i want to look into Your eyes

and not wonder 

what horrible things you’re thinking about me

i want to not have to worry

that Your smile is one of obscurity

i want to be able to be me

around You

i want Your love

You hold no prisoners 

in Your house

why do i feel trapped

why can’t i take a breath

without inhaling Your criticism

why do i have weights

tied to me

holding me down

why have You tied

the weights to me

did You hold me when i cried

the first time

or did You push me away

was there time for me

then

was i ever enough for You

i've tried to make You happy

but i never seem to say the right things

i'm sorry i haven’t lived up to

Your expectations

from now on i will try to

shame You a little less

sorry i even thought i could

make You happy

one of these days You will

look at me with the same amount of

pride

i know they are the apples of

Your eyes

i understand i will never measure

up to them

i love You, but

that will never be enough

will it 

Mom?