Pressure keeping me in a state of mind

Though it's not fine

Desperation in my eyes

No place is like the blur

The blur that consumes the day and turns it into a lonely closed-off room,

Only for my eyes to witness the demons within

No place can relate to the built up walls inside my mind

Trying to expel the suffocation sneaking through

The trembles and shaking that can't be held back,

Break into my body's nerves and muscles

I scream,

No one listens

I scream,

No one cares

This place is my hell

This place is inside my head

I can't move

I only feel myself cracking,

Under the pressures and these disgusting thoughts

My voice is gone now

It goes onto deaf ears

I no longer try to grasp out for anything to latch onto

Disgust

Filth

Agony

Depression

Anxiety

Desperation

Anger

Envy

...

PANIC

...

My face is a mess

I can't recognize myself after I'm damaged

My face

My eyes

They're all screwed up from the horrors I experience

Breath escapes

Hair does too...

There go my fists

banging on the floor,

Slamming on the door,

Tearing into myself,

And everything I can destroy

It happens in minutes,

But it feels like an eternity

I look like a child,

But I'm just mentally checked out

Something replaces me for emptiness in my cold body on the floor

Corruption

Defeat

Tiredness

I shake upon the ground,

Tightly wrapped around myself as much as possible

In order to protect whatever I have left

After...

A blank stare

A limp body

No expression found

Wet, swelled up face

Bruised hands

Throbbing head

Hair ripped out

Voice Trapped

Voice Silenced

The floods are receding, but not far gone

I lay there feeling nothing

Refusing to feel anything

Denying that I will feel again

Tiredness

A fog covers my mind blocking the outside world,

Keeping me in the confines of my own existence

By the end of it all,

It seems like a daze

As if I were having a dream

No, a nightmare

I try and look back but when I do,

All I see is a stranger controlling my body

I deny it happened

I must deny that it happened

It didn't happen

And it won't ever happen again...

Of course though,

I'm always wrong

Embarrassment

Denial

Scared

Scarred

Suffocating

I'm Suffocating

The room becomes smaller and smaller

Ignoring my pleas

I'm trapped again,

Like always

An endless cycle that is demanding

And cruel

And evil

And selfish

And powerful

And hateful

And aggressive

And dangerous

But, despite it all,

My mind tells me I need it, and deserve it, and that there's no way to change it

I want to change it though

I have to change it

I can't be in this place anymore

The time must be up

No More

That is, until the next one comes

Because I know well enough that you may believe that you have the power to stop it,

But when you're alone with Them,

You crack and fall into their waiting tortures

.....

Welcome to my head