maybe people like us come back to give signs to those who miss the opportunity they had with us on earth. Regardless their will be a moment of silent truth for you;
We were hurting,
But we do no more,
Now you sit and wonder where we are,
While we sat in the middle of that war behind eyelids wondering the same thought about you,
You think about where to go next, as did all of we,
But we rose our white flag in the midst of war,
Surrendering all our hope to thee,
Now we dance from the freedom of our pain,
But hope you never suffer a day,
That you never escape a thing like this,
Cause we pray someone would catch you in the midst
Lay down your hurts, put them to rest,
Putting your bodies to the test
Go home we ask, get some rest,
Take your pills and do not fest,
Find your peace but not our way
And only in this will we meet another day.
Feelings, emotions, and imagination take priority over logic and facts
Children possess an innocence and wisdom to be admired
Nature contains truth
Life was better in the past
The supernatural exists and plays a role in our world
People are fascinated by the exotic/”other¨