I had a dream last night

A dream that it all went right

From day one, there you were

Out of the blue you cared about me

Where the hell did that come from?


I always thought I needed you

That’s why these dreams keep coming through

But all you are is a poison in my veins

Begging to be released, cause you can’t be bothered with me


Well news flash, I want you out, I’m not a damned Juliet

I won’t kill myself for you when you haven’t given anything yet.

I found him. He’s what I needed.

My shoulder for shedding tears

A thing I’ve looked for in you for all my 16 years


What you don’t understand is you’re the cause of each of them.

You’re not a father, everyone sees you as condemned.

You broke those laws you signed off on when you tore my mama’s flower

Well I’m not a little girl anymore, now I have the power.


Thank you for showing me what not to be

For being the example to teach me how to set myself free

I don’t need you in my life, I don’t want you, I won’t listen

I don’t care what Grandma says, she can just go on bitchin


This is my life now and he’s the one who’s stood by me

So let him be the real father-figure, just watch and you’ll see

All of the man that he is that you will never be.



Hi! :) 

Sorry its taken me so long to respond. I've been on a leave of absence, so to speak. This is a great poem. What I enjoyed most about it is the realness-- the pointed words add a ton of emotional value. I think that poetry is a method for us to express how we feel in words that we may not always be able to use. You've done a great job here. The poem reads as though you are talking to everyone and no one; your rythm and ability to ryhme is awesome too (keep working at this! try different ways to rhyme using syllables instead of sounds, for example); the message in your poem is very human. 

When looking at poetry, I always have a hard time talking about "improvement" points because I believe each of us are on a path of improvement every time we write. A different approach you can take, and this is one that I really enjoy, is using more metaphors. Metaphors give life to words in a way that reading natural language cannot. For example, you might write something to the effect of, "I am like time-- unaffected by your actions, forever moving forward."


Overall, great work! Looking forward to seeing you upload more! 



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