To question who I am and what I've been through

And if I would tell you, 

Well, I could open your mind to a hellish world with dark hues

a mix of intense black and bruised blues,

a splattering of golds and whites and droplets of crimson reds.

You would find yourself in a place where no one could or even wanted to help ya

I'm sure as I begin to explain, the carpet where you will be standing will be covered in jaws.

I'll captivate you and send you into fits of awe. 

So if you are really interested, step right in to my friendly abode,

and don't be afraid when your preexisting thoughts on 'hard lifestyles' begin to corrode

 

Born to a mother addicted to everything possible

she tried her hardest even when her choices were illogical.

I raised myself at nine years old,

my heart been long since iced over and cold, 

I lost my virginity to a 16 year old boy down in Austin, Texas.

A year and a half later, back to Durango, and I became a danger, a 119 pound menace.

I could care less about anyone, and I dropped out of school, 

content to just drink and smoke and use these guys as my tools.

I called up an old friend who was on his way to Denver, my nigga was thirty seven

and I just eleven.

We started dating and I ran away, 

Ruling the streets of Denver, thugging all the way.

I grew older, I grew smarter, I started slinging the Horse and his rider White China

I got beat several times, three broken ribs, a cracked eye socket and a shattered thigh,

but I knew he loved me, when he smashed those bottles against my face,

I knew I could never be in a better place.

I was known for fighting, and being aggressive,

and for having the best gift between my legs, any guy could ask for it

'Sunshine, sunshine don't disappear.'

I hated myself every time I looked in the mirror.

Eventually I got pregnant, three months with child, and at 16 years old I came back home to mama.

On the phone daily with my man and his drama,

still drinking and smoking, slamming the chemical queen and her subjects

I lost my baby on January 15th and my soul had went with her.

I beat up my mom and smashed her head with a fan, the cops came by and picked me up, 

I was on a first class shuttle ride to a detention dump. 

Almost Four years later, with a high school diploma in hand,

 I'm still stuck in this place, I spent time in county and and had prison in my face,

now i'm just looking to better my days.

I wanna go to college and get my BA, BS, and maybe a masters. 

Become a boss chick and help the disasters.

I get out in January, 2016. I'm 19 years old and I just wanna win.