I Want May Flowers This Year



April showers bring may flowers

But why should I cry in April?

I already cried during March.  


Someone please listen to my words

Listen to my echoing screams

Listen to my apologies.


I lay curled up in the basement

Arms wrapped tightly around my knees,

Tear stains darkening my blue jeans,


And I shake begging "Please… Please… Please…"

But I am the only one home

So no one notices my pleas.


The concrete is cool underhand, 

But the small piece of dog kibble

That I have grasped with my left foot


Is rough and grading even through

The sweet warm softness of my sock.

Explain to me why I clutch it?


Why do I grasp it with my toes?

Why do I cling to it so long?

Why does it matter to me now?


Because I am still crying now

Because I haven't done a thing

Because I cannot save a friend.


Don't die.  Please don't die.  Don't die please!

I beg but you do not hear me,

I cry but you do not see me,


I try to make up for lost time

But you no longer give a damn,

I told the teachers to try and help you


But to you it is only lies,

All of what I have done is lies

Because you don't care for the truth.  


I wish you were safe, you were whole,

But you cannot bloom from nothing.

My tears cannot fertilize you.


You choose to live in a dessert

I cannot bring you rain showers.

I spent all of March shattering,


Losing myself in your demise,

I want to help!  You won't let me.

So although it is proven that


April showers bring May flowers

They only do that if you wish,

If you want to bask in the sun,


But you, friend, don't want to go on

I'd water you every day

If you wanted to stay till May.  


I would hear your screams and listen

Though you won't do the same for me.  

Don't die.  Please don't.  Please forgive me.  



Need to talk?

If you ever need help or support, we trust CrisisTextline.org for people dealing with depression. Text HOME to 741741