Every morning after, I cried to God
Pleading that he’d be merciful and wake us both
From the nightmare of your passing
And grant us instead
Mirrors

Reflections of who we truly were
Beyond the family gossip
And shameful stares
Because in his eyes and in mine
You were nothing less than beautiful
And nothing more than misunderstood
And in your eyes, despite the years,
I was still the little big sister with all the answers

How could we know, when the nightlights turned off,
That the monsters weren’t just our imagination?
There was so much I could shield you from
Life wasn’t one of them

But I was never meant to—That’s a savior’s job
And I needed salvation just as much as you did
I found mine in the arms of the cross
And you found yours in a quiet garage, hidden behind the wheel
Of a running engine, churning and humming in the silence
If I’d gotten the chance, I would have warned you
That demons dress up like Jesus sometimes

But it’s too late for words
Our time has expired,
On God’s time or yours
Depending on which side of the church door you’re facing

Instead, I pray for mirrors
And a flashlight
So I’ll know where to step in the darkness around me
And be able to glance back at your footsteps in the dirt
To remember where you’ve been
And never travel there.