Doubt
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You are a terrific elixir
Yet you blow your essences up
By enthroning doubts
Like scientists working hard
Whispers Mock My Uncertain Path.The Path That Was Set Out Soley For Me Seems To Be Soo Darn Far.Uncertainity Is Rather An Understatement Bewildered Seems More Fit.How Will I Know It Is Mine To Trod ? When Will I Know When I Finally Reach The One ?
Here again, i'm cradled by the unreleasing arms
Of the white, shot sun's grim descent
It always finds me frantic, unprepared
I try to talk myself into some kind of world of understanding
Find empty auditorium seats
Don't you See them? Can't you hear them?
Craven things
The voices that wont let you be
All ways there
allways watching, allways chating
the voiceless words
confined
To determine self worth on a sliding scale strung so precariously
How melancholic is this!
Tendrils of doubt embedded superficially
On the surface of marbled skin.
The varying shades of gray-
I'm obsessed,Obsessed with death.
I love to picture my own end. Will it be by my own hands?An enemy's? Will I be a hero? Or will I grow old?
I'm obsessed,
At thirteen
my heart had never been broken
I was still dreaming big dreams
And I was still outspoken
I sided with hope
having no concept of doubt
To make up for deficiencies
Lacking or discrepancies
To fix or make anew
What's broke and disagrees with you.
"But I haven't sinned!"
I hear you cry
"It went that way alone, awry!"
Could You
September 11, 2018 ~ Tuesday
I’m gripping tightly
Onto that which makes me all I ever was and needed
The words I heard and heeded
Liked by many though I still feel alone,
Surrounded by others but still trecking on my own.
they try to understand my pain but they have different trials,
though no one truly hurts me death begins to beguile.
Iram, Lost Iram
Lost, alone, and wandered scars
Scrutinizing time
Thunders rise and soon take flight
Tinted skies with essence sighs
Thank you for this life
A life where shadows sing
Where losses are seen as gains
Where I can have a vision for everything
Thank you for this life
A life where notes can speak
Hanging from the edge of the world
A grip on this reality waning
A river in flight and a flowing sky
An upside down
My celestial home
Him. I imagined him.
He held me. How nice it was.
His kiss was power.
His flaws belonged to me.
His losses drained me.
I lost a part of who I was.
I became cold and rigid.
I began to doubt.
Standing lone, in this world turn dark- Looking round, seeing no way out. Realizing life, has been cloaked with doubt.
Those you called friends, no longer seem real. Thoughts in your mind, now surreal.
I feel like I'm giving it all I've got
I feel like I'm giving nothing at all
Others give so much more
Under worse circumstances
Maybe my soul is just smaller
And I don't have as much to give
To the one who doesn’t feel like their enough,
or worth it,
or accepted.
Not beautiful,
Or enough,
Or loved.
I have a secret to tell you.
It isn’t whispered but shouted.
Dearest Doubt,
I hope you are doing well.
I say that only because it is impolite to write a letter without proper introduction.
What I mean to say is this:
You have followed me my entire life,
Dear Doubt,
Thanks for clouding my mind.
Making my ambitions blind.
You know how to break me down.
Leaving me breathless and grasping for life.
I had a panic attack because you! You bitch!
Dear me, You’ll regret this you know.Letting time slip by;it’ll pass in a flash.You’re leaving soon. You’ll hate this you know.All these hours you workfor a chance at more school.You’ll be there soon. You’ll doubt this you know.The path you have c
P a t h w a y s
By: SeemsPoetic
I can feel it in my heart I'm already slowing dying
In my mind…
Dear Kayla,
I can’t make you
walk on flower trails.
I can’t force you
to see only the good things.
To promise you
Dear Me,
I know that sometimes life can be a big stress.
The things that you will experience can forsure make you digress,
from the path in life that you thought would be best.
Dear God,
Can you hear me?
People say you hear everything,
but are you listening?
I have some questions to ask you,
and words I want to share.
So please, listen to me.
Dear Dubiety,
I wish to promulgate that poetry is not dead.
But the style... each breath is taken to be lost in an enchantment of idealist fallacies.
To my doubt,
Have you ever wondered
what it would be like
to live a life free of you
and to have a heart
unburdened with
thoughts of worry and woe.
Have you ever wondered
Openness. What do we need? Is it good? Is it bad? Or is it simply a method for us to expand. Allowing us to give our enemies a sharper knife. What are we to know. What are the intentions? The reasons? The wishes?
All eyes on me
Watch me stutter, watch me slip
Watch me crumble at the pressure
Laugh and applaud
I craft masks and write acts
*snap*
Severed ends of a good mood
*snip*
They walk out of sight and out of life
*rip*
Your carefully assembled resolve dissolves
the road of failure is
painted
in the color of hope
and leads to the jagged cliff
where my dreams
jumped.
the road back home is
brightly lit
and leads to a state of
What of my life,
What does it mean to me?
What have I learned?
What has it tried to teach me?
I feel it as it tries to reach me
But truly,
It rarely meets me.
These thoughts of being confident
I'm afraid.
I'm afraid of the dark.
I'm afraid of horses.
I'm afraid of heights.
I'm afraid of drowning.
I'm afraid of death.
I.
Heavens flicker and take fire.
The Earth takes its final breath
Trembling, Stained, Defiled.
Dreams gained with certain loss
Late at night I lie awake Pray the lord my soul to take And if I should have dreams that are bright Don't let me see the morning light.
Blow absorbing hate
They're clueless 'bout the vision
Yes-I am one in seven billion
Which is a fact you can negate
But s'why I don't concede
I use to share poems with my name attached
but then I was told I should stop
so my name was detached
because the statement made my confidence drop.
What if she was right?
Was I just wasting my time
I remember how we used to beUse to be happyWithout a care in the worldUse to spend every day togetherDoing everything yet nothing at allThen one day everything just changed
You love me,So you have told me before,Would die for me,Love me till the very end,Even marry me.So why am I still your second choice?Why do I still come second to her,
As hard as it is I want to love myself I want to love myself like my family could never love me Love me like you love me I want to see myself like you do Because you make me sound so beautiful I can't help but wonder if I really amI want to love m
How strange.
Viewing things differently;
I never imagined viewing things differently.
"For survival", I solemnly claimed.
But is it true? I doubt it.
How strange.
It's become alot easier;
you’ve shouted at meyou’ve put me down when i needed you to be there for mei called you my group of friendsnow, you can’t stand the fact that i don’t like what you like
"You know you'll be broke?" is what everyone said, their words and opinions filling my head. "A career change already? Are you sure you really want it?" I hadn't even started, and thought I should quit.
Our world: consequence, disease, reward, and inconvenience.
Smiles and laughs that entail crying--
And without even trying-- we acknowledge those who are dying.
Respect for the lost is given without proximity,
That Septembernight.
I didn't know my life would change.I went out to have fun. I didn't think I'd meet someone who'd define my year.
That Octoberday.
I am so over things being aesthetically pleasing.
I am so over someone choosing one thing over another because they think it is more beautiful.
We are all culprits.
But since when is symmetry all that we care about?
It's hard to see how close we are to the edge.
We'd be dead with just one step.
Just one move--we'd lose our way.
Every day, on the brink of insane
A fragile line to separate the sides
I love my friends. They're always there for me when I need them, A fucking lie; they're useless, terribly frivolous rats, who never stop to consider--
Haikus
Inside, there is war.
The heart and mind, They quarrel.
Like kindred beings.
Fell between the cracks.
Shortcomings, All too common.
Stranded am I, by this enslaving isle of fear.
Captured am I, by its fell whispers in my ear.
Where can I go?
Where can I run?
Surrounded am I, by the ocean of worry.
Is this really friendship
Do you actually care
If I were to disappear would it have an effect on you
Am I even important to you
it's like you've lived your whole life on the bottom
of the sea
rising now
things are looking up
lifting too fast
you feel like you might implode
too much pressure
too much release
yes
no
maybe
set
go
world
career
decide
college
boyfriend
kids?
no guide
can't
won't
shouldn't
did
won't
don't
My anger
a tsunami rushed straight to you
Love into hatred as I scream and cry
up to the sky you tore away a piece of me
as I begged you to let me go too
Is what I want what I need?
Will you fill the void?
They say more than him is greed
But I want a voice
Does that make me faithless?
Am I too immature?
It’s what I address
But nothing is sure
I am lost in the city of Austin.
The moon illuminates skyscrapers
As I walk through the slums,
Questioning if it is day
He wipes the dust of his Bible in times of need.
Eats the bread cause he's hungry.
Hungry because he plants the seed so God can see he still believes.
He confesses he's sorry he's never seen
In Church
God
I don't know how to pray
I do'nt know what to do
I don't know what I believe
But I know I want to believe in you
Please help me to believe
Reveal yourself to me
Show me
is it too much to ask?
is this too much for you?
no, you say—
no, you say?
so you say, but
you mean yes.
Lately things haven’t been real
But maybe that’s because what’s real doesn’t matter anymore
The sky lays low tonight
like a blanket of a flag on a deceased man
eagles fly no more
and the world we once knew
is covered by a blanket
of dew
But that dew isn't water
It's a big world for sure.
There's no doubt about that
And honestly, that's ok.
Except for my loneliness.
What with the world being so big.
I didn’t even want to write this poemI wasn’t sure what was the pointTo pour your heart into somethingWhen there’s always someone better out thereSomeone better at accurate alliteration
I feel weighed down by all my deepest fears
And all my highest hopes
Fear will always whisper in your ear and taunt you.
Hope though, is a crueler joke.
You leave me feeling empty,
Yet I don’t know I was full before
There was a time I was sure of my feelings,
And now I am not so sure
I keep on second guessing & regretting
I wonder what I can give,
as far as wisdom goes,
for I am somewhat young and have many years to live.
The cool Autumn wind blows
You awaken my ungratified soul,
Lest I lay in the snare of my skin and bones,
You resemble an angels grace and a sense of hope,
Take my spirit and don't let go.
Call me in and let the light rush forth,
I am not perfect, for I am human,I envy, I hate, I love, and I fear,What worth can be seen in my living years?
I want you to see
the part of me
that glass so often hides.
Scrolling down your Instagram feed, you would barely even recognize me.
I want you to see
the part of me
that is hidden by makeup
I hope...
Because I care...
Because I love my friends...
Family...
Neighbors...
The powerful message...
Jesus taught me
To love your neighbor as yourself
If it wasn't for that
We all have dreams to strive for
a goal to reach to reach for
we just have to wait for the right moment
to get success like the Romans
What is behind it?
The void
The abyss
The unknown
Behind it is whatever it pleased to be
I wish
You all could see
The small girl behind the facade.
Behind the facade
That does nothing but show off
And try to prove to everyone that she is a woman.
When really
There is beauty in the folds of my skin and the crease in my brow
Underneath my matt of hair and freckles
There is power behind my quiet voice and my timid thoughts
Seeing past my unsureness and doubt
Every time I try to think it's like a haze
Engulfs my mind.
So negative, so deflating
My mind is in a bind.
For you see, my creativity
Is trapped in this haze.
So deflating, so negative
We Are Anonymous
Like the Mosquito
that comes to bite you
and you kill it.
Now she is a forgotten entanglement
of red and black.
But you are still scratching
the bitemark.
Started a small bug within
But now its cutting
too thin
I want to kill this thing
its eating up my life
Killing my heart
Stilling my brain
But I'm not ready
Put me together and pull me apart
Dissect my insides and play with my heart
Stiches will mend, and stiches will show
The part of me you probably don't want to know.
We are all raising
Monkeys in the mirror
To the deny this
The evidence couldn't be any clearer
i may be subject to my flaws
but don't expect me to believe in your god
you live for prophecy
For all the love I have to give
No one can learn to live with it
I'm restless, weary and fading
Straining to remain the same
Another date, another day
No love shines in this shade
I numb my mind from the altercations that result from me sitting in silence. They say know your enemy well, so I spent hours studying the inside of my mind to find out what makes it go boom.
Im unraveling my brain in hopes that someone may come along pick it up and piece me back together. I could call her my doctor and I her Frankenstein.
There is a man quite dear to me
who I’ve known for many years.
He knows all of my feelings,
and understands my fears.
He lets me know what’s rational,
what’s within my expectations.
It’s vital to know, the stakes I conceive
Are heaven or hell, nothing or rebirth
But how can I know when I must believe?
V Doubt
O Fills every corner of my mind
I Whispers
I Dark words of unending peril. Failure
I Hope
I've been floating for years,
Cocking my ear to the sounds of late night drives
And the quick tongues of midnight calls.
The white lights at my sides give off flashes
Only lasting every other minute or so,
Past closed up pizza jointsPast laundromats, through the dying noisethe nights tick on like clockworkwatch the calendar as my steps unwind
Oneida says she's out of timefor mining lies from crooked mindsand spending nights beneath strange blanketsstreet-to-street, tab at a time.
Rejection, Neglect, Confused, Confined
Traits of a sociopathic mind, that's what society tells me i'm just nothing but labels pathetic worthless
Attempted at life but resulted in an attempt in suicide.
Close the door, sweetheart.
What did you expect?
Don’t you know monsters
Only ever rest?
Basic observation would have saved you.
Why, there can never be two.
You knew, you knew.
So lost, still lookingWhere's the never found?I gaze with fixed eyesThis dark quest has me cemented My heart is dementedMy whole solution is buried Underneath the land of the hopeless
To be heard is to be Waldo, found at last
To be heard is to be the smallest person in any given room with the most passion of any given person
A sprouting flower still frail and green
Before it bloomed they doubt what they see
Quantified judgments have been made before
The white sandy beaches crash against the waves as if battling for the territory of land.
The birds fly through the air sending signals of impending danger
to their nearby relatives.
Eighteen years have come
And soon they will be gone
For what I have dreamed of
Is no reality
Raised in the West
With the ideals of the East
Standing out as an individual
Out the window, carried on clouds
On a day so listless I can't hear a sound
Silence so loud no thoughts are clear
In this life,
We are still JUST children,
Whose voices would never be heard above the cloud because the world doubts itself
It dwells on the past so can’t even dream of a better future
I don’t think anyone expected this to happen.
Hell, I didn’t expect this to happen.
They didn’t expect us to happen.
I didn’t expect you to happen.
Was life worth living?
Was it worth to mimic visions of myself just to fit in?
Was it worth speaking for the first time?
Was it worth ranking up my education just to be clowned?
i am in titanium cuffs locked by my inner thoughts
im chained to a brick wall with chains crafted by my dark past
i am bundled and gagged with rags weaved from my own fear and doubt
and i have lost control.
I hear your anger,
I feel your cries.
I can smell the fear of histories repitition;
the thought of certain memories guard you heart.
You cannot forgive nor forget.
How could you?
It broke your mind,
Dear Lord,
And then the thought vanishes
Like ink words never written on a page.
The words that fall like glistening coins from my lips
Lack backing in a truer currency.
there will come a time when all is lostwhen there is nothing left worth the risk because you will lose anywayswhen you are so outnumberedwhen you feel you will die & no one will know and no one will care
Accusations to self-realizations do wither convictions of mine
I doubt my motives, facades, my devotions, my own I can't seem to find
Oh deep inside of me there is
an uncertainty that I must grip
Nothing –
Seeing clear as day
In the suffocating black of night
But cringing with confusion
When the sun sheds its light
Knowing there’s an answer
Not caring if it’s found
Because it's funy how the person who makes you happiest
Is also the person capable of hurting you the most, intentional or unbeknownst
And the worst kind of love
Is the kind where you love and they love
I wonder when will my light glow brighter than our sun.
Am I just a star? already shining bright but oh so far.Moving ever so quickly and changing ever so slowly
her insecurities are little girls wrapped in ribbons and frilly dresses and fighting for attention and her confidence kisses each one goodnight every night and never forgets.
“You can write poetry too”
So said my friend of too few years
I dared not believe him
How could I believe?
The written word
In a poetic form
I never dared to write
Quiet in bed
A desert bed
Expansive, tan
With pillowed
Whitecaps;
It’s a sea!
Heads on arms
Doubt is a weapon
used for war. As leathal as a bullet,
it is cold and piercing. The bullet stops you
and says you cannot move on.
But what should the world make of this weapon,
should it be used for evil
Fire burning and eyes hurting
Words could never
Heal so much
As I wallow
In self doubt and worry
I never forget my pen
She keeps me safe
She knows my every thought
Society is large and society is vast.
We learn about our history and past.
As we learn about it was anticipate the future.
We ask many questions of what it will be like to our teachers or tutor.
I love you
Sleep now darling
You have become my life, that without you I'de have nothing, no oxygen to sustain myself from
You are my shoulder to lean on and i'll be yours
You got me thinking
Of what’s out there and what’s inside
You got me thinking
Of how we came to be alive
You got me thinking
Of whether we contain a soul
You got me thinking
What I've learned about success
It takes more than just fate
Your destiny calls to you
But always ignore the hate
Dreams take some time
No matter how talented you are
I’m a professional at wearing a mask,
but once I’m off the stage it starts to crumble
and I’m left standing with myself.
Looking into a mirror that reflects the past
Of another person’s life.
These thoughts are strangers to my head,
These thoughts behind the wall
Where once stood nothing.
Now is hope
But fear, it still abounds.
We walked by night, dropped our troubles
As though the water we tried to avoid cleansed us,
But it didn't, did it?
We walked on in conversation or in silence,
And either way I felt privileged to be by your side.
Afraid you'll never be,
More than you wish to be.
Thoughts stand against you.
Toil with your emotions.
'To be or not to be'
Rings in your head.
Scratch. Scratch. Scratch.
Can any one hear me?
(I think it's empty)
An empty space
Laid to waste
Waste away
Until there's nothing
(Left)
For me to do
Til I'm filled up to the neck
When I was ten.
Let me tell you about then
When I was ten I went to Disneyland and was terrified of Space Mountain and the giant whale
I got a puppy
Played football with my neighbors
Read my first big kid book
