It is a scary thing to admit to yourself

How you were sexually abused.

Especially by one that you trusted.

How he left me, in flames I combusted.

 

Combusted into a flame of disgust and anger

Only to be directed to myself. If only I didn’t

Get into the car. If only I had pushed harder.

Maybe it was a misunderstanding of ardor.

 

Only it wasn’t. Only I knew the real story

And in these 12 months I have learned.

I have learned to deal and to rejoice.

I learned how to finally use my voice.

 

For it was a long way of coming.

And even harder to stop the blame.

I have put so much poison in my body

And no one could try to stop me.

 

I craved new sensations to “help”

These poisons became my lifestyle.

Poisons to distract me from the pain.

But I was just messed up in the brain.

 

I needed help. Real help not a high.

Or a drag. Nor a hangover.

My last high was one I’ll remember.

That memory will last with me forever.

 

I was sitting outside and life was perfect.

My whole life flashed before my eyes.

I seen myself in the future. Better.

I saw myself happier than ever.

 

It was beautiful. The most beautiful thing.

I saw myself. I seen health. I wanted it.

It. That is what I will work toward.

I fell in love and it was all I adored.

 

That was the last time I poisoned myself.

It was the best day in my entire life.

I realized that I wanted to be happy.

I deserved it and no one could stop me.

 

October 12, 2016. The day of my rebirth.

The day I accepted my abuse story.

The day I loved myself and all I could be.

That was the day I was set free.