What if I forgot to turn off my cars headlights,
What if I forgot that I've checked 3 times this night?
What if college is going to bury me in a grave of debt,
What if my debt will bury me into a sub-grave of regret?
What if my late period is the sign of me being the virgin mary,
What if my body isn’t fit for a God to call it a sanctuary?
What if somebody is outside right now, breaking into my shed,
What if I forget to feed the fish and make all of them dead?
What if I didn’t complete my physics assignment page 103, numbers 4-10,
What if this one missed assignment is a slippery slope to “every now and then”?
What if the God that I believe in turns out to be the wrong one,
What if God just isnt real and when I die I’m dead I’m done?
What if the true meaning of life is something left undiscovered,
What if life just has no meaning and no mystery to uncover?
What if this cough isn’t just a cold and I’m infecting everyone,
What if my words are the real disease, like a loaded gun?
What if I’m aimlessly shooting the bullets and casualties rise,
What if the gun is only turned on me and what I think on the inside?
What if I will never stop asking what if
What if in the middle of this performance I freeze and stand stiff?
What if I would’ve said one thing different,
What if I would’ve been less a lot less ignorant?
What if I could’ve made you stay,
What if these questions are what made you go away?
What if I wasn’t like this, feeding my mind spoon-fulls of worry,
What if we took more time, stood back and didn’t just hurry?
What if leaving me was in the spur of the moment, you were just too distraught...
But what if it was not?
What if none of the I Love Yous were ever real,
What if you were bored and just needed the touch of a female to heal?
What if everytime you kissed me it was just to make you feel less lonely,
What if every time I kissed you just half of us saw the other as their only?
What if I was falling deeper in love and you were trying to push your way out,
What if you somehow hear this and know it’s you who it’s about?
What if everytime you see me you feel immense disgust,
What if you saw me as I saw myself, a broken toy with the only purpose of collecting dust?
What if you hate me a fraction of how much I hated my own self,
What if you never think of me anymore,
What if I can’t ever get a hold of myself?
What if you don’t regret the things you said that still haunt me today,
What if those words never quite go away?
Go away. Go away. Go away.
What if one day the world ends and I will end with it?
All these questions won’t matter,
My car’s battery won’t matter,
My student loans won’t matter,
My fish feeding skills won’t matter,
My physics homework won’t matter,
You will no longer matter.
These worries pouring out will not be able to refill
And that is why the world ending is my only “when will.”