Poison
I had a dream last night
A dream that it all went right
From day one, there you were
Out of the blue you cared about me
Where the hell did that come from?
I always thought I needed you
That’s why these dreams keep coming through
But all you are is a poison in my veins
Begging to be released, cause you can’t be bothered with me
Well news flash, I want you out, I’m not a damned Juliet
I won’t kill myself for you when you haven’t given anything yet.
I found him. He’s what I needed.
My shoulder for shedding tears
A thing I’ve looked for in you for all my 16 years
What you don’t understand is you’re the cause of each of them.
You’re not a father, everyone sees you as condemned.
You broke those laws you signed off on when you tore my mama’s flower
Well I’m not a little girl anymore, now I have the power.
Thank you for showing me what not to be
For being the example to teach me how to set myself free
I don’t need you in my life, I don’t want you, I won’t listen
I don’t care what Grandma says, she can just go on bitchin
This is my life now and he’s the one who’s stood by me
So let him be the real father-figure, just watch and you’ll see
All of the man that he is that you will never be.
Comments
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thisispoetryproject
Hi! :)
Sorry its taken me so long to respond. I've been on a leave of absence, so to speak. This is a great poem. What I enjoyed most about it is the realness-- the pointed words add a ton of emotional value. I think that poetry is a method for us to express how we feel in words that we may not always be able to use. You've done a great job here. The poem reads as though you are talking to everyone and no one; your rythm and ability to ryhme is awesome too (keep working at this! try different ways to rhyme using syllables instead of sounds, for example); the message in your poem is very human.
When looking at poetry, I always have a hard time talking about "improvement" points because I believe each of us are on a path of improvement every time we write. A different approach you can take, and this is one that I really enjoy, is using more metaphors. Metaphors give life to words in a way that reading natural language cannot. For example, you might write something to the effect of, "I am like time-- unaffected by your actions, forever moving forward."
Overall, great work! Looking forward to seeing you upload more!
-Hamza