I am never the one to call it quits

I am the one that quietly sits

There and takes the hits 

Working hard to throw my hints

And always seems to throw the most fits

Giving myself away, pieces and bits 

Hoping I’ll find somewhere that fits 

But I just seem to fall into self-pity pits 

 

So here I am, giving myself away

Throwing my life away day by day

Maybe if I could just find the words to say

They’re in my mind, I repeat them every time I pray

These demons I harbor I can’t seem to lay

Them to rest and so I always pay

The highest price and keep them at bay

Pretending I’m in control but they’re the hunters, me prey

 

See those images still seem to flood my mind

Trapped in my brain, jailed there, confined

And I let them control me, act like I’m blind

To the fact that I can get out of this bind

If I could just take the reins and find

The courage to put my past behind

Instead I sit there, resigned 

My past and present permanently intertwined 

 

But this is not how I want my story to end

If I could just break my habits, make them bend

Seal them away and send

Them flying, falling off the deep end

Maybe I need therapy, someone to lend

An ear to my issues, a friend

Instead I push people away and tend 

To act like I’m okay, but it’s just pretend

 

And I’m sorry to those who try

Who sit there with me while I cry

Being my rock, never saying goodbye

And I know saying I’m easy to be around is a lie

So I just grit my teeth and sigh

Take a deep breath, turn my head to the sky

Most days I don’t want to live, but I’m afraid to die 

Maybe I should just take everyone’s advice and get high…