fight the fear scholarship slam
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and without a look back, i jumped
not knowing when i'd land
but with all hope knowing i'd be alright
The van rolled out of the driveway, down the road.
There they go. I’m free now.
My family in Chicago for the weekend
me at home so as not to miss my Saturday shift.
I knew exactly what I was going to do
I was a little girl and I was afraid of walking barefoot—so I played just once in the sprinklers.
Faint streaks of light seep between the cracksOnly to dissipate and fade Into the bleak water That etches every nook and every frayOf my run-down body Left defeated and in vain
Darkness
My hair is something that resembles a gorilla, a caveman, or a clown.
She is told she is ugly, to always "brush your hair!",
despite it already being groomed.
My hair is something like a maze.
Going down a road I've always known
I feel it coming out of the blue.
Crawling up my spine like a spider,
My anxiety spins webs of fear
Throughout my brain.
Hands gripping the wheel tight
Fear brews in my heart,
As it has from the start.
I was born afraid,
It’s how I was made.
I was born out of strife.
Live poetically.
Don’t speak—words are for liars.
Just live your truth.
Be your you.
Live uncompromisingly.
Don’t apologize—not if you meant it—and
Mean it.
Don’t dream it.
winter birds in the deep green forest
animated by cold, her eyes stunning through the crowd
"I love you."
he was amazed, thrilled.
herons, pelicans, cranes, thoughts.
I've been waitin'
I've been prayin'
I've been playin' the same old song for
So long
All this livin'
I've been missin'
I've been listenin' to the same old song for
So long
Freedom of speech
It’s a given right, but I never use it
My opinions are never said
My thoughts: never imagined
I don’t want to be wrong or rejected
Fearing a transparent man-made tool of vanity
A tool who hides nothing
This tool shows you who you truly are
Some may say that you are more than your reflection
Is it the shutter down one's spine when challenged?
Is it a spook from a scary movie?
Is it angst developed deep in the heart?
Is the biggest question of all, can one overcome it?
Love
1 word
2 vowels
3 meanings
4 letters
To write this word takes two seconds,
To speak this word takes two centuries.
Love, and to be loved is for those of the brave .
Lying down on the stiff hospital bed,
my mind is filling up with dread.
My parents around me, their support combating the unease,
Imagine this,
A 13 year girl walks down to get the mail
Her head hanging low
She looks through the letters and sees
Fear is difficult
It comes in all shapes and sizes
But to overcome fear is the most difficult part of being scared
It takes power
It takes time
When realizing that without fear you may not be fine
Now some may ask how I battle fearWell let me tell you my story here:My past filled up with many sorrowsI had no hope for future tomorrows.My birth parents didn't care for meAnd that made me feel so unworthy
Last time we met
you sat across from me,
teeth bared, eyes wide, a complete threat,
Now flashbacks cloud my mind and i want to be free.
My heart races and fear claws at my throat,
Three deep breaths
and a whisper in the dark
with the whirl of the wind
and my throat in my heart
change is near
through the dusk and the dawn
with fear in my ears
oh change is here
When I see xy+5 = y
I see college algebra
I know it's easy
But my head spins round and round
I feel like I'll pass out and probably die
From graphs to quadratics
I Fear I Have Failed
When nothing seemed to go as planned,
When I was ripped at the seams of my organized mind,
Time dragged on longer than it spanned.
Be iron-willed.
Be heroic.
Be optimistic.
Be considerant,
Be passionate, Be honest
Be wise, Be impartial, Be absolute,
Be everything that is
iron-willed
and heroic
and optimistic
Fear, as I’ve found, isn’t worth a damn.
Fear is low sometimes, like on Scuffed elbow Saturdays when
I met her when I was ten
She was the stranger at my door.
The dog barking at me from across the street.
The tree branch knocking on my window in the dark.
I know that friends come and go
But why you left, I’ll never know
I do not know how I became so attached
To someone who could leave my heart in half
The last few months I thought about it, dreamed about it. Every pro and con, every senario; I was so close, so close to doing it.
A thousand words
I only needed a thousand
One thousand
Ten hundreds
Ten steps
Ten steps
Ten steps
The top looks below
They all smile
Hands get sweaty
Breath gets short
My stomach turns
Feeling paralyzed I find a way to walk
Facing fear I stand tall
Looking out, faces disappear
All alone
All that matters is that I am here
Sixty faces in the crowd, most I’ve never met
To hear my personal story, I broke out in a cold sweat.
My hands quaked, my legs shook
As across the crowded room I threw a look.
10 years old is for cars
for tire swings, spelling bees, and candybars
10 years old is not for hospital lobbies
not for scans of imperfect bodies
you’re different, but that’s fine, they said
Adapt to surroundings
overcome your fear
no matter the fear
the only thing to fear
is fear itself
fear is natural
overcoming sepaerates you from average
overcome you fear
You cannot see
What is unseen.
You cannot feel
What is not felt.
The lines between
Do not fall to observe.
The truth is there
It is just unheard.
Your eye can tell
Fear, anxiety, speech. Nothing can be said to someone without words, seems easy for those who speak and love to. But those of us are not always as lucky with your ability to speak.Speak our ideas, our dreams, and our hopes.
1. Six years old, descending the shadow stair.
My nemesis, Wall-Giantess, opens a glossy spider-eye
to challenge mine.
It is unmoving, ringed with eight thick crouching lashes.
Before its gaze I flinch,
flee
What do I do?
It's the step we call 'adulthood'
How do I do it?
When you can't ask mom or dad
Why can't I do it?
When you live on your own
When can I do it?
The sense of lonliness
I wanted to see you every day every night If only our worlds would crash and collide From a distance a single speck in the sky So far away and it never felt right Always the twinkle of a far galaxy Heart ever searching for a spark endlessly Year
There are some days when sometimes is too often.
Where the tethers of my mind restrain me from ever making progress.
Where I feel trapped in my own mental illness.
I stumble through the dark
On a trail unmarked
The rain pounds
But I hear no sound
Droplets drown me
No one’s found me
To save me from this fate
Rain soaks through the soul
drowning,
help me, I’m
drowning
the salt laps at the seams of my skin
the biting wind, my stinging cheeks
my body submerged
confined to a world
free from the weight of gravity
even on an island, surrounded by the sea
your presence haunts my waking mind
there is no place to flee
You scrabble down my neck, clawing at my heart-strings
my compass is decieved by lies
Before I could remember I was on the floor
running around the big arena was a magnificent and beautiful creature
each step it took sent fear running through my veins
I was 6, how was I supposed to know not to let go
Run away from fear.
Face fear head on.
Fear is like the ocean. It is huge and charging and all-consuming.
It will swallow you whole and spit you out completely different.
My life is filled with so much death
The saddening sight of vultures is always in the sky
They circle and circle until one day I am taken away myself,
I am terrified of heights.
Not sure how it started,
But whenever I reach
A certain threshold,
I see myself tumbling over the edge
She called me again, she always will
Some girls I know went through it
And the fear of it makes me ill
I was up with her for a while ‘til
One, three, five, seven.
Tuck, flip, twisting full.
Jump, split, go girl, pull.
Stunt, build, flying high.
Dance, groove, moving by.
One, three, five, seven.
Shout, cheer, wearing pink.
Pain.
The dreaded ache in my lungs that would climb up my throat and make my lips throb,
This is what I feared.
Every single day I thought I was beating it,
but by diluting the talent I knew that I had.
Someone once asked me “What do you hear that makes you fight every day? What does that sound like?”
For Every Agonizing Reason,
Failure Effectively Attacks, Rebuttalling
FEAR into my consciousness.
Falling Endlessly Altering Ruinous
FEAR within myself.
I escape.
There's a way to do things
And I've never known how
Expectations I can't always meet,
But I'll never let you down.
What do they want from me?
What do they know?
Are they watching how I walk?
I see your eyes, staring into mine.
You see my fear,
Afraid that yours will close
and not open again.
The fringe between life and death is so trivial.
One day you are fine and then the next
There is nothing more that I fear
than a burning bridge.
The flames do not scare me,
only the gaping abyss.
What I always fail to see
The beauty of nature.
The colors, the smells, the sounds.
Animals rustling through the woods.
Birds chirping in the trees.
The crunching of your feet against the leaves.
A prod and no ripple.
Funny how mirrors work
to reflect like water,
but reject and cripple
me, just as my mind has
time and time again.
It was me all along,
the jarring torment,
in the face of new beginnings, i often divert my gaze. i can’t bear to look it in the eyes for fear of what i might see staring back. will it be pain? more pain than i’ve felt for the past three hundred and sixty five days?
I’m so afraid
Of what happens in my
Head
As I lay there in the silence of my
Very own bed
I’m afraid of the things
I will write
About you in my pages
Of the honey and the stings of infidelity and lust.
Until you
No longer leave thorns upon my velvet tongue.
These words I pour: not praise of your raindrop wings
Facing the monsters has made me stronger
at the very moment I thought i couldn't take the stress any longer
As time would fly
My courage would die
Friends had come and gone
It would never last long
“Always do what you are afraid to do."
Emerson quips, simplifying
The bigger problem.
How do I do that?
“Feel the Fear and do it anyway”
I am afraid
You don’t know it from the outside
I am afraid
Yet 16 years of challenge taught me to bury my emotions
I am afraid
What is the point of this forsaken life
Consumed by darkness, I now see no light I feel no meaning should I grab the knife?These feelings of no value I must fight
A cocoon,wrapped in armor
Push Yourself,smash through
Be a butterfly,butterfly you better fly.
Out of your cocoon, be you
Alone is Temporary
Close the door and turn off the lights
Let the room fill with earth-shattering silence
Alone at last
The isolation fills my body
It rushes through my blood
I was told that i should follow the rules
I was told that i should play the game
I was told that i could sharpen my tools
I was told you and i are the same
I was told that i should follow the rules
I was told that i should play the game
I was told that i could sharpen my tools
I was told you and i are the same
the itch at my ear
the soft thrum, the familiar tone
it's
the voice faded from memory
the cooing lost from dreams when nights were still sweet
the hushed comforts lulling a child into oblivious sleep
Black as night
is what i fright
alone in the shadows
i lay, praying to god
that ill see day
spirits all around
im trying not to make
a sound.
my imagination running
wild
Black as night
is what i fright
alone in the shadows
i lay, praying to god
that ill see day
spirits all around
im trying not to make
a sound.
my imagination running
wild
My fluttery chest dances, with a want to create
The winter crispness hits my bare skin, my hair erect
Thoughts fly like horses, of which has began running a race
Strength is all part of a mindset.
“You’ve got to learn to get a grip.”
(Now you will accept to watch yourself fall.)
Scream the words from your thoughts to your lip.
Fear,
When I climb outside myself I can see it is simple
so truly simple.
the dark sky painted behind it laughs,
or am I mistaken, so painfully human as to drag it down with me.
I shiver, for it is cold
I am Nigerian
My birth certificate does not matter to them
My Yoruba title does not matter to them
Watching Nollywood movies does not matter to them
Singing and dancing to Afrobeat music does not matter to them
I met you for the first time in the parking lot off Main St.
You were there every day,
Or perhaps it was someone who looked like you.
I hated the sight of you.
You see, back then I was a mere lad.
I stand on the threshold of Adventure.
I have written him love letters,
Tear-stained, open-hearted, hope letters,
But as I hold hands with the unknown
I realize
That I am afraid.
The hardest thing you can do
Is to see yourself
Trying to be someone else
And you can never be that person
Because that person isn’t you
10 months of non-stop self-hatred of my body
10 months of shoving a finger down my throat, just to have this illusion of me having control
Over my body weight
Constantly being aware of the calories going into my mouth
Life is like a story
In that it has challenges
It has highs, it has lows,
But one thing life shouldn’t have,
Is an ending
Do you know how frustrating it is,
To be criss-crossed,
Overturned,
Outnumbered,
By men who don’t see my worth?
My heart beats faster than my mind
Which is running somewhere else other than here
It escapes to my home in West Virginia which is a thousand mile away from here
The Stage is empty,
Except for me.
They are whispering
Louder and Louder.
I can hear them, easily.
"She is nervous..." The old lady in the front remarks
My hands start to shake.
It's ok
I'm alright
Just breathe
Out for 3
In for 3
I'm fine
I'm not alone
Sweat dripping
legs shaking
eyes unfocused
words stuttered
Eyes piercing
attention on me
judging glares
laughing scare
That was what I seen
I can’t tell if I’m really trying anymore
I feel like every inch of my brain is just sore
Or maybe it’s my heart that lacks motivation
He just seems to be there in every situation
Society paints consent as a given
Something everyone knows.
But it took me years to figure out what it means
And even now I feel lost.
I let you touch me.
When the rain comes
We’re taught to run inside.
Hide for your life, and stay dry.
We build up our wals
Wide and tall
I always thought I was beautiful
But this process breaks the body
There’s another life inside my own
A life that calls my body home
I’ve searched for hours and still I roam
Looking around for answers
Seasons change and the time flows
The clock never stops
and time is everlasting
But the thing is it never seems like there is enough of it
I ignored it.
I snapped it shut in the spines of swollen notebooks,
I tried to smother it under gas pedals,
I flung it down the stairs hoping it’d break it’s neck.
words.
they’re a funny little bunch of
sounds,
hums,
grumbles,
and exhales.
we’ve assigned meaning
to these haphazardly composed
groups of 26 letters.
they’re full of connotations,
Old habits die hard,
Robert Frost and dying stars,
Those are the things that made me.
Cherry blossoms now in bloom begin wilting on the stem.
As life moves on, and new journeys await.
There is nothing like new freindships that can help you escape.
Escape from chaos, temptation, and deceitful lies.
In a world full of different sunrises.
A blank canvas stares at me.
At a blank canvas I stare.
Create something new it dares.
But why am I so scared?
A nagging voice inside,
Sometimes I feel like I'm at the center of the universe.
Everything revolves around me.
Or some days,
Like everything is coming down on me.
A fear of commitment has shadowed me for many years.
Not necessarily a fear of making commitments,
but a fear of my own ability to follow through on them.
let’s look at this year.
let’s stare into the darkness,
festering in the beginning
where hope ought to lay.
let’s search for a reason
I've never written a poem before.
My fear of speaking brought my knees to the floor.
But I went to the city to teach people of truth.
Which I learned was hard without movement of tooth.
Silent.
Afraid.
Alone. . .
I sit in the corner
And see people from afar.
Laughing.
Talking.
Having a good time.
I wonder, why me?
Why am I so quiet. . .
So shy?
"The moment has arrived.
The day I've always imagined is here.
I spent nights without sleeping for this.
This is all you've ever wanted,
but you are scared.
It's now or never",
I would say to myself.
Against the wind, I took a walk
Past crashing waves and empty docks
Blue depths rose up in forceful swells
To break on concrete slabs and rocks
Against the sand, the water fell
I stand on the starting block.
My whole body seems to lock.
I watch the water as I wait for the whistle
that means to get ready for what I find unblissful.
My goggles are ready and my cap is on tight
I never wrote down how I felt.
In the moments it was blissful,
but also time consuming.
I tried,
The world is cold.
Cold like the air that sets your hands shaking
your jaw clenching
your heart racing.
Cold like the pain in your brain after too
much ice cream when
it hits a tooth just wrong.
My constant fight
Is a battle with myself
I think most people fear
Something that could happen to them
What I fear
Some days is myself
I stand in front of the mirror
fears spread far and wide
personal fears are ones we cannot hide
my fear was relationships
fear
Yeah, I’m afraid of everything
Especially myself.
I could make a fool of me
Without anybody’s help.
I do it all on my own,
