It pains me to feel like I'm the outcast... Even if I am.

Always skeptical.. and cynical. And yet, I try to be this peacful kid (which backfires).

I try to drop stuff by it bugs me so I tried to created this dark aura, and personification of Jigsaw Phantom. Meaning I am an enigma to myslef and a ghost to others... I didn't  want attention but I wanted be noticed. These paradoxes are conflicting so I refuse while trying to open the door to the light from the darkness that I've sealed myself in. 

Don't get me wrong.... I am a nice, it's just that I'm socially awkward. I thought changing  my mood for the senior year would better my the outcome but to no avail since this is so frail that to s decayed exskeleton in which I'm compared to.

Hell, I don't smile... but apparently I tend to do when someone goes into shock about being single for  the longest (because I never had a relationship) and I don't talk. That's why I have the nickname "Mute." I act that way so I don't have to hear people complain becaus I'll get annoyed. At some point I was called a "creep" at school 'cause I'm too quiet but had the guts to tell a girl I liked her.. I guess everybody thought of me something worse than that (a rapist) spite of being a virgin like that M1 garand with the "ping" sound. I already know who says what but anxiety takes over my instinct leaving me to need concrete proof that someone is talking shit.

Although I have friends, I feel like I'm not truly accepted by the people just cause. I kept saying 'Fuck em' like Lord Finesse but still. I've been feeling like an anomaly in this world where society ahs gone corrupted. It's just somewhere that I don't belong when I know I'll face the darkness that I've seen before birth and return to.

The thought is torture. To see the oblivion, the light, and then back to the abyss of nothingness makes me think feel like "I thought what I'd do was I'd pretend I was one of those deaf-mutes..." -Ghost in the Shell

Can't be the laughing man if it was mentally beaten out of me. The life and death ideals make me feel like this shit is worthless.