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Sharp pencil.   Blank paper.   No eraser.   No mistakes allowed.   Find another pencil, my mind says.   Don't get a new piece of paper.  
~ by Debi Lyn Tuesday, August 17, 2021   I love to sit with you nearby; doing so can make me cry. - Happy tears just to know you enjoy my company so.
Why am I so jumpy Why does everything worry me A sudden noise A sudden movement I will jump If you come up behind me  I will jump I am always so jumpy around you  
Why am I not enough Why don't you love me Why don't you want me Why am I disappearing Why am I still here Why are we still in this awkward silence Why Why Why
Alone everything pulled inside of me. Surrounds me within me. Unable.
Wonder what it's like to be fearless To be so courageous To not have a care in the world To be truly myself My whole self Wonder what it's like to take risks And not dread failures
i hope that someday i can change not just for a moment  but true change when i don’t feel these things when i can overlook those words which have disrupted my peace
i thought i would feel peace but all i feel is chaos slipping deeper into the black falling from anyone’s grasp as the seconds continue to pass
i thought they would come and go  but dark thoughts have come to stay  the light has become dimmer and the faint glow continues to be overpowered 
were those promises ever true i am no longer sure this emptiness has remained in me for too long your words do not bring me comfort anymore
sometimes i don’t really know if there’s anyone there downcast, empty, broken i wait for someone someone who may or may not come for me alone i wait
Scorpions and black widow spiders, rattlers too, lurking in dusty corners these critters can kill- but they do so quickly... Whereas the workings of the mind can be more sinister,
You act as if I haven’t been living from one fix to another the past three years of my life. You act as if I don’t know just how cold life is,
    There is a deafining moment when we say it aloud for the first time.  
Come live with me and be my love, I want to wear it like a glove; I will give you all that I am, My heart, my soul, with no exam.  
Fear.   She envelopes us like a cold day without a jacket. Shivering like bare shoulders, chills climbing in the crooks of collapsing collarbones. "I am afraid," the voice taunts, always behind us always there.
Butterfly, small, frail Wings folded, paused in thought; Peace for a moment  
In the dead of night I close my eyes But cannot keep these thoughts outside I hear it scratching at my door And moaning from beneath the floor  
I Fear Living   My mind won’t power down from all the thoughts that scare me   cause every day I’m living in a world I don’t want to be
You act like I shouldnt worry about you Yet I do because I love you I hate the nights we fight As you ignore me and forget I exist You choose to hide away And I am lost again Because without you
Arthritis that’s not too bad but psoriasis that is. Constantly disgusted by myself and no one will know because I do not want them to know.  
I know its been a whileit's getting latebaby just stay a whileplease just wait hear me out girl its been a yearfull of heartache and hardshipsI lost life thenbut you kept me alive
There’s a lot of silly silly thingsTo be talking about There’s a lot of willy nilly thingsThat seem shocking right nowSilly things
Perhaps it was all a dream Perhaps it was my life unfulfilled 
What am I to do When the guns come marching by In their hollow faces and rickety skin
You tell me that I am the love of your life, say that you've never loved anyone the way you love me, laugh and call me adorable when I'm acting strange, smile when you look at me from the driver's side,  
My friend is suffering from a broken heart And sometimes she doesn’t let it show But I can see it when no one else looks Or maybe she hides in plain sight
I C. I see how your heart is a diamond- it is not neat, rather rough- but all the world’s light is found inside it. I C.
Made me feel like  I was being caught in the rain. Slow scattered drops of water,  Cool on a warm day,  Sent Worry and Desire on a race.  Should I run or watch what happens?  
Hey,  It has been a while A while since you have sat down and took a breath. You are reading this because you feel burdened,       maybe by something self-afflicted,      maybe by a matter of circumstance.
A black cat stares me down Collar jingling, he scratches Big yellow eyes eat me alive I do not know what luck he brings— I do not know that he brings luck at all I was never one to believe
Dear anxiety,          You've been with me my whole life                                Not like a loving mother who cares for me
Drowing, I am drowning in an ocean I myself created Drowning in tears of sadness of anger I blame say you did this to me all of you. but no. It was me.
Oh how I’ve messed up The trouble I have caused The hurt I have caused
I love you. I love the way I hurt all the time. I love the way you make me feel like breaking down. I love it when you say you love me, but don’t show me.
There are softballs in my mouthWhen I look at youEach thought is another home run right into my front teethIt's supposed to be easier to say these wordsBecause I'm a girlI'm supposed to be open with my emotions
Count the stars the small latterns that line the sky to help the moon light the path to tomorrow, as you try and walk away the sorrows. Wander aimlessly,  searching for something that is lost
A year ago today, I was living my life in fear. I didn't know where I was going to go after high school, And I didn't know what I was going to do.
The shakes, the nerves, the trembles of absolute fear I feel in the tiny hands attached to me.  They control me. They make one motion that consumes my focus entirely.  I am drowning in a sea of my anxiety.
A light that beckons from a lamp. The yearning of our innocence, the drawing to our roots. It beckons you forth from the dark, it promises light and warmth. It is only there.
theres a man in my head he made his own bed he puts fear in my brain and ice in my veins he pulls me from the people i love most and pushes me towards ones i hate most
I break, I cry, I give up, want to die.I shake my fist, kick the air, throw things at the walls.I smile, I act okay, I hide the feelings inside.I worry,              worry,                          worry, 
At first I thought you were diamond embedded And then I saw how imperfectly you were created You willow crying like you lost perfection And some of us see your little perfect complexions
Some days I wake up stressed. My heart's already pounding, I feel slightly out of breath, I can't escape the pressure even in my sleep.   The last thing I want is to get out of bed.
I am just a traveler in want of a little rest I had been blending through a city of the oppressed Dimming me down to the filthy ground Screaming at me, they surround
This is for you. This is for the wide eyes at three in the morning. This is for the salty wells collected in my pillowcase.
People are always in a hurry Filled with a sense of worry A night sky filled light But people without sight A sense of time pacing A stopwatch racing Tick-Tock-Tick-Tock Life is like a clock
You don't.  You struggle. You cry. You wonder why you aren't good enough. Smart enough For those full-ride scholarships like others When you worked so hard.
I cannot shake this feeling Like an itch you cannot scratch, Sitting under darkened skies Ready to collapse.
When it rains it pours they say, So go and find your zen; Even if for a moments time, Peace will reign again.
Looking into his eyes, cold, empty full of lies. Who was this man standing before me in this disguise? I've seen that look one too many times. I wish I never was a disappointment. But this man gave up on me a long time ago.
When you ask me, "Are you okay?" I want to say no, I want to say that I'm breaking inside, That I'm a shattered piece of this human being I used to be,
What if I forgot to turn off my cars headlights, What if I forgot that I've checked 3 times this night?   What if college is going to bury me in a grave of debt,
Stranded am I, by this enslaving isle of fear. Captured am I, by its fell whispers in my ear. Where can I go? Where can I run?   Surrounded am I, by the ocean of worry.
Baby bird perched unsteadily Stretching its too young wings Run to catch it as it falls But it snaps at your hands Unknowingly To death
Hush my dear Shed no tear Keep it all inside   Turn your head As I go to bed And utter not a sound   Love has no respect for me Waste not your devout sympathy
Let this be a reminder of what happens when you're lazy Riding, staring out the window when eyes are teary glazy Caused hte time's ticking, sneaking up behind you
She runs away to hide nobody giving her a second glance  so no one sees her cry why can't they give her another chance Broken girl all alone locked away in her room putting on her headphones
When I use words to explain my depression, I use those of others. I claim to be a writer and yet I become so certain that what I have is too little.
I hear a sound of little tiny feet although said foot is not yet setthese decisions I've yet to regret the clock tics forward unrelenting in speedthe people grow furious driven with need
From class to class From book to book This is all a mess Just take a look   Homework piled up No end in sight Every time I wake up Don’t turn on the light  
Thinking of you Makes me black and blue When I know you're not thinking of me But you're white and gold A prize far too old For a well trained right eye not to see And so you go looking
Slow down slow down No reason to get all worked up on this Take your time, take your time   Never thought you'd be worrying over this Money's a lie, it's a lie  
Once there was a heart that fell in love with a brain Together they made art but the brain would sometimes strain
My body has a language my mind just can't explain I'm falling out of this world and into a frame Insanity never came Labeled on a shelf, the only person I cant make happy is myself.
He's the one that wakes me up
A New Year
It is midnight. Peeking though the curtains, giving consent. Hearing no answer? It is finally time. Leaving this world of shrouded reality And into the land of mirrors,
Little Things
Thoughts of Blue  
Perfection is a malady, it only serves to maim The wrinkled edges of my insanity, only myself and the world to blame. 'What a shame' was my worst fear, Lurking behind the swallowed tears
You look around a see a girl. You don't know who she is or where she came from. Seems odd. But it's just me. You've seen me I'm sure. I live like this. Really?
I was wondering... 1.      Do I really only have two followers who are interested in talking to me? 2.      Do I not post enough? 3.      Do I seem like a nuisance? 4.      Am I one?
The life for me is fraught with unknown, It's an inner aggression with a boisterous tone. One half desires to thrive and succeed, the other wants to only exercise a good deed.
“Worry is a total waste of time.
Bump in the night, a forgiven fright, but so easily mistaken, for ones so often taken.   Things unseen, Things unheard, Things that most certainly unnerve, Scream my name
Pay no attention to the woman behind the  mask. She's just an  illusion of smoke and mirrors, of pulsing lights and   then she's gone.   Pay no attention
Deep darkness held onto the fragile heart she carried within her chest- unspent tears in her eyes a mind that would never stop but a brain that had died.  The slow beating of a broken soul
I keep getting sad at night instead of putting myself to sleep but I always put up a fight even though I know perfectly well what it does to me
  I find myself staying up late at night No end to my destructive worries. Jumping from one topic to another in my racing mind.
Pay no attention to the girl behind the curtainCuz boy I am certainYou'll have a little more interest in the one who's out flirtin'That twitch of her hips, you want her so bad it's hurtin'
sometimes I wonder exactly where I'm going or what I'm doing or even will I be here tomorrow there's no promise and that scares me so bad and that one time I fell in front of all of my friends and they laughed and why am I so stupid they were ter
A bunch of unanswered questions, worried thoughts about the future, and even the difficult decision that every young teenage girl goes through daily "What should I wear tomorrow?''.
  A river, cheery and merry, Is a picture of perfect happiness. It laughs as it trips and falls, Crashing into obstacles in its way. Never angry nor upset,
The worst thing you want to be is a failure in life To put down the people in your life and here them whisper "lowlife" To constantly show no improvement over and over To be confronted and insulted 
I lurk in the darkI am your fear, your regret, your worryActing like a judgemental jury   I slink around in the pits of your heartGnawing on your soulMaking you pay your toll  
She deserves all the world has to offer. How dare I not give back to the woman that gave me life. No matter the situation she was there for me.
Mom's dream for child All coming true, but money The struggle, over.
Overlooking the ripples from a pier far above,  I hear a distant roar of the waves that I love. The sound hits my ears like a baseball hits the glove.  
The New Girl In class she sits, making snide remarks, Her words bitter and pungent; This façade she maintains, meant to keep us at bay, To hide in its shadow her sorrows, her pains.  
You sit in the dark
You won't answer my calls
I'm like a child who cries itself to sleep, but instead of crying, what I do is think. I think myself insane, analyzing every bit, until my heart rate quickens and I work up a panicking fit.
You’re afraid of what could happen So you constantly keep up a wall You are in a constant battle But aren’t we all?
My idol. My star. My worry. How amazing you were on the field, with a ball  or with a bat  or not even at all. My brother, with love, with worry. Bad teacher and counselor and friends.
Deep in the confines of her mind is kept away her fears and insecurities - but once the night falls and she lays her head to rest, the doors open.  
College is scary. It is also expensive. I need much money.
Sick with worry Literally sick Calm my mind with nostalgia  That'll do the trick  Close my eyes just to recall  Rewired in an unfortunate way  Through the ground I fall 
I yell at you day after day, begging you to take this pain away. I ask you why you have allowed such things to happen to me but all I get in reply is an empty silence and my own sigh. I have been good I say, so why do this to me?
The calendar keeps sneaking up on me. I'm leaving home soon. I think about how everyone will keep living their lives and all will go on without me and it keeps me from worrying about my mother.
Fire burning and eyes hurting Words could never Heal so much   As I wallow In self doubt and worry I never forget my pen   She keeps me safe She knows my every thought
I left them... Last night I had a dream the world was ending, I was reduced to ant size and lived with a snake,  she was friendly but scary,  green and alive, I am awake now, paying my credit card
Hello University, College life, where it all gets real; The best years of your life! Are they, really?
When thoughts fail, or words do not come Though all alone emotion remains I should not be guided by this But I can get divided by this So what then
So loud in my head Stop to breathe Look up And Silence fills my ears
Jaw clenched, eyes shut, trapped in this nightmare that’s very much my reality. Everything that’s mine is no longer for me, everything I want is far out of reach. In my sleep, I dream of my every anxiety,
She wraps her tiny hand around my thumb as tears run down my face. Her green eyes ask so many questions that I just can't answer. Not now.
The eyes do see Like shadows in the night Every move I make I am not alone The eyes do see For reasons of their own A creature far from pure Is always on my mind
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