I'm sorry.

 

I'm sorry for the lies, the things I've done, and constantly reminding you how little I care.

 

I'm sorry I can't be honest, that I hide my emotions behind a blank stare and smiling lips as I watch you crumble.

 

I'm sorry that I know you can do better, the small voice in my head constantly reminds me of this, and letting you go would be the best choice for you and me but I can't.

 

I'm sorry I cause more pain and anguish than happiness and grins, that I build my walls so high yet you keep climbing them, and that the very thought of you dreaming of me keeps me up at night.

 

I'm sorry for the headaches, the tears, the late calls and messages, the bond we've built, pulling on your heartstrings, and inviting you into my life all in a single blur as we created a vivid image of our future together, a future that may never happen.

 

I'm sorry that I've tried to make you jealous, that I'm not even strong enough to send you a message or ask about your life, or your family or even how your day has been going though I strongly ache to know, since at one point, you were the very person I would die to speak to after the end of each day in any moment you could spare, just so I could feel even the tiniest bit closer to you.

 

I'm sorry I'm this way and that you've dealt with me and that we've had countless arguments like this- over stupid problems, situations, people.

 

Over stupid, confusing feelings.

 

I'm sorry I poured my heart out then changed my mind as I rethought my actions- a choice I regret but don't at the same time.

 

I'm sorry that we were even born into these lives sometimes- so far apart yet so close.

 

I'm sorry you will never know this was for you, nor that you will never see it.

 

I'm sorry. I'm so sorry.

 

I can't turn back time, nor do I want to.

 

(After all you're the one that taught me we can't erase our mistakes and that we shouldn't want to- mistakes simply would make our story even better).

 

I'm sorry that I've said 'sorry' so many times, and the word has lost it's meaning.

 

I'm sad, but not sad. And angry, but not angry. And anxious- super anxious. And my eyes hurt from all the useless tears that just won't stop.

 

I'm sorry I hate you and love you at the same time.

 

I'm sorry I've even met you in the same universe.

 

I'm sorry you've unfortunately met me.

 

I'm sorry our worlds have changed.

 

I'm sorry, but I think we need to come to an end. This hurts more than it should.

 

But the magical spark that kept us going is being snuffed out by my selfishness again- I feel the happiest when it's ignited and burning, but the flames are eating me alive.

 

I'm sorry, but I'm done.

With no fucks left to give.

And no heart left to break.

 

Sorry, and goodbye.