I can’t tell if I’m really trying anymore

I feel like every inch of my brain is just sore

Or maybe it’s my heart that lacks motivation

He just seems to be there in every situation

I don’t know why in everything I do

There's just one person I could never exclude

And yeah he's gone now so I don't have to tell

But I’m still crushed between these bricks of a well

One that's filling with cool autumn water

Waiting to freeze come once for my slaughter

So I might stay alive in this cool icy cell

But thats my one nightmare my personal hell

The thought that I'm stuck in the same for a season

It's just one more push to give me a reason

 

Currently nothing really seems to be swell

here’s just too many faces that I’m forced to sell

Somehow I find that it constantly gets worse

Trudging along with this horrible curse

And yeah it's not honestly so bad I do say

people go through the same thing every day

It’s just I feel so lost in this place

Where the future is unknown, in my personal case

I had made all these plans with the person I knew

Only to be told get off and go screw

Cuz the feelings that I felt for this poopy poo poo

Was apparently just too much out of the blue

And yes you heard me correctly this time

I had a hard moment coming up with that rhyme

But you get my point I mean I’m angry you see

And I’m also sad and depressed and lonely

Because we all know I joke and I play and I laugh

But it feels like i'm all alone in this craft

Yeah I'm still alive and breathing and finding my way

And doing way better than some I may say

I'm just getting tired of waiting for him

Because we all know I'm going out on a limb

It's done and its over and I just can't let go

But I should and I will and yeah I've been just that slow

Yes I know I’m just angry at the world

And that someday soon I must get over this quarrel

Because it’s detriments lie in sight of my grade

And my health and my strength as my memories fade

I know the worst part is when everyone moves on

And I’m stuck right behind like some small quiet pawn

A pawn to myself and my own self destruction

A show to others my very own production

And that’s why I keep it all gunked up inside

It’s something mostly I just choose to hide

 

This poem may seem to be quite confusing

However that’s me and it’s somewhat amusing

Someone I’ve lost and can never get back

These feelings that trap me just like a sack

A broken heart that just won’t try to heal

And my lack of ability to inhibit the feel

maybe it’s frustration of holding back tears

I should be over it now so I hope they don’t hear

My mind is foggy with all that I hold

It’s honestly just like my soul that I’ve sold

I haven’t put much more into my work

So I get lousy grades and pretend it’s a perk

So I’ve slacked and I lack and I just can’t get back

Which only puts me farther behind in my knack

The anxiety builds up and it starts a routine

And once again I feel crushed in between

It’s a cycle one that feels never ending

I've decided It’s time my heart starts it’s own mending