Daddy’s nose is bleeding again
I wonder why he always has so many nosebleeds?
I get nosebleeds when I pick my nose too much
Or when I trip and fall and hurt my face
I wonder if Daddy gets hurted a lot?
But that’s silly! Because daddy
And soooooo cool!
Daddy can’t be hurt!
And he would never, ever hurt us! Because daddy super duper loves me!
Why do you ask?
Sometimes you forget what it felt like to lose something
To have someone torn away from you
I don’t remember crying so hard in my life, not once
Than the day I found out that you were lying
Doing all the bad things you told me not to do
And I didn’t even understand what or why for
Now I know
And it hurts like shit but every time you ask me about it I say
Because what else are you supposed to say?
“Daddy I’m mad at you,
But in a way where I’m horrified of losing you
So I’ve made you my favorite parent
So that we never ever fight and I can take it all out on mom
Just to make sure you never leave me again?”
“Daddy I’m scared for you
Your lungs and your brain cells and your body are dying but
You can’t stop because you hurt so bad?”
You took everything away from me
Had you not left would everything that happened to me have happened
By god if you hadn’t left she wouldn’t have been with the man that did the things he did to me
If you hadn’t done the things you did
Maybe you could still fly in airplanes
You always wanted to be a pilot but
All because of what you did when you were away
Makes it so that now, you aren’t allowed in the clouds
And you’re so sad because of it
If you hadn’t have done what you did you could be rich
Or at least not poor
You could have a good life
But I don’t blame you
Not even a little
For all the crimes you comitted
Because I’ve seen this story again and again
The boy falls in love with the drug
He meets her once and then he’s hooked
Talks to her in class
Goes out late at night
Or early in the morning to see her
She makes him forget everything
She shows him fun, excitement, hunger
She’s a cold glass of water, condensation dripping for the thirsting youth
She comes in such easy supply for anyone who needs her
And truly- who doesn’t need her?
I know you did
I watched childhood friends and enemies
People everywhere becoming hooked on her
My childhood town so filled with druggies
Daddy was a druggie
Some might even argue he still is
But I still love you daddy
Even though everything is your fault
I love you like I did when I was five
I love you like I loved you to the moon and back
I love you like I loved my teddy
Or frozen yogurt
Or watching old-timey TV in great grandma’s living room
I love you even though you did bad things because the truth is
I probably would have done the same bad things if i were you
After all, who’s to say I don’t need her too?