The Video

No matter how many times I tell myself not to, I can't stop myself from watching it,

And everytime I do, I am always left feeling like my heart took a hit.

I am fighting with my heart and my brain or whether or not I should keep it or delete it,

But no matter what my brain tells me, I can't get myself to just give up and quit.

I watch it, and I see the smile on your face and the joy in your eyes,

And even though it is something happy to watch, all I do by the end of it is sit there and cry.

It reminds me of a time when I was so hopeful, and I really thought that those were going to be the moments of us,

But lately all it does is leave my body tired, my brain hurt, and my heart in a fuss.

It feels like the past three years I have wasted so much time fighting for something that everyone else knew wasn't real,

But no matter what anyone tells you, you can't control what how you do and how you feel.

The video reminds me of the future I planned with you, and what I thought was going to come true,

And now I am left in pieces laying on the floor, and I really don't know what else to do.

I got to place where I didn't even know who I was anymore, and I hate to admit it, but it was all because of you,

And I want to sit here and say that this has not been going on, but unfortunately, it is really nothing new.

I made so many excuses for you, and I tried so hard to see the good when everyone else knew the truth,

And that you took so much of me, and you ripped me of the happiest moments that I could have had in my youth.

For once I saw a side of me that was different when I was thinking of you, and it was the best feeling on Earth,

But I realized that the more I tried to make you see what we could be, the more I was stripping myself of my own worth.

I look at that video, and I see a side of you that I don't see in many guys my age,

But as much as I want to believe that things could happen for us, I can't keep living my life in this cage.

No matter how hard I try, I would like to believe that I hold the power, but you are the one who has the key,

And until I let you go both in my head and in my heart, I know that I will never truly be free.

It sucks that you are the person who I always want to tell my good news to first,

And you are also the one who I want to talk to when I need someone and when I am at my worst.

The last time we talked I told you something I never told anyone, and part of my was starting to think that you actually cared,

But I realized that it was all one sided, and that I wanted to tell you everything, but to you, there was nothing there.

As much as I hate to admit it, they were right when they said the longer I let this go on, the more it is going to hurt,

But I thought you were looking for the same thing as me, until I realized that you are just a flirt.

I guess maybe from the start, your head was never where mine was at, and looking back, everything that meant so much to me meant nothing to you,

And everyday when I would come home from work I was so excited, but I finally had to give up, and all those skies are now grey, even thought they once were blue.

I read journals from that Summer, and it was the best time of my life, and I was so hopeful and full of joy,

And now, that happiness is all replaced with an immense amount of pain, and it is all because of the same boy.

I've tried to look to other people, but I can't find anyone who can take your place,

Because no matter what I do, everywhere I look, I still see your face.

And no matter how hard I try, my heart is empty and I don't know what to do,

Because I had to admit it, but I will always love you.

 

 

This poem is about: 
Me

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