Denial

I’m happy
I’m proud of who I am
I believe in myself
I’m a successful person
Liar
I’m excited for the world!
I’m an exceptional musician
I play with a fruitful passion
Disappointment
I never give up hope
I have trusting friends!
Betrayal
I believe in myself
Pain
I’m excited for my future
Bleeding
I know I can!
Crying
I can do it!
Screaming
I have a future!
cold
Everything will be okay!
I’m fine!
I’m-I’m-I’m not fine!
I hate myself! My life is so confusing! I hate this disease and I want to slice my wrist and just bleed to feel these sharp feelings that I can't get rid of that always find me these friends that don't like me but stick around and mock me and want me to fail. I'm haunted by my so called friends, I feel like he's always watching me and I know I can't feel like I did before with any other guy because I'm violated - that wide eyed fool who thought the world was for her and that life was meant to be explored. That girl was ready to be beaten and screwed and all the way fucked over to be stripped bare and her secrets exposed to never be forgotten by the unseen eye. Her vulnerability chased and swallowed, the intoxicating power they had over that victim. And now she hides like a child, crouching behind the weak knees of the familiar stranger with similar cheek bones and a heart made of glass behind a chest full of straw. She tries to protect that little piece of innocence left in the corner of her mind, surrounded by the overwhelming chant demanding blood and pushing her to a cliff telling her there's no other way. She wants to die but she wants to live but what is wanting when you can't feel what's real anymore. When you can't understand who you're listening to If anyone's even there. But I'm not depressed. I'm not angry! I'm not enraged that I am forced to hide behind someone who is not real!! I am not angry! I am not suicidal! I want to feel what I cannot see but I only want to die a little!
I'm not in denial!
I'm not in denial!
I'm not in denial!
I'M NOT IN DENIAL

I'm....happy.

This poem is about: 
Me
My family

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