Drug Abuse
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Tell me of all the idiosyncrasies you developed as a result of your first trauma,and I will tell you of all the times God has let me down.Follow me down twisting alley-ways and one way roads,
You’ve sat down, and you watch me fumble with the guitar. My thoughts wander. I’m drunk.
I sit, watching him drink even though he’s wasted.
Blotchy skin, red and damp, and the slick guitar strummed under slurring words.
Golden boy,
Everything about you is a joke.
But your punchline knocked me down.
I nearly drowned in the light behind your eyes,
I didn't fight it, let you in,
You were never mine.
Because I gave you my heart and soul,Isn't that how the song is suppose to go?The cycle of love was the rhythm to go with flow,Yet, the truth of you lies underneath the arteries of what was bitterer and untold. I quenched my fingers tightly to emb
I struggled
I drank, I cut, I had no will to live
I over came but did the others?
One drinks
He says one more
He says he won’t drive
Kids don't go to school anymore.
We don't learn math.
We don't learn English.
Kids learn truth these days.
Because kids don't go to school these days.
We go to empty parking lots, innocent and free.
Sometimes I wake up and wonder what keeps me motivated
I keep my foot on the brake while some others accelerated
I've elevated but still hated what I was saying
I was just moving quickly still testing my own patience...
Do you feel alright?Have you had enough?I can't help but think aboutThe way I'm feeling stuck.I really wanna tryTo make you feel alright.Should I have another drink?I've had enough tonight.I know you wantTo feel a certain way.I wanna make you unde
Drip
Drop
Drip
Drop
Drip
Drop
Daddy’s nose is bleeding again
I wonder why he always has so many nosebleeds?
1, 2, 3 All Eyes On Me: is what our teacher used to say, to keep the childrens eyes on her any time off the day, are adolescent minds are so easy to sway, so here we are and here we must stay.
There once was a man named Daedalus
Known as a dentist of excellence
He sampled some Vicodin
Now he’s imprisoned in
A habit of common excrescence
A habit which started with booze
I told you no.
I was already in control.
Smoked a little grass here and there, and
when that pain came
I didn't think it was something I couldnt bear.
I told you no.
Metal rings placed
chains laced
around my
hands, legs, feet and waist.
How many times will I let this happen?
How many times can I let my family
be disgraced?
Too much fun
as the night begun
Didnʼt think too much of it
but my mind was slightly unfit
I danced some
reminiscing, i feel dumb
Bees are like kamikazes and Superman probably ain’t gonna save the day today oh well let the strange hang today I’ve been feeling kinda different lately might just blow my brains away some will say oh dang that’s a crazy mang and some w
It wasn't until one day,
A Thursday to be exact,
That I opened my eyes slowly
To the shimmering beams of light.
Soaked deep beneath my skin,
I welcomed the light.
The glow emitted from within me
A broken soldier in the quiet night
dying to take back the light
head high in a losing fight
to hide from those who know
with each swing, a child died
not just his, but the one inside
I was walking to the park
The sign said it was closed after dark, I don't care
The air was cool
It could've been colder
I saw a man sitting on a bench
Taking turns between his beer and cigarette
It was a sunny day
The day I decided to die
Grabbing fate by the wrist, telling her “no more. I’m done playing your rules”
I smiled
I've traveled many lands
To a find a mind like yours.
I'm writing down new plans
Once I reach new shores.
Now i'm somewhere in the islands
Underage mystery face in a bar.
Whose blessing like an aimless leaf
I believe that juice is what makes me reckless
I fall in love too quick
A smile and i'm gooey with the knees
You laugh at a joke I hardly speak
and it's night I weep
Parted Lips
a-POP-olypse
The seats of the minivan burst into flame
as rabid fragments of monster carrots
feed Death while he
She had me feeling dead
I was in the floor with all this red
I just wanted to be with you in my twin bed
I take these drugs cuz im misread
Cuz thats all we know what to do instead
This is not a war story
but one of victory.
I can hear the freedom bells ring
and my heart sings
because once I was a captive now liberated by the King.
But that’s just the thing
I wasn’t always free.
Harder and harder my temperament fought
Until it fell still in the night
Sadder and sadder my heart had become
Relinquishing the fight
I wake up light-headed and I touch my pillow,
trying to put my memory back together but I just don't know
how the hell I got home last night.
I remember standing on the side of the road, my legs barely putting up a fight.
What did I say? did I mean it that way? I'm forgetting something tell me please before I start remembering The pain to me is numbing and I didn't mind forgetting but the memories are bringing back the reasons for forgetting even though I sa
These little things, they sell in magzines,they'll help not feel a thing.They'll make you laugh until you cry,they'll make you want to drop dead and die.These little white pills can help and they can kill.
Oh Darth Vader Pez dispenserLying empty on a deskNo more small candies to giveYou smile coyly up at meWishing to be refilledTo be useful yet againSadly I have none to give youBut you served me well
There is an elephant in my room no lie
He is hanging on the ceiling
I just look em in the eye and start screaming
Then he says be silent before i get violent
How the fuck you think i feel you don't see me smiling
Mother, please don’t go away.
You know how I love you…
I’m calling you, please answer me!
Please don’t go please not now!
Do you hear me calling?
It has been fifteen years. Sometimes I wonder
If when I cry you shed tears, too, and I wonder
Will I go deaf soon? I try to drown out your shouting matches.
The percussion leads your voice. The great wave crashes
I often struggle with words, which for me either come out wrong or don’t come out at all. In fear of the first happening, it's usually the second. Here’s the result:
What I Never Got to Say
Dear Drugs,
You're popular in my community
Yet from you I have immunity
Maybe it's just because of my brain
For I know all you bring is pain
Or maybe it's because I know
I am ancient hopes,
I am fragile dreams,
I am the stony, hardened tears
of a soul with too many years,
in a journal with degraded seams
as a blind heart in darkness gropes
I want to dream.
Purple skies, fireflies
with lights like stars
up in that lavender sky.
With too much light to disguise
shadows and monsters and
evil and You.
Dear Beautiful:
From then until now
Your scars still show
Your tears are dried
and when people speak
it hurts.
Dear Beautiful:
You think you are so unnatractive
Today in the car he told me how easy it is to kill yourself.
I wrote it down thinking it would create some meaningful piece of poetry,
Dear Life,
It's a burning mess, and I'm one of the flames;
Terminally depressed because it's all the same.
Another Saturday night and it's one a.m.,
You're back on my mind, I just need to win.
Rotten apple, Rotted teeth
Sharps of glass, it's on me
Glistened eyes, foaming mouth
Hot flame, bat wool.
Cleanse the cloth-
Pour the oil, orange and soiled.
Pop the bubble, brush the skin.
Hey there old friend. Maybe friend isn’t the correct term, so allow me to rephrase. Hello old habit. You and me were best friends. We were the Thelma and Louise of our time and yes we flew over the cliff and plunged into the abyss.
You won’t even grow.
You’ve always got tabs,
You’re trying to sell but your funds are so low.
You’re high when you’re in class,
You might not even pass,
It all started when I was just a little girl,
pills got you, and your life turned in a whirl.
I always wondered why I wasn't worth more than a pill,
It all started when I was just a little girl,
pills got you, and your life turned in a whirl.
I always wondered why I wasn't worth more than a pill,
Because i love you, ill watch you struggle
ill watch you struggle for a better tomorrow with that needle in your arm and the coke in your nose
Empty promises and hollow sorrows ill try to help you
because i love you
Trapped in his own asylum
Letting fumes take hold of his lungs
Booze takes over his brain
Like a video control game.
Midnight thoughts
Rake at his mind
Like jubilation
Being exiled.
Once upon a time...
There was a young couple with too many kids:
Poor Isaac, Miss Sue, and sadly, young Sid.
The three of them had never enough to eat.
Momma didn't know what to do or who to meet.
Once upon a time, in good health
We see a young girl covered in filth
Who wanted to go to a ball
But she sadly met a wall
Noticed, this young girl was
And with friends, she decided to get a buzz
They say life is a gift,
That love bridges the rifts,
They say 'follow your dreams',
They ask you to come clean.
But what if life is greedy and shallow,
Driven by heads and hearts that are hollow,
you told me, i’m a fighter,
you told me, you’d always be here.
you were your sister’s protector, and I’m my brother’s keeper,
you suffered
Racing hearts, thoughts to match, knew it was bullshit, the high never lasts. A breath, a touch, makes you give in so fast. Pain brings you to a wall you simply cannot pass. I love you, I hate you. I don't even know you.
Oh dear sweet Alice,
Pure heart of white roses.
The queen is coming for you
With all the king’s horses.
You seem ill Alice.
Are you feeling alright?
Didn't your mother ever warn you
Hide
Is all I can say
Before the hollow thud of boots cross the floor
I hold my younger brother to my chest
You had bourbon in your eyes
and you knew I was thirsty
I was Gods dilemma
and you loved a little controversy
Me, and you
and powder blue
My father once said to me,
“If a rule seems stupid, Lourdes, it’s probably there
Because some idiot did something stupid, and now you’re all
Paying the price.”
It couldn’t have been more than a year after that
1. Community Member.
2. Bottom Shelf, but lower than that.
3. Secrets underneath the floorboards.
4. Not a hero nor a heroine .
5. Numb to headlines of “Ann Arbor Teen Dies…”
It is a scary thing to admit to yourself
How you were sexually abused.
Especially by one that you trusted.
How he left me, in flames I combusted.
31,536,000 seconds. The time I had to change.
86,400 seconds. The amount of time it took.
Days blurred together,
Repetitive routine with no interruption.
Drugs cannot harm you
Every drug needs a catalyst and that catalyst is you
What were you thinking
when you were drinking
Did you see the bottle as the enemy?
Or yourself
Every human can be a superhero
I stagger through the gate and my daughter comes running,
“Daddy! Daddy!” she screams running into my waiting arms.
I lift her,
I throw her up in the air,
I see her flying,
I want to break her fall,
I am an emotive voice expressed through pen and paper,
but once was uncapable of being heard
because six plus years of bully beat downs
made fear seal every word.
As a way to not feel depressed,
Or maybe it was oppressed.
The fifth grade was only a start,
As a senior I still feel its mark.
My mother felt the bottle or aluminum can was an escape
There was a time when only two things kept me afloat.Music, and Poetry.When daddy was downing shots and doing drugs,And the lawyers wouldn't believe mom.When daddy's new wife beat my little sister with a brush,
I'm sure we've all heard the tale of the girl named Alice
The one who fell down the rabbit hole, and was chased from the Card Palace
Who spoke with flowers, and attended the Mad Tea Party
I never realized how much I was missing out on life
Never realized I was still in the night
You found me smoking a cigarette and you reached out your hand
Why me?
My wrist, formless, shifting and breaking like a cloud;You grab hold, tightly--too tightly,And I vaporize before your eyes.
There is a golden seed,
In the middle of a dark alley
With shattered glass and a trail of
Condoms, pinned down by needles of
Heroin addicts and junkies.
Its golden aura descends on the
Smoke fills my nose.The sweet scent tempting, calling me closer.
But no! Stay away, your mom and your dad are finally proud of you."We're glad you didn't end up like your brother."
You're my best friend
But no one can ever know
It's not that I'm embarrassed of you
No of course not
It's that everyone would be disappointed if they knew
I remember
Between my fingertips I hold the key to self destructionWith no instruction but to inhaleDeep and fast to make the head rush last and with destruction in handLooking around I suddenly noticed something
you down bottles like you're going to find something special
don’t act like you love her
because if you did you’d be kissing her and not cigarette butts
you lied to everyone about being sick
I’m honestly stupid about shit
been close to incarcerated
my arm been lacerated
on morphine for the stupidest reason
And promised I wouldn’t do it ever
I woke up every single day sure that I was dead; I couldn't seem to silence all the noise within my head.Reaching for my phone though I could barely use my eyes; my life was so consumed with the chase of getting’ high.Dropping to the ground, agony
You told me I made you feel the way
I feel when I draw circles under my tongue,
but I'm not very good with new concepts.Driving the nails into the coffin of my inhibitions,
Three years later,
I wasn’t prepared.
I looked at the driveway,
and headed for the stairs.
The cement was cracked.
The grass was to my knees.
I’m addicted to a person
Who’s addicted to a drug
That played a mean trick
and no longer makes him numb.
“I’ll be right back,” he says.
I look at him and nod
Come home my sister,
Come home my brother;
Let these dark days be over,
And light shine upon the pathway
That carries you on its back,
To the warming house you know.
A cloaked figure shadows,
She picks up the lighter,
And he hands her the leaf.
Her body is on fire.
She is so ready to leave.
Her tears melt away,
When she hits the herb.
But the pain stays the same,
So here is a story about how I became oblivious to addiction
with a substance I've been told was something God had gifted
and a gift it was for a while at least
no sense of pain and time's existance just ceased
I cover it all up as though it doesn’t exist. I pray that the world doesn’t find out. I pray that my family knows nothing. I suffer in silence as I pray my husband comes home at night. It is just another day in the life of an addict’s wife.
The group of people sitting close by at my lunch table stare as I close the small zip loc bag titled, "Monday" and ask me what those pills are for.
I remember altogether underneath the weather, hopes, dreams shining like sun beams. you know what it means I don’t and it seems So filled with passion and the will for action we thought for sure that you would have some traction.
In my old best friend's bedroom
drunk and stoned out of my head
I keep lighting myself on fire
again and again in her bed.
Every time, it burns
and every time, I scream
but once it's out, I light it again
The darkness surrounds me
The light grows faint
I'm falling endlessly
Engulfed in pain
I can feel the cooling touch
The air whisps by
Falling into this abyss
I soon become blind
Dependency Conflicted
What should've been restricted
Honeysuckle violet roses
Come to me
When I'm at my lowest
Opiate sinsemilla
Desolate feelings are too familiar
Waft Inhale
Dreams that compose an ever-so-distant me
Wrap around in a cloak of contingency
Mirrored walls guard my heart
Deflecting and rejecting all chances of happy
A fathers damaged heart
A son who threw the dart
A mothers tear of fear
A drug thats all to real
A brothers loss of trust
A family built on rust
Its crumbling in decay
Being drug-free is uplifting.
Being drug-free has impacted me.
Now I have my life back and strive not to lose it again;
Too bad along the way I lost many a friend.
I am no longer dependent. I am free.
An insatiable appetite.
The gluttony stains your lips.
Each day, each second, unwavering, yearning for more.
Your cries are often heard, always heard, but does mine reach you?
Inhaling is the easy part. As these stained fingers crawl towards my gasping lips, there is an irrefutable shaking. My sour tongue has never felt an evil so calming.
“The youth of America is putting itself into a coma state.” We are all looking for numbness; finding our relief in painkillers. We are constantly looking for things to help us become paralyzed. We wish to become machines.
Daddy daddy
A little girls hero
Her very first crush
Been with her since zero
He'd rock her to sleep
And tickle her till she woke
But her daddy, he left her
Recovering from coke
Look at me, the real me
the one on the inside,
i see the way you look at me when I say "NO!"
your ready to leave, why? Is it because my eyes are glossed over
and I'm as high as a kite,
I hit you,
You hit me harder.
Down in the gutter,
No room to barter.
A pack of smokes,
That's fifteen years,
Fifteen years less
That I don't have to
See your face or
It was always the rush that was the best part:
That feeling of surreal realities as they brushed past my consciouness, tempting me further into a smoke-filled oblivion.
I never wanted to leave.
My heart is a racehorse
I'm terrified yet whipping it faster.
Sights sharper than cut glass
tastes like a penny on my tounge
hands cold and clammy, but body burning
and bleach clawing at my nose,
Usually a book is read page by page and the words just fly by.
We could go back and re-read your whole story.
Just set aside some time.
But there's no time left to review.
What could I have said to save you?
"Drug abuse"- that makes me abusive.
So why do I feel like I'm the one who's been beaten?
Not the beaten that leaves bloodied lips and brown bruises
But the beaten
that leaves you in last place
in a contest
He walks with
his leather jacket slumped over
his shoulders
and his violet backpack
swinging violently
from
his shoulders.
His mouth is
a motor,
Everyday I wake up in constant pain.
Not physical. But it might as well be.
Cause I'm hurting. Deep down, I feel like giving up.
On people. Family. Myself. Life.
Her fingers are feathers,
Lithe and delicate
As they hover over the brushstrokes of Monet,
Drawn to pigment like a moth to the flame.
His eyes are the ravenous mouths of predators
Life is precious, fragile,
and an amazing experience.
Memories last forever.
The good, the bad,
every important memory,
can never
be forgotten
Rolling around outside,
The nosebleeds of white,
The sickness of brown,
The sensation of Mr. E.
All of these and none of these,
Are ever what they seem.
Sleepless nights with snow white,
Eternal vomiting from a night of brown,
They bring us so low
those seeds we have sown
Nothing left to show
Nothing can be grown
There lies a pain in me a pain like no other
An urge more than a pain
It started as nothing but a way to relax
Relax a stressed out person
Then it became fun
Now the fun is gone and still present
Dear Adam,
Hearing the horrifying news
It was impossible to contain my tears.
Why would someone like you choose
Such a permanent end to temporary fears?
But we know what made up your mind
To a friend I never knew,Your eyes deep and full of wonder.Brilliant cascades of royal blue.A smile so bright it brings envy to the sky.The sun and the moon couldn't rival your cherry lips in bloom.
You've walked this side before,
And I've seen your time wary face.
Seasons made you older, lines are drawn
That cannot be erased.
What am I to you?
Don't I cry and hurt like you?
Don't I feel like you?
Aren't I someone who aspires?
Or
Am I just what you own?
Am I what you disregard?
She lays on her bed
waiting for mom to return
as she called her mom she laid down her head
no answer, her heart burned
things were missing, depression occurs
how could mom take what wasn't hers
Please didn't know,
You were sick but it didn't show,
I screamed, I cursed
but really I was just hurt
please come back I miss you
I'm sorry for what I did
Please just don't disappear
Run.Run. How Far…
How far till it’s there
Until the destination is reached
Run. Run. Heart beat in your ears
Endorphins drown your brain
Body feels weightless
Run. Run. The soles of your feet
Pass me that instigating pest please
Yes, that bag you are holding
Pass it here im looking for a key
to unlock my stress stuffed deep in mind
Hold on, is that the one that makes my eyes bleed
The bottle hits her lips
And her world tips
She stops shaking
She stops aching
And she feels okay
"Just hanging out with a friend, Honey”
he said, with his back turned to us as he spoke lovingly
to his wife
who sat miles away, on that set of islands we call our Motherland,
on the other end of the phone line.
What is love?
Love is the way,
that he got me high,
and layed me down to breathe
together.
Love is the way that
he yelled,
he screamed,
he tore holes in walls
and psyches.
Jane Doe does as Jane Does do.
I can’t comprehend what it’s like to feel to not fit in.
I am a missing piece to someone’s puzzle, a part of a matching set.
I am an ill behaved gypsy in the body of a sovereign.
My body becomes weak
My vison had turned blurry
I hear the paramedics screaming
We are losing her, Hurry!
I am starting to feel sleepy
But they refused to let me sleep
¨You have to keep your eyes open
Plush, Red, Pulse
Thick, Smooth, Blood
Bouncing
To the constant beat
Pulse
Pound
Pulse
Somewhat sterile swords stab
Through your gates
Injecting foreign troops
You popped those red devils every night until the moonlight shines on you. Your daughter looked up to see you, with eyes full of tears while drinking a bottle of hatred.
If I ever see him again id ask why he wasn’t dead yet
For a man so committed, he should have lied to rest
Just like how she passed, how he made her fall victim
The way he touched her small hand and tainted the skin
Go smoke
Go drink
Don’t choke
Don’t think.
Take pills
Get high
It kills
Go fly.
Do all
Get drunk
Don’t fall
Don’t flunk.
Go on
Go out
No con
No one knows
No one cares
Falling down
All the stairs.
The ones going up
The ones going down
Going ‘round and ‘round.
When will it stop?
Rushing, panting,
Im not the one
For which they send
I’m the one
Who caused all good to end.
I’m not from heaven
Nor from hell
I’ll wrap you up
In my evil spell.
Ill do you good
Then go away
