Wonderings of the night


As a child, I've always been hollow on the inside
The fact is, this world isn't meant for me
I feel like an inturder.
I realized just recently that I came into this world  inturding on those around me; making them uncomfortable and me feel unwelcomed
I feel, at times, as if my birth was a disatrous mistake
I've always felt strange in humans'  presence
A total disconnect from them
Not psychotic disconnect but closer to self isolation.
Here's me scared of judgement and further abuse
They tell me what to say,
Control my actions.
And chased my spirit away until I'm huddle in a lonely corner.
Why should I push people away when they are drawn to me?
"Why should I say, go away!!!", when they speak
Or why can't I yak when they come near?
Am I afraid that they will judge me?
Or that they will not like me?
Or do I just become so self conscious that I cannot utter a syllable of a word?
I need TIME to think these things over.
I hope I havetime.
It's scary coming from a uncertain place.
And falling on such a shaky landing.


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