they tell me “you don’t want to die”

after i tell them how badly

i want to die

no, i do want to die

i want to sleep myself

into the dark, cozy oblivion

i want to close my eyes

and feel my heart stop

throwing his fists 

against the inside of my chest

i want to rest my head against my pillow

and i want the knot in my stomach

to untangle itself

as i unravel my soul

i want to take a deep breath

and when i do

i want breathing to not hurt anymore 

i want everything to not hurt anymore

please 

let me not hurt anymore

instead of a suicide note

i think i’ll just print out this poem