Overcoming
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You are worth the effortYou will always be worth the effort
he saysto my aching heartand haunted mind as I stareblankly, devoid of emotion or awareness
I have never really been a person to really enjoy when it was Spring,
Because I never really sat back and thought about all of the changes and the beauty that it can bring.
I‘m holding the keys, I'm driving this car.
Played games, pushed me way too far.
I’m setting higher standards, and raising the bar.
New beginning for me, mind my business from afar.
Isn't it so funny how we all sit there and create these different scenarios in our heads,
But most of the time they are negative ones, and they are things that we dread.
With a big smile on the face,carryng their little wrapped box in their head they approach you.
Before you have time to reveal yourself they desire to zap your power and pull out the little box
To make it to heaven's Gate
Don't underestimate my faith
Or what God does
Humble all the way
Like God does
Cause it's faith in him
I'm taken care of today
Hear the words I pray
Like a phoenix rising-
my renewal too,
was born of ash.
It was a turning
of the tables
where my would-be destruction
seeded
ressurection.
Still alive,
still writing
Religion,
tradition
teach selflessness
while pschology,
common sense
celebrate the self.
And a lifetime is spent
teetering in the middle
trying for a happy medium
be gracious
My fears fall upon me like
Shadows on the ground,
And the shadows slither
Towards me.
Staring at me
With their many
Many eyes.
I cower,
But I don't back down.
They whisper to me
Speckled shadows on my collarbonesWhere your greedy hands wrote your name,Where my selfish whispers angered you,My desperate pleas denied youThe prize buried deeply in my chest
I miss you
shy, always smiling and generous
full of love and eagerness to learn
You
dating wasn't allowed, no kids
rules to follow and break
I miss you
no bills or rent
heartbreak
Every winter I pull down my sleeves
Portraying the mask of my scars' identities
What once the pain summer brought,
My heart was filled with nought
No longer afraid to show,
The struggle I once woe
Five foot two- can't fill those shoes
You never knew the pain they put me through
Five foot three- can't find real me
You say I'm my own, but never felt free
Five foot four- s'you I adore
Blonde hair in pigtails
and those curious blue eyes.
She lived in a fairytale
Dad's joy and pride.
One day he left home
she didn't understand.
Mom said it had been coming
I lived three years on a dusty trundle bed,
In a small room.
A lock on the window.
I would cry myself into dreams shroud in dust.
How to get through The Bad Year
Come home from school every day and cover yourself with blankets
Every thread, stitched by my hand, can unravel, I think
Every step carries potential falls
I’ve draped myself in the guise of a fan-favorite
Covered my face with unnatural colors
Rows upon rows of tennis shoes jumped and played around,
sweet voices and laughter filled the air.
Eyeballs were everywhere, observing, absorbing, deducing, condemning.
You wear a brave facade to hide your fear of the dark.
Looking
Looking for another light to follow
because your own light has finally dimmed
Monster, I used to love you
And you told me you loved me
You told me you loved learning about the stars
It seems like you are trapped,
do not know what path to take.
You see the high mountain ahead,
which will lead to your destiny.
From the time you are born to the moment you die,
You’re stuck inside of your body,
And the mere thought of that used to make me cry.
Why do I look like this?
Oh God, I hate myself,
Walking,
Climbing,
Attaching myself to the rope.
Friends hold my hand,
they see my fear.
They push me forward.
One step,
Two.
Don't look down.
Easy.
Sunflower seed
On the sidewalk
Dropped by passerby
From Dirt
Slipped through the cracks
But put down roots
She’d never grow through concrete
Her story so sad the clouds wept
Think of life, never to be forgotten
Heart is open and never closing
Mouth is moving, words are spoken
it is not my fault and it is not their fault,
but still it bites and it burns like a cut full of salt
now i live in the vault,
Like a dark cloud hovering over me,
Fear found its greedy way into my life.
It held me back with strong chains and great lies,
And convinced me to burrow into my shell.
Taunting vultures circulate overhead
Without invitation.
The incessant, whipping wings
Pay no mind to
The air that I displace.
Fear is easy describe
Hopeless hole devour me!
Sinking deep into the ink
With no rope to follow me...
Fear is easy just to live
Against me
everything is
Someone help me
I have depression
I’m not made of porcelain
I am strong and beautiful
And I have a say in my life
I’m not a porcelain doll
Teach me, love.
Anger envelops me, I never resist it.
This type of behavior will lead me to felonies.
Please stain my memories. Teach me forgiveness.
My mentor, my dear mentor,
How terrible you have been to me,
And yet I must thank you.
I do not see what you see,
When I look at myself, I still see myself at 13,
Eyeliner thick and black,
Trying so hard to be a part of something,
Drinking at parties,
Your scars are not beautiful. But you are beautiful with them.
You were beautiful without them, but you have a new kind of beauty with them, because they speak of how much you have overcome.
You learn from your most frightening experiences
The ones that break your soul
The experiences that steal your mind and light
The experiences that change your outlook on the world
Inside me is a story of struggles and pains
Its wandered too far and deep in my veins
The story in my veins is behind my blood and skin
It travels throughout my body telling dark tales of sin
And with the sun came a smile
A smile that stretches as far as the sun’s rays itself
As the day closes, the corners droop in correspondence
The sunlight retracts, time turns back
And with the sun came a smile
A smile that stretches as far as the sun’s rays itself
As the day closes, the corners droop in correspondence
The sunlight retracts, time turns back
I despise the wind, it is never there when I need it. Whirling and wonderfully blissful when I was brought into this life. But it is now a violent whirlwind present at the death of my soul. The wind is the source of my strife.
Dear Fear,
You remember me, I’m sure.
You pick me apart at the seams.
You make me feel insecure,
And attack my self-esteem.
You know my pressure points,
Know just where to strike.
Little Jerae,
always smile girl don’t let no one get you down
through your pain and struggles don’t let anyone see your frown
you will with all your might jump over your obstacles and
cross the finishing line
Some dark nights ask eternal dreams
As souls wallow in dull discontent,
But bright summer days and deep blue streams
Give answers to the greatest of torment.
Dear Depression, the oblivion and confusion that you have caused has led me to putting my entire life on pause. The dark unknown and pit of despair, makes me scream internally, and adheres to the axiom that “Life’s not fair”.
Dear Pain,
There are things that need to be said
but the words always seem to run
There are actions that ought to be taken
but the rhythm seems undone
The tears appears all dried up
Drift…
But not too far!
As far as you can…
It’s dangerous!
It’s beautiful…
You want to die?
To finally live…
Our days were filled with long walks straight out of reality
While the cold wind blew on us, and I trusted that you were more than what they said you were:
Angry.
But the stories we told filtered the air
I burn the pages
of my oldest notebooks,
erasing the ages
that have passed me by.
I remember the old days,
and cheerful jokes told
paired with a longing gaze,
and my calloused fingertips.
YOU CAN'T HAVE MY CROWN IT DOESN'T BELONG TO YOU, IT BELONGS
TO ME...
I HAVE WORKED HARD FOR ALL MY BLESSINGS OF STRENGTH
AND CREATIVITY..
I CONQURED DEPRESSION AND DESTRUCTION..
Dear First Love,
Out of all the lies you’ve told me “I love you” was my favorite….
But your “I love you”s have lost their meaning,
And my body has lost all feeling,
At one point you were weaker than you are now,
at one point you used to frown.
That day is no longer here,
because all that fear,
that you used to have inside,
is gone..so you can’t run and hide.
Because I am a young adult I will reach out to you whenever you are in need.
Because I am kind, I will give you endless mercy.
Because I am a rose who grew from concrete, I will empathize with you.
In life when situations are thrown at you there are two options
To fight or flight
To stand and fight for things in your life
The sky is rumbling loud,
Grey are the looming clouds,
Across the heavens are flashing lights,
Illuminating the moonless night,
Through the lights and sound,
I can see the stars, heaven bound,
Think happy thoughtsMaybe you will flyThat’s what we’ve been taughtSince before the years passed byNow more than ever you are stuck to the groundDepression, rage, guiltThey tie you down
There was a man who stood above the restBelieving, above all, he was the bestHe slaughtered those he looked down onConvinced so many to play as his pawnsThis wicked monstrosity of a man
March again; Revive; Awaken!Build atop what has been taken,Find your mantra, young disciple:"Do not tarry; carry on."
-
A house party thrown, his parents out of town--
drinks were flowing, ”pong balls” flying
smoking, laughing, dancing and music.
There was a sixteen year old girl, invited by chance.
When one looks into the mirror, they find
Satisfaction, security. I saw
Disappointment, disgust, all of my flaws.
Muddy-colored hair that’s never defined,
Irises lifeless, never do they shine,
We took a step back, I think.
Interpret how you will,
but I will interpret this year as thorns
we have placed in our own fingertips
preventing ourselves from moving
and pretending we have been brushed
The end seemed close by
Paralyzing and choking
My voice imprisoned
But the beauty of novels
Freed my voice and expression
2016 was by far the worst year ever.
Try it, I dare you to convince me
That I must see more than just negatives.
But I know now, how your world works and
Classes, assignments
presentations in particular,
they get us so stressed out.
Let's stick with the presentations, for the moment
and think about this:
how prevalent the fear of public speaking is.
It has been said
That lions are the fiercest of beings
Strong jaws, sharpened teeth -
Ready to pounce.
Every day the lion waited
I saw him around corners
Prowling in the distance
A broken head and broken soul
Struggling to make sense.
The past two months took a tole
I feel my body on defense.
As I look to the ones close,
They don't know how to help.
My mom thinks she knows
We started the year shaky and unstableFighting, never understanding or ableI tried to help you move past itI tried to show you by burying the hatchetHowever you still couldn't move on
In 2016
A cloud of depression hovered over me
I felt hopeless
And angry and empty
Why couldn't I just be happy?
I have a great life
And a loving family
Caring friends and many talents
I used to think money was the root of all evil
Until I realized in myself
Truly it's anxiety in people
Money can be good when we discuss economy
But let's go back to anxiety...
Overconfident and unstructured,
Never having been pushed to my limit,
Thinking about my potential future,
And all that came with it.
On the rocks within a course in which I had it all,
At the beginning of last year,
I was only fifteen.
At the beginning of last year,
I was spending most of my time in the hospital.
At the beginning of last year,
I was still having seizures.
On December 31, 2015 I was in church
Most believe it can’t save you, from sin that hurts
I cried on high to send blessing below
Once 2016 came I wasn’t ready for the show
That girl
you see that girl over there
the girl with the naive face
the one who trust everyword you say
As a child I was the odd one out
Wanting to be smart and learn non-stop
and people criticized and looked at me with such disgust and saw me as a threat.
In the moments between words
I was broken.
In the space between my thoughts
I was a victim.
I was surviving every dagger to my lungs
And calling myself weak.
My life was a whirlwind of suffering, but only within my mind.
My day to day hardships don't always happen in real time.
My life was dark, dead, and dreary.
I am the lust child of a rock and a sad place
They go by depression and self-destructive tendencies
They make loud love in the darkest crevices of my mind
Hunger
She tried everything in order to fill the void she carried inside,
Sweets, pastries, snacks,
The black hole that her enemies,
things are left unsaid
the words that drift through a persons head
the words that begin to spell out regret
the night rises, the sun dies
something begins to eat at you
Keeps me on my toes like a dancer
Watch my words curtsey at the end of each line
Enunciating as if my words didn't fall short with country
Not ready to confess, but I'll write
Safe Zone, Safe Zone
shattered into pieces.
Running towards something,
anything to believe in.
Hope slowly decaing,
leaving me bare with darkeness.
Help, I need someone
The old wooden door creaked as it opened
And it reminded me of the sound of my bones.
While I watched you walk in
My knees shook, almost as much as my hands, as I listened to the only sound I could hear:
"A feeling of fire
Deep in our bones
I'm not the liar
With a heart of stone
But go ahead,
Call me out,
On somthing you did
Go ahead and shout
It's not like they believe you
Jazsmin
jaz - man noun f
1. A blossoming flower that will always keep growing
She silently developes within the faith of her blooms
I felt bound to you
The never ending feeling of a repeated broken cycle
As I tried to leave , You would not let me go
I see a light in this pit and follow
This light leading to the stair way of freedom
To say what I am I must say what I'm not,
I must ruminate first about the things I have fought.
I am not weak.
{I won’t deny my flaws and insecurities.
I’ve been bruised and broken in places,
used and abused and pushed aside and wasted,
disregarded and shamed,
manipulated and blamed,
There was a time when, she felt helpless.
Her sadness was known, all over town.
Her heart turned cold, laughs were forced.
Until the day, she finally woke up.
Finally her dull grey eyes, went back to crystal blue.
Through the darkness
Of a power bill
Overdue and unpaid
I stayed strong
Through the temptations
Of marriage
Offering me a way out
Of poverty
I stood on my own
I live the unfiltered life.
I may sometimes be lonely,
But at least I am me!
At least I know who I am.
I can look in the mirror
And see my face,
I don't really feel like writing today.
I'd rather be naked on the ground,
head-to-toe exposed,
so I could really think
and hear the pines rustle.
I would bury my sadness in a funeral mound
Did you have to cut me off
with those sharp edges.
did you leave on such a thin note? heavy harmonizing with my reality? tuning into my pockets i emptied in following my heart on that flight to you?
Everyday i wake up walking down long hallways
its a place in my head i fly to escape
maybe I'm an activist but i cant add this
list of reasons why i cant breathe
my future haunt me
my past torture me
I am beautiful
Something I'll never change
The way I look in the mirror
How my eyes catch everyone's attention
How I can make everyone laugh
When I don't even wanna smile
I know all the right words
All my life I was told to cover
Who I am
How I speak, act, look
I was told to cover my indviduality
I was told to follow a set of rules
Conform to the world's idea of me
But I shine through
When we're pushed down,
it is by one who has the same Bruises on their knees.
When we're being made a fool,
Sadness does not come in the form of rainstorms
Here to kiss away the tears off of one's face
It is not the color of the blackest night
Sometimes I think about that long summer day with my golden skin and that natural hair I was too comfortable in and I thank myself for allowing me to be free even if it was just me and a mirror in an unconditioned room.
Middle school, 7th grade.
When you think you have everything in the bag, something changes.
It gets taken away, out of know where.
Silence both at peace and war. Wanted and resented, silence consumes the world and all who call it home. For years, all throughout the start of my life, just as most children, I thought silence to be, a stranger of my actions.
Impressive in your eyes I seem,
but more Impressive yet are you
who believe in my life so vague,
filtered to exclude the truth.
My anxious fingers produce
Looking at my face
You'd never know
In my life
A war grows
On the outside
I`m filled with life
On the inside
I`m dying
Not from sorrow
Not from strife
Literally I fight
Ethnicity, an identifier to some,
a misfortune to others...
to her.
She hides, her true identity under a body she feels isn't her own,
Mocked behind closed doors
Kids are dying
Younger and younger
By their own hand
They're being pushed to the edge
And they can't return
They feel alone
And helpless
And have no where to go
How many kids have to die
i lost myself
in my blanketed tomb
scars on my wrist
and pills on my tongue
couldn't breathe
although i tried
i tried and tried
Who knew?
That there was life after you
When you said the words that ripped my heart in two.
Who knew?
Among this blackness
That the earth would continue to spin on it's axis.
So maybe?
You had once called me your flower.
That I blossomed into your life as they do in Spring.
That you were a man who never questioned himself, that was... until me.
You had once told me on that first night,
Stop playing games
Don’t continue to wait
Stop denying it
Say you love me.
Stop using words
Stop writing cards
This is really not that hard
Show me, you love me.
I look too serious, call me deliriousI am too quiet, but they never seem to defy itI seem too angry, can you really blame me?
Because I am in a world
Where love and peace no longer exist,
She's so beautiful with her bright blonde hair. Her blue eyes shimmering. And her thin body that allows her to wear whatever she wants without a worry. Her confidence stands with her she's not afraid of her self. I want to be that girl.
Momma, do you love me
I mean, really, really love me
I ask you that question
well at least I did in my head
I was always too fearful to hear you say no
Momma, I lost love when I couldn't find it in you
"Hey." "Hi." "I like those earrings." "Thank you, and I like your hair. Who did your hair?" "My mom." "Ah. She did great with your long and thick natural hair." "Thank you." "You are so welcome."
It had only been two weeks since school started and already she felt his eyes drilling a hole at the back of her neck. Immediately her heart flipped for she knew who it was without having to check.
Stranger.
Bitterness.
Anger.
Hurt.
Because of your bitterness
I am a stranger.
Because of my hurt
that makes me a stranger.
Your anger at the world
hurts me.
Hello darling
Its been so long
Since you were gone
Just thought
You ought to know
I am fine
Even better than before
Learned a lesson without you
As I stand on the path in the forest called oppurtunity,
My life awaits a carriage of success that will whisk it away.
Will I actually become the individual I want to be?
The obstacles are rows of tormentations,
An adaptation of Shakespeare's Hamlet's To be Or Not to Be
Written by: Kristin Elyse Harlan
To go on, or not to go on: that is the question:
Whether tis nobler in the mind to continue
oh father
what has happenedto you?
what on earth stole from you your guitar?
and told you to stop singing to your baby girl?
oh father
theres a darkness that settles in your eyes thsese days.
One, two, three,
Four, five, six.
Look in the mirror,
Lick your lips.
Pluck and pull,
Scrub and conceal.
Watch what you eat,
Don't eat that meal.
Why do we play
Ana is my best friend,
Or so I thought she was.
Ahe fills my head with lies
To constantly disguise
The fact that she's no good for me.
Truth be told,
She's killing me.
"Beauty is pain"
On a cold Monday night of 95, came into the world a 7-pound baby with blue eyes, pee-wee hands and feet.
Joy and happiness spread across the audience’s faces.
Ma and Pa were excited to have their first precious new-born home.
The day you will notice. I would have forgoten . The day you feel the pain. i would have found my cure. the moment you realize what you have done to me. i would have already forgiven you and moved on with my life.
I can't breathe.
I'm drowning, the knowledge they expect me to absorb like a sponge surrounds me.
But to be drowned would be too sweet an end.
When stuck at sea, one can paddle to the top.
No, I've been buried.
ain't you tired of looking at the ground when you connect eyes with shadows?
finding and searching for answers,
reasons why this is happening to me?
ain't you tired of leaving messy trails on the bathroom floor?
My inner demons are dark and vast,
Some live in the present, some in the past.
You can only hide them for so long,
But they always peak their head,
From the trapped doors in my memories,
What am I scared of?
Why am I scared?
I cant seem to answer the questions that I ask myself...
We all have fears,
But where do they come from
Do they fall from the sky?
Like a raindrop in the sky...
Pain grips my heart and anger tears in, but love comes in, attempting to unhinge their claws, only getting scratched in the process.
Dear lord could it be,
here I am for all to see.
In front of the class paying my dues,
speaking aloud to all of you.
I was quite scared and oh so lost,
when my teacher said we'd be here with a cost.
Take the time to listen,
Take the time to know,
Take the time to hold on,
To that which is truly good.
"Hey, guess what I heard" started it all,
It wasn't meant to hurt but
It did... I didn't know it would
Turn out this way.
"I heard she's a slut!" filled the air
That we all breathed in and
Everyone has a time in which they question themselves,
Question thier very existance.
It can make the strongest and happiest people crack.
When you feel like your life is shattered glass
Shelter disdainful epiphanies behind latched heart
For pity to sneakily evaporate
And emotions grow painfully tart
To mediate the dormant desire into blossomed state.
Drag Restless on her knees;
Traveling the heartless tunnel, where I must defend,
Where I must pace slowly,
The Raging Wolf snarls in my glittered path.
Muting the song of heartbreak with his temper,
His seductiveness and lust-
There is no greater testimony than the first bath a soldier takes after she’s just come home from a long war.
The story you tell when this world expects you to stop speaking.
The moment you walk after you’ve just been paralyzed.
I have green eyes
And brown hair
And a half hearted smile that I wear every day
I could be her
That beautiful girl in the magazine
The slender model on the tv
The woman I aspire to be
I’m supposed to be different. Evil and much darker. Traits that seem absent. In this bitter but sweet disaster. With genes like these, My fate nearly sealed. Lonely and furious, Rotten and concealed. Apple of his eye, From deep trampled fear. Does
The Master comes out, manipulating,
No longer will I charade in his play
The years gone by with his mind controlling
No longer will I be his puppet prey.
Freedom wave in front of me, yet to stay.
I look at my legs and I see all my scars
Somtimes they're as vivid as my nightmares
Sometimes they're as invisible as that little girl was made to feel
I look at my arms and I see exhausted veins
Noiseless voices in my head Asking, begging to be let free. Harshing breathing, Trembling hands, A small cry seeking help. Angry shouts, Loud words, Rumbling floors. Dark clouds blur my sight, Fear searches for the light. Years go by,
I was looking to hit the big time Heading to Charlotte to make some cash Driving around in my Dodge Colt Vista, looking for work wherever I could find it A college graduate left completely broke and seemingly broken within Twenty minutes to 1 A.M.
A ticket and a dream was all that she could see,
An orphan, and hope for all that could be.
Not even a hop, skip, and a jump away.
To arrive on a plan was more than they could ask for,
As a young child I held in a lot of anger,
Negativity, rage, unlocked power.
Such an opinionated mind never exposed,
Due to my shy need to keep my mouth closed.
“The words never come out right!”
What happens when he's so close
but so far away
and you can't do anything but
Stare.
And hope.
And try to find the words that never Were,
Have been,
or Will be
in your grasp.
Blows harsh hits of rality
with strikes so hard they cause
internal bleeding. The wounds
appear to be only surface deep
but mentally these wounds cause
mental catastrophic fatalities
Look into the mirror
Repeating the abusive words
Ugly
Fat
Chunky
Hairy
You look like a man
Too short
Or too tall
Silence the voices inside your head
You wish
Part I: The Path lit by Darkness
Dear little light,
My little light,
Why did you fly away?
The Darkness has come and taken me,
Now who hath I to help me see?
Part I: The Path lit by Darkness
Dear little light,
My little light,
Why did you fly away?
The Darkness has come and taken me,
Now who hath I to help me see?
She sits on the bank, gazing out
Across a vast expanse of glittering silver
That sparkles under golden sunlight,
And blinds when she
Stares.
I've always been told be all you can be
"On the rate you're going you have so much to achieve"
That's what I would tell myself yet, to some that's not what it seems
Make straight A's become All-Area and 1st team
I’ve grown cold, numb to the hurt I used to feel because of you. Never will I shed another tear because of you. You played me. Us I no longer see the world through innocent naive eyes. You made me grow up.
I sit in a white room
It has a sterile fume
Everything is without color
Including myself, who by the minute feels smaller.
However, as if to spite
Something interrupts the white
A bucket containing blood
A sneaky fox,
A thief in the night
That’s what he was
Tall and thin,
Like a pine tree
He had a terrifying
Surprise for me.
My memory is vivid,
Through my eyes
Your see the fear and pain.
A very negative pain that could hurt for life,
With nothing more than hate for you.
Deep inside is a tunnel of PRIDE,
I'd usually walk alone - even my shadow would hide.
Not concerned of what I did or what I said,
If I was WRONG - I kept that in my head.
But i've grown more,
Noises… they merge and devour to the hallway nearby
Bypassing the exit sign, it's still there… but it hides away,
Seeping underneath the door panel of what appears
To be no... safe way out.
Tell her she's nothing, useless, minuscule, minute,
Tell her she's worthless, the price of a penny
put your hands around her neck and choke her
until breath is begged for
Do you remember,
The night of the fifth In September?
On that cold and rainy day,
When I came and took you away.
The feeLings I felt,
Were much more then just beneath my belt.
Then the holidays came...
I was once untouchable, until he touched me and took everything.
All he had to do was lift a finger to cast my soul dead.
Tears would not flow but blood would shed because
We were no longer equal.
This is the story that is more about nothing. More or less the present day Cinderella story where nothing turned into something.
You call me son.
I call you by name.
The things you have done
You should be ashamed.
You say you are a better man,
You want me to see.
My eyes are open
To the man who stands before me.
Such little hands
With little fingers
Such small feet
With little toes
Sandy loves to play outside
Sandy loves to sing as loud
as she can
Sandy loves to love things
She loves pink and dresses
Love was in our verses, Love was never perfect, when the music had played out its like god came and birthed it. Heaven had met earth it had finally scratched the surface, those three years that i spent had really felt like they were worth it.
You feel alone don't you?
Your heart is aching with an unbearable pain.
He hurt you. And he was the one you trusted most.
He broke that and you are mad and upset.
A yell, a hit, a tear.
Sounds echo in my thoughts
Why am I ignorant? Why do I lie?
I dream; I don’t remember
Well it's nothing new,
Nothing to shake the rattles in the mind
