ryan horn
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And as the planet cooks us
Like cracked eggs on rusted iron pan
The sea will rise to reclaim the planet
Melted ice caps are just like
Rocket fuel for her
Eloquence eludes me
This is highly unusual
Because usually I can be a ferocious faucet of feeling
A maximized magnified momentum of meaning
Words
I began to understand what love is
Will I be the right person, even then?
Always knowing what I want, until now
Catch up quickly to stop the bleeding
The sun sets swiftly
Too swiftly
Hidden from my perch in the rafters
I spy a dark haired monster below
3
He sees me too
Taking the baby doll out of my child’s hand
I feel a small amount of guilt
Her mother’s doll was her favorite
But I feel bad letting her think about what can’t happen
The man in the mirror looks fat and ugly
He seems unattractive, repulsive, and rude
Thanking God for the glass between us
That the broken, stupid, lazy person
I found a shirt of mine
That you had worn
It smells like your shampoo
It smells beautiful
Why do two weeks feel
Fingertips graze my cheekbone
Accompanied by the smell of flower petals
And nail polish
She grasps, saved by nimble touch
Long sleeves hide delicate fingers
And the same hands cover her teeth when she laughs
Proudly looking down at my bare arms
Because my sweatshirt fits her better than it does me
Good Morning!
Put on your happy face
It’s freshman year
The first time in a brand new place
Open doors and closed windows
I don’t want to write this
I can’t write this, not at all
You don’t want me to
I don’t want me to
But you said I could share anything
I’ve been into the deep, dark woods at two in the morning
The streets downtown well after the sun has retreated into space
on some nights, she reaches through glass
and stabs me straight in the chest
the dagger twists and burns
with the cold that i know best
I’ve never been drunk
Drunk on alcohol
But I’ve been inebriated on the past month
However, I can only lie to myself for so long
How many tests have I failed without even knowing
Grades posted on walls that I’ll never see
For each action, there is an equal and opposite reaction
Sitting on the floor
Making monsters out of mashed potatoes
Scoops and heaps of gelatinous misinformation
Spring into life
Look at me
Yes, you, with the hair and the eyes
And 43 other similar things to me
Give me your attention
Please
Are you aware of how much
I’ve been told that
What goes up must come down
That’s especially true of teeth
Of smiles into frowns
And if I can’t do anything right
Hey Grandpa
I saw you again today
Less than an hour from your home
Where you raised my dad
And where you left him
I know that I’m fretful
I’ve been told that I worry
One foot in my mouth already
So the other’s not in a hurry
My palms tingle,
And for a split second
I can feel my heart in the palm of my hand
I’m uncomfortable
And, quite honestly
More scared than I should be
Only for a split second
Please pull the car over
I’m dying I can’t feel
The soft, perfumed fabric
On the backside of my calf
Jumping through the windshield
This was going to be about love.
I wanted to walk away from this
Feeling beautiful and refreshed;
But why, then, does the air smell
Sometimes you look in someone’s eyes
And see something you’ve never seen before
Maybe it’s a new shade of blue
That you never knew existed
Or maybe it’s the twinkle
I only half-need poetry
Because I know one word
And what I’m trying to write about
Is that notion of the person referred
To as “pretty”, that’s it
Looking in the rearview mirror
It seems like the only place my eyes can focus
The dust kicked up obscures my vision
I don’t mind it, dry, magic, hocus-pocus
I’ve worn those shoes before
He says, pointing at my bare feet
I don’t understand, I’m not wearing shoes
But his words are soothing
So I keep going
At what point does being happy hurt?
Is it when the corners of my mouth start to twitch,
Having sustained my smile for two hours straight?
Last night
I felt warmth
Dreaming of tight hugs and
Kind words rolled into my ears
I regret to inform you
That
God bless this mess
This holy carcass
The post-birth, pre-death
Chemically combusting reaction
Protein in and protein out
Good morning to the moon
Waking up this young gets old
As well as the cold wind
From my ceiling
I’m not a fan.
Hey there, it’s you again
The glad boy, the bad boy
The never-again-will-be
Sad boy
Leaning on the glass
The clear kind, the fear kind
The last time that I felt powerful
Truly, absolutely in control of my fate
An ironclad hand grasping the day planner
Of all my future choices
Was when
Like a cold-blooded sociopath
I stalk through the twilight
Approaching my moral
And philosophical issues
With the logic of a brand new calculus textbook.
I choose not to believe
Not to own my faith
Or let my faith own myself
I choose to let my thoughts
Wander freely in the wind
Every Tuesday, I want to scream
From the god-forsaken hours of
11:20 to 2:19 I am pushed
Shoved down at a changing rate
Lucifer sits, crammed into an office cubicle
His right hoof is quite uncomfortable
Jammed up into his desk like when
Your hand gets stuck in a Pringle can
When I was about seven
Or fifteen years old
Still too young to know
That much about anything
I fell off of my bike
On some of my better days
I rise before the sun does
That darkness, the hopeful kind
Cradles me the way that my front yard
Holds rainwater for too long.
About ten minutes ago, you called my phone
You had something on your mind
A cold, dark night meant to be spent alone
And you had something on your mind.
Wake up! Wake up! Get up and out of your bed
In the next five minutes or you are as good as dead
Why would you sleep when could be getting ahead
My teeth are custard.
They’re soft
And can’t cut things
But at least they’re sweet.
My sweat is fast.
It slides
Last month at this time
I would have been able to sleep
Unencumbered by what I didn’t want
But not wanting doesn’t come cheap
Remember the parking structure
Last week I dreamt of cigarettes
And of three sliced apples to keep the doctors away.
I don’t need anyone finding out about my addiction
Anxiety
Is the rust scraping off of the garage door
Whisper-shouting its way up the carpeted stairs to your ears
Do you remember the first time that we met?
I do; it was unforgettable.
What about going fishing in the pond behind our house?
clean and polished like a glacier
petrified stone shivering on a scale
so small it’s hard to figure out
why anything matters at all.
the microwave squawks like a
I’m shaking I can feel
The baby teeth rattle
in the back of my skull
Stepping out of the light
And far off of the stage
A jagged angle of
Brightly lit boulders
Shatter against each other
Imploding upon impact with
The exterior castle wall of the atmosphere.
A door
Propped open as if on purpose
To let the fresh air out of the room
More, more, more teeth
The only things bright enough
You’re in a mood, they say
Laughing at me from the trees
Eyes are squinted all wide
Floating where the sky used to be
When it’s late at night, they say
Such sacred geometry creates
Transdimensional anxiety, since
Emotions are quantum,
Becoming finite only when observed.
Rage and desire and grief
When I was twelve years old
I stopped playing with Legos
For some reason
They stopped being interesting
When I was sixteen years old
I still don’t know how to start this train of thought
The conductor’s on break
I’ve had a few thoughts and I wish I hadn’t
But they were on sale
TEN toes as he counts them
Curling and uncurling
As he commands them to move
For one of the last times
The doctor showed concern
