neglect
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When I was 15,16,17, I was turning the lights off in my mom's house often. She would leave them on late at night and walk away, off to her room. Off to bed.
My relationship with my mother
Has been a series of trust falls
And she's never once caught me
.
But I keep leaning backwards
And hating myself
When I inevitably hit the ground
.
It comes into your life-
A fresh soul,
Awaiting a home
Waiting for tender loving and care
You could offer them the world
A field of friends,
Connected by roots
But when you start to neglect
I have a simple question to ask first to my mother,
when you look up at the stars, what do you see?
Do you think of yourself?
Just as I think of myself?
Her Final Spring
She died old,
then stillborn, rose;
damned destiny
grim.
Watched stars
begin in off-key chinooks
of skulls and skins
picked from sea's
hoary bed,
"I have already lost touch with a couple of people I used to be." ~ Joan Dideon
*THIS POEM contains bad words and other nasty, gritty, poo-poo.
DONT read if you are easily disturbed or young.
Thank You
For not being there
When I needed you the most
I hope you’re aware
That you’re a horrible host
How would I learn
To be a man without my father
The one who shapes his son
The fact is that you did not raise me
You neglected me
You betrayed me
You left me there to figure it all out on my own
I am inspired by my past
Not what I went through,
But how long it last.
After a while it became abuse,
Not physical
But mental, and emo-tion-al.
Being neglected.
Being rejected.
Feeling disrespected.
I should have fucking guessed it.
Should have excepted.
Everybody else fucking does it.
Feeling lost and betrayed.
Time is passing,
still procrastinating.
With much to endeavor,
won’t last forever.
Dream so wild,
yet aspects mild.
One moment in time,
A thoughtless rhyme.
I may not relate to those who are happier than me.
Although I may not show obvious signs of struggle, I am still lost.
Parted Lips
a-POP-olypse
The seats of the minivan burst into flame
as rabid fragments of monster carrots
feed Death while he
Young childrenUnclothedCold unfedThat go unnoticed by Parents Drugged Never home Living for themselves Systems Broken RushedRuined Children with no role models Give us no chance For future The child looks at me I am just a child
It's been long,
Struggling,
Living life this way,
No longer functioning.
Sporadic moments of clarity,
Showing,
That life is not,
Dsyfunctioning.
This is a story about a little girl
Who spent her childhood
Caring for her siblings
Loving them with great passion.
This little girl’s biological mother had a boyfriend
He was abusive
Dirty blonde hair that was always greasy because
your family had one bathroom
with six
seven
eight people
and you always came last to every single one.
Sisters' boyfriends and strange neighbors
counting knots in the wood slats-
the ones i can feel my nonexistent breath bounce off against
the ones holding up the musty mattress that does not get granted a body for most of the year
silent cabin
Ain’t about that life, ain’t about them drugs
I used to be and i wanted to snort coke
Wanted to smoke weed like a hood rat
Didn’t though cause i was too scared
Dear Lover,
I am not a puppy or a little plaything you can choose because you think I am cute,
I am not a creature you can punish for not behaving how you would like me to,
Dear School Board,
You threaten me with your words
With your long sentences of gibberish and peanut butter
Can you see me this time through your clouds of billowing smoke?
The last time I was in this place you could not see me
Could not feel my beating heart
Could not hear me
Dear mom,
I try so hard to forget you exist
though i cant help but remember
the way you drank your beer
or lit your cigarette
or introduced me to a new boyfriend
Have you forgotten my worth and escaped from my elegance?
Its seeming my china has lost all our relevance.
Do I not shine like the bulbs illuminating your stove?
I’m near, yet lonesome; I’m a deeply secluded cove.
Every time we communicateThere is no positivityThere's things that you put downThat I think are greatConversations are dullThey drain meWhile the fill you upTear me downWhile they bring you upShatter my heartWhile they toughen yours upI can't take
He is a hollow shell found on empty beaches
You try to get a hold of him, and he breaks in pieces
His words are venom but his eyes are tears
I was the lightning
As fierce as a bullet
My anger ran ravishingly
Across a span of millions
You were the cloud
Protector of my soul
The Calm of my anger
I beg this question upon you,
Tie up my wrists
Bind my heart
Wrap it tenderly beneath your knife
I assure you
It does not bleed
For bleeding is a sign of death,
I wish to paint your carcass black,
Show you all the dark thoughts I've ever had.
I wish to tear you limb from limb,
Use my anger
To show you the pain I'm in.
You ask for help...
but you run away…
How can we feel what you've felt if you don't give us the light of day?
Coming home to a quiet house
Lights are out
Lights are out
Eating dinner at an empty table
All alone
All alone
Torn and Broken
Holes and Stains
A lost wheel, A missing stitch
Time moves on
Some forget , Some do not
We used once.....
everyday, all day, all the time
Now in dust, to rot and rust
Boom!
The sound of another gun shot.
Breaking news!
Another murder.
Seek shelter!
Another flood.
What is this?
It is a mad world,
but also a bad one.
You know what's funny?
The way you seem to think that all is right in the world.
That everything is working out great for you.
But you cannot seem to fathom the destruction,
put onto others, brought on by you.
it's simple in a woman's mind,
don't believe she only wants love.
she wants the loyalty, respect, attention, and care:
she wants to be put above.
loyalty means commitment,
respect means good character,
When he came into my life
Everything changed like never before
I became someone I despised
I dressed differently
I stopped talking to the people around me
I even strayed away from my classes
I come home early like you said I should,
But you stare at me like I intrude.
This is my home too mother.
So stop treating me like I am a bother.
Why do you forget that I am just a kid?
I hate the world.
Especially when I find myself
In an office on a hot afternoon
This is not my cup of tea.
I am busy talking to people I couldn’t care less about;
About shit nobody cares about.
An ache in your chest
Dunno where we stand
Happy memories ablaze
Standing hand in hand
Where it all began
Nobody can say
The end was unexpected
A world fell apart
It’s Christmas.
My first without you.
I try to act happy, but I can’t.
I want you back with every once in my body!
I live in a world full of deaf people
With nonsense parents always unaware
While their child cries up in their steeple
They neither hear nor do they even care
A time of life, a time of truth
I lied for your attention.
“It’s broken”
“Sorry, ran out of ink”
“I had to shut it down because of the storm”
All of these excuses I told
Not because I hated you
But because I loved you
Imagine this huge castle- and in this castle, you’re the king. Or a queen or whatever. But there’s nobody to serve you- and yet you’re happy to be alone and rule a world entirely your own.
No one
Not even the rain
Can quite feel my pain
As I call out your name
And its a shame
That you left me in vain
While I crawled on the floor leaving a small blood stain
I've never...
Found a treasure...
Like you...
My Treasure,
Sure is hard to here from you
But it's fine I get busy too...
Maybe one day we'll shine
Mostly me since, you're mine...
My bones were feeble
My breath had weathered
My voice can be heard as a bare, cracked whisper
And I listen at how fragile we are...
For which my lungs, they were thirsty for air
Woo hoo. Donald Duck film at school today.
I'm so happy I'm five, cause now I get to do
all the fun things and stuff.
Donald showed me what to do if a fire comes to my house
I feel the shadow of fear creeping down the dark hall
slipping noticed into the room - my eyes squinched tight
But i know that shadow even with my eyes closed don't I
am I crazy?
so I've been fucking told!
I always thought I would save the world from pain.
Tiptoes, softly, gently steering
he towards me, and me I'm fearing
thief of childhood ever nearing
INNOCENCE OF 8 EYES DIE
I'm Seventeen.
I talked to my counselor today.
The school won’t let me back to class without a note from a therapist;
Broken home, a broken promise, broken bottle of green tinted glassStayed up late to watch over you, now I’m dozing off in class
Do you hear that silent cry for help?
Do you feel the punches, the harsh objects,
On their innocent skin?
I'm all alone on this rainy, cold and empty street.
Where have you gone?
Do you still care about me?
Look i see a light on!
I'm limping up to the door hoping to find you there.
Neglect–ed
Ringed out with blood and stretch marks.
Wrinkles written in between the crevices of my eyes.
They sting and burn. Fighting, fighting, and falling.
I kept falling. I failed.
Flaws and all She was born like this not very tall with curves he likes to kiss the chubby cheeks on her face a smile that lights up the place in her heart is very pure and soft voice that's hard to hear if you're not listening to the words she s
In an indefinable world
Only able to transcribe
Sensations and experiences
Through words, sentences and phrases
A translation,
misread
Lead to schematics
Of life dynamics
An insatiable appetite.
The gluttony stains your lips.
Each day, each second, unwavering, yearning for more.
Your cries are often heard, always heard, but does mine reach you?
I Love Lucy
“Lucy, I’m Home!”
October, 1941;
Lucille Ball entered the hearts and homes
of Millions of American men and Women.
Humans are so fragile
They must be taken care of.
But animals don't matter
Since they're never given love.
You begin to walk away
Like you did no harm.
The animals died today
his hands caresses every curve of my undeveloped body
every touch; it burns of sin
i scream but no one hears me
i struggle but he wont stop
tears, anguish and frustration
sweat escaping through help
I now stand alone; the last of my kind. My ears search the woodland for a familiar sound, but i am disregarded with silence. My mind is astray with thoughts of affliction and revenge. I am overcome with all loss of communication.
I sit in the dark and listen to the sound of laughter and joy but more importantly
I hear the LOVE they have with each other.
I'll be fine on my own
And your words break my fragile bones.
I'm done with the negativity,
Do you lie in bed at night
wondering about the victorious
one?
What he must be hiding from
you, do you ever pray for a sign?
It doesn't take miracles, and I know you're not blind
I had a dream last night
A dream that it all went right
From day one, there you were
Out of the blue you cared about me
Where the hell did that come from?
I always thought I needed you
You don’t know
Do you
What it’s like
Not to be loved
Not to have
What you
Take for granted:
A home.
What do you
Know about
Hunger and
Pain and
it was cold that night.
i was alone and scared.
a friendly little girl picked me up after i hesitated going to her.
she knew i was cold.
she could tell i hadnt eaten in a while.
The job that would change my life is becoming a Veterinarian. I want to help animals and care for them. Ever since I was at the age of 9 and I got my first puppy for Christmas I knew I loved animals and wanted to help them in any way I can.
What have I done?
Why do you beat me?
Why won't you answer me when I cry throughout the night?
These questions are running through their heads
What wrong have they done?
They just want your love
You don't want your child?
That's not your choice.
You made that.
How can you look at her face
And deny her?
She's your blood
Your legend.
What has the world come to?
A letter to my mother
My mother hates me and I don’t know why
We just can’t seem to see eye to eye
She disrespects me to the ump degree
Now I’m going to tell you what’s in my decree
how could you hurt
something so defenseless
how could you not love
something so innocent
shame on you, just shame on you
a life that hurts an animal is less than a life to me
I watched as the stranger beat my mother with a rod.
I watched as he threw her onto a truck.
I watched as the stranger beat my father with a rod.
I watched as they threw him onto a truck.
i bring home a warm soul
a bouncing tail
a warm tongue
what a gift
its nature is wild
it runs with delight
happy panting
what a gift
it misbehaves
A man that made her feel safe
Took her in like she was his own
Betrayed her by making his claim
It was ruthless. She called out for help
No one heard her scream
Belittled to nothing -- nothing at all
Hold your children.
If you are going to be shitty at least be consistent.
The truth is important (but sometime you need to wait until someone asks).
i wanna be free, like in the books that i read, let my words mean more tha
You just don't get it
All that I go through.
All that everyone has to go through.
You say, oh you have it so easy.
The stress piled on feels like I am never going to get out from under this.
I am the spiritual leader of this home, he says
You belong to me, he says
I belong to no one, i scream
In my head....
You remind me of myself, he says
We are the same, he says
There it goes again.
Another fist to their jaws,
Another bomb to their world
That you promised was bombsheltered.
They’re sick and tired
Of being tired and sick.
Yet you’ve done nothing
I lift my ears, lift my eyes
Look up to the cloudy sky
Rain falls, soaking me
people hold their noses
Why can't someone embrace me
For who I am
For who I will be
I want to help
I lift my ears, lift my eyes
Look up to the cloudy sky
Rain falls, soaking me
people hold their noses
Why can't someone embrace me
For who I am
For who I will be
I want to help
We have feelings too, sir.
I'm sorry for whatever I did.
I promise, it won't happen again, sir.
Why must you do this to a being much less powerful than you.
I limp, I bleed, I cry, because of you, sir.
Get me out of this placeMy heart breaks like glassLet it shatter and it runs a different paceIt's messing with my head, one minute i'm with you now suddenly i'm hereWhen will this end?
Why me?
I thought you loved me?
You picked me up and saved me.
Why?
Why did you want a friend?
To make another creature feel miserable
come and look
into this child
eyes can you
tell the life she
live is a lie
living each day
like its alright
never let her
feelings out
never even cry
its hard for her
Don’t speak the truth, but don’t be a liar
At least, that’s how Mommy says I should be
She says it’s the only way
To explain my black and blue shoulders and knees
Liar, Liar pants on fire
“Mama,” her body began to spark more and more with each step
“I’m going to Emily’s house,” her eyes began to glow hungry for fuel
Hope is a knife, faith is murder.
She cries out to you,
but you haven't heard her,
because the truth is you don't care,
and deep down she knows,
but her hope is just the thorns
on a wilted rose.
Teacher! Teacher! Can't you see?
I'm in the back turn your eyes to me.
My hand is up and I'm ready to learn,
Everyone else knows, now it's my turn.
I want to know about America's history,
With my neck in the collar
and the collar to the leash,
I have nothing to live for,
except eating loose meat.
I once had a mother,
she understood me,
Now I have nothing
I write to release the anger and anguish of a childhood lost. I write to tell the story of becoming a mother and father to a baby brother at the age of thirteen.
The children, the children
Will anyone care
A little girl just wants somebody to care
So badly, so badly
They want to be loved
Who to call mommy
Who to call daddy
I couldn't say to you what I'd really like to--This morning I woke up with an aching head,My arm had three bruises instead of one--You are my teacher, but who am I to you?
the Girl with the Red Hair, the scowled lips the Pretentious curl,The sun's grace, but as fierce as snake venom.Tongue made of butterfly wings and unspoken dreams. I watch from afar,
Ignorance is not bliss.
Ignorance is shattering.
Ignorance is cruelty.
Ignorance is isolating.
The stray child,
between her two eyes resting on the bridge out of sight.
The slight tickle of a fleeing thought at the front of her mind.
He kisses her brow good night and is forever lost,
the stray child.
Dear God,
Where were you?
Sincerely,
Daughter of an alcoholic narcissist.
Dear Father,
Where were you?
Sincerely,
Daughter of an alcoholic narcissist
Dear Mother,
To my father whose blows bruised my body and my heart
Who did everything in his power to make me feel like less of a man
Whose hands, rough and worn by the harsh realities of life, I still fear to this day
I write to you.
As children we scribbled on paper so white,
Counting the colors,
Enjoying the sight,
Of the marvelous splendor,
Of something we made,
Showed it to mom,
Then went out and played.
I remember when the fireflies danced in the night
When hearts grew warmer,
as coldness sprouted to life.
When a single sign of affection
brewed a storm inside of me
and I pursued the glimpse of happiness.
Mama, I know when You look into my eyesYou see him.When my hand reached Over to hold yoursI knew why you never held them tight.My hands were aLittle replica of his.When my little hands
There comes a time when we all hold a responsibility
For what the world is and what it could be
But we often get trapped in our own reality
Concerned only with the well-being of our families
every exasperated sigh
is a painful reminder
of how unhappy you are here.
I cringe when I hear you
You are like a machine on its last run, ready to give in at any given moment
I laid on his shoulder
Recognizing his ceiling
His breathing so calm
So full of deception
I loved him
I'd fallen so hard it hurt
He'll change tomorrow I'd say
She always used to say
that the world was so unfair
that the time was never right
to save Her,
for everyone lives for themselves,
heartbreak a person itself
where privacy lies only in thoughts
Too young to understand
too naïve to comprehend
But you’ve sold me short.
You’ve pulled the wool over your own,
building up the walls of your fort.
I used to skate in circles
I was afraid the pond couldn't carry me
Others danced around me
Past my corner of the pond
Did they think of me often?
I thought of them in constance
Scarlet Letter , a message to the masses
There's a killer in our sheets, so rap it up before you catch it
Or check it up before you pass it , no exceptions
To the slash list, so please avoid, the dash, on that
Homelessness, anarchy, terrorism
This is reality.
Wars, drugs, abortions
This is reality.
Global warming, corruption, debt
This is reality.
AIDS, alcohol, smoking
This is reality.
They provide answers to those who are new,
About questions of life, of faith, of love,
As the old scurry from what they knew true.
Deep in these streets
Where it's easy to lose
One's self without warning
Where all hell ensues
Where death is dealt
Day to day
From one hand to the other
In a sneaky way
Where moms run amok
The very little memories I have of you
Makes me not want to be around you
The once in a blue moon chance we get
You turn your head as if you didn’t see me.
Life is short like someone once told me
This is a take over for the Earth.
I wish you drowning in dreams as it seems.
the planet will be dead soon anyway.
I hope you cut your throat and bleed blue,
because thats how I feel.
