hopeless
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In the end, I found out you were just playing games,
and you go through girls without even bothering to learn their names.
Here I was thinking that you were different,
Out of everyone else, with you it hurts the most,
Because this was the first time in my life where it felt like we were getting close.
As much as I don't want to say those words to you,
And just like that, I found myself in the same situation once again,
Torn between cutting you out of my life, or keeping you around as just a friend.
You can't tell me that you didn't think of me the same way,
I hate that I am allowing myself to get excited,
Because the whole time I have been telling myself to go into this light hearted.
But I have realized that I have not learned how to keep myself out of this mess,
And just like that, three months have gone by,
And I didn’t think it would be this hard to say goodbye.
But there is not a day that doesn’t go by that I don’t think about you,
I have comes to terms with the reality that is me and you,
And I know that reaching out is something that you are never going to do.
As much as I hate to admit it, I know that part of is done,
It still hurts sometimes, but I have come to peace with where me and you are,
And I guess I like the fact that me and you are sleeping under the same stars.
It’s hard to sit here and figure out what we were,
Because the past few years have kind of all turned into a blur.
I know we weren’t lovers, but I also don’t think we were just friends,
This whole time I kept wondering why God did this to me,
Why would he bring someone so amazing into my life, if he knew we were never going to be?
I am starting to realize that you know you were wrong,
Because I was giving you what you wanted all along.
You know that she will never treat you better than me,
Just when I think that I am starting to feel okay,
Something sets me back, and I find myself crying the next day.
Everything that happened continues to mess with my head,
You ruined love for me,
Because you made me feel like I could finally have everything that I dreamed it could be.
You found me when I was in the darkest place,
You ruined love for me,
Because you made me feel like I could finally have everything that I dreamed it could be.
You found me when I was in the darkest place,
I read the post and I immediately thought of you,
And I know that that is something that I shouldn’t do.
But when I read it, my brain began to wonder if it was just a coincidence,
It's a long shot
Some David and Goliath shit
If Goliath were a whole damn city
And everyone bet on David losing
And David showed up to the fight refusing
But I'll do it
I pick up the red and black pants that I saw you wearing in those pictures that I look at all the time,
And I really thought that by know, I would be able to call you mine.
No matter how many times I tell myself not to, I can't stop myself from watching it,
And everytime I do, I am always left feeling like my heart took a hit.
"How did your baseball game?," was the innocent question that I asked that started it all.
When I asked you that, I never in a million years thought that I would continue to fall.
Sometimes it's hard to admit it, but sometimes you need to accept defeat,
And that the future that you thought you were heading towards ends up not being so sweet.
It's so ironic how after heartbreak, a simple everyday item turns into the things that makes you fall apart,
And it doesn't take much for every little thing to remind me of you, even though you were the one who broke my heart.
It was in twenty nineteen,
Month of September in seventeen,
Black around and not green,
Grand father was not been.
I wanted to read but my mind was at work
Listing all of the things it had seen, felt, and heard
There were days void of hope, there were nights spent in tears
Over all my love, dope, had costed me through the years
There is just so much
That one person can take.
I am so sorry.
The first funeral i attended
There wasn’t too much i understood about death
Relationships that were broken
Now mended
With shared sadness
sitting in the hallway
emotions are flooding
my hands are shaking
my heart is thudding
sitting in the hallway
hopelessly loving
you are right there
your beauty is stunning
And here i am once again
Wondering if i'm even worth it
If this is a battle I can't win
Maybe i should just give up
I've been here before
We view our lives,
Through a lens called hope.
But mine is cracked,
And full of holes
Darkness is to me,
Like demons are to Hell.
My cold and lonely residence
Kept hidden in this shell.
"I'll teach you how to smile", they say
"I'll teach you how to shine.
I'll teach you how to love,
My heart is still yours if you want it
it's up for grabs
Hanging by the hooks on the back of my door
Waiting to be picked in the garden beside my house
Sent in a letter, sealed with a kiss
When the mountains call your name.
And the streams, they go away.
But the clouds still come your way
and the earth begins to shake.
Then the lightning starts the storm,
but you still carry on,
I don't even know
what I have left
anymore.
Not my family,
Not my friends
(who I don't want
to talk to),
Not trust,
or love,
or compassion,
or understanding,
My mind is like a haunted mansion.
It's beautiful
and big,
decorated elegantly.
But there's a hidden mystery.
There are unwanted guests,
who come and go as they please.
Will you still be here, when my fingers fall to pieces?
Broken glass beneath my toes, a reminder of my own fate.
Will you still listen, when the words mean nothing?
Out of the corner of my brainI see it marching in.The dictator over all million little things:Fear. When fear arrives, the million little things wandering in my mindgo into hiding.They try to surrender.They take their own lives.They are shot do
her words,
shatter my resolve like ice
smashing my hope to bits and pieces
she says I'm over reacting
inventing things to finally make friends
this isn't how it ends
who you talkin' to wit' that attitude
chicks lookin' 'atchu like you something different dude
actin' like they know it all when you've said nothing at all, rude
I fill my life,
with worthless stuff,
knowing full well,
it's never enough.
others seem happy,
so why can't I?
I fill my lungs,
with another lie.
swallow the grief,
The person
Who you
Confided in
Told your pain
Let them into
Your heart
Those people
Were the ones
We thought
Wouldn't hurt us
In the end
They all do
The hardest
Realization I came to
Was that
People leave
Anytime
No one ever stays
And I had to
Come to the
Realization that
I had to be enough
Because in the end
help me,I want to dieI want that knifeI want the lasting peace
I hate meI hate how I have everything,and I still feel like dyingI hate how I cant love her enough
Life
Life has no mercy
Life takes and never replaces
Life will stab you until you die and continue to keep stabbing just to prove
that you are worthless without LIFE
MY LIFE
Depression hits
I don't know what I'm doing or
what I have been doing
or what I want to do
but it's coming to an end and
I'm unsure
A conversation between two people about a boy she’ll never know:
what is it that you like about him?
like the one key detail that separates
him from the rest
my grandmother says I’m lazy,
yet I am fully aware of the tasks
that are meant to be done before me.
I am fully aware of the miles of debris left behind my trail.
The lily's have wilted.
the daffodils died.
i never wanted;
or asked for this life.
the leaves have all fallen.
and winter has come.
i hope you won't miss me;
because what's done is done.
My soul's in a coma;
and no body knows.
i act like i'm fine.
but i'm broke to the bone.
this meat sac is hollow.
can you see past my eyes?
my body'll follow.
from this life, i resign.
i swear the shadows take me,
just like i swear that i am fine.
i swear that i am hopeless
but i swear that i am trying
i swear to lift my head up
when others push it down
i swear i know my place
Her head is spinning as she
Falls slowly into a never ending
Plumet of fear and desperation.
She floats in the pools of
Teenage emotions that most
Living in a world that doesn't exist
Soaked and sealed in the darkest sea of lies
Drenched in shame and sorrow leaking out of my body
Sex every hour with strangers who stared with disgust and pity
The Black (pt. 2)
In seventeen years
All the roots have settled
The roots are strong,
They breathe.
In seventeen years
Our sun has curated
Created
Our plentiful harvests
My darling vulnerability,
The days of October are almost gone
yet the leaves haven’t yellowed
or fallen from their trees
it is difficult
to have loved someone
who will never feel the same,
because a hopeless love
is the emptiest
and loneliest love
there could ever be.
lessons can be learned,
however,
Nothing works
words escape my mind and leave me with nothing
i can’t control it anymore
noone believes me about how far gone it is
oh no
they say to stop
and do what
nothing
do not define by words
Do not judge by appearance.
Do not speak with hurtful words
Do not harm others
Do not speak with negativity
Do not judge by skin color
Do not hide because your afraid
Wait
Slow it down
Stop
Let my mind catch up
Ache
Something missing
Burn
My lungs squeeze helplessly
We're the arrows that God uses for his bow, and most of the time, he's missing
He's drunk in his backyard and blindly picking us up from the dirt ground
Cut me open
tear me apart,
This life wasn't chosen,
so rip out my heart.
Replace it with stones
so that I may turn cold.
Only then will I not care and still know
the term hopeless romantic,
serves nothin but a plastic,
point of view, that everything
and i mean everything, is perfect
what chaos could ensue?
sad nights and gender dysphoria
"Why am I so feared?"
I ponder this ages. I ponder this for years.
I am the "Evil Queen," they say.
"Snow White, the poor girl!" they say.
I wasn't always this way...so obsessed with beauty and such
Spiteful Mind,
Masochistic Nature,
Why must you be here?
Black Outs,
Red Rivers,
Why must you come so often?
Broken Soul
Crushed Heart,
How am I still alive?
She feels like a ghost among the living
With no destination or purpose,
A mind so big deserves much more then
Be simply unnoticed by many.
One more step, and she falls on her feet
I am fragile,
Like a glass
Of wine.
One encounter
And you can tip
Me over.
Out spills my pain
And emotions
That could have
Helped you ease your pain,
But you can't put me
She grabbed her pearl beads
And her room key
Left her soul in agony
Cold street corners
Search for donors
Empty handed she won’t be
Empty hearted, possibly
Dying slowly, audibly
I've always wondered how his skin felt...How his smile looked like...How his voice sounded. I don't remember, I was 3 and the memory is old and fuzzy like cheese left out on a hot week, It roots...Just like the memory.
2016 started out rough
I thought it sucked just like everyone else
Then you came into my life
Like a bright fire fly
I though my luck had changed
The autumn air has become thick
Filled with fear and desperation
What was once home
Has become Hell on earth
Destruction rapes the surface
While the sky explodes with fire
What can I compare these thoughts to?
A bluish, grayish, blackish hue.
For when I am happy,
they seem to blend,
But an artist would know,
black is the end.
The darkness usurps any white I recieve,
How did this come to be?
Like the bird
that forgets to fly,
I am grounded, without purpose.
I shout below, why?
To know again,
My hands are about
as cold and dead
as they can be
without actually being dead.
My hair is about
as long as can be
without actually being long.
My thighs are about
My hands are about
as cold and dead
as they can be
without actually being dead.
My hair is about
as long as can be
without actually being long.
My thighs are about
"Hello?"
No answer.
"Hello?"
I try again.
Still, no answer.
I call yur name,
I get no response.
I scream your name.
I still get no response.
I try to talk to you,
I wrote a poem it was so sad,
and into this poem I put everything I had.
When I was through and still feeling blue,
I stained the paper with my tears as I thought of you.
If you told me I was good at poems,
Of this man you speak of I'd say I didn't know 'em.
I'd say I can't be good at any of this!
For I only do it for some, likely, unobtainable bliss.
We start with theCrackling record of “Gloomy Sunday”Playing in the backgroundThe melody goes on slowlyBare feet moving carefullyto the romantic sound300 sextillion stars surround us
shake off this feeling
it's just a phase
but my heart takes a beating
when I catch your gaze
the time that he's stealing
my sould it does raze
but since I know your feelings
"Can't put your mind in a cast
but broken things aren't meant to last
Like walking on broken glass
reminding you bout scars of past
cause the world went by so fast
But not you, your stuck
Eyes red, dried tears on her cheeks;
On the roof she sits with pen and paper
Describing the beauty of the street lights
The sound of the rustling trees
The wind rushed quietly as I made my way down the backroads of my small town
Picking up speed, cruising as if there was all the time in the world
The sky was a lilac blanket, quiet and still
Once upon a time,
In a kingdom far away.
There was a mistreated maiden
And to her dismay they teased bout her shoes and her hair everyday.
I'll let you in on a secret
So tell everyone else
"Dancing shadows
Deep and dark
Flying arrows
Met their mark
Weary gallows
Done their part
No more follow
Lost their heart
Inside is hollow
They lost their spark
"Broken bones
Broken mind
How could I
Be so blind
Broken hope
Broken staff
I though you
Once had my back
But it wasn't true
As i onced belived
"The best of us fall sometimes
The strongest lose their minds
The warriors break through binds
Guided like we wear blinds
But the chaos is in our minds
We change but not in time
"Just know,
It wasn't your fault you left
The promises you never kept
The clogged up feeling deep in my chest
Like my concious refuses to rest
Knowing I must complete the quest
"My mind is full of fire
The terror can get no higher
I need to run away
Anything to escape
This world so full of pain
And memories of the shame
As though it didn't leave a stain
"Will anyone see the scars?
The marks across my arm?
The small little circles
Put there in anger
But the words burned more
If only I knew what they were for
Did I do somthing wrong?
i'm not upset i'm not upset i'm not upset
i'mnotupseti'mnotupseti'mnotupset
i'mnotcrying
i'mokay
i'll be alive tomorrow
and life will move on
and what i'm left out of
and what i don't get
She stands there
Staring at the mirror
Multiple thoughts race through her head
The voices tell at her
They put her down
She starts to cry
She looks in the mirror
She can't recognize this person
Clouds gather overhead
Making it hard to leave my bed.
Once there was light
But now only night
And tears that the skies shed.
They blanket the sky
Creating the lie
That there is no sun
I am the essence of hopelessness.
The girl labeled with a disorder I knew nothing about,
In only fifth grade, taking two different drugs.
But no one ever told me why.
"Hopeless" is the thing with fangs-
That stalks one in the night-
And hums a heavy tune-
Waiting for the chance to strike-
SIXTH SYMPHONY
Beethoven
is a liar.
He would have
you believe that
he wants you;
but behind your
back, he is
glad to see you go.
Happiness
Have you ever started to fall?
And you realize that you’re falling
And you know if you don’t catch yourself soon enough; it’ll turn into crawling.
Depression and I have been dating each other for five years. Depression was a lover that would convince me to bed earlier than anyone ever should. Depression kissed me on the first date, and I haven’t shaken my lover since.
I feel like a mime, doing eye-catching sign language to someone that is legally blind, but hopelessly I'll continue to look,
For this I cannot bear. To know you are there and you are not here.
To what do I owe the pleasure to the world to thank for the heart ache it has brought upon me.
Look down
neat squares of concrete march past
straight corners and perfect lines
Look ahead
glazed eyes move with measured pace
fresh minds and stale thoughts
Look up
Though my stars be dark and my spirit black
It is not without reason that you find this lack
Of empathy, pity, mercy, or care
For others of similar gare.
My stars were darkened by the sun
Some people told me hell no..
Others said don't go down that road.
Many got tired of me,
And told me leave them alone
And a few said wait until I'm ready.
She had sadness in her eyes
Everyday of her life,
And no one knew why.
They didn't know
The memories that haunted her
Each and every day
Of her short life.
I was wondering...
1. Do I really only have two followers who are interested in talking to me?
2. Do I not post enough?
3. Do I seem like a nuisance?
4. Am I one?
If I saw a person and it was me I wouldn't feel nothing because I don't regret what I see in front of my eyes.
She isn't hopeless
She isn't worthless
She isn't mediocre
She isn't ugly
She isn't alone
She knows this.
She feels hate
She feels shame
She feels guilt
She feels regret
Dealing
Small, fractured bones
Dealing
Life-changing codes
Dealing
Broken homes
Dealing
Depression grows
Overcoming
Healing wounds
Overcoming
Death assumed
The door finally closes, another day spent,
Another act finished, but I’m not content.
I look in the mirror, stare into my eyes –
Were they fooled today by my act, my disguise?
I was born a joker, never a king, never any good at chess.
But I was thrown from my castle when you made that play where you loved him more and liked me less.
but I digress...
Light feet beat out the rhythm lodged within the recesses of her wild mind,bringing to lifethe sweet melodiesof Mother Earth.Soft lips sing the truth of the world
Her eyes sparkled like onyx
But her head was bald
She walked slow but steady
Wasn't sure about life but she was ready
And she
Was beautiful
He lost half his face in the blast
Everyday feels the same,
like im going insane,
trying to stay in this game,
No one knows,
what I dare not show,
And no matter where I go,
You are there,
showing you don't care
I can’t ignore the voices
Circling in my head
Do it, do it now
I can’t ignore the images
Rewinding in a never-ending cycle
Sometimes I feel like I'm suffocating, and i don't want to be saved
Sometimes i imagine a tombstone, with my full name engraved
I dream of my funeral, the people who would cry,
Don't look now, child
The world has gone to war
They don't care that you're just a child
To them, you're one soldier more.
-
Those aren't gunshots you hear now
Those aren't dying screams
i made it a day without you and looks where its got me
I'm covered in filth and there's no one to stop me
Your role in my life is irreplaceable
Me without you, is the earth without the sun
Depression is an understatement
Pain is a quicksand, and I’m drowning in sorrow
My brother’s life was ended premature
I've got a 2 A.M date with a pack of smokes
in my friends back yard where the grass is over grown
and I've got a 9 A.M date with a group of people that always make me late
for school or for life.
When I used to look in the mirror, I would see
A girl who struggled, but yet was sometimes pretty.
I struggled with my relationship with my family.
Although they clothed, fed, housed, and spoiled me,
I meander through the neighborhood, searching for the house.
Once found, I happily jump the 5 steps to the front door and pass a silhouette smoking a cigg.
I was in a jar
No hands could untwist my lid
Trapped.
I was in a car
No hands could break glass
Save me
I was in a house
No hands could crack through
Strolling the dark street /
I’m walking with a cold gaze /
Have I declared defeat... /
running through life's maze? /
I remember a phrase /
“Mend the wound, Forbid distress” /
I wanna take someone's soul out there heart and put it in mines
but no matter how hard I try to become someone different the reality is always permitted ...
Things like this don’t go away
The sadness builds as you try to be strong
Some days you can’t even get out of bed
You don’t tell the ones you love
If you do they get mad
Like it’s your fault you’re sad
Broken roads engulfed with rubble
A heart apiece, blind eyes focusing
Who can stand to face the trouble
The hearts that burn, spurned
Eager to face another day, wanting
Water rushing through the mountain valleys dragging every stone not firmly rooted,
drowning just to resurface in an unknown region.
And before long, the current sweeps the few, back under its brute force again.
So lost, still lookingWhere's the never found?I gaze with fixed eyesThis dark quest has me cemented My heart is dementedMy whole solution is buried Underneath the land of the hopeless
This is for those who can't stand up and speak.
And if they ever did, they would come across as weak.
The ones who are lonely, hurt, alone, and broken.
Here I sit, once again, pondering why
Why did I take this class? Am I crazy?
I tap and tutter, releasing a sigh.
I don't understand; study more, lazy.
Chemistry, O Chemistry, thou art death.
I down another bottle
To wash the pain away.
For a brief moment,
I feel a bit okay.
Unprepared for whats to come...not asking forgiveness for what ive done
living life like if theres no consequenses... ending up like this was not my intention
i am in titanium cuffs locked by my inner thoughts
im chained to a brick wall with chains crafted by my dark past
i am bundled and gagged with rags weaved from my own fear and doubt
and i have lost control.
when we speak, do we listen?
should we let a word slip to nothing, the meaning may not remain
if you take out a single piece the puzzle becomes incomplete
we say we understand, but I must admit that what makes me feel
Battle scars and broken armor
That's how I see you
A beautiful soul in a ravaged body
With nothing there's hope, without hope there's nothing
Dreamer,
I am a scatter brained, introverted, unstable dreamer.
My hope is rooted in my faith,
my faith is in these cereberal illusions
that cause denial and confusion.
I’m unstable
The earth shakes in me like a thousand drumbeats
Drumbeats that quiver and reverberate through my bones
The tectonics shake and the supports fall out
Pretending to be strong for everyone else, while collapsing everyday under the weight of my despair, too tired to fight off my demons that choke back my hope.
i slide it across my wrist
showing some brightness to my dark life
my heart races
as the pain deepens
i cry out, but not in misery
but for the numbness taking over
i gasp for breath
I used to look down a lot
My head full of melancholic thoughts
And myself so weighed down
I could not stand up.
In fact I was falling,
deeper and deeper into a depression
You'd never guess how far you'd go
To gain a freedom you've never known.
All it takes is that right preson, the right way
To help you get through another day.
Don't let them tell you that there's no truth
She's diabetic,
but you call her fat.
So she starves herself and ends up in the hospital.
You call him a fag for crying.
His mom just died from cancer.
Everyone thinks they know everything.
She has cried in the dark for far too long
Soul Screaming un born Songs
been trying to be Strong
Waiting for the right One to come Along
She has been shoved to try and Belong
Nothing –
Seeing clear as day
In the suffocating black of night
But cringing with confusion
When the sun sheds its light
Knowing there’s an answer
Not caring if it’s found
Doesnt matter if you get a head start. The world's biggest dumbass was, at one point, smart. Look back at what you were. Now you're confused by your very own words. A slip up made you fall down. Can't climb back up. Sit there and drown.
I am lost in a sea of unknown faces,
blurred and unimpressionable.
Blending into the class room walls.
Spending the school year doing nothing but filling in a desk,
and saying present when called upon.
Love is powerful. Love can fly you higher than dope. Love is beautiful..
And also a sign of hope.
There's different types of love. Hopefully you can seperate.
The ghostly chest stilled at the thought..
A future of love brought into existence quick like lightning
leaving the taste of heavenly ions on this earthly plane.
one door must close
for another to open
this is what you all propose
the cycle must have broken
closing, closing, closing
never to be reopened
but on I must keep going,
They don't understand.
The more they put me down , the more I feel like hurting myself.
I spent all day crying over you again. I can’t stop it hurts so much. So maybe you don’t love me as much as I love you.OKAY. FINE.
Life is so predictable and disappointing. At first its perfect and you experience love for the first time. You engage in that perfect first kiss with the boy you've always dreamed of dating.
How extraordinary is a flame. Born from nothing, it is a million vibrant reds, purples, and blues glowing with gold. It is fuelled by desire, and burns with a passion to create, grow and live.
Fallen down, broken in the streets
Hopeless eyes filled with pain searching for something to eat
The broken, the abandoned and the abused
It all started one day
she got threatened, got made to do something she didn’t want to do
thought it would get better, but no, it stayed the same
You're so sad, your tears illuminate a dreariness that words can't describe,
you're so angry, the wrath of your fury is something you can't hide.
As I grew older, my mind became bolder
With every touch of passion, I become clutched
I began to write when I began to reason reality, a creative formation status of my full mentality
as you look upon the water
reflections shining bright
bringing to your memory
thoughts from that dark night
If being more than means doing more then
I guess I am less than
I am young to this field
This field of sweat and being stepped on
I am a new born to this struggle
Not a struggle between you and I
I write for the delinquents who repent.
But they hard wired for barbed wire.
Those weakened by the cement.
That turns their hearts ire into gunfire.
For the man who has not but cannot
Stumble or falter.
Night confronted her adversary,
intrepid,
a face of darkness dancing among the stars that brightened it.
There he stood,
undaunted,
head blazing with the fires of Hell.
The lines are blurred by my watery eyes
The tears I cry rain down upon my lips
I taste the salt running through my cracks
You're asleep in bed tonight,
But still here awake in my mind.
My heart is restless—
Trying to keep up with my thoughts of you.
I sit here, staring at the sky.
I wish you could see it,
Always Gold
By R. M. Otto
I am a cad,
I am a liar
I want for all but can have none;
I yearn for hope
but am stricken from it.
All I deserve is the fire,
~Hell & Back
i’ve seen hell & back
i’ve been through here before
the scars lie on my back
i’ve cried many tears
this isn’t fiction this fact
i’ve lost friends
i’ve gained angels
Smears of rain on the glass
Reflect my watery stare
Tears slide off my cheeks
And I think
Where is the sun in this drudgery of rain
Does it require surgery to cease the pain
I Loved you
my heart gave you everything
And now you say its just a
"One Time Thing"
I Thought you loved me
that we could live happily
And open our hearts Freely
WHAT’S WRONG?
DO YOU REALLY WANT TO KNOW?
ANYTHING I’M FEELING
YOU’LL JUST USE AGAINST ME DOWN THE ROAD.
I KNOW I’M NOT ENTITLED
TO FEEL ANYTHING BUT PAIN.
I’M DESTINED TO BE ALONE.
