Secret
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my true inner selfsecret person of the heart~ heartland of my soul......Mark Toney © 2021.5/7/2021 - Poetry form: Senryu (for you)
i still remember the jar of cookies
you hid behind the picture frames
the sweet buttery smell that wafted out everytime you cracked it open,
"shhhh" you whispered with a sly grin on your face
our little secret
On the off chance that YOU
find these poems.
These writings I've worked so hard to keep
a secret.
I hope you read them.
It appears I say much more to strangers on the internet
I like you...fuck.
Fuck is probably all you have in mind when it comes to me
But these feelings keep growing and my heart is breaking, why can’t you see
I like you.
I have a fear of the unknown.
The idea of space frightens me,
an endless void where what happens to me does not matter.
I am afraid of meaning nothing.
My room is full of stars,
He was born Sophia.
But it doesnt fit him, and that name is as dead as the flowers I have pressed in my journal.
Always there, a reminder, what I have to call hm in front of his mom.
‘Temper your enthusiasm,’
She said,
‘The extremes of your reactions;
You should have
A more conventional frame
On which to hang
Your unconventionality.’
‘Don’t push people,’
She said,
I wish I could tell you
I have something to say
But when I finally try to
You walk far away
The somethings a secret
That only I know
I tried hard to keep it
But it’s starting to show
Secrets utterly embarrassing and cruel.
Mine’s no different.
It’s dark,twisted,deep and wet.
Tears shall flow out with a never-ending sight,a river rises from sadness.
Tall cliffs and whale bones,
Our secret place that’s all our own.
Hands held, hearts cradled.
Eyes shut, fear of loss and pain.
It all came to head that day.
Back to the beginning,
There is a man of in(decision)
Or not that it is that
He is a man with (one) vision
He has but one goal
He is always decent on the (test)
I keep a smile on my face to not let my true colors be shown
Keep the fact I'm dying a secret
My heart is breaking as we speak
But my mouth is shut I wont say a peep
I'm dying a slow miserable death
One last entry before the night comes to an end,
One more thought before the sheep comes-
Slowly one by one,
A puffy little cloud strutting aimlessly
Above an unsurfaced ground.
One last note to play-
my past defines me, i am, the girl he keeps from his friends, a secret, not good enough, unheard
Do you truly understand what it means to be locked away?
You see all my life, I have been stuck without even realizing it
Nine black boxes float above nine black tables, slick with rain
Three beams of light crack into tables, striking in the middle
Three tears are shed
Three boxes fall the floor, crumbling into the twisted air
Take a trip with me to lands unheard of
Through hidden passages, secret doors, and unknown chambers deep within my mind
All you need is your imagination so leave everything behind
I have a secret,
I want the world's every drop of cold rain will not be poured on you.
I have a secret,
I want every sad departuring moment will be a better joy reunion.
I have a secret,
A hand
desperately craved
twisting and stretching
pulling my strings
Now, in this new land
To sense I’m enslaved
What a twisted game I play,
Just me, myself, and I.
A game so quiet that no one knows,
It exists in my mind, and in my life.
What a twisted game,
I keep to myself.
The game before a mirror,
She loves subliminal.
If only your conscious could grasp her heart.
I hold her, we dance beyond the horizon.
Subliminally I tell her to have little faith in me.
It’s not much but she is fair.
i think of you and the butterflies, swarming my stomach, swim up and up to my throat in a tornado.my gums are growing flowers, making meadows of messages i can only wish to speak to you.
"A secret?" he asks.
A cute and airy one.
Or maybe just the favorite,
Name you want to name your son.
To some I am a friend.
To some I am but a stranger to their lives.
But in reality, who am I?
I am a secret.
A secret waiting to be revealed.
A secret that has been in hiding for so long.
This is a curse not a gift So what is my mission this is a skin condition Not one of my ambitionSo now here's your time to listen When people look at meand ask me what is on your arm I change the subject they should find some respect Not try
There is a noise I didn't hear lodged in my throat
I could feel it built and built but it never burst
Eternity hides this secret from us all
Beyond realms forged of the call
On the glowing fiery Star
Never to taste the void’s chill
Yet it faintly glows despite its touch
You probably don't know me, but my friend made you add me on snapchat.
I don’t feel like normal people
(Or at least, I don’t think so)
Simple emotions, certainly
Happiness, sorrow, anger
I run the normal gamut
With the others of our race
Feeling a thing
I construct stories and lies in my head,
Am I an actress or a liar?
Telling people lies with so much belief that
I begin to believe them myself.
I'm a liar with dramatic emotions,
I have a secret. It’s really big.
So big, that I don’t think you would believe me.
It starts with a heart and pain and loss;
And big round eyes and eyes of glass.
Believing doesn’t matter, because it’s a secret
Nothing EPIC to write about, clean and sober. Wondering just how much longer until this hell is over. No visions of riches no dreams of fame, no delusions of grandger and nothings the same. The pounds I put on are supposed to be healthy.
What else can I do?
Besides sit here depressed.
I can stand up chase my shadow.
Why spend precious time asking questions?
When I could set traps throughout my house.
And capture my many evil thoughts.
“You’re not in this alone. Let me break this awkward silence…”
Blared loud into eardrums
Eardrums of an emotionally unhinged fourteen year old boy
Behind these blue eyes are much more than you know
Smiling, twinkling, and glowing is not always what they show
Golden days are full of bloom
But inside petals is dark
of gloom.
Beneath waxy leaves
are hidden shadow
Best I remember, it was Fourth of July
She was laughing as she slid down the waterslide
Jumping in, doing flips, making friends on the fly
I never would’ve guessed she held a secret inside
I have a smallish voice.
It carries the weight of massive expression,
But bears it alone.
My visions detonate in the world around me,
They scatter and end up in every corner
Get me out of here.
I’m afraid of what could happen.
The mistakes,
The silver gleam,
The blood,
The pain…
I’m afraid of what I might do.
I’m afraid of
Myself.
This is my secret
I have not told.
This is my secret
I don't wish to hold.
This is my secret,
it will ruin my rep.
This is my secret
and my very first step.
This is my secret
She would trace the outlines of his face while they slept, so she could remeber every detail.
Sunlight brings about fake smiles, and energy. Moonlight brings out the true self. The one who cries themself to sleep. While the sun shines we all play the role, as an actor on a stage.
And when I got through with my shift, I laid on the floor wondering why i felt like this..
The hogt of keeping this secret might be fun,
might be fun,
Screaming inside, no one can hear it,
I know when I die, I'll be a sad spirit.
Concealed with pain, I lock myself in,
Poetry, is anything the truth?
A lie isn't a lie and to die isn't to die.
A thing is another.
If someone stands for someone else
does the second someone sit?
Bones rattling
It's just two words
Why are they so hard to spit out?
Skin dripping
Isn't this what you've been wanting?
Haven't you wanted to tell them?
Mind reeling
Through all the lies and treachery
Do you not think I deserve to know?
You, who I entrust my hope upon
And you, whom I talk to ever so often
Tell me
Before I find out from someone else
Tell me
The only way i can hide
Is by writing what i feel
This is something that scares me deep inside
Its that moment when i feel its the best to hide
I want to tell the truth
I played along like it was nothing,
a crush that wouldn't last.
I never knew you felt the same,
we could've skipped the pain of the past.
I denied the accusations,
But I knew I loved you from the start.
I got under the covers
You laying to my right
I don’t know if it’s fate or chance
But I swear my heart was pounding so loud I thought you could hear it
Thoughts of her
Dripping into my sternum
From all the way up there
In my brain
Where she has implanted herself
Like an alien egg
My life is a lie.
Every day is a challenge
As I put on a show for those closest to me.
I was taught that these feelings inside me are wrong.
Deep inside me is a secret
Deep inside is where I keep it
I hold the key in my heart
I hold the key - we fall apart
Deep inside is all my regret
Deep inside, I will not forget
As I drive along the back roads, I come upon a dirt home next to an open fence for my truck to rest.
Everybody is someone's secret-
you are mine.
Somewhere in time you held my gaze
Oh the sun and stars, my heart rang true--
all I could think of was you...?
These are the things that I'll never tell you;
The things that you deserve to hear.
These are the things that I hold in secret;
The things that my heart fears.
They say that we accept the love
He appeared from thin air,
And whisked her off her feet.
She had only seen him in her dreams,
Hoping one day that they'd meet.
This is my first time putting my stuff out there. Wrote this when i was 14- 15. thanks.
red rose, red rose, oh what, do you say?
For alas and alack... He took my life away.
We are the socially inept
Too young to care
Too angry in debt
To a world that doesn't need us
A world that refuses to feed us
Instead they waste their days
Watching what I have to say
A trail of silver smoke flew softly, slowly into the sky.
On his lips a cigarette danced back and forth.
Back and forth.
He smirked at her.
His clear blue eyes hid a secret.
It's a secret.
It's a passion.
A want,
a need
buried down deep,
pushed underneath
everything
else.
This jealousy, these midnight thoughts,
an enigma wrapped in
I've got a secret
that I keep to myself,
it burns when I see you,
and cries when I don't,
Oh, baby, I got a secret
Here amongst phonemes and graphemes I can hide the truth.
Words have the power to expose,
But they also hold the power to conceal.
Poetry lets me play outside the laws and boundaries of prose.
I can neglect the period
Silently screaming for what comes
After the red rush
Everything will be fine
Except for maybe when black scars
Meet my friends, my blades, my blades, my
Sanity lies in them.
Unless there is no –
This feeling I cannot explain, beyond my mind I cannot tame. A thought so sweet, so soft, so docile has been tearing up my restless brain.My lips the smoothest messenger, my heart it's strongest warrior, blind among the coming wave.
(poems go here) You don't accept the truth.
Can you not see me.
Can't you see I'm broken.
I'm scattered sand.
Showing my emotions through my eyes.
The scars and bruises on my skin.
Empty hands
Empty phase
Lonely place.
Shuddering loose.
Ends ravel back, twisting trunks
Forty stains,
Grape seeds.
Whispered gold, precious wrought.
Luscious lied.
Charlotte's red and gusty breeze
Wiping down the laney square.
Thrashing greens and yellows
bare.
Waiting, watching, calls me there.
Tender love
Fragile heart
Delicate balance,
Constantly searching
My dear, you are special
Be you
You can’t find your other half
If you haven’t found yourself
You don't just love someone for the way they treat you,
The way they look,
The way they act,
The way they cook
Or even for the compromises
Or the pain and anger and ridicule you've gone through together,
