'growing up'
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As I sat there,
watching the slapping,
rolling,
pounding of the waves,
and the ocean stretching upon the shore
I began to wonder what would happen if I'd done something a little differently,
I stand at a crossroads
Who am I?
Who do I wish I was?
Who do I want to become?
In three weeks
Four days
Feet on ground
Feet on snow
Snow is slick
Feet are feeble
Feeble blocks
Blocks of brick
Bricks are broken
Release me
You taught me how to turn ideas into sentences
Showed me how to get a gold star from my teachers
It’s a good thing there is a such thing as family
Because family makes everything better
It’s less lonely with them
And you’ve a place to go
As I ran towards the water and my feet were met with salty splashes of the ocean,
Tall palm trees shimmy in the soft breeze,
Standing tall like soilders,
Guarding the colossal college walls.
Daunting yet appealing waves wash over me,
As my bold reflection stares back at me,
Quiet
No more giggles
No more laughs
Alone in my world
I found myself fast
From CA to GA
In my own little bubble
Being a kid was elementary
Inviting everyone to your anniversary
A couple of passes for being fussy
A few free passes for being bratty
Branching off to a new school
Power went to those who were cool
Sticks and stones may break my bones
But words will never hurt me,
Is what they told me long ago
But now I find that it averts me.
When I was Five,
I was lively and carefree
At Ten,
I was ready to take on the world
Sixteen and Seventeen
Made me feel so grown up
A small town near the ocean is what I first called home.I remember my mother, my sisters, and my father.I remember the laughter & cheer, the fights & tears.I remember father.
As a child, golf was a mental and physical drain,
The course a nemesis, the ball my enemy.
Some tournaments ended in cheers, some with tears,
Anger showed up at every hole, inhibiting my progress.
The kid that was the king,It was really quite the thing,He ran about without a doubt that what he was doing was great.Movies raised him and kiddies praised him making him a king,They’d scream and shout for this little sprout making him the king.Th
i.
Two rivers, either side of the road. Content in their currents. Side By Side.
ii.
Confluence; the junction of two rivers.
Nothing ever stays
Everything changes
Ever so slightly
Daily and nightly
In simple ways
Sometimes in one simple change.
Discovering new passions
You start askin'
10th grade includes panic attacks in the bathroom 10th grade involves fake laughter at rude jokes 10th grade includes the first trip to a therapist
She feels upset.
growing was slow, then sudden
like tectonic plates drawing near,
then clicking together,
leaving a trail of collapsed buildings in its wake-
Death lurks on every doorstep.Waiting to be let inside. This time my grandpa was his quarry.Before it was my dad and grandma. This time was different,This time I was different.
When you make salad
With the same ingredients
Every single night
For your parents
You don’t always think
Cutting off carrot tops
The night you put your hands on me,
I knew I was not a kid anymore.
All of the fights and arguments ringing through my ears.
The stinging of your hands against my skin.
The bruises and pain left behind.
You grow a little bit number every year. You grow a little bit more tired every year (are you alright?).
Nobody seems to care
But I felt like I should share
I was at the ripe age of ten
My parents were fighting again
I had to grow up fast
Even though they never asked
Childhood
It’s a beautiful stage.
So innocent
No need to worry about identity.
What happens
If you never have
An identity?
Childhood
It’s a beautiful stage.
So innocent
No need to worry about identity.
What happens
If you never have
An identity?
The day I relized I was growing up
My dolls were not of intrest
Schooling got hard
But most of all
I start worrying about the future
I start appling for college
I relized that childhood was over
It be like that
You recognize you hear more than you see
That life is fraught with
He said she said
“You’re not a baby anymore.”
This was something I grew up hearing.
“You’re not a baby anymore.”
Seeing your parents kiss every day, happy, proud of what their growing babies are capable of
Remember that?
Sitting at the edge of the warm, welcoming bed
Watch the shadows creep their way under to door.
Those fearful eyes, latching at their nonexistent movement
Grow(i)n(g) Up
The day I turned 18,
I announced my independence from my parents.
I’m a grown up, I say to them.
They nod in agreement.
The day I turned 18,
I announced my independence from my parents.
I’m a grown up, I say to them.
They nod in agreement.
Paternal Nicotine
A man I sit next to in class is cologned with the smell of cigarette It has been so long since I was this close to the aroma of burnt nicotine
Swing sets and sand castles
All tied as one memory
One single drop of rain was
All it took to make me smile
And now it takes a lifetime
To make me crack a grin
Maybe I'm too old for games and toys.
When I was a child I tried to live in a dome,
I couldn’t fathom the convoluted questions of life,
I placed myself inside a pretty pink bubble,
Where only happiness, peace, and butterflies live,
I am crawling
On a rope
Each inch I pass
I find joy and hope
There are knots that interrupt
And people that judge
But a mysterious force
pushes me so I never stop
One day I passed a mark
These are the baby teeth you forgot about
the pieces of you that you don't remember
the sweetness of your innocence
the roots of your upbringing
that passed by in rollerskates and scraped knees
Where I’m From To Where I’m Going
---Leilah Reina Gilbert
* Inspired by Where I’m From by George ella Lyon*
Mirrors,
They reflect.
They reflect on the natural appearance of being human, being real,
Of being alive, of being loved.
Sometimes they show us what we don’t like to see.
*crayola, i painted with the colors of the wind*Daytona, a place where I long to live*ribbons, down my back*Lowering class rank, cut me some slack*nesquik, got milk today?*Sparkling , the bitter water that I take*long hair, braided into oblivion*O
The handheld time capsule which
I grasped ever so tightly
greatly captivated me
My train of memory couldn’t
replenish the tracks that lie
Maybe I knew I was a little older
When I stopped playing pretend
When Disney Channel became a little less funny
When dressing up for Halloween stopped being cool
Maybe I knew I was older
Stepdaddy never showed up
for my birthday party
even though Momma called.
He didn’t show up at the
hospital when Grandpa
couldn’t estimate my carbs.
He never showed up again
Wake up
After a night of tossing and turning
My bright blue clock reads 6 in the morning
Two hours I slept
Stress? Kept
My room is a mess
Wake up
After a night of tossing and turning
My bright blue clock reads 6 in the morning
Two hours I slept
Stress? Kept
My room is a mess
"kaylin" they say
"she" they say
"girl" they call me
for as long as i can remember i
have never
felt
right.
pretending, posturing, deceiving, decaying decoy from the inside out, the girlchild
when I was little
I wanted to grow up
I wanted to decorate my face
with colorful makeup
When I was little
I wanted to get a job
until I started to realize
everybody is a snob
when I was little
I wanted to grow up
I wanted to decorate my face
with colorful makeup
When I was little
I wanted to get a job
until I started to realize
everybody is a snob
I’m sitting in my car
Steering wheel in my sight
My car is parked
I’m waiting for my sister to come outside
It’s weird that I’m the driver
That I’m even old enough to drive
I did not know who I was
There were things I enjoyed
But none took up much more than my peripheral-
I was fixated on how and when I would leave.
One day, he walked into my room-
Nadir.
My body leaves large craters in the depths of my bed sheets
My blankets cradle me
They´d protect me like a fathers locked arms in a teary child's eyes
I was her and she was me.
The girl who ran around the backyard,
Emotions on her sleeve.
The girl who loved scarlet macaws,
And wearing princess pink.
I was her and she was me.
I’m not a kid anymore
My school no longer has a playground
That has a slide as long as the hallway to the door
I’m not a kid anymore
I remember when i was a kid
I couldn't wait to grow up
Then suddenly, i was growing up
I realized this when i had to start taking the ACT
I’m growing up
At 5,I was sprinting at their walking pace
wanting every moment to come as fast as it could
sprinting
At 10,
I was running, new experiences were happening
I had all the time in the world
I thought this would be so much easier.
I had no idea what I was in for.
When I volunteered to go to a search-and-rescue training,
I never realized how much responsibility,
Or how much dedication would be needed.
I'm stuck
I'm stuck in a place where forward is scary and the backwards is full of hurt.
Where do I go?
There's a little baby sitting next to me on the plane,
A part of growing up,
is opening up.
Even if that means,
I've given you my all,
and in return,
a pity text.
Stormy weather comes with the lighting that flashes, but never strikes
The thunder that cracks, but inevitably fades
The wind that pushes, and almost wins
The rain that drenches, and weighs her down slightly
They say glow up
Hurry to grow up
But I cry out slow down
I never want to leave town
My life has been grand
A dream but on land
Little did I know growing
didn't have to mean slowing
They say glow up
Hurry to grow up
But I cry out slow down
I never want to leave town
My life has been grand
A dream but on land
Little did I know growing
didn't have to mean slowing
I used to spend hours on end perfecting the recipe
To a mud pie.
Garnished with leaves, sunbaked to a crisp.
A gourmet cuisine of ignorance
I used to spend hours on end perfecting the recipe
To a mud pie.
Garnished with leaves, sunbaked to a crisp.
A gourmet cuisine of ignorance
Smiling away
Stuck in a cycle
Earning their pay
The same expressions recycled
A feel of dull colors
No escape from the future
A mirage of numbers
Where is the humor?
One moment
That was all it took
For the realization to settle
That I would never be a child
anymore
It happened in the bathroom
In front of the mirror
When I couldn't see myself
It started out with just the little things,
things you don't notice until someone points it out.
"Hey, you've grown" they might say,
or you suddenly realize none of your clothes fit.
The last year of middle school
when so many things changed
The year I truely grew up
and had to change
The year I joined the high school marching band
and made new friends
Birthday,
Big Day,
I'm no longer a girl Day.
Women's Day,
But in the middle of July.
Two days later, she's dead
I'm here.
Waiting for my turn, wondering
When I was younger
I was afraid of growing up
I didn’t like the thought of
Getting wrinkles,
Sunspots,
Grey Hair;
When I was younger
I was afraid of growing up
I didn’t like the thought of
Getting wrinkles,
Sunspots,
Grey Hair;
I handle stress, chaos, and failure quite well
When I see damage, I solve it then dwell
I can’t do it on my own
It’s scary out in the world
I once was young
So clean and pure
Innocent thoughts flew through my head
Like the airplanes far above
But one thing scared me and kept me down
I saw how my friends changed
Time is a powerful concept that we live our lives by.
Even before we are born we have our lives mapped out and have a deadline to accomplish our goals.
I woke up in this world
Thinking it’s free
Think it’s for me
But is it really?
They told me “you’ll understand when your older”
I don’t really get that
what do these eyes see?
do they see the color of the snow
in front of you?
what do these eyes see?
do they see the blush on my cheek
due to cold?
what do these wide eyes see?
Our monsters used to live under the bed,
sparkly and purple
“they’re not real,” we said
Life was safe,
monsters were fantasy,
I went bowling with my mom once.
It was 10 o’clock on a Saturday night in the middle of September.
I think this was the first time we’d went bowling in about 9 years, but
Little girl, please stay little forever,
But
Little girl I need you to understand that your daddy doesn’t care about you
Little girl you knew he wouldn’t show up just like last time
Do you remember
Life as a child?
What it was like
To be free and wild?
Do you remember
Dinner with family at the table?
Looking at you parents' love
I lived my life in the shadows
Always afraid to find myself
I've cried rivers and oceans
Ignored my heart and played the part
Victim to my deepest fears
Halfway Outta High School
Frozen in time, lost in a drift
Preserved by strong resolve alone
As the wind blows you fail to shift
Instead of paper, you're a stone
I lack this constant qaulity
I bury you with all the other girls.The other mistakes,the other regrets and rejects,I bury you nine feet below the ground,covering you in grains of dirt composed ofapologies and excuses.
I wanted to be like him
Live like him
act like him
it seemed so far
to be able to reach that bar
I got what I wanted
but in a different way
I fell under his wing
fully embrace every moment
every experience
every leap of faith
keep yourself on your toes. learn to love the butterflies in your stomach
grasp the fact that when you grow up… wait, that’s a myth.
The Palace pier heaves
with souls
licking at the dark cloud
squall laden sky,
a house whose haunted cries
beckon the inner child
Dear Sister,
When you were born
I remember receiving
A bright red camera
I remember
Clutching it close
To all the windows I have looked through,
You do me such a service, and yet,
I never say thank you.
So thank you.
You've seen me through growing pains,
From baby teeth to wisdom teeth,
To the 8-year old mePlaying hide-n-go-seekNo, stay in this closetBe quiet, don’t speak. To the 8-year old meI’ll whisper in your earYou need to hear thisI’ll whisper, they won’t hear. To the 8-year old meCurled up in a ballI️ want you to realizeTh
I used to use you as a shelter warm,
When the night was dark and silent to me,
So then I could drown out the sounds of storm;
You were my comfort against the fruit tree.
As I grew older, I stopped needing you
Dear Beautiful,
I never thought we would come this far,
How we could go from strangers to sisters.
The way I can sense when you are unstable or confused,
A good time was once eating frozen waffles at Emily's until four a.m.A good time was once walking to the middle school during the early hours of the morningA good time used to be hours of Runescape
Once upon a life
There was no hate
There was no anger, no hassle
There was no squabble, no wrangle
There was only peace
Once upon a life
There was laughter
There was happiness and comfort
Summer is what kids want, but don't need
We want summer because without school we feel freed
Yet as we continue to grow
And my tears begin to flow
I'll miss it so.
But when we become teens
The lifeless walls
Of the
Rising elevator carrying
Nothing
Save for a
Pair
Of nervous
Smiles
The ocean is tricky, and messy, and vast.
The ocean has no idea of the past,
the ocean can be cruel in this way;
it'll never remember the words that you say
And so it began,
back then.
I close my eyes,
remember,
I dream,
I forget.
Swirling though this space
encased with brittle bone.
Wanders the essence of myself,
It took a year
To learn more than I could have in the other sixteen.
It took a year
For me to accept that you can outgrow people
As you outgrow clothing:
Behind old eyes I see
A boy, once young and free
Whose laughter rang
Who danced and sang
Who smiled back as me
Behind old ears I hear
The sounds of passing years
And yet somehow
Tick Tock by Taicha Morin
Tick Tock
Round goes the clock
September was my last first day of high school
At the bus stop
Tick Tock
I wear leather jackets like armor.
I despise other people’s opinions, especially if they’re “wrong.”
I’m my parent’s dream child, but nightmares are dreams too.
A year ago, / I would've smiled. / I would've nodded along / and said all was fine.
A year ago, / I would've cried / from laughing too hard / and trying too much.
Hear my screams, watch me cry
Feed me, Mama
See my truth, I tell no lie
Believe me, Mama
See my struggles, help me strive
Relieve me, Mama
Give me space, let me try
Free me, Mama
Life is like a revolving door,
minutes to days to years and more.
At first it's new, pure, and full of love;
flying around and free as a dove.
