eatingdisorders
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Society says
You’re not sick; you’re just fine
Society says that you don’t need help
That you don’t know pain
That you’ve never felt
The way it is to have to ask
Am I dying?
the inevitable question
arises again
and it cuts
just as deep
as it always does
the inevitable question
always asked by someone else
always painful
always innocent
I eat too much to die
and not enough to live
and I claim that I try
but I can’t say
how much effort I really give
my body is shutting down
but I’m past the point of feeling it
Consuming my days, and
Filling the nights
With a special blend of dread
It’s a debate in my head:
I want the day to be over
I want it to never end
I dread the days
They tried to tell me
The funniest thing
That what I’ve avoided
Will be my own doom
They whispered so loudly
The things I fear most
And the monster inside me
Uses my illness to boast.
The system is broken
You can’t change my mind
They don’t look for the right signs and warnings...
And it hurts but I can’t
And you won’t understand
But I guess that’s the price left to pay
The sky was falling
In the form
Of grey translucent drops.
The air was heavy
In my lungs
So my mind took me away.
I made a plan
I packed and ran
Every
<h1>SCATTERED ASHES</h1> <ins> <p>I am from a family where bubbles exist</p> <p>From a broken home and a messed up wish</p> <p>I am from a crippled yet standing still keeping secrets injured an
choosing clothes
looking in the mirror
starring into a stranger.
we know tonight we'll skip dinner
to wake up a little bit thinner.
walking with your dog will never be the same
I've been patiently waiting for you to notice me like a girl standing in the corner at a party just waiting to be danced with. But you never notice me.And every time I try to give you a compliment you always seem to get mad at me.I'm sorry if I al
Because you loved me, you told me to lose weight
You loved my hair long, when I wanted to cut it short
You loved my perfect grades, when I was struggling to keep up
Once Upon a time, there was a princess, warm and beautiful, and loved by all.
Once Upon a time, she laughed joyously, her heart flowing with joy, and her smile gleaming.
When you jokingly say “ohmygod I hate you!”
And I say laughing “I hate me too so it’s all good”
You may be joking, but I’m not
I am plastic,
Your child’s best friend,
I am small and held in their hand,
I am tall and pretty,
And every girl wants to be me,
2002. I’m seven years old and scared as hell
To make a sound
I start to weep and plead with her
Please, please not Emily
i guess shes been my friend all my life.
though she was not always there,
she resided in shadows
waiting to pounce to
bestow her perfection
to
flood my mind with dust and bones...
My voice
Is something which my ears fail to define
When it kisses the air, it splinters
Into exactly 2 billion and 3 question marks
Hooking round my pores and
Peppering my flesh with pock-marks of stray
I used to pray. I used to pray that when I woke, my skin would be clear of imperfections. Clear of freckles, clear of bumpsI hated being different, noticed, ugly.
Blink.
Blinkblink.
Better turn off the alarm before I wake them up.
Up I go.
I have no desire to look presentable today, but they will see me
They will judge me
What can I wear?
The most peaceful moment of my life happened
as I was laying on the ground of my doctor's office unconscious from malnutrition,
and I didn't realize that I'd passed out
They said that recovery was an uphill battle -
I have never before trecked up a twisted slope for so long.
I figured my frustration and fear - of weight, of fat, of feeling bad -
I am a girl.
I am a woman.
I should sit on the toilet, and stare at the wall, or the tub, or the sink.
My view should be of the things around me, not the things under me.
I am a human.
I am a person.
I'm custom-built to expectationA situational chameleonBut no one knows,Because what they see is only what I show them
I am a Painter of Another Day
Another sleepless night,
Another day avoiding glances,
Another day pretending to be happy,
Anothr fake smile,
And another day hiding the scars covering my skin.
It's this mindset I'm stuck in
Obsessive and impulsive
I look in the mirror
The image is repulsive
There will be better times
Where I can relax and unwind
But all I ask is why?
Betraying my body.
Excersing to oblivion.
All food maticulousoy monitered.
Under the control of the fear of gaining weight.
Telling myself if I lose a few more ill be happy.
To be happy, society screams at us with images of perfection. What you wear, how thin you can be. Who you are never mattered.
I'm finally going to fill up the pages of my life.
No more blanks. No more hesitation to fill in the spaces
with bold, deliberate strokes.
I'm going to be able to focus again
I've decided to eat today...
Is a cup of coffee okay?
Only if it's black,
Maybe some strawberries?
Only 2 allowed for you,
Okay.. What about some carrots?
You're really pushing it,
No one ever tells you how much it hurts
To hate yourself.
No one ever tells you how addictive it is
What I see in the mirror is no longer my reflection,
But a creation of my internal hell.
She stares at me and glares at me
I’m tired.
I’m tired of turning on a TV that only shows me pictures of pretty girls, perfect girls, all a size double 0.
im leaving a tattoo on my skin
my heal, my hip, of how ve been
a home made reminder, always there
reminding me to starve beyond compare
to not consume for days or weeks
wait for the body that i should seek
clickclickclickclick
goes the key board as i sip my morning tea.
Spiling, gushing ,spewng my deepest trauma and heatache.
My therapy, your guilty pleasure.
The best job, if you ask me, is that of a writer.
My body is malformed.
It has every single limb but I can't conform.
The thighs, the sides, the stomach, the hands;
they're all too round, too soft.
An obsession
An addiction.
It tortures me,
but I need it.
I got to know
the number on the scale.
Restrict my food.
Binge eat.
Purge.
Thoughts of laxatives.
I once was
A girl caged in lonliness; living nightmare
The devil on my back
Crawled in my head
It tells me I can't eat
It tells me to throw up what I do eat
It tells me I'm not good enough
It tells me I need to do 700 crunches a day
It bells me I'll never be skinny
It tells me I can't gain weight
I am not a real person.
I am an outer shell,
wrapped in a mind that wants to be seperate.
I am skin, and fat, and blood, and dust.
When times are hard and hopes are low,
Let the wind blow,
Let your emotions out,
If you want you can even shout,
Run free and seek,
A great destiny,
The sadness will leave,
I wear a size seven,
you want me to be a three.
Forget what you say.
This is real, this is me.
I wear a size large,
you want me to be a small.
You think 5'1" is too short,
I loved puppies and horses.
I loved people, laughter, and Cheesy Mac.
I was soft and round and,
The words they used were biting and sharp.
They cut me deeply.
i need to see the change is the world
i need to hear more of the unheard
not everyone is recognized
but more of people hiding in disguise.
i want to see more happiness
and more people who forgive and forget
Will you listen? Just once
im finally able to speak, senior year is here
its fmally here, my chance to take the stand
my words will be heard
im here
ive been here
im not leaving soon
Teacher, before we start the dramatics,
Before the sighs begin.
I would like for you to know
about what really happens within.
Yes, sir; the problem IS written clearly on the board.
Passionless teaching sorrounding us,
Obsorbs the excitment of most,
Drousy and bored causes a fuss,
or sketching our trip to the coast.
Lunch is dull and tasteless,
Although we get a break,
In elementary school, we read a story called The BFG, or big friendly giant. It was a story about the only kind giant to exist. If you asked any of my old classmates about the story, most would probably not remember.
Walking in and feeling alone
Tears streaming down my face
Will they care?
Hell no
Why would anyone care about me?
Then he walks over, caring eyes
“Come outside with me”
She's back you know-
making the wallflower's feel...
pretty
but, they'll soon realize her lies
and the pain she puts them through,
only makes her stronger.
mocking me, judging me
laugh laugh laugh
hurting me, killing me
stab stab stab
if words dont hurt you?
why am i bleeding so bad?
trying to recover
but im halfway dead.
I could tell you a secret,
But it's locked inside.
I could dig in and reach it,
If I dismantled my pride.
I really want to tell you,
But you're in a different state of mind.
Your world is closer and closer to falling apart,
I can see it in your eyes.
You are scared of what they will do
To the lost, the forgotten, the outcasts, to all those who feel hopeless and alone. This cruel, sick, and twisted world you live in has made you think the unthinkable and speak the unspeakable.
she falls off the moon,
she carries her wings,
she fights with herself,
she's dying to please.
she knows every word,
she's heard it before,
she's not what they want,
Depression is a disease that sucks the blood from your veins Leaving a corpse to roam that has forgotten its name Emotionless eyes show a soul that's holding in pain Walking a path down a road just searching for a end The next bus could be their e
One too many
Two too many
Three too many
Stop
As she stared into the glass mirror seeing nothing but a worthless reflection
One too many
Two too many
Is three too many?
Stop
Hey little birdy,
The one by my window;
I see your colourless wings so sturdy
And those dark eyes so hollow.
Birdy, take me with you.
I want your freedom;
I want to fly in the blue.
You said
You promised
(Cross your heart
and hope to die)
That you would never tell
That I was the one who took the last cookie
that day
in Kindergarten
Because we were
1. Piece of metal
Repeatedly pressed against my skin
Holding my mind for a ransom
I paid in blood and tears.
She sits alone
No one by her side
She's only nine
Everyday and every night that poor little girl cries
Her life has been hell on earth
Her sister is schizo, bipolar, and very depressed
I wobble my way down the narrow hallway
my thoughts are an epic mess
the bright light I'm following is so far away
yet I feel I can grasp it I must confess.
The Blackest night and Hottest fire
Within my Soul I feel
The Frozen sadness I admire
The pain it seems so real
Flowers will wilt and friends will die
I walk this world alone
I feel the hatred Burn inside
