Is that really us?
What happened to our graphic tees?
The white tube socks?
Do we always cuff our jeans now?
How do you make it look that neat?
We never really do neat
Or I guess we never used to.
Are those pizzas on your socks?
I used to love pizza til they told me not to
Do we still like pizza?
Our hair looks darker now,
Did we dye it?
Did we diet?
Mom says I have to start a diet
To go for walks
To eat less snacks
To eat less food
To eat less
My stomach hurts and dad still hits us
Does he ever stop hitting us?
Does he remember he loves us?
Does he remember I love him?
I still don’t know what I did wrong
Did I do something wrong?
Or do they ever tell us?
I don’t sleep much anymore
Do we get more sleep now?
Have the nightmares stopped?
Do we ever forget what his fingers felt like on our throat?
Do the scars on our back go away?
Do any of the scars go away?
And are you still sleeping?
Are you still a walking corpse
A memory of a night night you will never forget
The reason we ran out of ibuprofen
Did we try it again
Did you write another note
What did it say?
Did you say you were sorry
That it wasn’t their fault though you knew it was
What do you think they would have said?
Do you think they’d ever even have gave a fuck!
I’m sorry for swearing
You know I never swear
Not yet anyway
Swearing is for adults
And mom says even adults shouldn’t do it.
So I’m sorry
I promise I won’t happen again,
But do we like girls yet?
Did we learn to push away those thoughts
Those feelings for other boys
The way our cheeks turn red when he touches you
The way our hairs stick up when we hear their voice
Do we learn to stop dreaming about young men in our bedroom?
And liking it?
You don’t have to answer,
But did we learn to say no yet?
They told me it was wrong but I did it anyway
I let it happen anyway
And I know you know what I mean
And I know he’d know what I mean
But we were just boys
And they were just moments
And it didn’t mean anything
And it’ll never mean anything
But does he still remember me?
Does he ever stop ignoring me?
And are there others?
Are there other memories
Other times I didn’t say no?
Are we lonely?
I have so many questions and so little time
But did we make it?
Did we survive?
Did we become the next American Idol?
Or a mermaid?
Or did we discover the cure for cancer?
I want to know if we still know Jesus
Does he still hold us in his arms
Cradled in bed at night
After being sent to bed with no dinner
With tears still fresh on my eyes
With screams echoing through the walls
Even though we are covered in sin
Even though they say we are a sin
Does he still love us?
Did we learn to love ourself?
You look amazing by the way
You look stronger
And I hope it’s not just another act
Did we get better at hiding?
Are you happy?
Are you listening?
Then why aren’t you answering?