mama.

the first word that uttered from my lips.

rewind that VHS

mama,

what happened to holding fingers?

tiny ones aching to grasp yours.

feet stumbling to nameless routes 

should've been a compass,

guiding.

mama

i never learned to walk,

i was too busy running.

what happened to dress up and princesses?

all i've been wearing are grown folk clothes.

sunday church was left unattended

who is God?

you were my God before i even knew 

who God was.

mama

you planted flowers in my throat,

was it love?

or that you wanted to make my voice a gravestone?

silent,

deceased,

broken,

barren.

i don't know love because you never showed it.

mama

your little girl was hurt 

she was crying.

my heart is mangled,

its remains entombed 

in my chest.

a walking corpse

with vacant eyes.

mama

i promise you

my little girl will not be like this.

deficit of what is supposed to nurture her.

i will plant flowers 

in her soul.

she will love herself 

more than i ever loved me.

mama

she will not be a princess

she will be a queen

every moment will be captured 

in a photograph.

her hands will know mine

she will become one with my essence,

one with my scent.

mama 

i will hold her so tight

even if she breaks

no piece will fall to the ground.

her feet will touch the earth

fearless of the thought of being alone.

the ring of pain ends here.

mama 

i will love her 

even if 

you didn't love me.