Selfharm
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I think ive fallen off my rocker
my thoughts echo so loud i might go bonkers
its in my mind this monstrus thing
sending shivers down my spine daring me to try again
It is there
Much deeper than before
I didn't mean to
Just slashed and it appeared
I'm scared
I don't want to do it again
But still
I find it beautiful
say good night
forever in your stare
as I clasp my hands and weep
the shadows are my only companion
darkness tortures the soul
I just want to let go. I couldn’t tell you why. I like the way it stung, the heat underneath my skin. I didn’t like the way I had to look them in the eye, telling them a lie, that I was okay when I knew I wasn’t.
I take the blade in hand
the feeling of the blade across my arms is grand
as the blade cuts deep the more the red shows
my eyes I will close
with every cut I make
the more I break
I feel Jagged lines on my arms.
My brain fills with the painful memory as I relive my worst pain.
I break down and cry.
I struggle of keep my will up.
i may die from the rumbles in my stomach when i starve myself.
i may die from the blade i dig deep into my skin.
i may die from the alcohol i drink to drown the pain.
Stupid knife just do your job.
I know use has dulled your blade,
But your needed to silence the sounding crusade.
Stupid knife why did you change.
Mind of who's was once sharp,
i feel like im about to lose my sh*t tbh. Everything to my parents is my fault. cant get over my stupid ex. I keep thinking ima find someone that will make my life worth living. i seriously cant deal with this sh*t.
TW: self harm mention
I have so much to say,
But nothing to speak.
And yet,
these feelings must escape me,Somehow.
So I grab my blade
And I slice my skin.
My head, no, my brain
Buzzes, bubbles, breaks
Shadows of doubt flicker
People I love, places I've never been
I'm selfish
I know
Yet I can't stay
They tell me they would care
A fiery flame is hard to tame.
But all in all, mesmerizing the same.
The bright, big flame lights up my eyes.
The burning ash that flies and flies.
Murder and suicide
Neglect and abuse
Abandoned and rape
Worthless and confused
Striving to live
Dying inside
To feel alive
A girl cuts into her skin
While another girl cries when she's told
She was never loved by her boyfriend
A boy is left with broken bones
Others say:
“Worthless”
“Bitch”
“Ugly”
“Dumb”
“Slut”
“Go kill yourself”
When you cut,
The skin around it puffs, red like wine,
The blood comes up, in a perfect dotted line,
It gives you the tingles and burns at first,
It will only be a small scrape.
Then I start.
I get caught in the rhythm of stroking my skin.
I stroke harshly and with the sharp edge.
I can't stop.
I see it getting red.
As I spilled the crimson petals,
The air around me, began to fill with it's fragrance.
And as the sun began to set,
It's rays painted the sky in diff shades of colours.
But the sunset that I created,
Maybe speaking was a mistake
Maybe trusting you with my secrets wasn't a good idea
I forgot how much power my words hold
They have the ability to save or destroy my life
i’m spilling this blood
instead of the ink
breaking the vows
i made
with a faux diamond ring
carving into white marble
March 15, 2019 - The day that changed my life.
Who knew that all it took was a loving husband and wife.
You happily accepted me with all my flaws and broken parts.
The one person I didn't want to know knows
But no one knows it all
They know of my depression
But they do not know of the marks spanning down my arms and thighs
They know I am struggling
How easy it is to fashion the blade
The one that drains ichor from the veins
One manual screwdriver
One small clump of poster putty
One small piece of paper
One razor
All to make one blade
I've come to fear the hours of 7 to 9,
as they bring with them gray and mournful moments.
They bring longing and foggy loneliness
from outside, most days.
Cloth can’t cover enough,
Eventually all will be exposed.
You try to sneak by,
“Don’t let them see you cry.”
The blood has a calming effect,
I slid to the floor of this solitary place, surrounded
by hastily scribbled memos
on monochrome sheets of paper.
and cannot find a singular one addressed to my former self;
Blank. I've always loathed blank paper. Each piece gets a fresh start. But I can't.
My body was like a blank canvas, the artist was depression, the brush was
the blade, the paint was the blood.
How am I still alive?
Thought of death more than a million times
You ask if I’m alright
I reply with “yes, I’m fine.”
But it's always a lie
I am only two years, seven months older
two x’s don’t bother me now
and they came round
this summer, remain adamant
name is going to be Aaron, one who is a mountain of strength
The stoplight stands red for awhile
She suddenly awakens to blood surrounding her body
She grabs the blade and goes deeper
and deeper
She goes so deep that eventually
she will drown
They always say
If you having nothing nice to say
then say nothing at all
For why the scars are there
My tears are the words that never left my mouth
My scars scream for me
<h1>SCATTERED ASHES</h1> <ins> <p>I am from a family where bubbles exist</p> <p>From a broken home and a messed up wish</p> <p>I am from a crippled yet standing still keeping secrets injured an
a bad day, a bad friend, betrayal, hurt
I gave you the worst of my life, yet you took it onto your skin
You were patient as I tried and failed to express my sorrow on your artificial pages
Pen scratching gainst the page
words whipping in her mind
letters bleeding into the page
as a way to be safe instead
skin full of old scars
tears dried up in her eyes
instead of inflicting pain
Little Sister,
Please, baby sister
Stop tearing at your body.
Your heart
Your soul
Is crying,
Baby sister
You will never find purpose in the clouds of smoke
I've been patiently waiting for you to notice me like a girl standing in the corner at a party just waiting to be danced with. But you never notice me.And every time I try to give you a compliment you always seem to get mad at me.I'm sorry if I al
Fight it,
Come on,
Fight it,
I'm better than this,
Softly addictions whisper to me,
Late at night when I'm all alone,
But I'm tired of giving in,
I'm tired of abusing myself,
On this night I'm in fright,
Yet the darkness is at bay,
For the shadows are lifted by moonlight.
Normally hidden by the day,
But now on the move,
I shall follow,
Death is knocking at my door again tonight
I’m trying so hard to slam the door in his face
But each day it gets a little harder
He’s been persistent comin round every night
Wish to cut deep into my skin,
Past the bones and intestines,
To my inner layer of blood and marrow
To take away my pain tomorrow
Wish to drown inside the water
Were even sound does not bother
Once Upon a Poem:
a backlit town
the story place
a girl with shame
upon her face
lost from her journey
off sunlight roads
the daughter hid
to bear her load
Once Upon a time, there was a princess, warm and beautiful, and loved by all.
Once Upon a time, she laughed joyously, her heart flowing with joy, and her smile gleaming.
Little butterfly open up your wings and set yourself free. Go far away from here and don't cut your paper wings.
how do you convincea kid who feels liketheir whole life is a waste not to killthemself?convince the kid that thinksthat their not going to be anything to stop cutting?how can you stop
I love you.
I know I've said this about 1,000 times, but I want you to always remember that.
There's so much embedded in those three words when I say them to you. I don't think you realize the weight of them.
Sitting in class with my Victoria Secret perfume of Temptation and in my new letterman jacket.
I’m on the honor roll, valen victorian of my class, and engaged, not in some ostensible straitjacket.
Every day of pain deserved
I'm crushed by mine own blow
it justice being served
I've fucked it up i know
i know I'll never measure up
each day I'm growing more corrupt
i hurt and cry in bitter pain
I was born a princess, there was no shame in me.
I was happy and innocent, caring and free.
But the years went by, I was just fourteen,
A boy met my eye- he was kind, funny, and lean.
Tiny pieces of pain
Dripping into a new facade
Overflowing weeping tears,
Tears in reality.
People’s faces torn,
The struggling
To just open the bottle
Then swallow
The pills
Choke me
Let them
I want to breathe no more
Let the air stop its descent
Into my lungs
I'll choke on hot coals
Dreadful Dreadful
In every cell
Dreadful Daughter
Lives in hell
Dreadful Dreadful
You cant tell
Dreadful Daughter
Fakes it well
Dreadful Dreadful
Hear her knell?
Yes I am broken and bruised,
Yes willingly, I love the abuse,
Yes the nights are long
There’s not enough distractions in the day,
Yes the reasons to leave
Outweigh the reasons to stay,
I recently wrote my first poetry book and I thought I would share it with the poetry community.
If you would like to support it you can type in Gissel Grizzle or Untold Verses into the Amazon search.I'm not able to post the link here.
What sweet relief
Found only under
The sweet ministrations
Of razor’s edge,
Noose’s end and
Pill bottle bottom.
It's okay little girl it'll be alright,One day those bullies won't make you cry.It's okay little girl it'll be alright,One day those rumors won't fly in the sky.It's okay little girl it'll be alright,Your mom'll always be there to hold you tight.I
It seems now a days im having more dreams
Were im falling straight down
No destination in sight
No light to guide
Sometimes I wish I would just reach the end
Cause it seems more and more these days
Their coarse edges will never flutter
like my nomadic mind—
the wayfarer
that renders me claustrophobic
There are galaxies behind your eyes
With more than a million stars.
But why the constellations of your skies
Look exactly like my scars?
The nightmares don't end when I turn on the light,
My thoughts prevent me from my rest in the night,
So harsh and so cruel not a good thing to say,
They leave me so nervous to take on the day,
It calls to me
As my thoughts run fast.
It calls to me
And I can't hold back.
It's there for me
When my heart feels cold.
It's there for me
And my lonely soul.
It's always there
He draws with silver
And it comes out red
Neat
Clean lines
Cover most of his body
He tries to go deeper
Fear of failure
Pain
Some people hate it
Avoid it heavily
Others enjoy it
Seek it out
I myself am the latter
Physical pain
I can control
Keep your sleeves down
Keep your hood up
Keep your voice quiet
Keep your silence overwhelming
They’re never notice you
The see what they want
When you welcome the pain
It stops hurting
It becomes nice
When you cause it yourself
You can control it
You feel it better
Why is it
That i feel most alone
Surrounded by people?
Why is it
I feel most unwanted
When people say they love me?
Why is it
You can stitch my skin
But not my heart
You can mend my wounds
But not my mind
You can heal the surface
But not deep down
Wake up, breathe.
Cry, breathe.
Dry your face, breathe.
Take a shower, breathe.
Cry, breathe.
Dry your face, breathe.
I was told to write my feelings down, so I inked pain on a piece of torn paper, instead of etching it onto my skin. I wrote with ink instead of my blood. So why did the tears fall the same? And why did my heart ache the same? Thoughts cry
No hopefulness within,
The silver and the skin,
It kisses like fire,
My veins become drier,
Relief, kiss my forehead,
A break from the torment.
No matter how much it hurts,
You have to keep a smile on your face,
And keep your head help high.
You have to pretend it doesn't bother you,
Because nobody can know how much you're hurting inside.
You never noticed
That you never saw him eat
In all the months you've known him.
You had no idea
Whether she shaved her legs
Because you never saw her in anything but sweats -
Once upon a time…
We had a fairytale princess
I say “had” because
this fairytale has a twist.
Have you ever felt
like your skin is too tight?
like your blood is cold
or boiling?
have you ever felt
like you are suffocating?
What even is a world without hate?I wouldn't know, this one sure ain't.We live in a society teaching us nobody cares,that nobody wants you,and nobody's there.Society teaches us to not like what we are,
You can never forget the way it burns,
the way your chest feels like its on fire,
your heart consumed by sorrowful flames.
you place the blades to your wrist again,
the blood begins to pool,
you think your family will never be whole
and you wittness oppression at school.
but you only want someone to see,
I'm getting bad again,
Everyday i wake up feeling the same thing..
lugubrious.
Thoughts of suicide,
On my mind 24/7
it's like..i'm high!
The thread that ties me to you
Is soaked in ether and stretches even deeper.
This thread is of the worst kind of blue,
Even though it was your favorite hue.
It's purple in the right light,
She didn't act like that
until they called her fat
then they called her ugly
Her best friend noticed what she was hiding
she saw the scars on her wrist
I guess she cut
But why?
How can you miss someone who was never physically there
Never felt their touched or the texture of their hair
Never held their hand or kissed their lips
Yet they seem to be the only person you miss
And so I sit here, reminding myself
Of every reason I should not pick up that knife
And how things will only get worse if I do.
It is not the action I seek,
It is the results
The burning white of the pain
I swallow the poison my body craves,
While I know the things at stake.
I claw at pieces of my skin for my mother’s sake.
I hurt my insides, to save the out;
There’s always a price to pay.
Have you ever fought yourself?
Have you ever been so revolted by your own will that
Air clenched in your throat and a weight
was driven down on your chest?
even the wildest of us, craving freedom, has broken
alone, the sleepless nights pass so tediously
My mother's crying
My father's gone
My brother's screaming
I am singing,
I think I'll take a walk
My friends aren't listening
My teachers don't care
The walls are closing in
Who is that lonely girl
Sitting on the corner of the street
Who is that lonely girl
Not saying a word while she eats
Who is that lonely girl
Wearing the outdated shoes
Who is that lonely girl
Judge by the hourAll they want is powerAll they want is to see you cryBut it's only liesIt’s not the truthEven though they have the proofJudge by the hourBut they are the cowards
Cigarette burns and bloody towels on my carpet make the world seem like a bitter lonely place
A place in which I stare into the mirror and can not recognize my own face
Here a girl of 17 sat playing with her nails.She wore black and was thin and very frail.Her dark brown locks hid her face as she stared blankly into space.
She isn't hopeless
She isn't worthless
She isn't mediocre
She isn't ugly
She isn't alone
She knows this.
She feels hate
She feels shame
She feels guilt
She feels regret
It's 2:00 am, he lays awake in bed contemplating life.Should he stay or should he go?Will they even notice he's gone?He cries for help but they dismiss him time and time again.
I am lost
I am a little girl named Alice
Trying to find my way back up the rabbit hole
The Rabbit,
Instead of telling me the time
He reminds me not to eat
I was staggering, drunk, holding onto my cousin as if she was now my physical crutch as well.
It was pitch black, the trees surrounding us, and if they weren't attached to mother earth,
If you really knew me
you’d know i can’t pass by a mirror
without pulling up my shirt, to stare at
last night’s gallon of ice-cream
box of cereal
and bag of cookies.
you’d know i have no energy
Wouldn’t it be easy?
A hand full of pills,
Gently sliding down my throat,
Poisoning my body,
give me the razor, with edges stained red,
give me the pills that will silence my head.
give me the vodka, an infinite glass,
the cigarette smoke, till my cravings are fed.
When my brother cuts his skin
He scars my heart
When he tries to die
He is killing part of me
Three parts of me have died
And I have countless scars on my heart
It floats through the room
Heaven to her ears
She releases her sadness
Though the rhythm and beat
Humans all participate in a simple task.
It makes society easier, if we all wear a mask.
Everyone possesing secerets, stories we choose to disguise.
All carrying a fake persona, so they'll believe our lies.
The things I hide
From curious eyes.
Oh, how they wish to see;
But I can not show you the real me.
I’m scarred,
And broken,
And long outspoken,
Bruised, and hurt.
I am a girl.
I am a woman.
I should sit on the toilet, and stare at the wall, or the tub, or the sink.
My view should be of the things around me, not the things under me.
I am a human.
I am a person.
I have a metal object... Do you know what it is?
It could be heavy or light... Do you want to see it inmy hand?
I see myself a vision of perfection,
Regardless of what my mother says that only god is,
If only god is I am god of my own self vision,
Anything else is kept to myself as self imprisonment,
Long sleeves in mid summer.
Always trying to trick the others.
Covering up what The Cat has done,
man many people are dumb.
Walkin around in a daze.
Putting fake smiles on your face,
Sometimes tears stream
down porcelain cheeks
onto dry cracked earth.
Sometimes they fall
into fragile hands
that somehow hold up the world.
Sometimes they mix
with fresh blood
bugs crawling under my skin
tiny whispers
the itch of trillions of legs
uglyloserwrongawkwardwrongweird
no
No
NO
i am not ruined
i am not a burning building
i am not damaged goods
They say love is a drug.
It's no wonder I'm always so high.
I abuse too much, never sober enough.
His laugh is my cocaine, addictive and exhilarating.
When his lips meet mine, it's pure bliss
Four years.
Four years and you're letting go,
not me.
I desired to keep you.
Like the folded up piece of paper that you placed in an envelope and sealed with your
wax kisses.
Who am I?
A question even I don't know,
For this face I do deny,
And body try to hide,
This mask as my disguise,
Every mirror will catch my eye,
To eat I have to try,
Anorexia.
No one knows the pain I'm in, so i'll show them
No one sees my pain, until they have to sew them
He was there just yesterday
smiling at me
His black emo hair round his face
he wore eyeliner, guyliner he called it
he always had a smirky little grin
but i liked that about him
What's wrong with my brain?
All of this pain
Has made me insane
It's wrapped around me like chain
Oh what a complain
I always have to explain
That I want to cut my vein
Waking up in the middle of the night, not being able to breathe. It sucks
Not knowing where to go is confusing You're debating whether or not it to end it
Baby, keep ya head up.
It hit me one night on tumblr
a blog i
stumbled upon
with a bio that sounded
a LOT like my old best friend
we never fell out
our friendship never ended
So he got there this morning, saw no one, just her bed.
Which was curiously red. So he called up the detective,
"Listen here," he said. She's missing, nowhere to be found.
I'm 19
I'm 19, male
I'm 19, male, hispanic
I'm 19, male, hispanic, I have scars
I'm 19, male, hispanic, I have scars, I have feelings
I'm 19, male, hispanic, I have scars, I have feelings, and I love deeply
Ice like fire
Salt to make heat
Pain to keep me grounded
Pain to help me see
Pain that forces
Tightened lungs to breathe
When it heals
Rinse, Repeat
Don't needa razor
Stands on edge of precipice,
Ebony abyss
Battle born, there has never
Been a war like this.
Criss-cross grooves from razor blades
Creeping up young arms
Voice in barren wilderness,
Twisted and tangelled I think I fell out of the skiy.
Red flesh kept mangeled, is not how humans feel alive.
To live and feel life where the sorrow and anger has been.
Was written like a map in my layers of skin.
Warming myself with the cold,
Doing things that I am told,
I love this feeling of numb,
A blind, deaf and dumb,
A comfortable nothing,
No bling,
No flash,
No one sees the real me,
under the smile and all the laughter,
and the friendly conversation,
there's a cloak of sadness covering me,
depression stalking my every move,
never letting me go,
" i just don't have the proper training to deal with your...condition...i hope you understand."
i nod, because yes, i do understand.
i understand that when you look at the scars on my thigh and ankle, you get chills
there nothing to fear except fear itself
except fear fills our every thought.
what on our mind, cloud our hearts,
our judgment and reasoning seems to part.
theres no clear path to think straight
My mask
My hiding
My facade
This is what I keep from everyone
My happy face
My pesaceful grace
My ever-present humor
This is why they never knew
My hidden tears
I have decided
to substitute self harm
with my dental care.
The unfortunate part is
all I've got in the end
is multiple scars
and impeccably white teeth
that will never get a chance to smile.
I woke up on a dirty mattress on the floor of a friends house. It's my 16th birthday. A huge milestone in a young persons life.
They perch in front of a mirror,
Teetering on a tightrope, thousands of miles in the air,
Swaying in the roguish winds
With a net made of crisscrossing razor blades serving as the only defense from a cold ground
Crimson substance fills the cup
One is one and never enough
With every wound
A new opening
Left with a broken smile,
A twisted girls mind
Can take you a mile
Through the decisions she's made
She's haunted by pain
Brought to light to see
The only good decision she ever made
Who am I you ask?
I’m rather unsure.
I’m a wimp, and unskilled.
Forever alone.
I’m hopeless, Self-hated,
And nervous I’ll be
Deserted, forgotten,
Left out in the dark
this self mutilation is getting out of hand
every night i break down i know i cant stand
to stay here much longer, im am beaten and damned
to rot away slowly with nothing in hand
You see that person sitting alone?
That person hiding pain behind a smile?
Had you even looked into their file
Would you not have seen the suffering?
Would you not understand?
You see that person?
The burning under my skin,
a fire clawing out of my body.
I hear the tortured souls cry
as they are slowly burned.
The demons hide in the shadows,
waiting for me to sleep.
The moment I close my eyes,
Locking into place, the Guardian stands strong
keeping the red marks hidden from all
drawn upon a surface to which they do not belong.
Loosing stance, only for a while, the Guardian falls
Ribbons wide
Ribbons red
Ribbons running 'cross the bed.
Ribbons long.
Ribbons short.
Ribbons reaching for your heart.
Ribbons old.
Ribbons new.
When I hold it in my hand,
I feel much power
I feel like I haven't been crying for the past half hour
When I lay the cool metal upon my wrist
Get me out of here.
I’m afraid of what could happen.
The mistakes,
The silver gleam,
The blood,
The pain…
I’m afraid of what I might do.
I’m afraid of
Myself.
I walk on a Sunday afternoon in 2013.
I walk to the store candy and a lil bit of ice T.
I walk wondering who this man is behind me.
I walk till I can't walk no more and I run
I run and I run.
She used to be the sweetest girl ever, but her life became stuck in a sour chapter.
She cries as she lies wide awake at night.
Trying to keep her mind from losing this fight.
Your body is a temple-
And I have burned mine to the ground too many times to count.
I have slashed it and scarred it and bruised it and marred it,
And tried to break the bones of this battered flesh home.
The first thing I ever learned from her is that when she says she doesn't care, she's really lying through her teeth.
The times are deathly dark
Blind to the light
Cannot seem to escape
My dreadful fate
Who'll save me from myself
When no one cares to help
Get it out;
It won't matter.
No one will notice.
You'll just do it once
Right?
No harm in that.
You can easily hide it.
Go on...
Do it!
.....I dare you.
Listening to every depressing song on the radio
Praying for stregth to recover from you being gone
My memory is so clear
Life is supposed to be longer
In an instant I watched you disapear
Betraying my body.
Excersing to oblivion.
All food maticulousoy monitered.
Under the control of the fear of gaining weight.
Telling myself if I lose a few more ill be happy.
When I told her I didn't want to be friends anymore-That I was done with it (and her)-She cried.She begged.She asked why.And I tried to explain…But my founded reasoning fell onto deaf,
I am quietbecause were I to open my mouthand let out the sugardemonscrouching behind my teeth,they would make you cry.I am tiredbecause were I to stay awakefor an hour or so more
Not everything works
Like it used to when
We were young
Disease fills us
Disorders rot our minds and
We’re never cured
Anxiety creeps up
Fire that you ignore but
Can’t put out
I was 8 years old.
My light up sketchers with my pink book bag outshined the sun and my smile.
Entering the school with excitement I hear one kid say "Woah shes fat"
That day sticks with me/
quiet child; never worrieS the others
caring child; holds All who need to cry
lovely child; pinnicle of Virtue
child, where is your smilE?
ungrateful child; always in Mourning
This is for those who can't stand up and speak.
And if they ever did, they would come across as weak.
The ones who are lonely, hurt, alone, and broken.
Darkness consumes me. My surroundings slowly seep into my body. I have no control over my body. I try to move but something has tied me down. All I can feel is the tears that roll down my face.
Behind my eyes lies a soul that has been hurt.
Repeatedly.
Time and time again.
Behind my smile is a tongue that has said many words.
Her scars are like a diary,
open for the world to see.
Showing how low she's been,
and how many times she's been there.
Her wrist is the only honest part of her,
it's where the truth about her world lies.
Its 5:33 and your lying next to me, which seems so small but means the world to me.
My self infliction makes me second guess my so-called addiction
Eeleven stiches to match my eyes, they heard my cries
When I was in a denial of my proclaimed suicidal state of mind
And on my arm the devil signed
Not because your fingers don’t twitch as you shove them in your pockets, hungry under the nails for my skin.
I was going to kill myself on April 12th
April 12th
I don’t know what it was about that date that stood out for me
Maybe it was the odd symmetry of it…4/12/14
run little baby girl, let the wind and the sirens comfort you as you go, run as fast as you can, get as far away as you can
it's okay, it's not like the others will ever understand
There's a crime that's stuck inside my mind
A life built on this crooked line
I'm lost in these innocent times
My cries are unheard
My destination is absurd
So many crowding around my room
Hiding behind her own reflection
Having to deal with her satisfaction
The mirror tells no lies
And at night she'll refuse to cry
The knife will show her a new way
To express what she has to say
Beautiful darling,
Don't hurt yourself, I need you
You deserve love, babe
One-of-a-kind soul,
Don't drag that blade across you
I care about you
You're a lovely girl
They say "stay strong,
keep moving on"
while I'm shuttering and cold;
and I've been growing old,
of the voices in my head.
And, I'm all alone.
"it's just a phase," they say.
And tonight will be the night remembered as the time I let me get the best of me, I let my memory replay every little word you should have said. I let my passed creep back into me, the shadow of depression consumed me.
Night after night,
into the miserable hours
of another weary morning,
I waste my time
lying restlessly
in a bed too familiar.
Tiny branches of red
You're warned - there are signs.
It starts to get dark outside,
and on your foggy window is
the soft pattering of rain. You
know what's coming,
and you're hiding in your room,
With an empty stomach I go to bed. There is no food for me tonight.
With an empty stomach I wake up. The result of the night before is taking its effect.
Some need to change how they fulfill their life. Live life. Love it. Do not waste it. I wish they would understand life is a river that will meet waterfalls sometimes.
What is a stereotype?
The god fearing religious girl
Who has an addiction to a razor and suicidal thoughts?
The blond blue eyed cheerleader who has an eating disorder
And a dad that beats her?
Thoughts race
time goes by
minutes drag
she wonders why
darker and darker
her mind goes
what is the outcome?
nobody knows
all she sees
behind hazel eyes
Incompetent minds
with unyielding thoughts
she keeps to herself
and guards her soul
they dont understand
they only observe
she stays in pain
but keeps her control
Imagine a world of no conflictNo anger, no murder, no war
A world of respect
Where the color of your skin doesn’t matterWhere which side of the tracks you grew upon makes no change
the faggot in the reflection of my space helmet visor is my only friend.
with shaggy shorn hair and big eyes and a hollow cheek bone that holds in my silent tongue.
i have etched lessons in my skin, leaving silver lines
Sometimes I feel loneliness in my soul, loneliness that even with people around me it can’t be removed
A loneliness that I have since December
Not even with the funniest joke will this great solitude purge.
I'm a pacifist.
But I have been
in my share of battles.
The enemy? Myself.
Merciless self-destruction,
and a murderous mind
Sending bombs of hate,
and landlines of lies.
i bet you thought you were hillarious
i dont blame you;everyone was laughing
you saw the cuts on my ankle...and i saw in your eyes you knew
"what happend are you emo or something"
wow
how cute
I have become a nobody,I am on a road to nothingness.This road is made of pills and blades,
I heard the grass is greener on the other side
Only if you abide
By the rules they preach to sinners
Only those who reach it are truly winners
And the everlasting pulsing is gone
I’m coming home
Only the fallen
can see the falling.
To the hurt,
the stains
are obvious.
The scars
are there.
Only the broken
can see the breaking.
To the tortured,
the bruises
Wish Someone Taught me, How To Save a Life
2/11/2014
11:00 AM
It starts from a little bit of devastation...
fading with age
brownign, blurring
suffering every day
but continues stirring
mindlessly lingering
mythodically fingering
blades of a razor
and quaint gassoline flame.
Laying down with tears in her eyes
She gets up with that knife knowing what it can do
She is sad,not even,depressed enough to feel she is not worth it
A waist of space, a no good nothing
She hated herself for what she’d become:
all alone with no one to talk to.
She didn’t know why
no one liked her. She couldn’t
understand what made her
different
Imagine what it would feel like:
Over, done, sinking, falling.
Imagine what it would sound like:
Have you ever wanted to sit with a razor blade,
And write a bloody symphony on your arm?
Have you ever felt your trembling heart be swayed,
And knew it was a sign of the looming swarm?
You have heard it said so many times
Each time I hear it my determination climbs
Chase your dreams don't let them get away
For if you do in the end you will pay
So go out in the world and make a name for yourself
The depth of it all, the rise and the fall. Room 116A, just making sure I'm okay. Tomorrow isn't promised, yesterday wasn't either. Blood steaming like fire, it's like my heart has a fever. Yes, I'm a non believer but I did believe him.
the first time i met youi didnt knowhow marks cascade down your arms in a pink-white array of battle scars
the first time i met youi didnt knowhow tears fall from your eyes before you finally sucumb to sleep
Weep only at your own bad luck
In your own head you'll be stuck
Always a coward
You had never flowered
The only thing you have ever hurt is yourself
Wait some time and your soul will heal itself
He was constantly feeling down, especially when no one was around.
Picking at her bloody wounds
There she hides inside her room
Reliving that awful night
Shes sinking, drowning, drenched in frieght
tears stain her mournful eyes
wishing what she heard were lies
Stop It
You've got beautiful arms, no need to abuse it
You've got a beautiful soul, id hate for you to lose it
so put up that razor, up that knife,
up those feelings filled with strife.
and stop it.
Oh,there are more.There are more of us.We fly like believers,
high on the wings ofdeception. We dance in the moonlight,where darkness and innocencecollide in their simplest.
Why is it that we allow ourselves to suffer?
Day by Day we walk around,
fake smiles plasered to our faces,
bracelets to hide the cuts,
makeup to hide the bruises.
She plunges into a world that was left unknown,
a kind of darkness that swallows her whole,
he tries to grab her,
but she is forever gone.
She releases her grasp on what is truly real,
Another twenty-four hours
My eyes burned another hole in the wall
Gunshot wounds from my Civil War
Cant get up so I'm learning to crawl
My sister and her friend
The first time I saw you . . .
I was greeted by the most unearthly howl
The sound of a thousand jackrabbits being impaled while dragging their nails across a chalkboard
It stopped when
The Mirror never lies,
You see what they see,
The Scars,
The Burns,
The Lies,
They haunt you,
Bringing back old memories of love,
The cold harsh wind blows on your face,
Splashing on puddles.
Covering your face and letting the rain mix in with your tears.
You’re running to get away; you’re running to be free.
This red sunset as if bleeding and defeated, retreats behind the leafless trees of fall. The day surrendering to the night, and letting darkness take control. The cold bleak nights calling to a side of you you've tried to suppress for so long.
Now he's dead
No one knows why
He committed suicide
On his first try
No one knows the thoughts
that went through his mind
They're afraid to delve deeper
For fear of what they might find
Oh my...You said you just wanted to get highBut now it's like you need something more to get byFirst a pill now it's some kind of white powder
Everyone's going to have a bad.
Some people take it a little more seriously.
There are people who need someone.
They sit in their rooms and blame themselves
For EVERYTHING.
I wonder does it help
do the scars make me braver
does the pain makes me stronger
my emotions make me better
when I take it out on my skin,
is it going to make me prettier
scissors, knife, or a blade
My life,
its not as bright as the sun
nor the light,
but it stands out at night,
my arms,
they arent what they used to be,
pull up my sleeves and
you will see what I mean,
When I stopped taking Valium
I started punching walls
And I think that’s a good thing
I’m Seventeen
I’ve been medicated
for four years
I’m angry and I ought to be
People say life is short,And that "You Only Live Once"But life is the longest thing you'll ever do.Why should I keep going?Why should I keep breathing?I can't find the meaning.
It rises
and falls
only to rise again.
A circadian pattern,
until one day it falls too hard.
Shattered and torn,
It attempts to rise.
A tsunami sent by one line of text
Adrenaline floods my veins-
emotions are drowning, tumbling
just trying to catch up with my brain
My heart jumps, flips, flies out of my chest-
Are you mad at me?
I sent you to the hospital because I’ve been there
Been where you are now
I was surprised when you thanked me
Now I feel awkward
I couldn’t let you die
You may have had a rough life, present & future – but who are you to judge the future?
Honorio Freeland
Lost in the World
Who am I?
What makes me, me?
Eighteen years young,
With not plenty to show for it.
Little ones sing soft and sweet
In their castles safe to dream
I once lived in a castle too
Long before I was torn from you
Father, forgive me for I have sinned
Among faces and figures seen day after day
Through the halls I walk a, ghost of gray
So many people and so much commotion
A silent shadow, hidden in the cracks
Walking through life in slow motion
Kids are becoming thugs,
don't you see them doing drugs?
See them, smell them, almost taste it on your tongue.
I dream of bleeding in front of your eyes,
But I must compromise.
I'm dying to overdose from the red that once covered the bed,
Now only in my head,
Slowly becoming a whiter shade of pale as my heart beats,
There is an empty place in my chest, an empty spot where my thoughts use to flow and my memories use to play. The familiar rhythm that's kept me alive for so long is slowly coming to a halt.
My heart sings the words
Of my soul
It feels all my weeknesses
It hears all my screams
It tastes the chalking of my blood
It smells the fear of my aching beat
It sees the nightmares that I
I have an angel by my side
She's the reason I'm still alive
She wiped my tears when I would cry
She kept me from the dark where I would hide
So I will tell you a story thats bloody and true
I’m walking a thin line,
I’m running out of my lifeline.
They’re letting go, they’re moving on
How come I’m so far gone?
Why am I so worthless?
My life so pointless?
I thought about it once or twice,
maybe three or four.
About suicide, and what it would be like,
if I didn’t live anymore.
My world is dark and gray,
filled with sorrow and lots of pain.
Society has spoken,
nobody cares.
He cries all alone,
for the truth he cannot bear.
He bleeds all night
yet no one is there,
not one single person
nice enough to care.
There she was alone again
she made her choice
so we'd hear her silent voice
maybe I was so stupid,
for not seeing this before
This is why,
she cried to sleep at night
You see that kid
Yes the one by himself
You think he's a nerd
A loser
Or even maybe a nobody
All his classmates trease him
Then to go home
And just get yelled at by his parents
Feels like I'm going crazy
Can't let these thoughts take control over me
Wanting a drink
Or a sense of pain
I tell myself I need it
It started to become a daily routine
Happening for years
There she lay,
On her bathroom floor thinking only about death,
She stared at the pills scattered on the floor,
As she took her last breathe,
Only being able to see gray,
She was happy she finally escaped,
I miss your smile,
i miss your face,
i miss your strongly supporting embrace.
I miss your voice,
i miss your words,
that made me feel like, the only girl in the world.
I miss your laugh,
The urges
They’re back
And they’re out for blood.
Why are they here?
I don’t understand
Why they came back.
I feel them like
A punch to my gut
The cry
Of a wounded animal
Is hard to ignore
That’s the same
Story when it comes
To the call of an addiction.
It calls to you
Until you run
To seize it.
Addictions
Everybody has one
Some call them hobbies
Others call them coping mechanisms
Some turn to pot
Some turn to speed
Some turn to heroine
Some turn to meth
As she closed her eyes she imagined her life before her
Her eyes were bowed down in defeat, in weakness
She reminisced on what she had lost, what she had gained
Tears streaming down his face
He reaches for the belt in his closet.
He looks up at his ceiling fan.
“Will it hold me?”
No.
He reaches for the open razorblade on his wardrobe.
Dreading Spanish every day
Something I wish I could say to my teacher
You flirt with all the boys and ruffle their hair
When I leave crying,
I'm the "trouble maker" I'm the "Liar"
She strokes my hair gently
Kisses me passionatlely
Hugs me tightly
Always loves me
Wants to be with me forever
Cares about me more than anything
Spends every second of every day by my side
The Night arrived room,
The flame lit up the glistening blade.
Her towel fell from her body,
on the ground it laid.
A drop of moisture from her hair,
curved her upwards chest.
They think she's happysee her smile and just assumebut what they don't know might kill herit might lead her to her doom Little do they knowher mind has the controlshe is slowly dyingsoon she may very well go In her eyes is the painon her arms ar
The pain I feel is from within,
The smile is all a show,
The dreams I had
Once big and bold
Suddenly crushed and hopeless.
Who needs me
I am no-body
Unwanted, alone, trapped..
Have you ever wanted to die
Have you ever wondered whats on the other side
Have you ever looked yourself in the face and thought why
WHY… HY… HY… am I alive
What is the meaning of life
I know the voices in your headThey've reached down into your coreI know the lies that they have said because I've heard them all before
The perfect girl,
That's what everyone saw.
The one that everyone knew.
The girl without a flaw.
But when she looked in the mirror,
She hid behind a facade.
All the scars on her wrists,
She’s far from an innocent
For deep in her past
Lie memories in waiting,
Coming on fast.
The shame and the guilt
Are too much to take,
So she closes her eyes
And accepts her fate…
I've been knocked down before someone knocked down my door. They been down a street where you didn't want to meet, as well as me.
The call of the sad bird’s allure,
Heard by some, but not by all.
The call of the Mourning Dove, so pure,
Heard by those bound to fall.
The room was filled with ashes,
The ashes of their love.
We hide in the darkness.
We never come into the light.
We hide behind a fake smile
that nobody cares to look behind.
We hide behind a mask
we built to hide our true selves.
We only show to those who
Am I stupid?
Am I crazy?
A maniac, perhaps?
How can I still love you?
How can you still love me?
I look at you and I still see utter perfection.
The way you walk, talk, laugh, and smile.
I keep thinking about you. But I'm not sure what to do. Maybe If i stop dreaming of what could be.Maybe If i stop thinking of it as you and me.Maybe letting you go is the key.
I miss that feelingWhen I felt the surgeThe boost of spiritsThe sound of birdsThe world was laughterThe peace, like rainBut since it happenedIt won’t come again
My wrists... like paper.
The knife... a pen.
The blood it savors.
The ink, it sends.
My skin is torn.
The paper is ripped.
Blade like a thorn.
The pen, it shifts.
Every scar has a story.
Come with me to the room of doors for some funTake a deep breath and open door number oneIn this room livesA teenage girlHiding awayFrom the cruel cruel world.Her eyes are hollowHer soul a shell
I'm always dreaming,
Even when I'm awake.
In my dreams, I have control
Usually...
Until one day,
There was a razor in my hands
And I awake to lots of blood
Everywhere...
Why would someone do such a thing?
Someone please tell me why.
He gave him so much of his effort.
So much of his money and time.
Between the two was everything.
He'd helped him stand back up.
Tainted, tainted is the light,
No more is it pure and bright,
Tainted, tainted as the night,
No one can see for it is dark with fright,
Scarred am I from battles and wars,
Recovery is not an option,
I've paid the price of losing someone
I lived my life without a rule book
I'd always imagined he'd be the one
I came untied and fell to ashes
I loved him, he made me cry
I stand here touching the breeze in my hair,
feeling unconscious full of despair,
I feel the touch of freedom.
You told me i have legs, so I walk.
I stand here with the darkness in my eyes,
Not a sight nor
Neither here or there
A covering vail
Would you care?
Here today but not in the morrow
In view but far away
Yet there is
Nothing to say
How would it feel
to cut open a vein,
to let the blood spill
unrestrained?
What would happen,
would anyone care
if you were to
die right there?
To drive that knife
Deadlines
Closing in, a crouching tiger
Waiting for me to fail, say something wrong
As if I didn't hate myself enough already
"Quit making excuses, there was plenty of time for this assignment"
In the end, life is not about the suffering I’ve faced,
It’s not about the times I held my tongue and suppressed a scream when darkness stole my innocence.
We sat on the steps of my eroded muck stained porch.
We contemplated our lives and our identities while sipping on unclean glasses.
We laughed at my awful past of abuse,
neglect,
and
insanity
I once knew a girl
I was going to start out with I once knew a girl, but I never really knew her.
I would say that her sleeves were as long as the list of dreams inside her head.
I don't understand why you hurt me or make me have these scars
you always say no one cares of course i'm going to take that to heart.
your suppose to love me and take care of me but you havent been doing that lately
A steady rhythm,
A speedy pace,
My heart now seems to race.
A race,
A fight,
What we do in the night.
Loving, leaving,
I begin to start bleeding.
Remorce and grieving
I miss how you looked in my eyes that first night
I could not recal anything else
the way your soft skin felt on my cold hands
The blurred memory gave me a rush
I miss when we layed recalling the past
In elementary school, we read a story called The BFG, or big friendly giant. It was a story about the only kind giant to exist. If you asked any of my old classmates about the story, most would probably not remember.
No one knows that she still hurts-
But she keeps herself composed
hoping no one notices her flaws.
He came today-
for the girl;
on the 6th floor.
She went with him,
peacefully-
or so they thought,
evidence of him was there
there on her arm,
was written
G/O/O/D/B/Y/E
We know you can see them.
Your eyes on your desk,
your pen in your hand,
your lips glued together,
and your eyes defiantly shut,
We know you can see them.
They are the quiet ones,
the loud ones,
Red,
The colour you bleed
As you pour your heart
To the stranger on the bus.
Red,
The colour you bleed
As you pace back and forth
in your bedroom
Contemplating
Im making my mind up to express.
Living this way is just a mess.
Laughing at nothing
Is funny when its serious.
Im Living life to the fullest
So im a gangster.
Living is dying.
What's wrong with your ankles?Why do they look like that?I had a roughly drawn childhoodthe brown is painted with pinkbeige splatters across the waysome white spots are seen.
You are my South Wind,
There to uplift me
There to surround me
But never to falter.
You are my Sun,
There to light my way
There to give me hope
But never to dim.
I want to dieI want to turn away away and say goodbye There is just to much painI can barely stay in my own laneI'm falling apartI hurt in my whole body, especially in my heartI'm going to end it allI may step a little far over the edge and just f
I miss you so much I miss your voice and soft touchThe way you comforted me Always offering me a cup of teaI lie to myself everyday I tell myself you'll come back by the end of MayEven though I know deep downYou're never coming back to this townYo
She screams as the light beams pushing and pushing the wall of despair.
Times of love from above is just like a dove resting on my shoulder.
Times of love, Times of love, Times of love.
Because all the things you've done im like this today. Hurt, numb, empty; whats lost is gone forever. Forever feeling a unsacred empty space. You took the only part of me that wasnt yours, the part of me that you havent already distroyed.
Thump Thump even steps on the floor
A rhythmic monotone inciting horror
Who is it that makes such a beaten path
Is it death or man with a thought to pass
Burny Burny Cut Cut.
Can’t you see that it’s enough,
to make it all go away
and let me live another day?
Slice Slice Bleed Bleed.
They watch me as I do my deed.
Close my eyes and loose myself.
Count the calories, count the pounds,
the less you have the smaller you are.
Collarbones, tiny waist,
beauty is deeper than just your flesh.
Struggling with yourself,
fighting the demons in your mind.
I came here alone, others are apparitions.
Strangers to mother's.
Opponents to father's.
Siblings are apparitions.
Friends are apparitions.
Lovers are apparitions.
The hole in my heart is deeper than the sea,
The hole in my heart is blacker than the new moon sky.
I still wish you were with me, your touch still lingers with me.
As I’m asleep I dream of me back in your arms,
I am a silver moon. You are my world. If you do not desire this gravitational pull any longer, then I shall take myself elsewhere. I can find another planet to orbit my heart around. Someone who does not consider me to be a meteor.
I want to leave.I want to escape.This life I got,How did I deserve this? Blade in hand.Tears running down my face.Should I?I don't know. I have a big enough closet,Rope is in the garage.Pills are in the medicine cabinet.My bedroom window could be
Cold ice stretching over a fortress of falling beams. Rolling from blue eys come the diamonds of a sad day. Once strong the brick buildings fall in a crumbling rubble of distress. In a silent room a fire is ignited.
I am like a ceramic bowl, and this bowl has many assets.Beautiful from a far, but up close you see my cuts, scars and bruises put there by all the hate and doubt of the world.
The Inner Me.
It's the soul you cannot see.
The pain, the struggles, the beating, and troubles.
I cry out for help.
Suicide thoughts.
No one there to tell me, stop.
I'm am confused at the mind.
theres many ways to show love
actions speak louder than words
many people may recall the scene of pain
to overcome pain forgiveness is the key.
Holding on to that one last kiss.
Remembering what it was like to hold you like this.
My heart is slowly burning to the ground.
With the passion in the love I had found.
Your words still linger in this place.
When a blade rests on your wrist They say there's more you can do When a knot is tied around your neck They say the lies were never true When you're ready to take a leap They say you're stronger than this And when you're long gone They say li
I want you to see me,
I want someone to know my story,
But there’s no one,
Just empty words and empty stares,
With empty love and empty cares,
I sit alone and am alone,
Just one person to listen to me,
Wrap your fingers around the bottle,
another sip,another swallow.
Try to keep your shaking hands still,
as you try to down the pills.
Welcome to the land of numb,
nothing hurts,nothing's fun.
How do I keep moving forward?
Do I strum the guitar, and keep hitting the wrong chord?
Do I let everyone push me into praying to their "Dear Lord"?
Do I use my words and make them hurt as much as a sword?
her scars itch as if they feel her pain
they want friends
more of themselves to add to her collection
it's like they can feel her bring the blade to kiss her use-to-be-smooth skin
I wish my life was over,
My world made of broken clovers,
Falling out of place,
going into a dark space,
filled with blood,
nothing to love...
No one can see through my facade,
Can a heart still break once it's stop beating can you believe me even though you know I am lying will you be there when I need you even though when your in need I'm never anywhere to be found when your in need will you catch me when I am
17 and scarred4 years of a hellGroup of friends to hardly none
Drama spreading faster than wildfireKnives sharpened and reused on someone else's backBlame being pointed everywhere but the source
I told him...
"Pretty girls don't have scars,"
And I cried.
With a finger under my chin,
He made me look into his eyes.
He told me that's what makes me beautiful
And kissed every tear
Her condition is that she is a walking contradiction, for she is a soul burning with hot fire and coals born into the coldest winter ever.
She’s living in hell amongst demons yet some say she looks heavenly.
Please Note: There is a trigger warning for this poem.
When I was 8 years old
I felt you become so cold.
Still, I tried to crawl in your lap for warmth
Understand, this is not right.Listen, hear me warn you.This is not a fair fight.You will fail, win, lose.
I said a word
I made a friend
I am yellow
I said a word
I am in a relationship
I am pink
I said a word
I got into a fight
I am blue
I said a word
I knocked on the door just to listen and see if she was home
For some time I waited, cold winds flowing past me and down my back my mind started to rome
Alone is what I began to feel but then she came to the door
A man who's life was strife by death left mights in his regrets.
Life can be a pain and with punishment they may blame,
but one thing that it gives,
its forgivness for you'r sins.
As the man shouts to death
I am not strong.
When everything in life goes wrong,
When everything in life crashes down,
I drown
And shrink with shame,
As I attempt to control my emotions with pain.
She writes the story on her wrists.
One of heartbreak, abuse, and sorrow.
When will this pain end?
She cries out in agony.
"I can't make it until tomorrow!
When will this pain end?"
She says she feels alone in crowded roomsFakes a smile that is consumed by gloom.A consumption of pills are swallowed with fearShe fakes another smile to hide a small tear.
She sits alone,
the tears falling.
Picking up the blade,
The pains calling.
She finds the release,
Crimson lies.
Temptation increase.
A lovers betrayal,
Used as bait.
I used to write poems
about the colors of your eyes
with a stomach full of butterflies.
But now I write words
about the voices in my head
and how I wish I were dead.
You used to promise
Is it my time? Is it my time to shine?Is it my time to die? On the outside I look like I’m doing just fine. On the inside, I’m trapped inside these happy lies. Is it my time? Is it my time to be free?
Life turns to death, as the present fades to the past
Its the bleeding of pure silence...
The slow thumping of a partially broken heart..
The twinkle of a knife
Hidden by the night
Her mind flooded by judgment and oppression
Her body aching from hate
Her soul yearning to escape the cage it was forced into
She is only accelerating her fate
She is only accelerating what is intended
Please Note: There is a trigger warning for this poem.
As she covers her arms, she covers her whole world.
A world rooted in pain
With no gain
Of freedom from The Blade.
Silent, empty, lonely, hated
(Sitting in a classroom, smiling vaguely)
Muffled, lost, self-sedated
(Top grade in the class! Congratulations, be proud!)
Can't think, breathe, feel my way
I didn't know before how to light a candleTo set by the picture of us on the mantleThere was no flame to light the wayThere was no night to darken the dayThe monsters came to devour the heart
Tears roll down her face as she sees her lover with someone else
Disgusted she feels
She wishes she was someone else
The anger inside from the lies he told
Disrespected from his actions
He is so bold
To the lost, the forgotten, the outcasts, to all those who feel hopeless and alone. This cruel, sick, and twisted world you live in has made you think the unthinkable and speak the unspeakable.
All I am is bonesBreakable and bendableBird bonesHollowed out, emptyCreating a superficial beingSupposed to be sturdyBut empty of strengthTrying to flyAll I am is bird bonesEasily broken
underneath the night sky we lay
while she swallows pill after pill
downing them with the stolen jack daniel's
we're holding hands as the stars blink
as if warning us we're losing a friend
here i go another day like nothings wrong
gotta keep my head up pretend to stay strong
cause if they find out what ive felt all along
thats it youre done.
when suddenly the people you called your friend
Why do you pretend you're happy? With that fake smile on your face, pretending everythings perfect. You go home and cry... Because you're living a lie. With tears rolling down your face, you say you're okay.
Tell me you love me because you want me in your lifeTell me you love me because you mean it from your heart
Tell me you love me because it's written all over your face
It’s strange.
This feeling.
This heart felt feeling…
Sigh… not again.
Could I… could I really?
No, no, no! I’m not!
I’m probably just sick.
Yeah! Just sick…
Damn, who am I kidding?
Another white tee
Tie dyed in four shades of red
Out of the twelve you’ve already encountered
Bleach will do no good this time
Neither will a Band-Aid
You never have to worry about people getting in your way
Cast over me, a sheet of confusion and foolishness, and yet it took more than one rude awakening in my life to help pull this sheet off my head but I still wonder why do so many tragedies had to come for me to finally understand a part of life.
I remember one time
Someone said to me,
"What? Were you emo or something?"
And they laughed.
And I laughed,
But I didn't say anything.
To me, it's not funny.
That rusty blade
DEPRESSION
Depression is like the color black, and is darker than the dimmest parts of space.
It sounds like thousands of screams echoing in your ear, and bashing at your eardrum.
Your spirit lives in a red room.
And I am the host of a ghost.
The doom that looms
Making its house a tomb
Your spirit runs through my veins
Feeds into my brain
Plays the regret, the shame
When I looked I couldn't believe just what I saw I saw a man Sitting on his throne With my mind blown I fall to my knees Screaming out "LORD HELP ME PLEASE" He says "Son what you're looking for isn't on this EarthBut if you can trust me you wil
We are young.
We are strong.
We are capable of anything.
Sometimes we are wrong.
Colorless and yet so colorful. Madness but mostly wonderful..
Jugular venous pressure is estimated by positioning
A patient’s head at a 45-degree angle.
When the veins in the neck
Are swollen as high as the angle of the jaw,
Blood pressure rises.
There was a place and timeDon't ever go back to thenIt is just filled of memoriesAnd sadnessOf people who don'tRemember you, andPeople whom you wish to forgetYou've visited your past
I'm just a typical teenage girl, but I still struggle.
My thoughts engulf me. I wish I could escape.
The girl you assume you know is probably fake.
I'm a prisoner, one of love. Women an men both abuse love. I give my love out freely an
passionatly. My heart lays crumpled on the floor, weeping blood. It's on the floor because
Alocohol, Caffine, and NicotineSkipped AD’s, hellish dreams
Sex, drugs, out of bowlsOCD, no control
Depression and anxietyMind held captive, life lived free
Dark and despair in the air
Tame those people who want to swear
Make them believe in something else
But keep it close to them like belts
Help them decide to take a better path
In, out
Right, left
Yes, no
Go through the motions.
What if you can't?
The walls are caving,
The ground is shaking,
The world seems to be falling apart.
There once was a girl who could never stop crying,
who had so much pain she envied the dying
Her eyes were red as a recent cut's splatter,
but she could never stop crying, so it didn't matter
Time elapses where the world was spinning,
the spinning stops,
the world collapses
Collapsing and falling we all break silently
in the spot that counts
soft, red tissue unmeasured
Can you see her?
can you see the acid rain falls from the skys,
every time she crys?
She walks through life with her head held high,
They say make love, not war
But there’s always a constant battle
With my heart
I’m always fighting for another
And with every battle
I grow weaker
Losing soldiers, losing power
Spinning,
Whirling,
Flailing,
Falling,
Dizzy,
No where to turn.
Distant,
I'm alone, with everyone around me,
Drifting like drift wood,
In a mind boggling sea
its funny almost, how easily you can lose yourself
but how it difficult it is to find yourself again
how you can go from being completely in the now minute
and I only have
the sound of
your footsteps
committed to memory.
because the only
memory I have of you
is the one of you walking away.
The saying goes:
“The pen is mightier than the sword”.
She sat there with pen in hand,
and blade in the other.
The latter the perpetrator of the scars on her arms,
Miss that girl, she used to always smile
She loved talking to her friend and hanging out
She loved to smile
Loved to talk
I do not understand what is wrong
She cries herself to sleep
"What shall I say
Whether or not be truthful
Or bask and in my sorrows all day.
What shall I say?
Sometimes a piercing gaze puts the pain back
And I shut it away.
What shall I say?
Bland.
Broke.
Hopeless.
Pain beyond understanding.
It cries out to be fed.
But, the truth is
the food is gone.
Without you here
makes me dead,
makes me want to die.
(For full effect, listen to 40 Part Motet- Spem in Alium by Thomas Tallis)
Razors Slice Wrists Bleed Red Runs Down the Drain. All of this to get my mind to stray away from pain. My torment gone
I thought my first love will be my last
I thought its you that I belong to
But now, what I once thought remains as thoughts
For you are now waiving goodbye.
All your smiles are for me
Behind the door there is another lie
With these two I don’t even get a break
Having to deal with these two until I cry
Staying there will be another mistake
Was walking away, forgetting it all
I hate the way you look with your fucking green eyes glistening in the sun
That bump on your nose that makes it look like anyone can just ski right off of it
If I told you goodbye,
Would you miss me?
If I died tonight,
No one would miss me.
I'm alone in this world,
Wandering.
A lost soul,
Who hopes to be found,
But knows,
That hope is futile.
Angel, oh angel,Why have you forsaken me,Cast me out for nothing,Thrown me to the ravenges of the dark?All this pain,All this torture,For a simple change in thought?Do you know not what I feel,
We have forgotten,
Summer’s last innocence at
Sunset,
How the colors melt into
Oranges and
Yellows and
Purples…
And that faint breeze
That
Used to tell us
We were forgiven.
My daughter,
I created you perfectly the way you are
Why are you trying to change that?
I made you blonde,
Not brunette,
I gave you blue eyes,
Not green
His existence was unintended,
Brought to be by raging hormones and rotten nuptials,
And that is the life he lived.
Why I write
all we did was make eye contact.
but in that instant
between my blink and her smile
She enters the setting,
With a mindset cluttered in utter agony,
But her beaming grin seems so effortless,
Despite the distress staining her heart and soul,
The loons call in the night,
spreading my heart open.
Scarred feet slide across the tile floor,
slipping away in her nightgown.
Down the newly wet grass gateway,
advancing into the shocking water.
You pretend like nothing's wrong with this,
you simply like the pain.
With others you're happy and bubbly,
yet once you return home
you're transformed to another being.
You wrist becomes a board for cutting,
Drop everything, the pain is calling.
Calling from the holes in this battered heart.
Calling from the endless void, placed in this soul.
The emptiness running through these veins, consumed by hate.
I sit in my room staring at the wall,
trying to quiet my mind
from its own chaos.
I picture in my memory a beautiful color red,
darker than a cardinal’s breast
spilling onto the floor.
Born into a world were it’s not guaranteed I’ll succeed.
I still reach high, breaking stereotypes as I go.
I graduated from High School; I am in college.
What else is there left to achieve?
As I sit and think… LIFE.
Dark brown eyes with a personality that brightens any gloomy situation
No one can pronounce the name but remembers the face and the smile
Sick severed lipsHolding my bare hips.Like Achilles heel,The emotional appeal is severed.
And though I have no brainI can't really complainOf the wonders in the skyAnd how high I can go.
Before my known days
The sun shone splintering rays of diamonds
With gorgeous scenery to complement
Bliss was rampant
Faith out-lasted
And dreams materialized into obtainable goals
But yet
Why do I write?
Ha
Why do you breathe? Why do fish swim? Why do plants photosynthesize?
Writing to me is not only a way to express myself,
but
a suicide prevention plan,
an escape from reality,
Why do I write?
Ha
Why do you breathe? Why do fish swim? Why do plants photosynthesize?
Writing to me is not only a way to express myself,
but
a suicide prevention plan,
an escape from reality,
Two Weeks:
Two Weeks
Two Weeks too long
Two Weeks dragged on
Two Weeks ended wrong
Two Weeks long gone
Two Weeks
She yearns for compassion and love but cant find it
Its as if everyone is blindsighted
How can she be strong if hate is ignited
everywhere she goes people stop and stare
when she judges herself so shamefully,
You could be the most beautiful rose in the garden
but a florist could still prefer daisies
So don't bend your stem
if you weren't picked for the bouquet
Because for every year
there is a Valentine's day
Just like a butterfly she's hard to catch
Just like a butterfly she's unique
Just like a butterfly she's hard to pair with a match
Just like a butterfly she's a mystery
Behind,this fake smile,Is a sad,pathetic,ugly,Lil' Girl,Hiding a million tears,Within her "hyper" self,But at night,This all changes,The tears rolling out,like a severe Thunderstorm
Music is for the broken whose will has been abandoned and suicidal thoughts have nested.
So quick to contemplate death.
Instead a track plays to vibe with the heart and mend the mind to health.
Behind her tears
There is anger and sorrow.Behind her fake smilethere is lies and fear.
She seems to be all alone,No group to accept her.Everyday she sits alone,No one there to talk to.
my skin holds many secretsboth outsiDe and on the ineach scar has a stOrybottled deep withiN.and jusT because a mark is absentdoesn't mean that patch is pureCuts will scar but scratches fade
I looked up at the Aztec sun/ I knew the world had just begun/ The rain poured down/ Drowning out all sound/ Except the brain-dead taunts they threw/ I took them and I knew/ That there had to be more than this/ More than this Hell we call Earth/ S
On the inside,
I'm writhing.
Dueling against myself,
Fighting,
For possession of the blade.
My body is too full,
bursting,
with emotion.
With tears.
with Pain.
1. Piece of metal
Repeatedly pressed against my skin
Holding my mind for a ransom
I paid in blood and tears.
She sits alone
No one by her side
She's only nine
Everyday and every night that poor little girl cries
Her life has been hell on earth
Her sister is schizo, bipolar, and very depressed
the nights you get sad or upset
you feel abandonded
like nobody is there
you pick up the blade
and slice up your wrist
the memories fade
you make a fist
i get pissed
I'm sick and tiredof being a constantcatastrophe
I'm sick of not seeingbones, but instead,rolls of flesh.
I'm sick of all the whispersas soon as I walk away,no one liked me any ways.
I dont cut ,
I just pierce,
Never to deep,
but just enough,
The pain was never all that deep,
Here to remind him of his past
She stares him in the eye,
Glaring, for years, it seems to last.
On his arms, by a sleeve she’s masked;
Hour one
Spread poinsettias drug to the surface
Effervescing their wicked kinship
Branching over her body
Swarming in depths,
Drinking her body
She traces herself
Bubbling in the bathtub
Try it.
When your thoughts are gonna' blow.
When you want to cut and see the blood go.
Put a pen in hand, and a paper in front.
Start to write with your frustration and gut.\Write a poem, write a song.
This book will bleed no blood
Only the shrieks of my inner ambition and concept
Raw vision.
I am a conceptualist and a realist
with a superficial story behind my self esteem.
You beckon to me
Like a lighthouse beckons
To a ship long lost at sea.
You fills these chambered walls with dread,
Calling in the darkness,
Where few men dare to tread.
Size, shape, and color don't matter.
Be grateful and smile.
Love them the way they are, please don't judge.
Look into their personality
That's reality
When I was little
I would prick myself
With pins
And needles
Waiting to bleed.
When I was older
I used bobby pins
Soft tips torn off.
I would gouge
And dig
And bleed.
They all look at me and think they know my past.
They all look and judge my actions.
I am scum, a low life, an invalid.
I can't be trusted or saved.
My life doesn't benefit others because all I bring is pain.
she silently stares at the monsters under her bed
chin resting on the knees she has pulled to her chest,
eyes as empty as the rhythmic heart beating—
out of obligation—
between her ribs.
Alright so
Sticks and stones wont break my bones
but this razor surely scars me.
Let it, let it
roll of your back
let it, let it
stay for a sneak attack
The blade
to my wrist
I'm alone
I saw with the knife
back and forth
back and forth
It hurts
but not enough
I push harder
back and forth
back and forth
The blood
Put down the knife another day is coming
No more red drops and keep life going
Battle scars are worse in the heart, I know
Don't let them on your skin, don't let it show
What I'm asking you is please be strong
I remember that day
that dreadful,
October day.
When we dressed
and played.
I remember fear,
coursing through me veins.
Your eyes never lost
the sight of my soul,
as you took my hand
from me, while you wear
my gold. My heart longs
for you, or so I'm
told. 'Cause when I woke
one day, you left me
my reflection is looking at me
she’s examining every part her body
I watch as tears fill her eyes
she’s an abomination
Tears stream down my face as my mind begins to scatter
Feelings of hopelessness overwhelm my being
Depression is no longer a word, it’s a part of me
I can’t breathe
the scars on my back show the long nights i had to work.
the scars on my back show the srtuggles i been through
the scars on my back show the pain i indoored when i lost my grandmother
Normal... it's such a strange thing
With its hum-drum ring
That makes you want to wheel it into a hospital wing and just let it die
They say smiles fix everything,
And I’d like to agree.
But that’s hard to do,
When my smiles kill me.
Looking down at myself,
I feel hatred, disgust.
Looking in to myself,
I don’t know what to trust.
Stand up
Take a stand
Take a stand for who?
A stand for me?
A stand for you?
A stand for maybe even us?
Who is me?
Who is you?
Who is us?
We are who we choose to be.
Listen.
Can you hear them?
I said listen.
They are every and anywhere that I am.
Can you hear them?
No. Can you hear them the way that I can?
I barricaded myself in my room again,
and I cried and cried,
just like yesterday.
And the day before that.
Those with troubled lives, hear me
I eloquently speak with experience, I’ll explain – You’ll see
For I know that every waking hour feels like years in your life
You never got to know me.
You would never even try.
You told me that you would rather
I just go home and die.
That awkward moment when somebody walks through you like your not even there
They don't even bump you they just walk right through you
And it only gets worst
Her name is Crystal
and i thought I could trust her
