Today, a day like any other, the summer winds blow gently through an open door, I am happy, content, filled with hope for the future. Time passes, as it does, the North wind chills us down to our core, as a reminder that autumn's presence, winter’s bone, grows closer, and closer, the summer sun is giving way to early morning frost. That fateful day, the frantic morning drive, the feeling of helplessness, I find myself making deals with God, finally I have reached my destination; how did I even get here? My mind goes blank, I enter, there is an eerie stillness in the room, the long-drawn out, helpless expressions on the faces of the people standing near one another, nobody knowing what to do or say, I finally reached you, hold your body firmly against my own, come back, oh God please come back, one final effort, one last desperate push for life, but you are gone, taken by the angels, good-bye my son, my friend, good-bye.
The seasons come and go, I bear and carry what I must, and you what you must, still, we laugh, we cry, we live. At times, silently, alone, we pause and acknowledge the indefinable loss that still troubles us all, the day you left us was a day like any other, and yet I mourn you still. The ever-present, nagging, feeling that somehow, I should have felt your sadness, sensed your loneliness, but I was affixed on my own life, all seemed beautiful to me, my pain now lives deep within me, I find myself hoarding my suffering and my guilt, as if to claim it solely for myself.
The lives you have touched, the love you had to give, we never really knew you at all. Who genuinely loved you? Who amongst us had the patience to peel back your many layers? Get to the heart of you? Help you to heal the wounds you carried deep inside yourself? Did we freely offer the love we had for you? Or was this the price we made you pay? Sadly, the grief we carry tells the story of you, how much you were loved, the many lives you touched, so many lives, if only you knew; then. You were never alone, for thou art with you, and with you I will always stay, you have our love, late it seems, but ever present, yes, there is a gigantic hole in the world which will never be filled, we will miss you always, think of you often, you will live in our hearts and minds, always, warm, loving memories and good times that we shared with you. Time passes, the seasons come and go, the pain of losing you outwardly begins to diminish, with each new memory, comes opportunities, to amend the errors of our past and give our love freely, to listen, to act, and surely couldn’t that love that we offer become a way of life for yourself and the ones that you love?