abandonment
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i am a dog.
i wait here,for you.
why do i remain here?
the walls,they cave-
the door i wait at is moldy.
please,come back.
i am nothing.
i feel the itch of mange,
Unwanted "love"...
Sent NOT from above.
My soul craves it not...
Once on its lap I did rot.
Now I can see its face...
Before I see disgrace...
For as long as the illusion vies...
A frozen solid block of ice...
Winter wind sure feels nice.
The sun, hidden, behind the clouds...
Within the ice she cries aloud.
Ice pick lying quite nearby...
Cannot reach it; trapped inside.
HATE
When I look at you
Its the heavens at war
Angels struck by demons swords
See the devil cloak in black
My nightmares coming real
Please don't hurt me
With the sharp flying
To stare death in the face,
Only to come home to this place,
To be cast aside from my place of peace,
To be ostracised from my home,
Sent out all alone,
Promised one day to return home,
You were my dad that I once knew,
But little do you know
the pain you put me through.
I've grown up and realized
That your life is nothing but a thousand lies.
You say that you love me more than I know
you left before i got better
you left before i could make things right
you left before things could get really good
and i cant blame you
for getting tired of waiting
Drip
Drop
Drip
Drop
Drip
Drop
Daddy’s nose is bleeding again
I wonder why he always has so many nosebleeds?
Divorce is a sinking ship.
The sea parts with crashing waves.
A tsunami of destruction that floods over every part of your life.
Dad..
You left me drowning.
Nephthys only ever wants to see the night.
The dark, soothing blanket that reminds her of when her mother used to dance in the halls of their home, all rich ebony skin and pearly white teeth and bright eyes.
Before she left.
Life is like the Earth
Always changing
Growth, rebirth
Movement, rearranging.
People are like seasons
Some seem to linger, to last
But for whatever reason
Others quickly become past.
vodka bottles,
secrets,
and pain.
these are the memories that haunt my brain.
total disfunction,
chaos,
and abandonment.
this is when i learned i was in the midst of adolescence.
A Light dusting of snow
I know the snow can be frightening
I see your eyes as the snow turns to ice
I see the the frostbite crawl up your walls
crawl up my hand
I don't care
Oh weary traveler,
Who are you to hate the summer?
You, who burns in the winter
Who knows no cozy cabin to call home
You jump from place to place
I saw you in a mirror today
But it wasn’t your face I saw
It was mine.
I saw your hardened eyes
He was ten with his face always stuck in a book
Tales of wizards overcoming abuse at home and having adventures with friends to help him escape his problems,
MAybe I am made of glass
And perhaps I am too reflective
And perhaps each time I shatter across the floor in shards of failure I bring us more bad luck
mama.
the first word that uttered from my lips.
rewind that VHS
mama,
what happened to holding fingers?
tiny ones aching to grasp yours.
feet stumbling to nameless routes
"Please stay with me, daddy!"
"Please don’t leave me!"
You were walking so fast.
Too fast for my little feet to keep up.
All of a sudden that pencil started screaming at you.
Why aren't you drawing?
Why aren't you writing?
Why aren't you creating
Something to lessen the babble of the world?
I stood there in the quiet
accompanied by the swirling Zephyros
A still voice piercing, emanating, delving
And my brows furrowed, face contorting
You know, I have dreams where we're friends again.
Dreams where you laugh at my jokes again.
Dreams where we're the best of friends again,
But you won't listen.
Dear Dad,
Sometimes I wish I never met you.
1,000 miles used to be the only distance,
But now we're quite through.
And yet, I still think about your existence.
She died.
Spoilers aside, her death was not the conclusion nor climax of the story.
It was the beginning of a cyclic swoop.
To him, time was never linear.
Dear Unnamed,
I listen to "Over the Rainbow”
its tropical tunes carry my thoughts--
The backseat of our red station wagon
To that Fake Fricking Friend
I really, truly, hate you
But I love the heck out of you
You are my beautiful baby but girl you are a benevolent bi-
Biscuit tray delivered from Grandma
Dear Dad,
Are you upset with me, because I grew up wrong?
Are you upset that I am Mentally ill?
You haven't spoken to me in so long.
But I love you, still.
Dear Princess,
My how you have transformed from a caterpillar into a gorgeous pink butterfly,
free and soring all your precious wings. I know that things were extremely tough growing up,
I know your brain is wired in a way that makes you think everybody
within a 3 mile radius hates you, is annoyed by you or thinks you’re a lazy cow.
You were a fucked up kid, so was I
Because of you
No problem; mom she did everything she could
You should've used a condom
But no; I'm blessed and love the people in my life
You can't screw up that too
Rotten Apples
Rotten Apples
I’m the apple at the bottom of the tree
I smoke a joint by myself I married Mr. Lonely
I got boogers in my nose
I got cheese between my toes
Rotten Apples
The pounding in my chest was a unique sensation
It was slow like the flapping of a bird’s wings as it flew lazily over a park
So my body lay flat becoming rolling hills
That empty-headed smell lingers in the house chanting his name as it swims through the chilling breeze. His name. His name spits out of mouths and into my ears.
Because I love you
When I was crumbling, the world morphing
Spinning around me like a top in Wonderland
I still came to you, and pulled myself together
I stitched you up,
Put you together,
You've watched me die once,
As I fell I reached for your arms,
Your back turned toward me
As you walked away
And then was when I knew
You were nothing to me,
So I let myself fall to my knees
Because I love you,
I leave the lights on for you,
Even when I know you won't come home.
Once upon a time
There was a little kitten
Who was very different
From the others in her litter
She was born in a barn
I've met you when time was still fresh, new and a wonder of exploration. In that frame I pictured, sketched what I could remember of your face. How you looked familiar, yet glimpses could only register in the range of my memory.
Dear Father
I heard stories, how you'd beat her,
from the neighbour,
when I was younger;
then you stole her_________
mother's necklace, just to spoil your little lover.
Hey old friend, I'm glad you're doin fine Thought I'd stop in just to drop a line Heard you were worried Bout my life Guess you heard people didn't treat me right Hey old friend, did you forget What you did to me, do you regret? Cause though othe
Shallow glimpses,An idyllic panorama.Fields of Elysium, here on earth -As far as the eye can strain.As wide as the voice can throw.
Winter.
My skin is cold
For a brief moment.
I find a false warmth
And spring becomes him.
I find myself deeper,
Embedded,
In a warm blanket
Of lies.
Of a false face.
I want to love you
I really do
But I am scared
Please understand why I hesitate
It is not because of you
It is because of me
Something like this is not easy
I stay when they go
"Listen to the forest. Breathe; this is home."
When I say this to myself, I am you.
I become Daddy's footprints.
My first steps were on top of feet
with fingers held in weathered hands
I am water,/Flowing and ebbing and dipping,/Murmuring a silent scream,/My emotions are like a waterfall/rushing, never stable./ I am the earth/Crumbling, shaking, tremoring,/Cold, warm/without voice, without choice,/Alone, and overrun./ I am fire.
A needle: a small, thin object
with a sharp point that mends
our open wounds.
Sewing needles are polished
and used by seamstresses
to keep our clothes
stitched and tailored.
i'm not sure that i understand
exactly what happened.
you promised me a home
but you left me abandoned.
was i not good enough?
did i do something wrong?
just please explain to me
I was still a child when you took your lies,
And slid them between my fourth and fifth ribs.
I cried that night,
And for the first time I didn’t wish you were there to hold me.
I still see echoes of you,
Anger.
Hatred.
Sadness.
Each day,
Driving past your house,
I'd always wonder,
Did you ever think about me?
Did you ever miss me?
'Course not 'cause you was never there
“Get out you whore,” I hear piercing through my peace.
The lies I hear are no less painful than I feared
Night after night came where I could only fight or flight
I never took those pills,
popping
one after another
like candy.
I didn’t dig
deeper, deeper into the layers of skin—just trying to feel.
I never left home;
we never grew apart.
No one
Not even the rain
Can quite feel my pain
As I call out your name
And its a shame
That you left me in vain
While I crawled on the floor leaving a small blood stain
The depravity sinks into her skin,Hope dissolving into trepidationAbandoned, the consequence of her sinHope dissolving into trepidation,Remnants of love, macabre dance 'round her head
I don't understand
What do your words mean?
I'd like to think I know you better than to believe that it's what it sounds like
You've been irresponsible for some time now
Just another divorce
Just another teenage pregnancy
Just another death
Just another drop-out
Just another homocide
Suicide
Aborticide
Massacre
Just another war
Now here is the time
To say goodbye
And broken past
It never lasts
A woman shattered
Her heart in two
Her mind hasnt have a clue
A flying dove
Nothing to do with love
Bleeding because it paints the pictures
so heavily spilled
in my mind.
And seeing the crimson upon my skin
Gives me pain that makes me real.
Crying because
It makes me view
Absent from the begining not long after she exited the womb a seed was planted but never fertilized mean while she h
I.
Comfort me in the time of hour
At a time of utter loss
That I see thy face as a partial flower
Pure and mighty were thy words
In a storm they have caressed me
Hey.
Hi
Are you ever going to answer me?
Daddy, I know I have screwed up alot, but please just say hi?
Mom a word that's supposed to mean safety,but to me it's the epitome of MAYBE,
MAYBE she'll be here tonight or tomorrow,
MAYBE out drinking, I'm thinking,
this word mom makes me feel irate,
Curtains
I hide from myself
From the fears
The doubts
The insecurity
I show a different me
A me that is confident
Joyful
Loving
Teardrops can stain a surfaceTeardrops can destroy a work of artTeardrops can destroy makeupTeardrops are their own silent stormIf only people cared as much for teardropsAs they did for storms
Dear Dad,
You're never there,
and you'd think I'm mad,
but I'd a;ways think You'd have time to spare,
for me.
Dear Dad,
can't you see,
you're the one I've never had.
Some nights I sit in my room, thinking about every possible thing,
Doomed for nothing but sadness.
When I'm driving,
I think about my life, my regrets, what I forget,
But most importantly I think about you.
When my wings got seared off by the sun,
when i free fell, saw the ashes of my hopes and dreams
gently floating after me, I thought I was done,
that the ocean would end my agony
The same brain, body and gender.
Having a light make-up,
We go out.
Wearing pink dresses and high-heels.
As usual...
jump head first into the
flaming inferno because he told you so
try not to sweat
when he calls you a pussy
let the third degree burns be a
reminder to never trust a soul
He struggles to find his place in this world
But for putting up walls, he should get an award
Because the only person he shares his feelings with
Would never even be able to understand it
There are moments in the night when I wish for someone to lay next to me,
embrace me in their arms,
and not let me go till the moon finally takes its leave.
When we first met, you were just the next in line. I already had someone; someone better. Someone who got there first.
And I could never call you Dad.
She looks like heaven
to me
She says no but that's okay
not everyone can see
The way her eyes shine in the morning
My skin,
my bones
are crumbling.
My remains
are
becoming dust.
And from my
decomposing
self,
I hope that
your flowers
will grow,
What were you thinking? WHAT WERE YOU THINKING?When you were leaving, WHEN YOU WERE LEAVINGDid it make you feel big, you coward!
I don’t want kids.
The Smiles that are oblivious to pain,
The Laughter that can break the most awkward of silences,
The Unconditional love in their sleepy eyes as you rock them to sleep grateful to be close to you.
I am fragile.
To look at me you would see a young woman standing at 5 ft. 3 inches and think
“Of course she is fragile.”
But no…
My stature does not determine my strength.
This isn't a broken heart from a parted lover, not a poem about strangers.This isn't about some little fight, this is me, simply telling you, I'm alright.
Here it is,
the memorie when you left.
Its kinda sad that my memories
are all I have left.
I lay awake thinking of you,
These thoughts alone are enough
to split my heart in two.
My demons
Have your face now.
Haunting my existence.
Creeping into my dreams.
My nightmares.
Keeping me awake
Keeping me on edge.
Keeping me your prisoner…
Do you have ANY idea what you have done to me?
Can’t you see?
Because of YOU
My childhood consisted of empty promises, nothing but air bubbles.
Should have saved yourself the trouble.
I shout-
I scream-
I carry on-
and beg for someone to see,
look at what I've done!
Isn't it what you wanted?
but no one seems to listen,
no one seems to care,
3 years old and father is ill. Ill.
I'll see him quench his obsessions, filling his demons with the drink of death.
They burn his insides, destroying our home,
while he sits calmly releasing his bitter smoke.
Where are you now?
I can't remember your face,
The photos are all burn with our memories.
He despises you but I miss you
Maybe it's because he had more time to know you
Presently, I'm treading water
In a sea of memories trying
Their best to rush over me;
Like music infiltrates the ears
of the listener. That simple, that quick,
That easy to lose yourself and get
dont go my love
dont leave me alone
please my dove
give me a bone
cant you stay
forever this way
life is lonely without you
beside me every day
i love you boo
Today is Kierra’s Birthday
A day so long ago was praised
A day the favorite child was celebrated
If you really cared you'd wonder: where'd I been? How I was doing? Just what the hell happened that I dropped off the side of the earth?
A darkness fills Her body to the brim.
Who She was a year ago is long gone now.
She's not the same peepy person She one was.
And She doesn't know how.
She don't know how to get Her back,
My heart breaks as I watch you walk with her.
This isn't the way that things were supposed to turn out.
You were supposed to stay with Mom forever.
You promised that you would never leave.
Curling tight
my back facing the sun
knees to my eyes
and hands held tight
feet tucked under
pressed into the wall
hiding
fearing
not willing to face the day
Warmth FallsFeelings FadeWhat you see, You see no moreConsumed in shadows of the pastDesperately wishing to break freeTo change...Just as the others haveFalse hope and Fraud love
I’d like to imagineI can still feel the sting
of the day she let go;clipped my wings with a word and said, Fly.
I’d like to imagineI can wax lyrical and triumphant
one more night;
We have one tutor,
for a class of kids.
How do you expect me,
to learn like this?
One tutor
to do all of this?
You hardly even
make it down your list.
I like you a lot
It's all cutting into her, the more she tries, the more she bleedsShe feels like she can't choose right from wrongShe can't solve that problemWhy should she try, she feels like she doesn't matter
Everyone leaves,
for what reason I have no clue.
I always think it's because of
something I do.
Maybe I try too hard
or don't try hard enough.
I can be so close or so cold
Bounce, bounce
Up and down
and back again
shoot it up
and hear them cheer
Song and praise
are saved for them
there is no room
for us down here
You were my friendand youTossed me asidelike an empty glass bottle,you used up what you could.
We're at dinner,
the three of us,
When the phone rings,
And I pick it up.
So casual,
so...
Unknowing.
He's on the line,
I'd recognize
His voice
Anywhere
I pray you’ll love me and hope to forgive you as I watch the years go by.
And I realize you’re not here and never was to try.
I live my life in fear that every man I like will bring my eyes to tears.
Run, run, run away.
We aren't a good enough reason to stay.
Its happened before,
so why not once more?
Laugh and get your fill,
we will try to make it and we will,
If i could erase from this world
everything that reminded me of you,
God would have to take everything back
and start from scratch.
For the mark you left on my life
is so immense, so intricate...
A girl suffered through many hardships, and she bore it all for a while.
She had many people that came and then left, she took abandonment with a smile.
Her persona changed over time, from heartfelt to harsh fiend.
A shriek in the middle of a night
From the face of a child of God
Long forgotten
By those who once were so dear to her
And this is a typical night, composed of agony and regret
my ears muster only the skeleton of your voice,
a hollow memory traipsing its legs over a joyful moment,
its recalcitrant grasp shackling me in high tides of self-loathing & worthlessness.
Why does my heart still grow cold,
When I think of you?
You won't admit your wrong doings,
Passing the blame around,
Unable to see the truth.
Not allowing it to be seen,
Lies fill your heart,
I can't stand seeing you ruin my family's lives everyday.
You think you're a mom because you spend time with them on holidays?
You were never here, never even near.
Is it just me
or can you not see
Just how lonely
life can be
When you're afraid
and they've never stayed
And so sanity
is becoming frayed
I was born with ash-filled lungs,
and Mama kept some cigs in her panties.
She made me a plain dress once—
said it matched my face.
I never could understand,
why every whisper in town waft her name.
Finger tips gliding up her dress,
She didn’t like the feeling of hands on her hips.
His lips spoke sweet words that melted in her mouth.
His passion was poison to calm her soul down.
Remember whe we would hod hands
Remember when you said we would last forever
Remember when you tore my heart out
No? Because I remember
There was a time when all my hope was gone
I was kicked to the curb without doing wrong
My owner had way too many of us to give care
She was sick, had a warehouse of us somewhere
you’re getting married saturday.
you’re marrying the man you deemed better
than my father, the man you figured was
more suitable for you than
three children, a loving husband,
a house with large windows
