I remember when the fireflies danced in the night

When hearts grew warmer,

as coldness sprouted to life.

When a single sign of affection

brewed a storm inside of me

and I pursued the glimpse of happiness.

I remember when mom commanded me to do the unspeakable

as dad stared blankly into silent static,

as my screams pierced the humid summer night.

When destructive thoughts seized my mind

I tried to make them flee, but they refused.

as rejection dug into my flesh, running, and running, and running.

I remember the endless tears, broken relationships, and the grip of fear.

Fear of the unknown, the future, people, and love.

Love.

What was it?

Would I ever find it?

And would I ever find myself?

I remember when you said I was the strongest person you knew.

I tried to comprehend your words, but I couldn't see strength.

Instead, a young girl with big dreams in a world crumbling to pieces.

So I searched to find myself.

I remember when I started viewing myself in a positive way.

As I repelled the negative judgement I had forced upon myself. 

And started finding my values, who I was, and who I wanted to be.

And maybe, just maybe

I could succeed.