JUDAS ME
My ears pick out his sounds - in the dead of the night
I hide under the covers - out of mind, out of sight
I lay frozen with fear - while preparing myself
To leave my body behind - and put my mind on a shelf
When he passes me by - I rejoice in his wake
I laugh under my breath - for tonight I am safe
But relief turns to guilt with your struggle to be free
For if he did not choose you - he would choose JUDAS me
So I lie to myself - to convince me it's true
That the shadows that dance on the walls are not you
Then I lie once again - my hands cover my ears
I chant over and over - that I don't really hear
The soft fumbling his hands make as he loosens your clothes
Nor the dying sound innocence makes when it goes
Please forgive me my sisters - for what is and will be
and for being so happy - he passed by JUDAS me
I know all of the sounds the disgusting things make
as he greedily gobbles and he nightly partakes
I hear your soft cries every night in my mind
they play over and over and with each play I find
That the peace of the chaste that I pray comes my way
always comes at a price that is too high to pay
I remember nothing good ever happens to me
cause you pay with your soul so I'll walk Judas free.
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zeppelingirl
Living in the same bedroom with your sisters and being abused by your father creates an emotional hell for all the sisters. When it's your night to GET IT, you try and leave your body behind and mentally go anywhere else in the world except your bed with your father in it.
When it isn't your night to GET IT, you are so happy you could do jumping jacks down the hall from the relief of being safe for that single night. But with the sound of your sister GETTING IT, your joy turns into survivers guilt, an absolute terrible form of hell.
Once again you have to mentally go anywhere else in the world, hating yourelf for being safe in your bed, Judas Iscariat, selling your sisters for 30 pieces of silver. I don't know what was worse. GETTING IT, or being passed by.