Expectations
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iHard choices are carved daily
Nothing feels their chill or heat
as their creators, creativity, and consequences.
Years and years, by their charm
I realize that I am no longer just imagining it, but I am there
I am living in it and not just living- thriving.
Taking in the scenery around me I realize
I realize that I am no longer just imagining it, but I am there
I am living in it and not just living- thriving.
Taking in the scenery around me I realize
I write this as I sit awake
Staring at the darkness
Of my big empty room
My pointless heavy room
So blessed I am
I know it too
The fancy new Tesla
The new Lululemon clothes
What is the best I can hope for?
A seat at the table with those who look down upon me?
If I speak and dress eloquently I will somehow be acceptable?
I would measure deeds on the scale
Adorn the time with the pendulum
Wondering how sand walk on her.
Taking time to understand as the fine dust I am.
I would return, grey or not.
I’m falling
and falling
and my back is
burning
but I’m freezing
cold
cold
and the wind is
So many preparations, regulations, expectations,
so many people expecting me to people-please their purposes.
Since when am I your puppet and
since when are you my planner?
Since when can I not make the choice
How easy it is,
To stand and look pretty
While taking a photo.
As I see the image that others see—
Joyful but Smart.
The mourning sun: Helios
I bloom—vivid and bold.
Set in your sky,
I burn gold.
From my light—
A sacred gift—
When I was 2 my sister was born and I was no longer a baby.
When I was 4 my brother was born and by then I could change a diaper.
At 8 people always said how mature and grown up I was, what a help, a second set of hands.
Everything suddenly changed, beneath the ground that started to split
She thought her feet were on solid ground, a truth she brought herself to admit
The sun could only shine for so long, while a million suns sustained her world
She looked at me and sighed.
I brace myself, for I know
The edge of a temper always wins.
“You know this hurts
It hurts
It hurts
Parties aren't my thing.
There's something about big crowds
That makes me shut down.
I'm uncomfortable.
Sometimes I just want to crawl under a table.
Everyone's closing in.
I can't even think.
nobody saw the pain behind her smile
everyone assumed evrything was fine
they have no idea how wrong they were
while they looked away he was leaving bruises
some were emotional but most were physical
They don’t realize it
But they do
They are expected to know everything
They are expected to be perfected
By imperfect people
Do you hear the music,
That once did beat from within
The constant thump of the unsettled.
Dear guy in the UPS store
I knew you would be the focus of my poem as soon as I saw the floor
Clean shaven, nice hair
it looks like you might actually care
Sometimes I think I'm not good enough.
Sometimes I know it for a fact.
Sometimes I can stare the world 'til it backs down,
Sometimes the opposite enacts.
Somehow, I never seem to fit in,
Dear Dude,
When I took those first steps...
Not into the world, no
Into your life.
Who did I look like?
I refuse to believe I didn't remind you of anyone.
Perhaps... an old friend?
A mug full of green tea
On a night under a black sea
Started out thinking about food in France
End up with my head up in circumstance
Seventeen, strung out on confusion
Pray and one day I’ll be free from your trance
My throat still tightens at the thought of your cry
Ill sit by the fire and watch devils dance
Somewhere along the lines I stopped and decided
Not to let my whole identity get wrapped inside
What I thought you wanted—expected of me
I could not live being an insincere fake—I tried.
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I’m not the sort of girl that gets the boys
And that has mostly been ok
They’re just extra noise
I naturally walk another way
But this year I am changed
They call eighteen adulthood
They hurt my feet
these slippers red as a beet
I don't want to go to a fancy hall
or wear makeup on my face
in this "gorgeous" sheet.
but those horrible sisters and mom they say
She is afraid of fading into history
of being an unknown story among the classics
of forgotten churchgoers who live on their knees
She doesn't know how she's going to pay the bills
Paint a picture
Paint a picture perfect
Make sure all these hours are worth it
Don’t cure it
Exploit what has been given
A personal piñata
To bring to a breaking point
As the piñata cracks
Hands grab and the shell is left empty Grades Emotions Love It is snatched from the broken halves Hard work is pointless Piñata are replaceable M.M
The Pink Bows wrapped in my Hair.
The Carefree Smile I chose Wear.
The Dresses, The Heels, the Jewerly Too.
The Girl, they Thought, Only if they Knew.
Ten Years Later, The Bows Have Disappeard.
Paper dolls delicately scatter across the plains.
Their grace and poise burdened for my name.
Either they sneered or talked with me seeing,
Because they did a pretty lousy job for me not to glance away.
The future follows behind me with a stern look and a jagged plea
As competition constantly stares back at me.
In the past year I battled the fists of friend crusades
Because of the stabs of pending test grades.
Bloodless
If in designation we find substance,
We are neither truly rich nor poor.
I know what you see when you look at me.
At least I fear as you.
Expectations are now at thier highest peak.Senior year and I'm still a freak.I'm sorry.I apologize. Please turn away, don't watch me cry. I will never be what you want of me. I'm so sorry.
i once met a goddess on a lonely road
Knots of gold adorning her crown
shining jewels as green as a toad
Diverted all the way down
roses flourished in her cheeks
As she continued to stare
In my early 20's,
When I was a simplistic University student of the Law,
One of my less popular professors
Romanticized dinner table conversations,
So much so I felt,
That the apex of my life would entail,
Green leads to Greed
yet I gaze outdoors
to discover green is synonymous with growth
what does this mean
we have been groomed from the first
green means go
chase the paper, not the dream
They are everywhere
Watching, waiting for a slip-up
Waiting to criticize you for
everything you do.
There it is again! That feeling
of eyes on you.
You turn and search for the eyes
You're so pretty!
Your face is beat!
Oh my God! You're hilarious!
I love compliments. Conceited much?
No. I'm quite Precarious.
As the days go by, this arduous feeling grows.
As I lay there, I can picture your faces in the patches of the sky.
Dark and grey, I begin to feel your tears run down my face,
It was time for me to let go.
the way i see
it, we have two
options:
a)
be each others
One. give me the
ring,
leave the wedding
to
me; and soon we'll boast about this
diaper-changing Happily
My hands are always full
I don't want to be successful
I don't want that at all
I don't want a big house
Of which I've paid off every ounce
With my supportive spouse
frustration
is energy
negative
or
positive?
it depends
frustration
propells
forward
not backward
negative
or
positive?
it depends
Some may say that this is powerful stuff
But the general consensus is that it's not different enough
You have to be the next Green, the Rowell of this generation
But all this standard lends to is my general consternation
Exhilaration.
Heart rate speed up.
Mind confused.
Is it me? Is it you?
Diletated pupils.
Sex education didn't teach me this.
Arousal?
Doesn't seem to hit it.
A tiny voice asks me 'what do you provide?'
I answer with nothing
The voice will taunt, scorn, and mock
Useless, it says. You believe your writing is good enough to provide.
The cannons resound.Their deafening ringing smothers my voiceSilences my questioning thoughtsLeaves only the orders I was given.
Do you expect me
To believe
That I will think of the breeze
When I’m bursting with seared ash?
Do you expect me
To lose myself
Into the galaxy
I’m trapped
In a world of expectations.
Be honest,
But not if it hurts.
Believe in this. Don’t believe in that.
Don’t do this,
Do this,
Who told you to do that?
Sometimes,
"someday you'll grow up" he says,
"someday you will know"
. All the things he did for me
, the things he'd never show
. "Someday you'll grow up" he says
"and maybe act your age"
I still remember the day when I realized that the only person who can ever truly love you with all of his or her heart is yourself.
Unspeakable, unreasonable expectations.
There are no words to describe what it is,
There are no directions to tell you where to go,
There are no instructions,
Except, and accept, that it will not be easy.
Human 2
humans are such fickle creatures
they can never decide
they go into something thinking one way
and wanting this
then by the end thery're thinking the complete opposite
Sick
of this era’s categorization,
overanalyzation,
and hasty labeling of human beings.
They label us all
smoothing stickers over our names,
Pretty hair, perfect smile
Shining eyes, thin waist
Eyes on you all the time
Let the boys chase
Unrealistic expectations
A voice, a kind spirit
A dreaming heart, a fearless soul
It is the highest expectations that have the furthest to fall,
crazy
that a 14 year old is
too young to make choices
but old enough to take responsibility
crazy
that a 15 year old is
not able to control his tongue
Even when I do my best, My best is not enough
No matter how many good things I do, one bad thing erases them all
The expectations are set,
before we even come into the world.
-
We see things as a threat,
before we know what flag they hold.
-
We refuse to accept everyone,
before we get to know them.
I don't know what I want.
All I know is what I've been told.
But are my thoughts truly my own?
Does that make them mine,
Or are they something instilled?
"What do you want to be?"
I hate that overrated question
With the inevitable answer.
Because, who knows?
I could explain to them what I want to do.
Never have I seen anything about myself as flawless;
The cuts that once covered my body, like paint strokes on a damaged canvas,
Am I enough? To be considered beautiful, naturally. Naturally with acceptable flaws. Being 17 in a media-controlled world can either go left or right. Am I enough? To make mistakes and be forgiven. Still be human.
The day I asked myself am I really this person inside,
Am I covering up the truth? Is there anything to hide.
Blinded by other people's expectations, focused on unexpect fear.
Just like that,
I curl inside the empty cavern between rib bones and hip joints,
just like that,
I am not who I should be,
The way I put the me in mean,
Hurting those who on me lean,
Lord you must help me.
Being this way, a jerk
To those who look to me,
Lord please set me free,
I see women.
I see thunder thighs
and freckles,
muffin tops,
rib cages,
a birth mark that covers the length of her collar bone
Don’t all people hide behind curtains?Ones that appear physical, invisible,Some even palpable.
Its been said money makes the world go round,
what does marry do?
what is once lost will one day be found.
is that true?
what goes up, will come back down?
does anyone have a single clue?
We romanticise everything
until we lose sight of real emotions
buried under words and pretty imagery
then we wonder why nothing
ever lives up to our expectations.
Crucify me on the cross of language
Encaged within the five senses
Perceive stereotypes unfold as
eyes flick to minimal shirts
Long colored skirts billow from a bicycle
My hair is long; white girl style
I had high hopes for you
Hopes that stretch there arms so high to reach Gods little messages
But you wasn't there , hoping you'll come through that door any day
Hysterically, I laugh at what I want to do to you.
What you deserve.
You clearly don’t think I’m crazy.
Well, clearly I’m about to snap after you used and abused me.
People say you can’t be a lawyer because you’re a woman
Says who?
The Hobby Lobby
Taking away our good medicine for the obstruction of religious freedom
And people dying of AIDS, they didn’t know
You have to love me for who I become
what I create, what I say, what I see,
what I give, not what I take.
You cannot love me for what I need
what I want, what I’ve been given.
If you point your eyes directly at a star,
expecting to see a brilliant sparkle in the black,
you will be inexorably disappointed.
Most stars are only visible
in the periphery: they are too dim,
Life is payday.
You have fifty dollars in your pocket
along with the daydreams of what you might buy
roses for your future lover
the promise of opportunity.
Life is tax day.
I will look upon a normal tree,
Robust trunk and swinging leaves,
Then realize I wanted a flower.
I’ll tell myself it could be one,
Then it is, the transformation done,
Less of a tree with each passing hour.
I’m the golden girl. I’m intelligent and driven. I’m ambitious but principled. I make straight A’s. I have a 4.0, which seems to be the ticket to everything in the college world. Adults love me because I’m different.
It starts out small.
Do your laundry.
So minuscule. A drop on the windshield with plenty of time for the wiper blades to save you.
If you really knew me
you would know that
I look at people the way you read a book.
If you really knew me
you'd see the way I tense up when
You couldn't achieve your dreams now you wanna live through me. Looking for my lost thoughts with wall in front of me. How can I achieve when you don't believe in me? It isn't my fault your dreams didn't soar like the trees.
The building blocks you put down stack so high that they touch the sky
The skyscrapers you make are so tall they remind me that I'm so small
And I admire your optimism
The ceiling is empty when it comes to answers
but what else am I to look up to?
My mind is on overdrive
When I was in first grade I got straight A’s, my parent’s were ecstatic.
The next year I got all A’s and a B, but they were still proud.
So on and so forth I still did well, but mom and dad got less excited every time.
I don’t know how
they expect us
Less experienced
Less confident
Less prepared
to choose.
To choose a flavor of ice cream,
much less a college
Major
Career
Spouse.
Why
Is it that everything
I did upset you?
Am
I just not as perfect as
you wanted me to be?
I
listened to every word you said,
I exist, I’m alive,
My heart beats,
Thump Thump Thump,
But my arms, legs, neck,
Stiff.
My body’s moving,
But I’m not moving it.
My lung goes,
In, out, in, out,
I’m breathing,
We as human beings tend to focus on the negative instead of the positive. We usually can't help it, it's form of habit. A habit passed down since, well... forever. Sometimes though...
I wonder
What it would be like
If I had a father
Who cared,
Loved,
Helped.
I wonder
What it would be like
To not have to fight
For steps,
Small,
Small
Steps.
There are too many things that make up a person.
We want to compact them all
Into one item
“Do you like this?
Close your eyes and imagine
All the things that could happen
Wake up to a cup full of coffee
“This child is really special,” they said,
And I feared. For what if they were wrong?
But I smiled politely and got lost in my head.
I was given the test and immediately felt dread.
It's a broken Hallelujah that reigns over my lips,
Singing praises to something I can't prove exists.
They're like tape,
Holding me together while confining the mind I really want to speak.
we compete with our siblings for attention
we compete with our class mates for the golden stickers
we compete with our school mates for class rank
we compete with national students for college admission
There's a reason I have to plug in my iPod every time I venture out on a run by myself.
There are two ways to label,
numbers and categories.
Height, weight, and the circumference of the waist divided by the hips
Define beauty.
Age, IQ, and net worth
When you ask a child "what do you want to be"
Their answer naivee lays on the heart and warms you,
The smile on your face starts to curve even higher and you think
how sweet.
They say it isn't special,
Then expect you to have it all together.
They say it isn't some magic thing that happens overnight,
Then expect you to pay for college.
They say you won't change,
But you will.
am i okay?yes, im fine.
inside me, the demons are screaming and tearing at my soul
but im fine.
feelings of hopelessness and fear and anxiety are building up like briks
but im fine
Good Girl is the iron-barred cage that I live in.
I want to do what's right in my heart,
but it's wrong according to my religion.
It feels like a compliment and other times it hurts
Growing up, I was never the favorite.
The didn't-matter-never-did-get-your-grades-up.
My mom was a nurse, my dad a PhD.
My stepmom's doing her diss and I know she's going to make it.
Everyone seems to have all these high expectations for me,
for I am a preacher's daughter,
I am a "smart" person,
I am innocent.
No one expects me to slip up.
I am not allowed to get a bad grade,
Do they not understand
Do they feel the stress behind our eyes
Do they feel the expectations weighing down on our shoulders
We do.
We do not realize that you want the best
We feel pressured
Remember that age of 7
It was so tender
Remember that age of 7
A bandage was a mender.
Those days are long gone
That youthful age
Those days are long gone
Are we even on the same page?
When I was in middle school
I was such a fool
Hanging around with my pals
Acting so very “cool.”
But I’m in high school now
I’ll make it through somehow...
Oh for heaven’s sake
It’s never vocalized or stated clearly, but it exists – that is, in theory
A shadow cast by parents, teachers, peers, and more
Labeled “Academically-inclined”; to an automatic clique assigned
Once a hobby, now a chore
Here's a problem to solve:
You're given a set of numbers and rules,
Expected to manufacture meaning from it all.
Deliberating decisions isn't always a choice,
In school we get through the names that try to drag us down,
That try to hurt us, to define us, to limit our potential.
We let them be the weight that ties us down,
The noose that we strangle ourselves with,
I run from the truth
As I refuse to believe
That we as a race
Are choosingly blind
To the struggles
And desperate pleas
Of today’s teenagers.
Let me ask you,
I am not okay
And I don't have the energy
All of it's exhausting
It's not that I'm not trying,
But that I can't seem to care.
Notes and tests and quizzes and books
It's all just way too much
Students have issues.
We spend our days sitting in class rooms,
and our nights working minumum wage jobs.
Some of us live on our own,
and others don't have a home at all.
We have needs,
Wonder what it's like in the public eye.
Everyone knowing everything,
No secrets Whatsoever,
Judging stares; hateful words.
Wonder what it's like to always have a front.
To be what others want,
The seas are calm.
My soul is free
The birds are singing let them sing.
In sweet harmony and song my soul is free.
The sun is shining.
Let it shine upon me.
I have a lot of plans for my future. I really want to make something of myself. I am currently trying to make it out of high school alive. I work hard every day at my school, because I want to get out of here.
"Don't have a big head, the world doesn't revolve around you."
There's no I in team, that's all that I knew.
There are people that are starving, homless and broke.
But that's only in movies, it was only a joke.
Pressure
Ten thousands tons on my back
Can’t stand all that weight im toeing around
Ask me to step up my game
but I mature a little late so it’s not happening now
Curiosity becomes a whisper
and questions remain unanswered
WE are drowned in our own famine for knowledge.
When it comes to kids throughout all schools,
I notice a special treatment to some who very blindly act as fools,
While others sit and study trying so desprately to build up there name,
I am the product of a child never left alone...You see I am what a teacher taught me 3 years ago was possible, you see me I am what my 5th grade teacher wrote in the pavement me for me to be, and that path I crossed over last week is the cement wr
They say that school is a must.
You miss it you're a bust.
To fail is certainly wrong.
But school is just so long.
You must conform to societies needs.
Those who differ will not succeed.
She says sit like a lady
but has rules against chairs.
Here's six hours of reading,
I'm sure you have time to spare.
Here's a screwdriver and wood
now give me boat.
There is a list of to-do's,
We live with them.We have them for other people.Other people have them for us.It's expected to have expectations.
Parents expect us towork harder,word longer,and work better.
Lets run far away Where no one can find usFind a little place to stay
Build a life on love and trust.
A young mind searches for the inspirational knowledge the world has to offer.
There is so much to learn, to absorb, to observe;
Yet only a portion is discovered
Expected to be prepared in every class, "it is key to pass," say all the teachers to the mass, I have one question to ask, how can you expect us to be prepared with every task, when you forget to write it upon the board where it will bask, under t
When my shoulders sag from the weights of the world,
Remind me who I am.
When the darkness hides Your lovely face,
Remind me who I am.
Expectations of Two
My mother lived
In a house of four
Beaten to perfection
And no flaws
Rising from the slums
Staying hungry to save money
She moved to the U.S.
To get a decent job
Forethought to the Audience: I am so tired of students being so ignorant in class and not taking their learning seriously. I'm tired of teachers having no backbone, and allowing the students to dominate the class.
What is school? A mystery.
Why am I learning about History?
Geography? Art?
Building my brain to be so-called "smart."
To be educated, responsible, dependable.
Like a piece of clay i'm mendable.
This is what you've done to me.
You started to teach me as a child,
In rooms of bright colors and toys,
Rooms that smelled of crayons and grubby fingers,
How silly of me to have expectations.
Did I forget you were human just like I?
The simple fact that we are human proves that I should have no expectations for you.
You sat alone every first day of school and hoped, no, prayed that no one sat next to you.
And when they did, you ignored them; it wasn’t long before they said hello, but you had already put your earphones in.
father’s spirit vanished when i was but a child
but long before my knees ached
and ran Red with swollen gashes
before i washed for hours
and before clean was never clean enough
but i grew tired and weak
As children, they ask us
"What will you be when you grow up?"
We say astronaut,
president,
musician,
actor,
celebrity.
They smile and tell us
that we can do whatever we desire
Hi, my name is Lauren Lehman, I'm an ambitious poet from the South Florida Metropolitan Area..
I began writing poetry to help cope with traumatic events that I've overcome in my past.
I come from a long line of Scots
The kind that drink and hate
Their failed dreams
The kind that love
With hitting and name-calling
The kind that don’t change
i want to look into Your eyes
and not wonder
what horrible things you’re thinking about me
i want to not have to worry
that Your smile is one of obscurity
i want to be able to be me
I was bigger, I was stronger, I was supposed to be the best. I was smarter, I was wiser, I was supposed to be the best. I was funnier, I was gayer, I was supposed to be the best. I was cuter, I was prettier, I was supposed to be the best.
"I dated a writer once. I think.... I'd like to date one again." She eased the statement from her lips confidently and seeking of my approval. I only laughed at her.
Its 2013 and nothing has changed.
I sit with my homies and brothers ever estranged.
Watching all these people looking at us as if we are to blame.
Its 2013 and nothing has changed.
barriers worse than the Berlin wall and
contraceptives combined
our lives intersect
nonsensical
cyclical conjectures
the hypocrisy
blinding
it slurs and
it curses
I am finished.
This has gone on for far too long.
Trying to fit into your box of expectations had been my only goal since childhood.
I see now that your expectations are not me.
I won't let you define my life.
Growing up with a father,Blinded by his own pain,I became the parent;His shelter from constant rain.Dried up his tears,Floods only became clouds.I couldn't help him like I wanted.I let him down.
Hahahah you're hilarious!
You thought this note was about how
You broke some girl's heart!
Comedy gold.
This is coming from a place you shut off long ago.
Remember how we forgot?
How we never actually played by the rules we were taught
At the site of death we are sicken until we bite our tongues,
screaming at the anger that coats us in pain,
and as are eyes become blood shot red we are fighting to decide
Challenged with it all my life.
The kids laughing,
the kids talking.
Enemies and friends alike.
Lavish lies conceal flattering false prophets
Under a guise that is layers deep
A ritualistic routine of self masocation
Of emotional measures physicality intact
Progressing and digressing
Sometimes I despise people
when their eyes are cheerful
And they smile around me
it feels like they are teasing me
because I am always alone
Well it's better than being just another clone
In the early evening, I come home from the park.
And inside my house there are shadows in the dark!
I live in a dollhouse
Where the Barbie's are five feet tall
And their pretty pink dresses
Resemble summer's fall.
I'm riding in a car with people I just met,
Realizing that my mind is so far away from theirs.
I look around outside the car window seeing the life I live in,
While questioning the thoughts that are going through my head.
I wake up but keep my eyes closed.
I just lay there in my bed.
Seems like everyday is the same,
I hear the same old story playing over and over in my head.
Hand clenched, nerves tingled, emotions stirred
Eyes tired from the long night of drunken celebration
My gown swayed and my tassel knocked against my ear
Name is called and a small cheer is heard at a distance
They'll label you
Try to give you drugs that disable you
Saying this will never hurt, its to save you
But it cures you
Cures you from not following the status quo
Wipe out all the truth you may know
So you think you’re a man?
Walking with an air of authority-
Looking down on all you meet-
Spitting on the homos-
Degrading all the women-
Looking to your father,
Disobeying your mother,
Mirror mirror on the wall,
Who is the fairest of them all?
With all these noises and TV lies,
I fail to see with worldly eyes.
Empty within compare,
Lost within despair,
Alone always alone,
And that's what I've always known.
Why is no one answering my cries?
I lash out in hopes that someone will notice,
But all that responds is never-ending silence.
Music used to be my perfect muse…
Now it doesn’t even offer me comfort.
I lost my mama one cold fierce night. Thinking she would return to her daughter might. I cry everyday i was just a little girl, out in the cold freezing world. things started changing, people dont remain the same, they are not true their word.
Please forgive me, I know I'm nothing to be proud of
One awful monster created out of an act of love
The irony is often too much to take
I am sorry for being the worst mistake
Over in a moment
Death is nothing to be feared;
Life, love, and everything else
Is a tragedy for the mind.
Masked from all light, hidden in plain sight
His outside appearance is fake, with interference
From his brain, he hears it, dazed with incoherence
The boy afraid to try, shrouded by fright.
Welcome to the Mistake Factory
We stake ‘em
We bake ‘em
We shake ‘em
We even sell ‘em too
We send ‘em
We bend ‘em
We bind ‘em
We grind ‘em
And then we sing a long loud YABBA DABBA DOO!
What's real in this masquerade called life?
Behind these masks
Underneath the painted on smiles
I am from ashes
from shards and legendary rebirth.
I am from darkness beneath moon's shadow
lonely, silent,
it feels like snow.
I am from the world's remains,
the dark abyss
To be a woman in some ways more masculine than man
To be a tree whose efforts bear no flowers nor fruit
To be uninteresting, unattractive, and unloved
To be showered with compliments and praise, and,
Finely shaped,
Satin to fall against,
Each leg and arm.
Held up only,
By the finest plank,
Of light wood.
Taking it down,
To put it on,
Only to disgard it.
To throw it away.
