trying
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You seem different, and it feels like you feel the same way that I do,
But I have seen this before, where I felt that those delusions in my head were true.
I am scared that once again, I will be the only one to fall,
I was given a hand
And a new card deck
It is a chance
And i can only check
A time to read
And finally understand
I’m so tired of being scared to ask questions.
I’m so tired of trying to be perfect all the time.
I’m so tired of trying to take everyone’s suggestions.
I’m so tired of being told I’m ‘Fine’.
I'm trying to be normal
I'm trying to be okay
I'm trying to ignore the pounding of my heart
When I'm around you
I'm trying to stop loving you
I'm trying to be better
I will always be trying
One day I might trust
One day I might find the one
One day my mom might be okay
One day my sister may find who she really is
One day my brother might learn to truly care
One day we might all be a happy family
time is going by
i don't think they understand when i say
that i didn't expect to be here
yesterday, today, tomorrow
every holiday i thought i would miss
the idea pushes me down overwhelmingly
I'm Unchained.
I'm Django trying to fandango.
Only I have the key though,
and it fits the hole
Like wack-a-mole with a bowl
my mind is swole.
I need paper.
Without I'm nothing,
I remember the day I tried to die.
The feeling of the blood flowing out of my veins no longer calmed me,
The pain from the blade no longer distracted me,
I apologize that you don't like me. I apologize that you don't understand me. I apologize that you never got to know the real me. I will not apologize for being me. I will not apologize for having a dream.
For the life of me
I can hear the sea
Calling, calling, calling.
And for the life of me
I'm trying, trying, trying
But for fear of the death of me...
I don't.
Don't.
Don't.
“Because I love you.”I mutter.
I’m not hungry.
The thought of food disgusts me.
I eat anyway.
“Because I love you.”
I whimper.
I’m curled in bed early.
They drip and slide so quietly They are coldThe tears form a puddle And into it she looksAnd sees her reflection Such sad, dark eyes And the girl whispers Through cracked lips
"You must do well."
But why?
"You have to.
You have to fight, you have to climb, no matter how rusted the latter is.
"You have to do better than me."
"You have to outshine the others."
LIFE pushes you in new places
not askin you
but forcin you to partake
left my friends- the heartache
nontheless you move on
glided into junior year
studied hard with my peers
I'll own it if I have to:
I'm a liar to the core.
I'm a liar through and through,
but I don't want to anymore,
It's old,
what's more, it's tiring
I can't lie
'til I lay expiring,
Success is my goal.
My goal is success.
I will get there if I do my best.
I must wake up.
I must be on time.
Success is not easy.
Success is a journey.
Success is my goal.
I made this bed
Here for two
I wait an hour
I can't move
I want him here
He said he'd try
I know he is
I can't cry
Its not fair
He's so great
Don't ask me if I want to be X.
I will be what I desire.
If I wanted to be a boy,
Don't you think I would be?
If I wanted to be a musician,
Then that wouldn't be a mystery.
If I wanted to be skinny
My life is quite strange,
I honestly don’t know why,
I’m sad nowadays,
It’s not like I’m hit,
They don’t starve me or hurt me,
It’s me who hurts me,
I don’t see my worth,
For every time in my life
That I have been
Knocked down
Called out
Rejected
Made fun of
Hurt
Hurt
Hurt
I’d feel the burn of my ego
And the sting of my flesh
You tried
To reach me here
But no one can be found
I’m far too lost to hang around
You tried
Just say it.
say what your really think.
I'm a...
bitch
flirt
control freak
annoying brat
spoiled
severly OCD,
boring girl
crazy,
type A,
Weeks on end this fog has not lifted
It blurs my vision and
my mind's nerves are racing
crashing, connecting, circling
tangling itself with this dense fog.
Today, the skies are gloomy
If I had the choice of a billion years,
I would try to disapear.
If I had to write a book,
I'd rather cook.
If I could fly,
People won't die.
I want to be a Super Woman,
The way my hair falls on my shoulder,
the mole on my right leg,
and my hairy knuckles just make me flawless.
The scars on my feet,
the way my stomache folds,
and my bushy eyebrows make me flawless.
Pills, pills, pills.They numb the pain and make me forget you.I take all the pills,searching for one that makes me feelas good as you made me feel.
One too many times, I swallowed away the pain
While all the time, you were buying my love
and I am still overdosing, choking on you endlessly
I'm lost.
I'm lost and I don't know where to go from here.
I'm being battered by the whirling chaos that is my mind.
I'm doing things that I never thought I would.
It starts out small.
Do your laundry.
So minuscule. A drop on the windshield with plenty of time for the wiper blades to save you.
I've been searching for a long
time
For myself in the darkness
Searching for the right words to
chime
In order to feel that sweet
caress
The caress that is self discovery
I'm going to wing it
I'm going to say a little prayer
I'm going to wish on the first star I see
I'm going to wing it
I'm going to make sure that I do my best
I'm going to make sure I'm above my rest
Why Can't You Sleep?
Why can’t I sleep?
WHY can’t I sleep?!
Let’s see how well you sleep with a gun pointed at your head.
it's early.
my phone buzzes numbers at me and my mouth says, "get up get up get up," while my mind says stay here stay here stay here.
You do this for me,
You do that for me.
But it’s not all you.
I do help you.
I swear darling.
It’s not all you.
A relationship must be push;
And pull.
I am not okay
And I don't have the energy
All of it's exhausting
It's not that I'm not trying,
But that I can't seem to care.
Notes and tests and quizzes and books
It's all just way too much
How can one soul,
Be filled with so much sorrow,
Regret,
And agony?
So young,
So beautiful,
Everyone knew,
Except for,
The girl in the mirror,
And the one who controlled her conscious,
That back seat far into the corner,
I become unseen.
Though I do the work that you ask,
Why can I not just be me?
You tell us to be our selves,
But when we do, you shut us down,
You Wont remember me, I am just a check on your clipboard, a failure to ignore, a name to forget. The money is the reason you stay. Its fine by me, I mean its only my future at stake. Thats just it- iam a mistake. My troubles dont keep YOU awake.
Everyone leaves,
for what reason I have no clue.
I always think it's because of
something I do.
Maybe I try too hard
or don't try hard enough.
I can be so close or so cold
Bounding chains of time, I meet me at every curving road.
Each sliver of peeling paint bears witness to the wasted years.
Pretty words weave their way, yet concealing the truth that never glimpses the surface air.
When you feel like giving up,
And you just want to die.
Remember all the people you love,
And who would want you to try.
When everything is going wrong,
And life seems like a sad song.
What’s hard enough to chip a diamond?
I don’t know, but I’m pretty cracked.
Yet I have learned to refract
trials and tribulations
into ROY-G-BIV’s of hope and celebration.
Happy moments I tend to despise because life isn't so easy and these are the tears I cry.
They say nothing lasts forever so why should my happiness, it'll just die.
People want to make you feel down.
They want to cause an embarrassment for yourself.
Lookin' like trash.
Make a pose.
A flash with confidence.
Don't get ahead of yourself
Where pride comes into play.
Standing bolder,
I try to be a man.
Try to kiss you on the lips
To make you understand.
That I’m here for the better,
And I took that chance.
I even put my heart,
In the palm of your hands.
Hello
My name is Sarah
I live on the edge of nowhere
Somewhere between my dreams and my reality
My age doesn’t apply
I’m growing older every second
Yet losing an eternity every time I grow older
It's the same thing everyday
you wake up and go through routine
someone asks how you are
and you reply with fine
