insecurity
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Insecurity came with me from the earliest days of my childhood. My mother would threaten to leave us for our misbehavior. We remember the threats she would make.
You are a terrific elixir
Yet you blow your essences up
By enthroning doubts
Like scientists working hard
Oh why dont you love me
h why dont you look at me
like you used to look at her
like you used to smile at her
I wish I would have jumped into those pools,
that the fear of how big the splash mught be, didn't paralyze me.
I wish that I didn't spend every pool party cowering in my Dad's oversized tee,
if we want to talk about being hard to love
that definition begins with me
anxiety
insecurity
paranoia
chewing me up, throwing me out
my love, that singular beauty, is all mine
touched with golden splendor of the gods
sweet as honey, rich as cherry wine
a lively sprite who frolics in the woods
I think about a lot of things when I stare into space,
But when asked, those things immediately fly out of my head
Then I remember them later and think
Thank God I didn't say that
look in the mirror
can't help but see someone
who feels such terror
they'll be loved by no one
study my reflection
I find nothing attractive
crooked complexion
The scariest part of being alone is liking your empty home.
It’s a double edged blade made of security and pain,
it’s depressions bed at three am,
it’s saying “i’m okay with this.”
Aphrodite,
Your Instagram wifey
Model by day,
Uploading constantly
Beautiful as can be
She uses Huda Beauty
Skin, smooth and tan, a glow
That the sun envy’s and the skies adore
A look so divine that I’ll never know
Curly hair delicately intertwined
As far as I remember, I’ve always been shy.
I never could directly look people in the eye.
“What am I so afraid of?” I sit and wonder.
Maybe it’s because my self esteem is so far under.
Every winter I pull down my sleeves
Portraying the mask of my scars' identities
What once the pain summer brought,
My heart was filled with nought
No longer afraid to show,
The struggle I once woe
As a young girl I'd "see"
That the little white girls around me
Were what I should achieve to be
Straight hair, colored eyes
And skin shades lighter than mine
Would you just stop talking already?
Today, I learned that stress can kill your cells.
I had my suspicions.
Focus Misdirected
They won’t like me
they don’t care
they look upon my person
and see nothing
as if I am not there.
The fear of rejection
I once heard that
My eyes hold an identity
That is not entirely my own.
Where are you from?
Can it be changed? mended? altered? no.Do i worry? bite? tap?yes.Feel miserable? uninterested? Still?yes.
But why do I do this?But why do I waste my energy being sad, mad, uncomfortable, upset?
get out...
get OUT...
get out of your head...
Don't be so awkward...
Socialize...
I stand in the corner of the room holding a cold cup.
One foot forward, then back.
Do not leave your house, my loveYour face is rather petrifyingI will strive to push and shoveI'd rather you be dyingCancer came and took your eyeTook your self-esteemKidnapped your pride
I sat down to write with just one task, it was quite clear:
That all I had to do tonight was write about my fear
Though this may seem quite easy, it is not, I can attest
"how much is too much"
i ask my mirror
whilst i cake on the makeup
too light for my skin
they dont want me because
i dont look like them
i am the alien with
my brown skin and
I'll be satisfied once I can see all my bones pressed against my skin.
Society taught me that you're only beautiful when you're paper thin.
They say that beauty is only skin deep
My manShe's a manA man, the one who puts food on the plates, Pays the bills and stillShe makes sure everyone ate she’s a man A man, to work all day and rest at home, Takes on those dutiesyet continues to assure you that you own that thrown A wo-
Rooms capture nothing
Without wallpaper
Coverless books
Dangle bare
Eroding the roots
Of cotton-bound truths
How hard can it be?
To get up and face the world
and swim against the current
while a storm begins to brew.
To swim throught the swirling media
bombarded by infromation at all time,
he said she said,
Dear Insecurity,
We've been friends for what seems like too longI'm but a child, with youTuggingPullingDragging me along
Drawing eyes is like creating my audience.
My audience that so generously
criticizes every one of my moves.
My audience that doesn't dare to train their gaze
off me.
Dear Insecurity,
An incessant whisper in my ear,
Constantly reminding me of everything I fear.
In your unyielding cage I am kept,
Dear Cynthia,
I dazed into your eyes for the first time, and became so lost.
Though, never wanting to be found.
Your perfections ignite a flame, too big for your insecurities to burn out.
Dear Cynthia,
I dazed into your eyes for the first time, and became so lost.
Though, never wanting to be found.
Your perfections ignite a flame, too big for your insecurities to burn out.
Dear Kayla, I hope you figure out yourselfFinish and accomplish things so you don’t have to rely on anyone elseDon’t be insecure, holding your breath, sucking in your stomach to appear slimmerWorking out, till you pass out, because you’re wearing
Dear Height Differences,
There are so many things I like about you.
And things that I absolutely hate.
When my doctor told me I was stuck at the height of 4'11" at the age of seventeen,
dear you
things never really went wrong
if you consider that we're still together
I know it hurt when she found out
when she kicked you out
over me
but you told me it would have to end
She’s just a girl you see
She’s got the brains friends and a family
The only thing she can’t seem to realize
Is her beauty that lies inside
You’ll never see her frown
You are intelligent
Yet you know nothing
You are full of ideas
Yet you don’t know how to express them well
You are full of wisdom
I go out wearing jeans and vans and worry how I look.
Childhood fantasies are over. Life is not a story book.
People judge me in an instant. I do care what others say.
i like women’s bodies
our stomachs
expand with too
much diet. our
breasts swell with
firmness and stability
How is it that I am still alive?
How is it that today I am awake
and maintaining hope that things will get better
when I can feel myself spiraling out of control?
There have been days...
Screaming and clawing,Anxiety wraps her in its shroudWhile jeering insecurity roughly grabs her face forcing her to look
Writing, the power that masters the beast
That turns into something easy to caress
Into a bliss of doubt
Of fondness, just like love.
Why must my own reflection
Show so much hate and defection?
Mirror Mirror of the wall,
What makes makes Snow White
The fairest of them all?
Organized Ramblings
A collection of various poems by Kate Emrich
April 29, 2017
I use to share poems with my name attached
but then I was told I should stop
so my name was detached
because the statement made my confidence drop.
What if she was right?
Was I just wasting my time
There are no monsters in the closet--
Not yet.
Because the fangs of friends have yet to be sharpened
School is a land of heroes and misfits
As I looked in the mirror, I began to hear Insecurity speak again
Oh, Simone, why does your hair always look so frizzy and untamed?
You eat like a cow so why are you so skinny?
If I spoke in lines of poetry, it would be broken
Every line seperate from the rest
My words would fall disconnected
You would not be able to make sense of it
Sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me but is it really true cause words can do both break you down and make you new but people today are so corrupt using word that are so abrupt that tear you down bary you six feet into
Sometimes I find myself focusing on fabrications
That are designed by the nations
Of what defies the normal creation
A handsome face, drawn on facade invasions
Love at frist sight is a deviation
Whenever I sit down to write a poemI am overcome with the feeling that I need to be deep.I need to sound like I’m a scholar,Skipping stones between lectures,Never without a pen in hand,
Frail, weak, innocent
You don't taste the poison in your tea
You don't notice the thorns in the roses
But as you begin to grow,
So does your mind
You see things, experience things, learn things
All my life I’ve been hiding
Behind a face that’s not my own.
4.0
Perfect
The face of genius
Who never trips or stumbles because
I catch my 10 year old little brother staring down the weighing scale
I guess you can say
That’s he’s a bit...
Broader
Beefier
Fluffier
Mirror mirror on the wallTell me I am beautifulTell me that this face I haveShould not change but stay as is.
I know now that I am not good enough for you.
You want always happy and always confident, but I am
rarely happy, and really confident.
I found that bending to be what you want only broke me, so I'm done bending for you.
It was a myth that held me back,
a stubborn kid, ready to be "mature".
Forget Doctor Seuss, I wanted to go Wilde.
I wanted to paint a picture, not say
Trees are green,
I know it isn't cold,
But perhaps my hands are.
Yes they are fingerless,
Which makes no sense to you.
But the cold is not the reason I wear them.
I wear the gloves for safety,
Oh, the lovely corner,
a home and friend of mine.
Oh, the lovely corner,
your comfort is divine.
Oh, the lovely corner,
I love my friends. They're always there for me when I need them, A fucking lie; they're useless, terribly frivolous rats, who never stop to consider--
It's difficult to walk away from sunflowers,With their adoration and life spreadSo neatly across their features.But you do. Because, that adoration isn't for you.
You're so pretty!
Your face is beat!
Oh my God! You're hilarious!
I love compliments. Conceited much?
No. I'm quite Precarious.
Something in my heart is suffocating
Alive still, but slowly fading
This feeling of something dying
With constant pain and trying
Why won't someone love?
Why won't someone care?
We argue every day.
We argue until walls fall down,
Until the neighbors from downstairs look up at us
And say the next day “Please don’t slam the door. We hear you.”
Like the Astronomer longs for the moon,I can no longer part from thine endowments,This dream infested fool must beseech thee soon, For all we share is but a few moments.Your pull, my love causes these waves crash down,their passionate cry drags me
I found myself relapsing last night. Again.
Sadness came about and held my throat with both hands,
and when I stopped sputtering and gasping for sweet air,
self-hatred was registered in my heart
Heavy breathing
Emotions seething
Mirror stumbling in the darkness
Chest and lungs heaving
Reflections causing pain so heartless
Now crying, curled up and screaming
Panic
The mirror.
This is the most common
yet unknown
weapon used today.
Teens wake up each morning
this is what they see:
Themselves.
A little girl with a neatly tied bonnet eagerly gathers the strawberries.
She rejoices the growing collection in her pail.
Except the little girl is a young woman now.
I look into the mirror
and what do I see?
I see, this girl staring
this girl staring back at me.
She’s strong and protective,
but can be shy and quiet,
and also quite normal.
Everytime I ask a question you got a different story.
I have no idea why I mess with dudes like you who just so daggone corny.
You won't find me wasting my time tryna make you change,
SIXTH SYMPHONY
Beethoven
is a liar.
He would have
you believe that
he wants you;
but behind your
back, he is
glad to see you go.
Happiness
I want to bite my tongue off,
even in silence,
I somehow say the dumbest things,
The world, you,
are too pretty for me to ever wish,
that my breath may touch you
See a kid from high school like all the rest he just wanted to be cool.
Wanted to be the best. He Smoked what they spoke, and drank what they wrote,
The whirr of electric life is electric thoughtblurred by mathematicsconfounded by chemistrydisgruntled by retrenchmentinhaling a textbook on its deathbeddisappointed by renovationstearing apart
The anxiety crept up on me,
A shadow in the night,
I fled on the midnight train,
My heart,
My soul,
My mind,
Chasing,
Determined not to lose me,
My lungs burned,
Today people are concerned with falsified images they create a fantasy world where they are king and their followers are their supposed friends. Where acts of friendship are not hugs, but rather “likes”. They reach out hoping for acceptance.
You want to know who I am without a filter?
I am the original masterpiece without a filter
I am the way God made me without a filter
I am who I am supposed to be without a filter
1 mississippi, 2 mississippi, 3 mississippi, 4 mississippi, 5 mississippi.
I just wasted 5 seconds of my life.
6 mississippi, 7 mississippi, 8 mississippi, 9 mississippi, 10 mississippi.
the things i have seen
and the things i have experienced
have shaped my soul
into my own unique shape
that is unlike anyone else's.
i may be a square,
or a rectangle or hexagon,
Should I take a chance, or just fallback? I don't want to get hurt for my concern. I leave it all to God to tell me the way, but is it the right thing to do for my sake.? 01°30•15°
Under my shirt is my skin
Under my skin is my heart
And in that deep frozen heart
You can see the tears and talks
About that father I always wanted there for me
Underneath all that pain and sorrow
Post-camera angling, perfecting our facial expressions, we hold our breath as we click the button that supposedly captures the real you--
However in today’s society, seizes the artificial.
I squeal in the silence of my bedroom
When I am excited
Because I am just me
I sing out loud
While my headphones are on
Because I am just me
I listen to myself talk
Truth lies in the words we speak
Truth lies in the words we hear
Truth hides when lies are told
I remember the way the filters made me look,
so beauiful and delicate, something looking brand new.
I rermember how the tilt of the camera changed the entire view,
Don't glance at me with empty eyes,
I demand that double take from fiery irises directed at laugh lines and a squinty-eyed smile.
A tempest,
a hasty knock,
swept away, planks and branches,
drenched by a collapsing sight.
There's only one window to pass through
for an airplane to crash onto,
for sleet, for icebergs,
I am from Teddy, the brown nosed
secret keeper,
from the heart of my impeccable savior.
I am from the impossibly high imperial
castle that protected me from countless
encounters with “el loco”.
Who am I ?
Im a young black African American teen.
The one who always gets in trouble.
Always getting locked behind bars.
Six feet in the ground.
Or a bullet wound.
Who am I ?
Every time I conjur up the smallest amount of courage and tell myself, " yes, i think i can. I can do this", something in me crushes it. It smothers that little spark of confidence and hope. Why am i so afraid?
Without warning, it erupts.
Like a storm it takes us by surprise,
the torrent encases the strongest of wills.
We watch as our lives are torn away without want.
Screaming
scratching
clawing
Tati who has wings like a blanket
and asks who loves him
who is wind and a rock and a shoulder
who is a trailblazer and an alarm clock
whose hair is like the breath of a kite,
What is money without those you love
Everyone wants grip allow me to be the glove
You wonder why the stars get coked up
While there are people struggling to get coated up
Anxiety is crippling,
Is explosive.
I attempt to hide
Under the guise of sleep.
Yet slipping into my disguise
I cannot hide-
I am sought out.
Anxiety cripples me,
I explode.
Her morning turned worse
And inside every detail would seem to radiate change
Like oiled chrome paint with unexpected comfort
The driver glimpsed ahead,
Steering down, the expanding ride,
Jumbled nerves
tangled thoughts
calculation, manipulation
tugging cuff
take a seat
breath out
count to ten
watch their faces
blankly staring
avoid the labels attained
We are a messed up generation
We hurt the ones that love us the most
and love the people that couldn't give two shits about us
Time has warped my view as to what the word "love" really means
Some of us confuse it
How can I stop?
Mash the button screaming OFF
A violently labled plea
For a silent scream.
It doesn't work; no current
Thought with no life in it,
Every spark feeds
My desire instead.
I am a normal girl hiding behind a secret that i only trust a few with.
I am a country girl that likes to get down and dirty,but i am a little shy.
Do you remember the first time we met
You showed me Love that I'll never forget
As time went by me and you got real close
First, the feelings of unworthiness
battle for domination of mind and soul
They, seemingly irrelavent, are allowed in
These do not want to be known from the outside
So they hide themselves behind a joyful face
Throughout my years,
I've been broken down
and I've been built up.
I've loved
and I've lost.
I've changed others
and I have changed.
I've drank
and I've smoked.
I've cried
Looking through my perilous soul
I see nothing but a toll
Is this me I see in this photo
Or just a way to fit in with a motto
Nothing ever seems the same
With filters getting all the fame
I am a pile of leaves waiting to be affected by the winds of time;
Scared of what the future holds.
I lay here calm and collected, my emotions trapped inside;
Bursting at the seems, my sanity is wavering.
Here I am.
All alone, yet somehow surrounded, by the lights, the noise, and the all the people, so slow.
Is it slow?
Want to hold your hand,
It's right there for me to grab,
I feel close to you,
I'd hate to see you go, don't.
I've lived in one house my entire life.
The memories vibrating in the flesh of the walls.
Strangers that had a past.
Enemies that had a bond.
Two seperateminds, two seperate hearts.
Trying
Failing
Hurting
The force grows stronger
But it never touches.
Civil War of the heart.
I was fifteen before I realized that no one could ever love me as much as I loved me
And a revelation of poetic, creative, fertile ideas were released inside of me
Mirrors tell the truth, you see
They are blunt and honest, the worst but best kind too
It's hard trying to see yourself when it's impossible too.
You can't count on people's words either.
Family…
The definition of it: is a group of persons who came from the same ancestor
Sadly though no one wants a family anymore
From the generation that has now been born
love is nothing to pease
war is death to us all
between god an angels the war is small
to us love is all
peace inposible
war always untll we are dmned
etween devils and god we're left for dust
Break away from everything.
Are you aware of whom you are?
Remember when you were little and you knew
Exactly what you wanted in life?
Is it true what everyone say
I'm shy ,quite, lonely,sad
Or is it just they don't know
I am way more I am a girl that
Is strong that been though a lot
But still bouncing back
The outside doesn't matter,
Even if you are a bit fatter.
What counts is what is on the inside
Please, don't be shy.
Shout, scream, yell it all out
Show them what you are capable of.
what's the point of waking up each day
when you know all you'll get is torment and life's one true love has flown away?
just to see sunshine
When I first laid eyes on your goregous caramel skin, round brown eyes, and cheeky smile
I nearly fainted
And so did my parents
I could not keep this love a secret
I would not have it
What is life?
Does it exist in the form of a blooming flower?
Beauty and happiness dripping from its petals
Does it exist in the form of a child?
Ignorance and bliss keeping horrors away
Exposing yourself where no one can see,
expressing yourself in secret,
letting go in a safety net,
blindfolding the audience,
Do you think she knows?
The way she moves,
Giggling-groveling-grooving
She cares too much of who approves.
Do you think she knows?
How she makes the world turn,
Living-loving-leaping,
I rarely see shooting starsPlenty of airplanes have crossed airways above me,But they just don’t do it for me.Being man-made birds make any possible wishes on them seem materialistic.
You wear a mask like me.
We can both see it,
But neither of us have the courage to say it.
You always go above and beyond for me:
You sacrificed your time
To relieve my pain
Living behind the curtain of the perfect girl is tough
Not telling anyone what is actually going on is tough
I've been through a lot in my short lifetime
A few years ago my best friend called me a slut behind my back
A girl with curls one may observe,
but She has feelings, you see,
as strong as a nerve.
Pay no attention to me;
I'm just a memory,
Just a child in a woman's body,
a nameless face in the proverbial sea.
But beneath the face,
I'm a fighter full of fire
and a scorpio.
I'm a laugherI'm a comedianI'm a jokester
I'm a loverI'm compassionateI'm a hugger
I'm a realistI'm a black womanI'm a journalist
I’m not who you think me to be;
I’m not a sweet innocent girl,
waiting or searching for love.
I’m not a delicate little flower,
waiting to bloom.
Who am I? Who are you?
A mirror.
I am you. I am the reflection of you. The true you. Your heart. Your soul. Your inner being. Your every essence. You have an indelible presence.
This facade of mine
Where I draw the line
Of interactions past my kind
It keeps me safe
From gasps and gapes
Truly, a gaurd with a shield
The love within
Drives me out on whims
When your emotions are bottled up,
Sealed away beneath the depths of your heart
And past your soul,
It makes you feel saddened,
No one has ever tried to search that deep
To find what you really are,
She sees it in their eyes as they decide
and turn their backs.
Tears trace black tracks
down her stony face.
Sadness sits on her like a second skin.
She pushes it, past vein and blood and bone.
Down
What’s said is done for you
I have no control over me
What’s said, what’s said
I have no life of mine
Dreams dreamt, time passes
All I’ve done is to please you
No life for me but to serve you
Who am I? Am I my Own
Or one to live your own?
Locked inside, kept away
Where is this place I try?
--Try to reach out? In the distance,
--Where I see a glow?
Shut out, shunned from
The world is filled with upset teens
Burdened with the pressure of perfection.
Always striving to be lean,
I screamed but only piercing silence was heard thus I took my seemingly rightful place as the invisible nerd.
Everyone gets a pimple once in a while, I know that, and everyone has their own issues and insecurities, I know that
Sabrina Petroski
110-86-7165
Eyes open
feet slide off the bed and touch the cold floor
step after to she carries herself
bugs crawling under my skin
tiny whispers
the itch of trillions of legs
uglyloserwrongawkwardwrongweird
no
No
NO
i am not ruined
i am not a burning building
i am not damaged goods
Its so beautiful
So enthralling
Life
There are so many tangents
So many decisions that can be made
Adventures
Things to see and people to meet
It has become overwhelming
Notice me ticking
Because I cant take every blow
You so innocently throw
At my ego
Notice that I am struggling
That I struggle
To trust
And open up to you.
Every morning she stood in front of the mirror and was ashamed of what she saw
She hated the kinks in her hair
the sea faring bridges of her nose
the fullness of her crimson lips
So she sought refuge in makeup
You make me love you
and hate you at the same time when you act like that
and it makes me think that im bipolar
and I don't want to think that
Think that there's something wrong with me
I once read "A butterfly cannot see the beauty of its wings,"
and it really got me thinking.
Is there really someone out there
who finds me worth seeing?
Am I more than just a thorn
Sitting in your mind.
All alone.
Your refuge
from the world.
But what are those?
Shining brightly
in the dark.
The mirrors.
Gazing into them you see not
Standing in front of the mirror,
Just myself
And I.
I love the girl staring back at me from behind the glass.
Strong thighs,
Brown eyes,
Every flaw and ounce of fat,
Is me.
Welcome to a world of fun
A carnival of toys and guns
Nobody wins, we’re quivering
The only prize is you can’t leave…
All these clowns are made of masks—
You become what you paint on your faces
i hide behind a mask
So I could hide my tear
Soo that peole can't see my emotions
I make sure that no one can jude me
My sexuality is what hide the most from everyone
This is my facade
My mask, my security
My assuracnce of no judgement
I walk around, unhappy
Not okay with who I really am
I pretend to like guys, and only guys
I am a stranger
in my own life
I don't understand my friends
nor do they understand me
they may think they do
they may think that
my laugh is genuine
they may think that
Insecurity.
Doubt.
Codependency.
Self-hate.
I have encountered the misfortune of being in an abusive relationship with each.
I dated Insecurity for a few years.
How many times will I be told,
“Smile you may look prettier”, or
“You know what they say, you are what you eat”
All these expectations, these standards
I live with day in and day out
I stroll down the streets of my town, through the hallways of my school, through the rooms of my house,
And what do people see?
"Beauty is in the eye of the beholder"
Or so they tell me.
But everyone seems to find the same things beautiful.
Blonde hair, blue/green eyes, thin.
Barbie doll perfect
Barbie doll beautiful
Everyone wears a mask.
It's as if we're all at a ball.
Who are you really?
I may never know.
There sits the girl-
Waiting, waiting, waiting,
For a simple gesture,
if not a grand gesture.
There sits the girl-
Waiting, waiting, waiting,
To yell,
If not scream her lungs out.
I look in the mirror
You know what I see?
Such an unhappy girl
Staring back at me.
She sits and she stares
Waiting for something to change
Too much darkness to bare
That nests in her brain.
What is insecurity?
When you can't talk to that boy?
When your afraid to go up on stage?
No
It's when you know you can't do it
Fat
A word that tears at my throat and breaks the dams in my eyes
Stretch marks
Battle wounds from a battle that I lost with myself
Fat
Tell me again about the time when skin went nude.
Our pores, satisfied with 80 degree sunshine and drowning in its glory.
I’d be peeling, and you’d know that I’d lived summer.
My Body is not "my body" in fact it is a blessing. My body is not yours to be kissing, loving, and caressing.
From my curly nappy hair that screams with African strength. To my long spider fingers rich in their length.
Cocooned.
Trapped
in lucid pristine existence.
Sheltered,
Hidden,
from troublesome reality.
Delicate wings,
You stretch them to fly,
but ensnared by the inexperience,
I felt it crackIt cracked only halfway...I was still wholeThen I felt it crack some moreIn other places it fell apart...But the middle still tore
The blood stains
of true love
promises the skin
that one day
they will dominate
themselves once more.
Flawless,
yet so perfect
that it doesn't matter
if your eyes turn
The winter soldier comes home to find his gentle flower desecrated, tarnished from all purity. The flower was an elegant beauty that glisten in the harsh sun's smoldering light, that coddled his intentions and insecurities.
Not much with words
but I can give it a try
I want to express my love
but words go far and by
We are on the same page
on the same line looking at the same word
What is it that you want?
What is it that you need?
My only wish is to make you happy
Can’t you see?
It troubles me when we fight
I ache when I see you scream
And it kills me to watch you leave
I want my time back
Every minute wasted
Every feeling that I invested
For a love that's unrequited
I want my peace of mind
Sleepless night working creating scenarios
I don't ask for a lot
But I ask for a lot
And what I'm asking is for me to be what you need
Someone you don't give up on
Please
Though i am selfish , and Possessive
Her wonderful innocence faded away.
Her clothing, it fell away too.
Her needs, her desires are catching on fire,
And soon she will melt into you.
You think you deserve this.
You think she's a fool.
These words I throw out
To never get back,
To never believe in again.
Stripped down to my core,
I'm all that and more:
A sunrise, a sunset within.
You're calling my name,
I am a good person. Im telling myself that because I know I am a good person. Well, to be self-honest, to keep the truth before my tired eyes: maybe its just my appearance. My persona is often oppressed and affected by other personas.
You claim to be human, then put yourself down.
How dare you believe you should not be around.
Your mind is a labyrinth, your looks intriguing
Yet you still think you would be better bleeding.
I love the media.
It’s interesting
and fun
and keeps us all connected,
on one page.
But don’t get me wrong…
I don’t enjoy the propaganda,
the mendacious ads and suffocating numbers,
Girl stands alone in her bathroompleading for solace.Eyes lock on the mirror,the reflection of a girl with possibilities a mere stain.She is there,she exists,in every corner that Girl turns.
When I feel their stares,
I know that I am beautiful.
When they compliment me,
I know that I am beautiful.
If he ignores me, how am I to know
That I am beautiful
If you love me,
Distort, lie, and amplify.
They show us the center,and hide the edges.The center is framed,by the rest,that is compressed.
i wonder when it happened to me
the sweet Innocent girl is no longer me
piled high with insecurity
why couldnt i see
what a monster i've become
with no identity
did it change gradually
Do you remember
The first day we met?
Complete strangers, but you always smiled at me.
Do you remember
How close we became on the first week?
You always told me jokes and made me laugh.
His kisses are tender, sweet
but they reek of lust
He undresses me and our eyes lock
I feel that he is taking a journey into my soul
but he is just wondering "Which hole?"
The Puzzle
Life is so confusing
What to do
And what to say
I feel like I'm abusing
My brain
I put my mask on every single day
You would never know that I am broken
A smile can cover all of the pain
When I feel like crying, I’ll laugh it off
My secret trick is the act of faking
A Sparrow perched upon me.
Shifting, groaning uncomfortably
I hoped its company be brief.
Not for any hidden grudge,
It's easy to parallel with the crowd, to follow their crooked steps
yet
young ones cry out
INSPIRE ME... to be different.
INSPIRE ME... to love myself.
INSPIRE ME... to embrace truth.
I am skinny
gawky
average
unappealing in the most appealing ways.
When he entered my life
I was lost
broken
and he was my light
Told me I was beautiful
amazing
I am never Alone
But feel outcasted
I am never forgotten
But feel unwanted
I am but a shadow in a crowed
Always following but barley noticed.
No one gets upset when I am gone.
Lovely ladies,
In their tiny skirts,
plucking out their eyebrows 'til their red skin stings and burns,
Lovely ladies,
Waiting for the praise,
Standing by their lockers waiting on the boys to wave,
alone and unwanted is all she ever felt
just her and her mom to take on the long nights
the most pain she has ever delt
she sites a father and his daughter surrounded with the glowing lights
“For Lexi Brain”because you are something specialand I see it in your eyesespeciallybut not restricted tothe time on FridayI thinkOr Thursday
They told me to write a poem;
A poem that would describe my pains, my adversities.
One that would be a summary of everything I am and wish I were,
Of sadness, injustice, and everything I have bottled up.
Insecurity filled the teenager
With agony, pain and woe.
This emptiness will take her
To a place where happiness is low.
Heavyset is how they described her
So she focused on losing weight.
her insecurities are little girls wrapped in ribbons and frilly dresses and fighting for attention and her confidence kisses each one goodnight every night and never forgets.
so many reasons to hate myselfmake for so little time to sleepsilent Insomnia frequents my bedsideshe echoes each secret I keep
Look at those matted strands upon your head
Spots on your face like a dalmatian
Your knees knock knocking while you clamber
down the street
You ! Yea you
I see you
Walls
built up
they block out
any glimpse of peace
friend or foe
i'll never
Know
Where
shines truth
in the scared
shrouded face of the
girl I used
Thing is,
The days she wakes up
With dread for the mirror
And nights crumble away
With never-ending tears.
Because she isn’t-
Because she can’t be-
Because she’ll never be-
I'm starting to feel worthless , instead of worth it.
I'm starting to see what loneliness feels like.
I'm feeling something is missing..
I feel so unheard.
I feel the weight of the world on my chest..
Looking down
Left
Right
No eye contact
They are looking
They must be looking
Something is wrong
Something must be wrong
Oh goodness,
Everything is wrong
Andrea Gibson writes like a god.
Why can't I write like a god?
Everything in her poems are pure gold.
And I would rather deal with gold spilling out of my mouth
Than this nonsense that is this poem.
I hate you
But then I love you
And I cannot explain why
Heart palpitations quicken
When you are near me
Long locks
Cute tops
And they call me shallow
Rip and cut
Till it up
And leave the field fallow
Flowers wilt
Petals fall
And a tree becomes hollow
Wait and watch
Till the weeds pop
For a long time I was bound to pride masked in insecurity & timidity.
Now when I enter a room it is “all eyes on me”
And it’s not because I’m some “tall, cool drink of water.”
i feel as though i'm living
living in myself
and i desperately need
need something
and when i get it
it's something else
i think that pain
pain is just a state of mind
Step by step she takes
Holding her breath
all of the way
“She knows what everything’s about”
they say
Not a single hair
out
of
place
Her words are precious because
I am a liar
skilled in the ways of manipulation
like star constellations, I connect the dots,
thoughts leading to rotten deeds
committed in secret. And to you
It’s a pretty picture in the sky
Who are you? Why do you follow me?
I dont understand why you wont let me feel free.
Your voice echos in my head and I cant shake you out.
All you do is insult and shout.
But who are you? Your not who you should be.
The miles beneath her feet were many,
but she felt as though she hadn't moved.
Head heavy as any stone she strove to keep her chin up
and her head above water, but she knew.
Before a mirror I try to relate this face to the one of the little girl I have replaced.
That little child who giggled and grinned, so filled with joy and love and the quality of innocence I wish she'd kept.
