depressed
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Silly me for thinking that you felt the same,
And for believing in love, but I know that I am the only one to blame.
You think I would have learned my lesson by now,
But once again, I am left here wondering 'how?'
Clouds roll in
As darkness falls
electricity dances over my skin
And the voice in the void calls
I scream out to reach you
In a world of darkness,
I am always told that the light will prevail.
Through moments of uncertainty,
What guides you will never fail.
We fell in love in late spring
As cool wind nipped at our cheeks
we found warmth in each others bodies
Our love blossomed into the summer
Hot, sunny days
Walking trails hand in hand
Overthinking. I overthink the small things.Gosh he might think I’m ugly.
Or he could find someone prettier or way better than me now.
Oh what do I do?
Sick of the notion
fake my emotion
pretend I'm okay
after every day
as my bad thoughts grow
self hate too
and the blade beckons me home
and asks for a mark to stay
Sometimes it's hard to admit it, but sometimes you need to accept defeat,
And that the future that you thought you were heading towards ends up not being so sweet.
Sometimes it's hard to admit it, but sometimes you need to accept defeat,
And that the future that you thought you were heading towards ends up not being so sweet.
Angry at myself
That I still don't have
the courage to stand up,
I fall back down,
in this blanket of despair,
Way too familiar,
Where I feel secure
Entertaining death
The thoughts fill my mind
My chest heavy with
Despair
Pass another year
I jest. But in reality
I begin to feel fear
You made me feel gross
You think I don't remember
But what you don't know
Is that I will live with this pain forever
On my body I make cuts
Cuts to carve away at parts that feel
It's funny how the brain works,
Suddenly reminding me of the abuse I unconsciously tried to forget.
Leaving me alone with the feelings of guilt and regret.
I am not going to sit here and pretend that I am okay,
Cause if I am being honest, it really changes and I have to take it day by day.
One day I go to bed smiling and I am still very hopeful for the future and what it can bring,
I am never the one to call it quits
I am the one that quietly sits
There and takes the hits
Working hard to throw my hints
Shedding tears is part of human emotional package.
And most time we shed tears in response of an emotional state.
But do we always cry when in pain?
Can we cry because we are happy?
What do you see when you look in my eyes?
Can you see all the memories that I so strongly despise?
So badly I wish that I could cry.
Or even better, I wish I could get high.
Look up to the sky friends,
Can you see the coming end?
Red rock falling from the sky,
Hidden by flames, beautiful disguise.
Say your last prayer, beg for eternity;
The unlikelyhood no longer worries me.
My mind dances in shadows and confusion.
I don’t know what is real, what I touch, what I feel.
I hide behind the shield of my illusion.
So I continue to continue, to pretend that I am real, that life is what I feel.
Will I
Remember at the end?
Crying eyes
Yet I like to pretend
Questions not asked
That how I want it to be
Die young and live fast
I'm hurting, can't you see?
I wear a big ol smile
I wonder if I should put conditioner in my hair
I don't think it matters when my soul is drowning
I forgot about my cactus, and the one I've yet to plant
The needles on the wall clock with the ticking sound
Pulverizing my soul, making my heart pound
Every audible gasp ensuing the other one
A blink of eye that snatched my reason
I hug myself close,
Hoping that I can pull my
Scattered pieces closer.
I hold myself tighter,
Afraid that if I let go,
When your world freezes over like the tears from your eyes
Like a call from the doctor or when your mother cries
To feel your heart sink like a stone thrown in anger
To the depths of dark seas, as if tied to an anchor
House of cards
Easily blown away by wind
It doesn't take long
To notice how fragile it became
It holds memories inside
Memories of the good times
It has always kept the scent
My mind is swelling today
Swelling of fallacies
False foes that engorge each time a thought grows
Reality hits,
Sadness bites
and it really hurts
then it dies
No one can rely
and just can't play
It can all be a reply
then somebody must repay
Im writing these words so that if anybody is to find this, they'll finally understand
The pain I was going through and just how deep it went
How blinded i was by the darkness
Everyday it gets harder
To get out of bed,
To feel enthusiastic about life,
To smile.
I can feel the pain inside of me
Growing and spreading,
She has a smile even the stars can’t outshine
But if you look in her eyes, she’s breaking inside
She walk around with confidence, her chin always up
why is it so hard for me to find happiness? maybe because that i don’t know whats happiness for me.
the taste on my tongue
of bitter words
that could leave you stung
the fire in my heart
of frustrated feelings
that would lead me to fall apart
the thoughts in my head
I need a hero.
I don't know how to save myself
Somebody help me
I'm tired.
Of cutting into my flesh to numb the pain
Crying alone in the dark
Every night it is the same
I’m too sick to make friends
And way Too tired to smile
It still lingers in me,
How can this sadness be?
The voices telling me what I can and can not be.
Feeling hopeless, every hour.
Like a never blooming flower.
What is the point of life?
-spend every moment doing meaningless things just to make time pass by faster.
-take a hot bath as to finally feel something warm.
I am drifting, a lonely piece of driftwood covered in pale moonlight on an open sea. I don’t know where I am going nor where I came from, but I am drifting. I feel hollow, empty like a piece of me is gone and it can’t be replaced.
I am from Starbucks and skinny girls in mansions.
I am from can I feel your hair and is it real ?
i pull off my heavy-weight sweatshirt
i weigh myself
ranking up to nearly 100 pounds
im satisfied for now
I had a key,
To my heart,
It was only for me,
To play my part.
I gave away the key,
To a boy,
One day you're home,
and then another you are left all alone.
Abandoned, gone, and lost.
Looking around like theres been a holocaust.
People say life is black and white-
At the age of 4, I began new adventures;
A hedgehog, a vampire, no, a gamer starting to venture.
I was new and inexperienced, I just didn’t understand,
Like Kindergarten and field trips, I was entering a new land.
Shuck-Lily cuts herself and, by God,
I'm back in love again,
This is not my responsibility,
So why am I tending to you like an animal?
This sadness
Sits idly in my chest
Like an unseen counterweight
Pulling my heart towards the earth-
begging for rest.
I beg for rest, too
I beg for clarity
I see you in every angry fight,
every bruise,
and in every goodbye that is never said.
~awatr
Her eyes reminded me of the old embers in the fireplace,
unkempt by my absent father.
~awatr
I spent every waking minute thinking of you.
And when I shut my eyes at 3am?
There you were again.
~awatr
I told you that you took my breath away;
Little did I know that you were suffocating me.
~awatr
Oh, how I hate this day,
It reminds me of everyone I’ve lost.
It fills my soul with dread,
It breaks down my mind.
It reminds me that I’m alone,
You've always compared me to a rose and I never quite understood why. Is it because I'm pretty? Or is it because I have thorns? Is it because, if you get too close you'll hurt yourself?
No one wants to be friends with the depressed kid
Or the one with crippling anxiety
That poor child who was traumatized, but
Everyone steps away when she needs help
When the evil
Dark
What do you do when you want to die but can’t kill yourself? Yeah you’re happy sometimes but usually you’re dead inside. You can’t hurt yourself but if an accident happened you’d be just fine.
your presence opened up a new ray of sanguinity
that enveloped my soul into a layer of diminished sanctuary
that i embraced wholeheartedly and nourished like a decaying flower
your presence opened up a new ray of sanguinity
that enveloped my soul into a layer of diminished sanctuary
that i embraced wholeheartedly and nourished like a decaying flower
Wake up, roll out of bed
Hit the floor, legs like lead
Emotions are weighing me down
Dawn my mask to cover my frown
My mask of Immaturity
My mask gives me security
With this flower I shall take your hand
With these words I shall make you cry
With this promise I shall give you hope
With this kiss I shall take you home
tiptaptiptap
fingers on the table
rhythmless and bland,
we cut off the cable.
tiptaptiptap
rain on the window
erratic and soothing,
we watched the world go.
tiptaptiptap
The peace I will feel when,
my eyes are unable to blink,
when my legs are unable to swing.
the peace I will feel when,
my hair stops growing,
mouth stops smiling.
The peace, when my heart
Euphoria,
the feeling a bee feels
when it finds a daisy.
the feeling a dog has,
when it finds a bone
a bird, a seed.
a lion, a zebra
me, you.
I feel like an artist,
Desperately trying to blend,
My darkened soul,
Into the rainbow that was once,
My mind.
Your hands slowly,
Trace their way down my thigh.
Your lips,
Make their way to my chest.
But what is lust,
If we don’t have love?
I am shattered glass
I am shards covering the floor
Fools throw Elmers glue at me
I stare in disbelief
Elmer's glue
I am shattered glass
I am shards covering the floor
Fools throw Elmers glue at me
I stare in disbelief
Elmer's glue
Oh, no
I've done it again
Cut, cut, cut
With my pen
Cut out the pain
Time and time again
I've watched blood
Go down the drain
When they find my body
etheral ututopian world shaken to the core
carnage of murder,of kidnap and rape,they point that accusitory finger at all of which who don't believe
screaming their scriptures at soil wrought sinners.
Her lullaby is sung by her tears just to awaken to the same Melody. Her smile is faked so she can face the world. There are no words to calm the sadness that over flows onto her face when she's alone.
my shadow is made of paper;
and my smile's made of sin.
i can't get any closer.
to being dead within
Like I drug I was addicted
I couldn't see that you were vindictive
Using me to get back at her
Shattering my fragile heart like a mirror
Freezing over from the coldness of your heart
Hello my demons
will you let me sleep?
i'm covered in daggers
don't know how to breathe.
i'm weary i'm tired.
and too dead to bleed.
so lonely, so broken.
and i'm ready to leave.
In every night, there is a morning.
In every morning, there is a night.
But in the darkness of every night, there will never be a light.
Death has come home;
to sleep in my soul.
she whispers, she calls.
why shouldn't i go?
Death has come home,
to see me again.
she knocks on the front door.
and i let her in.
another relationship
another breakup
today, our one month anniversary
she breaks up with me
after isolating herself for days
blaming me
not even trying to fix things
i wish you the worst, the same that you wished me
i hope you drown, just like you told me
you looked me in the eyes, spring of twenty eighteen
you fucked me up, and i should've just screamed
Life is meticulous.
it lingers on, trapped
in between the cracks
of "destiny", and "maybe".
and everything is shady
or burning in the blaze of
ray beams ...
and right now its flaming.
I found her sorrow in the
purple and blue lightning bolts under her
eyelids.
I found her courage in the
hollow irises deep inside her
eyes.
I found her stress in the
Hands. Toutching my arms, gripping the skin so rough that my fingers tingle.
Chest. On top of mine, crushing what I had of "boobs'
Eyes. Dark and full of evil, they store deeply into mine warning me of what they was capable of.
The ones that sit alone, in the back, that are quiet
have reasons.
Not many can understand them
I feel like I'm drowning in your words and every time I open my mouth to breath, I lose more air.
I have so much anger.
I have so much blame, so much doubt, and so much shame.
I drown in malevolent actions, while I dwell on past interactions.
I may ride on golden chariots but I always wonder if life is worth it.
Living in a world that doesn't exist
Soaked and sealed in the darkest sea of lies
Drenched in shame and sorrow leaking out of my body
Sex every hour with strangers who stared with disgust and pity
what's left to say in those whispering tones?
got gasoline in my brain
and ink on my bones.
what's left to recall me; but the walls of my cell?
they say it will heal.
but i think that was hell.
I asked you why and started to cry
you were my security blanket
you were supposed to make me and my heart feel
Secure
I say please don’t let it be another girl
You are vague.
Dear God (if you are even there)
The world is cruel
Most people realize this at a young age
Well at least I did
When I was young, everything seemed so big
Your ray of sunshine hath died. <br>Perhaps the things I thought true Were nothing but deafening lies, A façade. You were like a sister to me Always a shoulder to cry on. The room no longer glows a golden hue as you enter a room, But a mee
Leaves crumple under my feet as my eyes are fogged by my layered tears.
I’m walking under the brightest street lights, but still feeling completely in the
I am my own Alice
seeking a non-existent
wonderland,
I am a butterfly
fluttering about in
a flowerless field,
I am a pen
deprived of
the badly needed ink,
Why can't I just be a bird,
that reaches up to the sky looking down at all the views and always free to fly?
Why can't I just be the sun,
To the monster inside my head,
Do you like it up there?
Inside my head?
My thoughts?
My emotions?
It seems so.
You've gotten more comfortable in your home.
I’ve got couple bong rips
Held with a deep grip in my lungs
Yeah
I got a couple slits
Not just the ones that cover my eyelids
I feel
like
I'm always
on the edge
of something.
Waiting.
For what,
I don't know.
Anything
happy,
or anything
sad,
She stares at the blade in her right hand
the red lines covering her legs and both arms
making it impossible to see clearly
clouded by depression, tears, and self-hatred.
Share your smile with the world.It's a symbol of friendship and peace.Because of your smileYou make life more beautiful and prestige
The soul that sees beautyMay sometimes walk aloneLoneliness adds felling of unwanted And expresses the pain of being alone
I'm disgusting,
revolting,
dispised,
my sexuality effects me,
a pig,
disgusting,
revolting,
dispised,
loved by none,
I am that pig.
Goodbye
I wont see you again.
We don't always love what loves us,
But please do not forget
that we laid out in the parking-lot
As if the endless white fields were not good enough,The mist rode in and seeing became tough.What else will god do to make life rough?Maybe he won't send more p
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry for the lies, the things I've done, and constantly reminding you how little I care.
You walked out on me.
You left me.
I lost you , you lost yourself.
Only way to describe our relationship is a black pit;
Bottomless and dissapointing.
I call your phone to remind myself
I know it's over
even though
it never really began...
I know it's gone,
with no chance
of ever coming back.
But in my head
and my heart,
it was so real.
I am not okay.
This is all a lie.
I'm not who you think.
Let me clarify.
I spend my days
laughing off my pain;
I spent my nights
silencing my brain.
I appear to have
I woke up in the morning, walked to my bathroom, then look in the mirror and thought
Because I love you, I want you to wake up and make today a great day.
Hands held tight,
Skin against skin,
Their warmth was shared
In the lonely, cold dorm room.
Everyday felt like eternity
In heaven
I charge
Through the night
Like a buffalo child.
There is darkness in my eyes
And my hope,
It's a flickering light.
As if it were a candle
Disappearing into whispy
Smoke
watch me as I fade;
my friend.
I grow weaker everyday;
watch me as I cave;
my friend.
for now all, I know is pain.
watch me as I break;
my friend.
remember the opression and hate?
I am a wall.
No matter how hard you try
you can not break through this wall.
My emotions are cinder blocks
In the quiet hours before death.
all men must come to terms with their lives.
all the parts, and all the seasons.
they must observe it, regret it, and be proud of it.
depending on who you are,
One day gone.
And not even that.
I miss you already.
My throat is sore,
From having to make up for my lungs
My whole chest is left weak
from the gaping hole in my heart.
Each poem I write isn't good enough...
So I wright this.
words press against the inside of my skull,
Something set them off.
I spray these pages with phrases like horse piss.
Then I gain control.
Paint a picture
Paint a picture perfect
Make sure all these hours are worth it
Don’t cure it
Exploit what has been given
A creation of our mind runs deep, so overwhelmingly deep at times
Right at the moments you need it to be silent, the screams of sorrow and sadness echo throughout the corridors of the mind
There's something so poetic about watching everything crumble around you
How can destruction be so artistic, so beautiful?
Seeing everything you attempted to build just fall
It's gone in the matter of minutes
March 3, 2017:
This everlasting darkness has really taken its toll on me
I don't think I can control myself anymore
This is spiraling out of control
So fast that I can't even keep track of wherever I used to be
March 6, 2017:
Sorrowful living is a long, desolate path
It’s where you’ll never really feel complete, but you don’t do much to fight it
Because, though you just want to be happy, you don’t know where to begin
Dear Mom,
I woke up today screaming and then realized it was just a nightmare.
I don’t know why you didn’t come to check on me but I know I will be okay.
Dear Mom,
John 14:14 here;Got no reason to fear;Because if my God is near;Then we always have a reason to cheer.Mr. Smiff irritatin’, his spirit fadedHis lyrics jaded, his fear is makeshift,
Beyond the seas of melancholy,
there was a time I held your hand,
My heart now bears an untold story...
like a ship at sea that longs for land-
A great untruth my lips have borrowed,
Expression: showing emotions through colour --
Music -- words -- creation.
You give other people insight
Into your feelings, because
Humans Are Social Creatures.
When you're healthy and young,
I'm sitting here.
Again I'm alone.
I'm trying to escape
Escape from the hurtful words and the voices in my head.
My headphones are on and my music is up.
Here I sit.
I'm by myself.
Now that I'm getting closer to the end I'm scared. I don't see what everyone else sees in me anymore. I have failed so many times in my eyes. When others try to shine a light on me I ran and hide knowing I'm unworthy of its shine and warmth.
Heavy once again
Sorrow permanently
Permeating
Penetrating
Over and over
The insecurities
Stab like darts
Tears well up
Out of nowhere
Leaking and spilling
Am I invisibleWhen my arms wave for aidAm I bothering the peopleShunned and ashamedMy lungs fill with mistakesFour gallons of heart acheI fall to my endInside me
Why am I here? What purpose does this have?I am so tired, I just want to sleep.Of myself, I feel I am only halve.Maybe less, but now I am in too deep. It's time to die, time to die, time to die.I'm too tired to work.
If you see someone depressed
Don't ask them why they're stressed
It does no help most of the time.
Truth is I broke the record,of how many timesI could change my mindWithout it affecting my life.
Truth is I broke the record,of all the spoken liesdevised over timeThat I made myself believe.
so many emotions my body can't contain
continuously being suffocated like an un-oxygenated flame
if someone would put me out how grateful i would be
for my emotions--never ending--are shifting like the trees
I am cold, stubborn, and reckless.
I am sad, skinny, and wild.
I am timid, honest, and loud.
I am forgetful, ignorant, and tired.
I have failed at being a daughter.
false
too confused to know the truth
lost
but what was lost, was it you?
who I don't recognize
when did I lose you
was it when you shouted?
or when you laughed?
You were gone for so long
Now you're back
Gone for too long
Eleven months and twenty three days to be exact
Oh how I missed you
Your cold touch
Your green skin
She writes about him in a five dollar notebook
Saying that she loves him so
His hands are placed at the nape of her neck
while his love was gripping her throat
Calling, Crashing
lights are flashing
what is happening?
this is maddening
storm and lightning
Fears are frightening
Put in writing
we can't fight it
Can't you stop it?
Eyes red, dried tears on her cheeks;
On the roof she sits with pen and paper
Describing the beauty of the street lights
The sound of the rustling trees
poison tears
Rain, rain, go away,Because of you the pain will stay.Slit my throat, cut out my heart,Leave me here, tear it apart.
I knew I had it bad,
when they asked what I would need
if I was stranded on a island,
and the first thing I thought of,
was your blue eyes instead of water.
Isn't that sad?
if the sand was silk
would you still step over it?
if the rocks were gems
would you pick them up?
or would you
still step over it?
it become harder to live
or more likely so
You take the knife and you take the blade
You dig it in and draw some blood
But it’s time to stop, your night is made.
Listen and let the tears flood.
"Footsteps through the fire
But I don't feel a thing
Burning even brighter
I sour on angel wings
Down in a ditch
I can see the light
If I could only reach
I try with all my might
Yelling and crying.
Screaming and dying.
This is the circle of my life.
Why try?
Every time you get happy,
Life becomes crappy.
This is the circle of my life.
i honestly dont know what you expected
this isnt a poem
you want to know how much i want attention?
yeah
me too.
We are broken,
And shattered
And crushed
And tattered
We close our eyes
and hope
for something better
But we must cope
We are laughing
and smiling
I...
developed into a wolf
of smart solitude
I...
lurked in the background
not seen nor heard
I...
From the inside looking out
A bright-eyed horse stands
Head held high to the sky
Ready to take on the world
Without a single doubt
Putting on a fake smile
To keep the questions away
To keep the pain away
To keep the memories away
I thought you´d always be there
I thought you´d never leave
Now you’ve left me standing
With my heart left on my sleeve
You swore we were forever
And never will we part
Growing up sucks in this world
Having pressures to be perfect
You try to get away from it
Clear your mind and run away
But you still have that voice
The one in the back of your head
Theres so much hurt
So much pain
So much broken glass
That cuts my wrist
I wasnt so broken
I wasnt so cut
I wasnt so depressed
I wasnt so sad
Always have this thought
Believing that I am lost
Crying uncontrollably trying not to be scared
Dying inside feeling helpless
Expressing is so hard
Your words not only hurt me
but make me feel so low
how can you just look at me,
and already assume this is what I'm about?
All my imperfections and flaws
I used to believe in a close happy family
But now I've been awakened and feel so alone
I always dreamt of staying together
But I never dreamt of departing our ways
"More, more" they say, "More, more."
These voices won't stop.
This emptiness won't be filled enough.
"More, more." These voices continue to say, "More, more."
More of what?
More friends.
More money.
A fatherless showdown.
He is around but he’s not.
His ghost still creeps in his body,
Colours we strive to leave behind, Hope of a future beyond our lives.
A legacy at the mercy of future generations, It's the only variation.
It was on that dark, depressing night
So very silent
Giving me nothing to do
But think
Think about everything that has ever happened
That I have ever done
I was contemplating my life
Sometimes i feel like the lowest of the low. I feel like I am a plague and that's only me being vague.
My heart is breaking,
my faith is shaking,
too much is what all of this stress is taking.
Can't calm down,
can't look around,
on the outside I smile.
On the inside I frown...
So tired of life,
I’m mental.
I’m losing what’s left of my rapidly
deteriorating mind.
Its hard to understand a basket
case.
No one really does.
what do you see
when you look at me
our perspectives are completely divergent
because you see a girl
These people be looking at me like I'm crazy
Like the shit I been doing ain't the right shit maybe
Maybe I'm loosing my mind
I haven't been feeling right lately
Like all these demons inside been tryna step out on me
People think they have me figured out
That smiling, funny girl
Described as me
But that's the cover of I
I hide more underneath my skin than the anatomy books say is there
Tears saved till it's too much
Hey again.
It's just me.
I got nothing to say
No games to play
No place to lay
It's only me.
Im here by myself.
I stand in the valley of the shadow of death,
Don't understand why I'm here,
Everything seems deep, dark, and dangerous.
Anyone here?
Rain
It drips down my back
In quick succession.
Rivulets form a path,
An irrelevant digression.
Gravel
It retaliates the rain.
Each drop
Absorbing the pain.
Walking still,
You
Stole from me something important
Before I could understand to cherish it
You
Lashed out at me
For my overwheming emotions
You
Made me become
Hateful of myself.....
One stepand I felldown,down,into the dark.You promisd youwould save me,keep me afloat.But I remember thoselies well,as the tears floodeverything I know.
How much canI take? The drinksdon't drown me likeI hope they would.You killed me whenyou killed us. Youbroke me downwhen you dropped me fordiamonds.I don't shine or sparkle
Come,
Sit down and view my world
Let me take you in
They say my name
As if it is I that should be ashamed.
And yet, I win another battle
I look into your eyes that are now so bright...
My eyes are dark, with just a flickering light.
Oh, how I miss you...
I wonder if you miss me too...
I don't understand what you see in her,
Every answer is a lie,
Every night it all unfolds.
Only when I'd rather die
Is when the truth is told.
Every answer is one I hide,
It scares me more than you know
Because when I search,
Bleeding because it paints the pictures
so heavily spilled
in my mind.
And seeing the crimson upon my skin
Gives me pain that makes me real.
Crying because
It makes me view
Incurable words,
They seem to kill me blantantly.
The irony is bliss.
Words running through my mind.
All the time.
At the most unfavorable times of night.
In the heat of a moment of love.
"Foster child! Foster child" "I wish you never came here"
"Not my sister, Not my sister!" "Mom, don't call her dear"
Echoes in the hallways, begging for a tear
Water in the bathtub, wash away my fear
Many times we sacrifice hopes and dreams thinking that by doing so we will achieve bigger dreams.
We don't understand how many we lose in the road until we look back.
Disappear in a whisper:
Hello? Are you there?
Yes but are you?
Do I know you?
Do I know you?
No I don’t.
You’re right we don’t know.
We?
You never knew did you?
I cannot see,
The darkness is pulling at me.
Where's my light?
When will anything feel right?
I thought you promised you'd be there for me?
Now the darkness is closing in on me.
Light shady hair
That lays softly and carressing his lonely thoughts
Habits that glorfies the flaws in his stormy eyes
I lost my shadow,
I lost my friends,
Even my reflection is running away.
What did I do to scare you?
I was always nice, always generous,
I gave you everything I had
You can make believe it happened
Or pretend that you’re not frightened
You can wish, hope, and contemplate
she stands alone
in the dark
dark closing in
as the tears fall
she feels pain
within
her heart aches
but she cant let go
the past a memory
her breaths thinner
and less
It was all incredibly detailedHow he dove into her drained eyes,How he explored her dark and poignant soul;
It's not what they call you,
but what you answer to.
Never let someone else's words
define you.
No one is "normal"
No one is "perfect"
But as long you love yourself
you'll always be worth it.
The sunlight is gone
and the threatning shadow of rain
makes the earth seem unknown
with its strange glow again.
The warm breeze twirls quickly.
The plants-too green- hasten their dance,
the human mind is a beautiful thing
it is the controller of the human being
but the main difference between yours and mine
is that yours does not make you want to die
Strange, isn't it?
How those who are pillars
of support
for their friends
might be crumbling apart
from within?
I seem strong
and confident
and self-assured
and happy.
I cannot let me feel
To feel is to hurt
Hope turns black with each shedding tears
What once felt excitement is only filled with dread
I cannot escape this prison
I made for myself
If you really knew me, you would know I suffer from depression.
A misdiagnosed type of new vision.
Seeing reality as it was always meant to be.
Seeing the actuality of the false viatlity of the world.
The silence screams through the noise
The blindness crawls through the images flashing by her eyes
The anger hides behind a mask of smiles
The tears stream but they can't be seen through the look of laughter upon her face
How can things be so difficult one minute, but then dissolve into something so pure? How do people look over the beauty of mistakes and only focus on the bad and evil perspectives?
At some point there comes a time where we have the talk with our parents
The talk about success and at some point we all choose to digress
The world is a mystery,
Forever unclear,
An insolvable puzzle for everyone here,
Trying to forget their own history.
The skies can be dark,
Everyone scrambles trying to learn their part,
My dear Dream! You neither come with comforts nor
You let me sleep with comfort.
From the day one since I've met you until the time I marry you,
I stay obsessed with you,
Life is like having a tick
irritating like when you get a prick
kinda like getting hit by a brick
Sometimes you want to let it go
But hold on you might find a glow
Walkin throug town you get a little down
Victim
Used by many
Left by some
To all spares every penny
But has ears from none
Caught up in a journey
Though it's just begun
I wish to cut away my flesh.I don't hate myself.I just hate this skin,Weak and bloody thin!If only
this passion for you
melted into these meaningless words on a page no one will read
and the hours and minutes i spend bleeding these feelings and dead smiles
Not everything works
Like it used to when
We were young
Disease fills us
Disorders rot our minds and
We’re never cured
Anxiety creeps up
Fire that you ignore but
Can’t put out
Sometimes I get in my feelings, for no reason.
Just a thought can shift my entire mood.
I can be happy one moment then depressed the next.
I have issues.
I guess that's called bipolarism.
Screams can be heard
the obliterate stares of those
who don't have a clue
do they really
do you
The bloody fingernails
scrape the chalk board
and the spine tingling sound
X, A, B, Jump, Roll, Hop
Controller,
Control Me,
Reset the initial settings to your personal preference
Warp me into the image you wish to see
Use me
Anesthetize me,
She kept a tally of the bad days on her thighs and wrists.
She worried that maybe it wasn't normal to think of death so much.
To welcome the pain of the blade with a smile, a real one.
A walk along the beach..A whisper in the wind..Without these things, I could no longer pretend.A hike among the trees..A nap in a meadow..I'm never followedby your ominous shadow.
one, two
start the day new
three, four
150 cals, no more
five, six
i dont need to be fixed
seven, eight
youre all too late
nine, ten
never wake again
Thoughts race
time goes by
minutes drag
she wonders why
darker and darker
her mind goes
what is the outcome?
nobody knows
all she sees
behind hazel eyes
Incompetent minds
with unyielding thoughts
she keeps to herself
and guards her soul
they dont understand
they only observe
she stays in pain
but keeps her control
I would kill for a pill that would make me feel,
So happy inside,
Fill me with pride and confidence,
If someone offered it to me,
I'd happily agree to take it with me,
Tired of winters
And swollen rivers
Chests heaving
People leaving
Want to sleep
Maybe for weeks
Need to sleep
Maybe for weeks
Dad, a three letter word for father.
You know, it takes a man, a an to be a father.
You say you ere just a kid, but so was she.So was mom.
Waking up every morning to the same tune
Thinking about leaving this place from morn till noon
Stumbling out of bed thinking of who to impress
Stranger in a crowded room
Fate continues to weave at the loom
Your entire life mapped in one tapestry
And you stand alone, helplessly
You begin to wonder,
The people squirming
Through each other
Sprinting
Pacing
Chuckling
Weeping
Briefcases in hand
Lunging
For the office
Laptops
Cellphones
Watches
Files
Lonely face while he walks the streetWater from my eyes like sea salt-laden galesThe last they heard from him was a tweetAll she wanted was to hear a taleThe Moon was bright as a lamp-post
' 'she is nothing but a slut' '
face pale
lips Glossy
' 'she is nothing but a freak' '
pale blue eyes
chocolate lockes
' 'her makeup looks terrible' '
i'm scared of getting close
how could anyone handle
someone so deranged
it really blows
having everything hidden
because eventually someone will want to know the truth
i do not like to feel
the emotions take over
leaving me broken and vulnerable
it's hard to deal
feeling hopeless
feeling alone
that's why i've cornere myself off in this fortress
My greatest fear was to drown.
To have my lungs full of water
Simultaneously, living and dying
Until I realized, I'm drowning myself.
Sorrow after sorrow take over my body
It's kind of like you're free falling with no parachute
Your body feels weightless and you're floating
You feel the wind rushing as you're diving towards earth
But at the same time, time sort of stops
Do not say goodbye, please hear me out first;
I love you, and know that I’m on your side
You say it’s done and it couldn’t get worse
While you reflect on the tears you have cried.
A familiar numbness
creeps over my soul.
I feel nothing.
But at the same time,
I feel everything.
I feel the weight of guilt,
the pain of losing a friend,
Hillary the Ohpeliac,
The girl with a beautiful soul
She’s into self-destruction,
I’m fascinated by this role.
She looks at skinny as a flaw
I can’t even see why
Beauty comes in all forms
How can someone get to the point
in their life
where death deems so right?
When you wake up
Every single day
Wishing for an end
to it all.
And more specifically,
I used to look down a lot
My head full of melancholic thoughts
And myself so weighed down
I could not stand up.
In fact I was falling,
deeper and deeper into a depression
Walking the halls
Is harder than you think
Losing friends
Can happen in a blink
Having stress
And feeling depressed
Are all the things
I'm trying to express
I thought you were something special,
Not like any other boy,
But I guess I thought wrong.
I thought I had finally found someone who liked me for me;
Someone who wasn't just there to admire my body,
135 pounds?!
There's no such thing as having an eating disorder when you're so fat
Eating disorders are for the skinny people
For my friend, who is 105 pounds and eats whatever she wants
She dances! She twirls!
This amazing wind up girl!
Come one! Come all!
To see the painted smile doll!
Put your order in today!
We’ll send her, no delay!
The price is really not that high!
Sarah
She was born into an orphanage
Her reading disability is awful
Her emotionally traumatized brain can't help it
Her life spent without being wanted
Justin
Wishes he didn't have parents.
Chains
Chains
clinking metal frozen
wrists bound
reaching for freedom
no key to set me free
or strength to uncuff
Forever engaged to silence
getting through day by day
smiling and laughing
pretending your okay
"Im fine" or my favorite "I already ate"
she pretended to happy
but all that was fake
The butterflies swarm inside my head,My mind decides to tell them everything I've said.Fluttering, moving, spacing out,They come from all directions to have no doubts.Peaking and peering inside my mind,
I'm trapped
Inside my body.
I don't belong
Here.
Nobody wants me.
Here
Nobody understands me.
Here
I need an escape from.
Here
I'm trapped inside my body.
There she goes, falling
Down into the unconquerable abyss
Lost inside herself
There’s no escaping
The terrible monsters that live in her soul
They lurk in the looming blackness
Life is precious, fragile,
and an amazing experience.
Memories last forever.
The good, the bad,
every important memory,
can never
be forgotten
Rolling around outside,
Again,
I begin,
to feel like I'm going through life in no particular direction,
to feel like instead of being one in million,
that I'm one in the millions,
I don't feel like an individual,
i was thinking
about how low
people can get
and how low
people can feel
so that they believe
they are alone
but are really
surrounded by people
who see them
It’s you
You that I am scared of
You chose me as your target all because of the way i look
Or maybe it’s because I’m better than you
Are you mad at the fact that I don’t have to
You stand up there, teaching us this crap
How will it apply and when will I use that
can’t I pick my own classes? Go to class when I want
Whys the government control us, I wish I could change that
Breaking Branches
Falling Leaves
Seasons Change
Caring Need
Rolled down Sleeves
Icy eyes
Hurting Heart
Who Survives?
A shiny lock
Numbers written around the edge in a circle
I watch as it turns
Back and forth
The numbers blend together
Amd I get confused and lost
No longer sure how to unlock it
A dream is supposed to be love and keen
but a dream deferred can prevent even the craziest dream
Will you let color, age or sex defer your dream?
or will you trust, believe, love and achieve,
When we walked the face of Earth,
Wasn’t the world a happy one?
A collection of blessings made up our very lives,
And in the blinks of weary eyes,
We were gone.
Now as I peer into the past
Without a raise of the hand, I stood
Knowing that I could be stifled, I know I did not care.
Without a raise of the hand, I spoke
Meaning no disrespect, but respect was the only matter on my mind.
I’ve dealt with a lot.
I’ve been bullied,
I’ve been heart broken,
I’ve been ignored,
I’ve been abandoned,
I’ve been invisible,
I’ve been a target.
They tell me it’s just the
Kids are steadily drooping out of school
Selling drug, hang in gangs becuase they think it's kind of cool
The list of the problems that are wrong with America
Will have these kids rolling off into hysteria
Understand, this is not right.Listen, hear me warn you.This is not a fair fight.You will fail, win, lose.
My close friend Luis decided to drive around in his motorcycle.
Luis was innocent, he just wanted to drive around...
So happy to be driving, the wind hitting his face, ignoring everyone.
Time ticks slowly, almost like my heart with out you
Just like the Moon, has to be away from the Sun,
I have to be away from you.
Every once in awhile you visit me in my dreams
My mind is depraved. A sarcastic fringehead, erasing my thoughts faster than they can swim. Breathing in water, my lungs fill with salted froth. I bite my tongue and an acrid brine pervades the void.
Will it come to pass me by
or will it never come at all
Will it come with my sorrows
or will it come with my family's sorrows
I ask myself this everyday
for you never know when it'll be your last
That light that you see
It isn't me.
My light is broken there is no way for it to be repaired.
I live beneath you.
I wade in the shallow end of your steps.
I don’t understand you,
Far as I may follow.
I know you don’t see me,
You don’t know who I am.
You’re eyes show nothing, hide nothing.
I scream behind my closed door, but they can't hear me.
The words don't ever actually escape my lips, because I'm afraid of what I might say.
My mind is the one screaming, it just wants to be free.
Numbness fills my mind,
My heart seems still,
Never knew life was so unkind.
The wind blows,
The day ends,
But still my pain grows.
My face it smiles,
My eyes are clear,
My hand, yes it hurts
but my mind hurts more.
Why do I write you ask?
Because I can't go back to how I was before.
I can't afford to be that girl
Who feels the need to end it all.
The air smothered in smog
The birds don't sing like they used to.
Then again, it's not surprising,
must have the Memphis blues.
The echoing screams in the streets
Children crying in the background
They don't understand.
The more they put me down , the more I feel like hurting myself.
If this is living,
I'm not sure if I want to live.
If only I could move.. just get away,
but I can only go where I am taken to.
No one seems to like me and they seem to think
Behind her tears
There is anger and sorrow.Behind her fake smilethere is lies and fear.
She seems to be all alone,No group to accept her.Everyday she sits alone,No one there to talk to.
It all started one day
she got threatened, got made to do something she didn’t want to do
thought it would get better, but no, it stayed the same
LIfe,
How awkward it can be.
Concerned looks,
I feel so uncomfrotable.
HIding in my skin,
I find the real person I am.
And to be honest...
The real me scares me.
She is strong and fearless harboring a secret. She has shut them out. She is lost; lost as quickly as lives disappeared. Her existence is what left her with nothing. A shadow of her former self. Seeking the night he finds her once again with
You must love to watch me crybecause since the beginningthat’s all you have caused me,tears and breathless sobsand i sit here as these big dropsof sadness and despaircrash like waves onto my face
As sons and daughter of the most high God
We have standards to uphold, as we are representing Zion
And as we live in a dark and hateful world
You're so sad, your tears illuminate a dreariness that words can't describe,
you're so angry, the wrath of your fury is something you can't hide.
Its like swallowing flint
To be here.
Among the talented people
The children of broken homes
Motor homes
And hill-top homes.
From the highest of life
To the lowest of lows
Poets, word weavers,
The sands of time continue to fall.
Hopelessness binds.
Constricts hands, feet and heart.
Desire for the should haves.
As lost in the past miseries.
Mistakes made.
Lessons learned?
His heart is fragile;
his body is vagile,
he wants to persevere but he feels he has no support near,
he walks the days alone,
he needs to be put in a hone,
sharpen his senses;
Everything and everyone
move forward
farther away from me
who is stationary
never changing
never moving forward
if i could go forward
everything would change
for better or worse
Every morning she paints on her face.
She removes the bags from under her eyes, and hides the ones lying inside.
She tries her best to cover the stains, tries her best with the ones in her brain.
In my eyes
I am a burden
I am arrogant
I am argumentative
I am over-emotional
I am not living up to their expectations
I am imperfect
In my eyes
I was the oldest,
So I should’ve died first,
But now you’re buried in the ground,
At only twenty-one years young,
They say you were hung,
And now I’m listening to sad songs,
Did you hate us all that much,
I never looked back the day I left
A thing I always seem to neglect
Something my mother noted
Whether I was going to school for the first time
Or for Basic Training
Or going to Iraq
Happiness
Is a bunny
Of fluffy cotton
That grows
Like water
And strives
Like a flower
Jealousy
Is the death
Of a relationship that
Is hurting from
Lack in trust
This place I am, it is horribly dark.
Yet, here I will stay. I am a flightless lark.
Motionless I’ll lay.
Please, take me away.
I need this to stop,
For these yearnings to drop.
I lie in bed awake at night
Empty inside
Wanting to grab onto something
But not knowing what
Closed doors with listening walls,
A storm thunders from your face,
Such a big disgrace.
Nothing changes, but everything falls.
I wish my life was like a wall.
i think the hardest part is quit being mad at myself.
I hate what I am.
I want to change but i feel like i dont know where to start
and i feel as if i will just regress
and go back to how i am.
Fading into the background
Washed out by greatest
Suddenly hearing no sounds
No cheers as I approach that line
I made it right! I finished
Where is my accolade?
My recognition!
the dark heavy sinking feeling spins and twirls inside of me. it encases my insides, coating everything within its reach. it swells inside me and I can feel it grow and pound against the inside of my body, restless to get out.
